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University of California • Berkeley

THE LIBRARY

THE UNIVERSITY
OF CALIFORNIA

PROFESSOR
GEORGE R. STEWART

OF THE

Best

Sog^ty,

INCLUDING

Letter Writing, Invitations, &c., also valuable

suggestions on Self Culture and

Home Training.

BY
RICHARD A. WELLS, A. M.

INTRODUCTION BY

REV. WILLARD E. WATERBURY.

ILLUSTRATED.

CLARK PUBLISHING CO.
OMAHA, NEB.

KING, RICHARDSON & CO.

SPRINGFIELD, MASS.

1891.

J-CINO, RICHARDSON & CO.

SPRINGFIELD, MASS.

Sold only by our Authorized Agents.

PREFACE.

ANNERS constitute the language
in which the biography of every
individual is written.

There is no one subject of to-
day which embodies more prac-
tical interest to people in gen-
eral, than a knowledge of the
rules, usages and ceremonies of
good society.

A lack of this knowledge is felt by almost every
individual, whether in the city or country, at home or
abroad.

True politeness is not a code of superficial rules,
arranged and trimmed up for particular occasions,
and then set aside at our pleasure.

Polite manners and true culture are expressions of
the heart, and have their foundation in the Golden
Rule.

If this rule is not the guide of our life, then our

10 PREFACE.

politeness is entirely superficial, and void of natural-
ness.

Nature is always graceful ; fashion, with all her art
and glitter can never produce anything half so pleas-
ing. The very perfection of elegance is to imitate
nature; how much better to have the reality than the
imitation. Anxiety about the opinions of others
always fetters our freedom and tends to awkwardness.
We would always appear well if we never tried to
assume what we do not possess.

Madame Celnart says : " The grand secret of never-
failing propriety of good manners and culture is to
havo an intention of always doing right."

There are persons who seem to possess the instinct
of courtesy to so high a degree as to require no in-
struction or practice in order to be perfectly polite,
easy and graceful.

Most people, however, require some rules as to the
best and most appropriate manner of expressing that
which they may feel.

In the cultivation of heart and developing character,
Rules of Etiquette are then essential.

To acquire a thorough knowledge of these matters,
and to put that knowledge into practical use with per-
fect ease and freedom, is what people call "good
breeding."

In the preparation of this work, the object has been
to present the rules and usages which govern and
mould the most refined society of America, and to im-
part that information by which any one may be ena-

PREFACE. n

bled to acquire the perfect ease of a gentleman, or the
gentler manners of a well-bred lady, so that their
presence will be sought for, and they will not only
learn that great art of being thoroughly at home in
all society, but will possess that rarer gift of making
every one around them feel easy, contented and happy.

The work is carefully arranged into chapters, every
subject divided and classified, making it perfectly easy
to turn at once to any subject desired.

Ifc has been our aim to give, in a concise form, all
that is properly embraced in a comprehensive work on
Etiquette; also to cultivate the heart as well as the
mind, and produce a well rounded symmetrical char-
acter.

THE AUTHOR.

CONTENTS.

INTRODUCTORY.

CHAPTER 1. 21

ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY.

CHAPTER 2. 32

The good will of women— Social connections— Being natural— With whom
to associate— What to tolerate— Common place speech— Modesty— Respect-
ful deference — Ease of manner — Distinctions in conduct — Long usage—
delating company— Good Sense— Qualities of a gentleman— Whom to
imitate.

INTRODUCTIONS.

CHAPTER 3. 89

By relatives— Saluting and shaking hands— First introduction— Second or
subsequent meeting— The obligations of— After an introduction— While
traveling — Introductory letters to ladies — Receipt of introductory letters —
Requesting a letter of— to society— Bestowing of titles— Proper forms of—
Ceremonious phrases— Casual introductions— Speak the name distinctly—
Introduction of a Lady to Gentleman— in other countries— Without per-
mission—Meeting on the street— Morning visitors— Introducing yourself—
Assisting a lady in difficulty.

SALUTATIONS.

CHAPTER 4. 49

Forms of Salutation— Of different nations— Words of salutation— For-
eigners' salutations— On the street— Meeting in the street— Bow of civility
—Saluting ladies— Etiquette of hand shaking— The kiss— The kiss of re-
spect—The kiss of friends— Women kissing in public.

SOCIAL INTERCOURSE.

CHAPTER 5. 57

The value of knowledge-^A good conscience— Good character— A well in-
formed man— Liberal and scientific information— Employing leisure mo-
ments—Softening natural ferocity— The arts of peace— Difference in social
12

CONTENTS. 13

intercourse— Slight reflections— Improving by conversation— Learn some-
thing from all— Be not too confident— Narrow and limited views— Consult-
ing witu others— Difference of opinion.

CONVERSATIONS.

CHAPTER 6. 65

Subjects to be avoided— Talk to people of their own affairs— Avoid talking
too much of their professions— Avoid classical quotations— Modulation-
Slang— Using- proverbs and puns— Avoid long arguments— Interrupting a
person while speaking— Whispering in society— Make the topic of conver-
sation known— Witticisms— Avoid unfamiliar subjects— Introducing anec-
dotes—Correct pronunciation— Avoid repeating— Cultivating the mind-
Music— A low voice— Talk well about trifles— Double entendres— Indeli-
cate words and expressions— Profanity— Listening— The best kind of con-
versation—Interjections— Avoid wounding the feelings of another— Af-
fectations—Use plain words— Avoid wit which wounds— Proper reserve-
Professional peculiarities— Modesty— Conversing with ladies— .Conclusion.

VISITS,

CHAPTER 7. 80

Visits of congratulation— of ceremony or calls— Time to make ceremonious
visits— Keep an account of ceremonious visits— Visits of ceremony among
friends— calling at an inconvenient hour— Visiting at hotels— Visiting the
sick— Style of conversation— Visits of condolence— Before going abroad—
Leave taking of a family— Meeting other visitors— Gentleman's morning
call- Returning from the country— Cards for ceremonious visits— Calling
on strangers— Engaged or not at home— Evening visits— Friendly calls-
Omitting visits— Ceremonious visits— Suitable times for visits— How to
treat visitors— Taking a seat while visiting— Paying equal attention to all
—Taking a friend with you— Privileges of ladies— Visiting acquaintances
alone— Preference of seats— Respect towards the aged and feeble— Dis-
continuing work — Visiting cards — Address on cards — Keeping cards —
Laying aside the bonnet— Habitual visits— Short visits— Unintentional
intrusions— Free hospitality— Treatment of guests— Duties of the visitor
—Leave taking.

DINNER PARTIES AND BALLS.

CHAPTER 8. 101

Invitations— Reply to— Arriving too late— Manners at table— Dress neatly
for dinner party— How long to remain— Congenial company— Number of
guests- -Manner of writing invitations— Invitation accepted— Declined—
Invitation to tea party — Reception of guests — Introduction of guests —
Proceeding to dinner— Arranging guests— Intermingling guests— Asking
the waiter for anything— Praising every dish— Picking your teeth at ta-

14 CONTENTS.

ble— Selecting a particular dish— Duties of host and hostess— Paring fruit
for a lady— Dipping bread into preserves— Soup— Fish— General rules re-
garding dinner— Watching how others do— Urging guests to eat— Waiting
on others— Monopolizing conversation— Signal for leaving the table-
Dancing— Giving a ball— Choice of guests— Issuing invitations— Prejudices
against dancing— Notes of interrogation— Variety of toilette— Choice of at-
tire—Evening party— The cloak room— When to arrive— Refusing to
dance — Giving a reason for not dancing — How to ask a lady to dance —
Leaving a ball room— Talking too much- -Wall flowers— Duties of gentle-
men—Duty of ladies— While dancing— Grace and modesty— Private par-
ty— Public balls— Visit of thanks— Deportment in public places— General
rules for a ball room — Conclusion.

STREET ETIQUETTE.

CHAPTER 9.. 12:

Recognizing friends on the street— Omitting to recognize acquaintances-
Shaking hands with a lady— Young ladies conduct on the streetr— Accom-
panying visitors — Fulfilling an engagement — Conduct while shopping —
Taking off your glove — Asking information — Crossing a muddy street —
Expensive dress in the street— Carriage of a lady in public— Forming
acquaintances in public— Demanding attention— Meeting a lady acquaint-
ance—Stopping a lady on the street— Passing acquaintances— Crowding
before another — Giving the arm — When to offer the arm — Returning a sa-
lute—Passing before a lady— Corner loafers— Shouting— Gentlemen walk-
ing with a lady— Crossing the street— General rules— Passing through a
crowd— Saluting a lady— Ascending a mountain— Meeting on the street-
Intrusive inquiries on meeting— Smoking while walking— Taking ofi
your hat.

BIDING AND DRIVING.

CHAPTER 10. 140

Etiquette of riding— Riding in public— Riding with ladies— Assisting a lady
to mount— Pace in riding— Meeting friends on horseback— Meeting a lady
—Assisting a lady to alight from a horse— Entering a carriage— Assisting
a lady into a carriage.

TRAVELERS AND TRAVELING.

CHAPTER 11. 148

A lady traveling alone — On arrival of the train — Arriving at destination —
Rushing for a ticket office— Personal comfort— Rushing for the table— So-
cial intercourse while traveling— Occupying too many seats— Retaining a
seat— Etiquette of street cars— Etiquette of ferry boats— Checking famili-
arity— Duties of ladies to other ladies while traveling — Consulting the
comforts of others— Attention to the wants of others— Selfishness oi
ladies.

CONTENTS. 15

ETIQUETTE OP PUBLIC PLACES.

CHAPTER 12. 156

Church Etiquette— Visiting an artist— Conduct in picture galleries— Invita-
tion to opera or concert — Conduct in opera, theatre or public hall — Church
or fancy fairs— Picnics— How to dress— Duties of gentlemen— Committee
of arrangements— Boating— Rowing— Ladies Rowing.

LETTERS AND LETTER WRITING.

CHAPTER 13. 169

Secret of good composition— Penmanship — Choice of paper— General ap
pearance of a letter— Letters of introduction— Letters of friendship—
Form of Friendly letter— Modes of address— The family letter— Parents to
children— Letters of love— Letters of business— Letters of invitation— In-
vitation to a party— General advice to letter writers.

LAWS OP BUSINESS AND LEGAL FORMS.

CHAPTER 14. 196

General laws of business— Forms of notes— Negotiable and non-negotia-
ble—Draft, check, &c., &c.

SELF-CULTURE.

CHAPTER 15. 305

Economize time— Importance of early rising— Reading— Study— Depend up-
on work, not genius — Good books easily accessible — Careless reading im-
pairs the mind— Have some worthy aim— The result of idleness— "Dili-
gentia Omnia Vincit "—Requisites of success.

ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK.

CHAPTER 16. 215

Comparison— Bachelors— Advice of Jeremy Taylor— Celibacy an unnatural
state— Woman's risk greater than man's— Have a home— Objections on
account of expense— Essentials to happiness.

COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.

CHAPTER 17. 223

Oharms for procuring love — A woman's judgment — Love and marriage —
Usages of society— Love a universal passion— A lady's position— A gentle-
man's position— Conduct of a gentleman toward ladies— Premature decla-
ration—Love at first sight— Trifling with a man's feelings— A poor triumph
—A still greater crime— The rejected lover— Duty of a rejected lover— Un-
manly conduct — Encouraging the address of a gentleman — Proposal of
marriage— Forms of proposals— Proposal accepted— Protracted engage-

16 CONTENTS.

ments— Asking papa— An engagement ring— The relations of an engaged
couple— Demonstrations of affection— Keeping late hours— A domineering
lover— Breaking an engagement— By letter— Acknowledging such letter—
The marriage ceremony— General rules— Congratulation— Ceremony in
church— Leaving the church— Marriage fees— Let joy be unconfined— The
wedding breakfast— Sending cards— Wedding cards— Calling on a newly
married couple— A joyous period— Professional call while receiving calls
—Returning wedding visits.

THE HOME.

CHAPTER 18. 245

Home influence — An ideal home — Industry and sympathy — Amusements —
Home culture — Our girls— A sister's influence— Boys— How to spoil a boy-
Mother and son.

DOMESTIC ETIQUETTE AND DUTIES.

CHAPTER 19. 257

Duties of the wife— Avoid all cause for complaint— Beware of confidants-
Regarding money matters— How to keep a home— Avoid concealment-
Avoid all bickerings— Becoming conduct for a wife— Solomon's descrip-
tion—Duties of a husband— Things to remember— Accompany your wife
to church— A breach of etiquette— Taking your wife into your confidence
—Let her manage her own affairs— Avoid unnecessary interference— Be
always ready to praise— Avoid comparisons— Conclusion.

TABLE ETIQUETTE.

CHAPTER 20. 270

The breakfast table— General rules for behavior at table— Luncheon-
Dinner.

MISCELLANEOUS RULES OP ETIQUETTE.

CHAPTER 21. 276

Presents among friends— Presents to married ladies— Present by married
lady— Praising presents— Making parade— -How to receive a present— Re-
fusing a gift— Value of present— Governing our moods— Civility due to all
women— Keeping engagements— Requisites to gain esteem— Contempt
and haughtiness— Talking of yourself— A filthy habit— Avoid loud conver-
sation—Consulting your time-piece— Removing the hat— Smoking in pres-
ence of ladies— Relinquishing a seat for a lady— A man's pride and princi-
ples—Avoid religious topics— Attention to young people in society— Rev-
erential regard for religion— Absent mindedness— Affectation— Confidence
and secrecy — A woman's good name — Singing in company — Gentlemen at
evening parties— Accepting an invitation— Expressing unfavorable opin-
ions—Checking himself in conversation— Cautiousness and self-control—

CONTENTS. 17

Avoid argument— Civility— Courtesy— Improper actions and attitudes-
Good maxims — Politeness — Washington's maxims — Principles of good
breeding— Attention to small matters.

WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE.

CHAPTER 22. 298

Presidential receptions— Private calls on the President— Social duties of
cabinet officers and their families— Social duties of congressmen and their
families.

BUSINESS.

CHAPTER 23. 802

ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.

CHAPTER 24. 306

The paper wedding— The wooden wedding— The tin wedding— The crystal
wedding — The china wedding — The silver wedding — The golden wedding
—The diamond wedding— Presents at anniversary weddings— Invitation
to anniversary weddings.

FUNERALS.

CHAPTER 25. 312

Invitation to a funeral— Charge of affairs at a funeral— Expense of a fu-
neral— General rules of etiquette — Houses of mourning — Conveyances for
funeral— Exhibiting the corpse— Receiving guests at a funeral— Proceed-
ing to the cemetery— Flowers at a funeral— Other decorations upon the
coffin— After the funeral— Notification of death— Obligations to attend a
funeral— Seclusion of the bereaved family— Period of mourning.

DRESS.

CHAPTER 26. 320

First impressions— Consistency in dress— Plain dressing— Too rich dressing-
Elegant dressing— Appropriate and becoming dress— Neglect of dress-
Habitual attention to attire— An amiable exterior— Dress the appropriate
finish of beauty— Taste— Simplicity in dress— Delicacy and harmony-
Using paints— Color and complexion— Dress to suit the occasion— Evening
dress— Bright-colored gloves— Never dress above your station— Thinking
about your dress — Morning dress for home — Morning dress for visitor —
Morning dress for street— Business woman's dress— The promenade-
Material of a walking suit— Carriage dress— Riding dress— Dress for receiv-
ing calls— Dress of hostess— Dinner dress— Dress of guests at dinner party
— Ordinary evening dress — Dress for evening call — Dress for social party —
The soiree and ball— Dress for church— Dress for theatre— Dress for lec-
ture and concert— Dress for opera— Croquet and skating costume— Cos-

IB CONTENTS.

tume for country and sea-side— Bathing costume— Costume for traveling-
Going to Europe — Wedding outfit — The wedding dress — Dress for bride-
CToom— Dress for bridesmaid— Traveling dress of bride— Marriage of a
widow— The trousseau.

HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS.

CHAPTER 27. 343

Size in relation to dress and color.

THE TOILETTE.

CHAPTER 28. 359

Jealth and beauty— The dressing-room— Lady's dressing-room — Gentle-
man's dressing-room — The bath— Air bath— The teeth— The skin— The
eye-lashes and brows— The hah-— The beard— The hand.

BEAUTY AND ITS EXPRESSION.

CHAPTER 29. 3?9

Singing and playing— The voice and dress— Dignity and familiarity,

SERVANTS.

CHAPTER 30. 396

Treatment of servants— Fees— What to permit

HOME DECORATIONS.

CHAPTER 81. 412

lowers— Arranging of plants— Ward case— Mayflower— Preparation of soil.

AMUSEMENTS.

CHAPTER 32. 410

itiakespeare readings— Private dramas— Charades— Tableaux vivants—
Tableaux of Statuary— Light and shades,

ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN.

CHAPTER 33. 421

'Jbildren at funerals— At parties— Early training— Accepting invitations—
The custom — Good manners.

ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISM.

CHAPTER 34. 425

Customary ceremonies— Christening— Presents.

CONTENTS. 19

ETIQUETTE OP THE STUDIO.

CHAPTER 35. 429

PRECIOUS STONES.

CHAPTER 36. 433

Finger-rings with sentiments.

Stories in precious stones — Zodiac stones — Stones and -their influences —
Rings— King of Memphis— Caesar's ring— Nero's signet— In Persia— Presi-
dent Pierce's ring— Name rings— French names.

FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS.

CHAPTER 37. 441

WINDOW GARDENING.

CHAPTER 38. 451

Best place, Ferneries, Soil, Trailing Arbutus, Hanging gardens, Portable
screens.

CARE AND CULTURE OP PLANTS.

CHAPTER 39. 458

Where, when, and how to cultivate flowers, stands, shelves, &o.

FURNISHING THE HOME.

CHAPTER 40. 463

The Hall, Parlor, Sitting room. Library, Chambers, Dining room, Kitchen.

BOOKS-.

CHAPTER 41. 474

Outlook through books, How to cultivate the taste, Companionship of books,
What to read.

TOILET RECIPES.

CHAPTER 42. 481

To remove freckles— Wrinkles— Discoloration of skin— Sunburn— Cure chil-
blains—Hair curling fluid— To prevent hair from falling off— Rye tooth-
powder— Bandoline— Rose water— Lip salve— Smooth skin— Sticking plan-
ter— To improve the complexion — Burns — Pimpernel water — To soften tho
hands—For roughness of the skin— Chapped hands— To prevent hair turn-
ing gray— To soften and beautify the hair— To remove pimp'es— To re-
move tan— Cure for corns— Chapped lips— Black teeth— Pomade against
baldness — Cologne — Ox marrow pomatum — Dentifrice — To clean kid
gloves— Water proof boots and shoes— To remove a tight ring— Cleaning
jewelry— To clean kid boots— Cleaning silver— To remove grease spots—
To clean patent-leather boots — Mildew from linen — To remove stains and
spots from silk— Toothache preventive — Cure for felon— Cure for croup-
Cure for ingrowing nails on toes— Protection against moths— &c., &c.

boots it tby virtue,
Wljat profit \\)j parts,
W|?ile one "H/mcj t|?ou lacbqs

(0$>\)e art of all arts?

j
"(ij)l?e only credentials,

Passport to success;
fdpens castle and parlor,
Wddress, man, address.

— Emerson

INTRODUCTORY.

CHAPTER 1.

IGH birth and good breed-
ing are the privileges of
the few; but the habits
and manners of a gentle-
man may be acquired by
all. Nor is their acquire-
ment attended with difficulty.
Etiquette is not an art requir-
ing the study of a life-time ; on
the contrary, its principles are simple, and
their practical application involves only ordinary care,
tact and sagacity.

To gain the good opinion of those who surround
them, is the first interest and the second duty of
men in every profession of life. For power and for
pleasure, this preliminary is equally indispensable.
Unless we are eminent and respectable before our
fellow-beings, we cannot possess that influence which
is essential to the accomplishment of great designs ;
and men have so inherent, and one might almost say
constitutional, a disposition to refer all that they say
and do, to the thoughts and feelings of others, that
upon the tide of the world's opinion floats tjie compla-
cency of every man,

22 INTRODUCTORY.

And here we may find the uses of etiquette. We
are not all equally civilized ; some of us are scarcely
more than savage by nature and training, or rather
lack of training. Yet we all wish to put on the re-
galia of civilization that we may be recognized as
belonging to the guild of ladies and gentlemen in
the world.

The requisites to compose this last character are
natural ease of manner, and an acquaintance with
the " outward habit of encounter " — dignity and
self-possession — a respect for all the decencies of life,
and perfect freedom from all affectation.

It is an express and admirable distinction of a
gentleman, that, in the ordinary affairs of life, he is
extremely slow to take offense. He scorns to attrib-
ute ungentle motive, and dismisses the provocation
without dignifying it by consideration. For instance,
if he should see trifling persons laughing in another
part of a room, when he might suppose that they
were sneering at him, or should hear a remark from
a person careless of his speech, which he could con-
strue to be disrespectful to himself, he will presume
that they are swayed by the same exalted sentiments
as those which dwell within his own bosom, and he
will not for a moment suffer his serenity to be sullied
by suspicion. If, in fact, the others have been not
altogether unwilling to wound, his elevated bearing
'vill shame them into propriety.

A gentleman never is embarrassed, when, in the
carelessness of conversation, he has made use of any

INTRODUCTORY. 23

expression which is capable of an indecent significa-
tion, and which, in vulgar society, would be the pre-
lude of a laugh. He gives his company credit for
refinement of mind and entire purity of association,
and permits himself to speak with freedom of those
things which are commonly the accessories of evil,
without feeling any apprehension that the idea of the
evil itself may be excited.

In whatever society, or in whatever part of the
world, a gentleman may happen to be, he always
complies externally with the spirit and usages of the
place.

His constant effort is never to wound the feelings
of another, and he is well aware that prejudice can
excite feeling quite as strongly as truth. Of course,
this compliance is not to be made at the expense of
honor and integrity.

A gentleman is distinguished as much by his com-
posure as by any other quality. His exertions are
always subdued, and his efforts easy. He is never
surprised into an exclamation or startled by any-
thing. Throughout life he avoids what the French
call scenes, — occasions of exhibition, in which the
vulgar delight. He of course has feelings, but he
never exhibits any to the world.

A gentleman always possesses a certain self-re-
spect,— not indeed touching upon self-esteem, and far
removed from self-conceit, — which relieves him from
the fear of failing in propriety, or incurring remarks.

Indeed, a gentleman, in the highest signification

24 INTRODUCTORY.

of the term, is a noble animal. Viewed as furnished
with all those qualities which should unite to com-
plete the impression, he may be considered as the
image of a perfect man. He has all that is valua-
ble of Christian accomplishment, he has its gentle-
ness, its disinterestedness, its amiableness. Employ-
ing, in the regulation of his own conduct, the strict-
est standard of propriety, and in his expectations of
that of others, the most lenient ; cautious in accept-
ing quarrel, more cautious in giving cause for it;
lending to virtue the forms of courtesy, and borrow-
ing from her the substance of sincerity ; forming his
opinions boldly, expressing them gracefully; in
action, brave, in conference, gentle; always anx-
ious to please, and always willing to be pleased ; ex-
pecting from none what he would not be inclined to
yield to all ; giving interest to small things, when-
ever small things cannot be avoided, and gaining el-
evation from great, whenever great can be attained ;
valuing his own esteem too highly to be guilty of dis-
honor, and the esteem of others too considerately to
be guilty of incivility ; never violating decency, and
respecting even the prejudices of honesty; yielding
with an air of strength, and opposing with an ap-
pearance of submission; full of courage, but free
from ostentation ; without assumption, without ser-
yility; too wise to despise trifles, but too noble ever
to be degraded by them ; dignified but not haughty,
firm but not impracticable, learned but not pedantic;
to his superiors respectful, to his equals courteous ;

INTRODUCTORY. 25

kind to his inferiors, and wishing well to all.

It is this modest pride which gives him that charm-
ing ease, which, above all things, marks his manner.
He would converse with Kings, or the embodied
" blood of all the Howards," with as much composure
as he would exhibit in speaking to his footman.

A perfect gentleman instinctively knows just what
to do under all circumstances) and need be bound by
no written code of manners. Yet there is an unwrit-
ten code which is as immutable as the laws of the
Medes and Persians, and we who would acquire gen-
tility must by some means make ourselves familiar
with this.

The true gentleman is rare, but, fortunately there
is no crime in counterfeiting his excellences. The
best of it is that the counterfeit may, in course of
time, develop into the real thing.

How shall I describe a lady ? Solomon has done
it for me :

" The heart of her husband doth safely trust in
her."

" She will do him good, and not evil, all the days
of her life."

" She girdeth her loins with strength, and strength-
eneth her arms.

"She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea she
reacheth forth her hands to the needy."

" She maketh herself coverings of tapestry ; her
clothing is silk asd purple."

" Her husba^ is known in the gates."

26 INTRODUCTORY.

" Strength and honor are her clothing."

"She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in
her tongue is the law of kindness."

Strength, honor, wisdom, goodness and virtue are
her requisites. A woman strong and womanly in
all ways, in whom the heart of a husband can safely
trust — this is the perfect lady.

That all should seek to shape the way and fashion
of their lives in accordance with these models there
can be no doubt. The best and surest course to pur-
sue for that end is to look for, and to imitate as far
as possible, the manifestations of the characteristics
I have endeavored to describe. And that which was
at first mere imitation may become at last a second
nature.

Good manners were perhaps originally but an ex-
pression of submission from the weaker to the
stronger, and many traces of their origin still remain:
but a spirit of kindliness and unselfishness born of
a higher order of civilization permeates for the most
part the code of politeness.

As an illustration of this, we cannot do better than
cite the requirements of good breeding in regard to
women. It is considered perfectly proper in the
more barbarous forms of society to treat woman with
all contumely. In polite society great deference is
paid to her and certain seemingly arbitrary require-
ments are made in her favor. Thus a gentleman is
always expected to vacate his seat in favor of a lady
who is unprovided with one. If it were possible to

INTRODUCTORY. 27

carry discrimination into this matter of yielding up
seats, and require that the young, healthful and
strong of either sex should stand that the old, weak
and invalid of both sexes might sit, there could be
no possible doubt as to the propriety of the regula-
tion.

The wisdom of the social law, as it really is, seems
open to question. Yet it is wise and right, never-
theless. Taking men as a whole, they are better
able to endure the fatigue of standing than women.
Women as the mothers of the race, the bearers and
nurses of children, are entitled to special considera-
tion and care on account of the physical disabilities
which these duties entail ; and even if in their ordi-
nary health they are capable of enduring fatigue,
still there are times when to compel them to this
endurance is cruel and unjust. Since women prefer,
as a rule, to conceal their womanly weaknesses and
disabilities as far as practicable, it is impossible for
individual men to judge of the strength or weakness
of individual women. Thus, when a man rises from
his seat to give it to a woman, he silently says, in
the spirit of true and noble manliness, " I offer you
this, madam, in memory of my mother, who suffered
that I might live, and of my present or future wife,
who is, or is to be, the mother of my children."
Such devotion of the stronger sex to the weaker is
beautiful and just ; and this chivalrous spirit, carried
through all the requirements of politeness, has a sig-
nificance which should neither be overlooked n«.

28 INTRODUCTORY.

undervalued. It is the very poetry of life, and
tends toward that further development of civiliza-
tion when all traces of woman's original degradation
shall be lost.

Those who would think slightingly of the impor-
tance of good manners should read Emerson, who
says ; " When we reflect how manners recommend,
prepare and draw people together; how, in all clubs,
manners make the members; how manners make
the fortune of the ambitious youth; that, for the
most part, his manners, marry him, and for the most
part, he marries manners; when we think what keys
they are, and to what secrets; what high lessons and
inspiring tokens of character they convey; and what
divination is required in us for the reading of this
fine telegraph, — we see what range the subject has,
and what relations to convenience, form and beauty.
The maxim of courts is power. A calm and reso-
lute bearing, a polished speech, an embellishment of
trifles and the art of hiding all uncomfortable feel-
ings are essential to the courtier. . . . Manners im-
press, as they indicate real power. A man who is
sure of his point carries a broad and contented ex-
pression, which everybody reads; and you cannot
rightly train to an air and manner except by mak-
ing him the kind of man of whom that manner is
the natural expression. Nature forever puts a pre-
mium on reality."

Lord Chesterfield declared good breeding to be
'the result of much good sense, some good nature,

INTRODUCTORY. 29

and a little self-denial for the sake of others and
with a view to obtain the same indulgence from
tfiem." The same authority in polite matters says.
"Good sense and good nature suggest civility in gen-
eral, but in good breeding there are a thousand lit-
tle delicacies which are established only by cus-
tom."

" Etiquette," says a modern English author, " may
be. defined as the minor morality of life. No obser-
vances, however minute, that tend to spare the feel-
ings of others, can be classed under the head of tri-
vialities; and politeness, which is but another name
for general amiability, will oil the creaking wheels
of life more effectually than any of those unguents
supplied by mere wealth and station.

As to the technical part of politeness, or forms
alone, the intercourse of society, and good advice, are
undoubtedly useful; but the grand secret of never
failing in propriety of deportment, is to have an in-
tention of always doing what is right. With such
a disposition of mind, exactness in observing what
is proper appears to all to possess a charm and in-
fluence ; and then not only do mistakes become ex-
cusable, but they become even interesting from their
thoughtlessness and naivete. Be, therefore, modest
and benevolent, and do not distress yourself on ac-
count of the mistakes of your inexperience; a little
attention, and the advice of a friend will soon cor-
rect these trifling errors.

Morals, lay the foundation of manners. A well-

30 IN TROD VCTOM Y.

ordered mind, a well-regulated heart, produce the
best conduct. The rules which a philosopher or
moralist lays down for his own guidance, properly
developed, lead to the most courteous acts. Frank-
lin laid down for himsell the following rules to reg-
ulate his conduct through life : —

Eat not to dullness ; drink not to elevation

Speak not but what may benefit others or your-
self; avoid trifling conversation.

Let all your things have their places; let each
part of your business have its time.

Resolve to perform what you ought ; perform with-
out fail what you resolve.

Make no expense but to do good to others, or to
yourself; £«., waste nothing.

Lose no time ; be always employed in something
useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.

Use no hurtful deceit ; think innocently and just-
ly; and if you speak, speak accordingly.

Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the
benefits that are your duty.

Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so
much as you think they deserve.

Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes or hab-
itation.

Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents com-
mon or unavoidable, and "be temperate in all
things."

Let these rules be applied to the elegant inter-
course of life, and they ^re precisely what is reouir-

INTRODUCTORY. 3]

ed. Those who would set good morals and good
manners at variance, wrong both.

That true good breeding consists not in the man-
ner, but in the mind, is one of those insipid com-
mon-places that the world delights to be told. That a
pleasing exterior of appearance, and an insinuating
habit of demeanor, may be perfectly attained by one,
to whose feelings honor is a stranger, and generosity
utterly unknown, it would be absurd to deny. But
there unquestionably goes more than this to the for-
mation of a thorough gentleman. Separated from
native loftiness of sentiment, we rarely discover those
courtly, and, if I may say so, those magnanimous
manners, which constitute a high-bred man.

ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY.

CHAPTER 2.

0 become accepted in society,
a young man must win the
good will of the few ladies
of assured position who are
the ruling spirits in their
charmed circle, and whose
dictum determines the social
standing of the young aspi-
rant. It is of less impor-
tance to be in favor with the young girls who are
themselves just entering society than with these older
women, who can countenance whom they will and
whose approbation and support will serve the novitiate
better than fortune, talent or accomplishments.

THE GOOD WILL OP WOMEN.
A young man in entering society cannot be too
attentive to conciliate the good will of women. Their
approbation and support will serve him instead of a
thousand good qualities. Their judgment dispenses
with fortune, talent and even intelligence.

SOCIAL CONNECTIONS.

The desire of pleasing is, of course, the basis of
social connection. Persons who enter society with the
intention of producing an effect, and of being dis-

ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 33

tinguished, however clever they may be, are never
agreeable. They are always tiresome, and often ri-
diculous. Persons, who enter life with such preten-
sions, have no opportunity for improving themselves
and profiting by experience. They are not in a prop-
er state to observe. Indeed, they look only for the
effect which they produce, and with that they are
not often gratified. They thrust themselves into all
conversations, indulge in continual anecdotes, which
are varied only by dull disquisitions, listen to others
with impatience and heedlessness, and are angry
that they seem to be attending to themselves. Such
persons go through scenes of pleasure, enjoying
nothing. They are equally disagreeable to them-
selves and others.

BEING NATURAL.

Young men should content themselves with being
natural. Let them present themselves with a mod-
est assurance: let them observe, hear, and examine,
and before long they will rival their models.

WITH WHOM TO ASSOCIATE.

The conversation of those women who are not the
most lavishly supplied with personal beauty, will be
of the most advantage to the young aspirant. Such
persons have cultivated their manners and conver-
sation more than those who can rely upon their nat-
ural endowments. The absence of pride and preten-
sion has improved their good nature and their afifa-

34 ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY.

bility. They are not too much occupied in contem-
plating their own charms, to be indisposed to indulge
in gentle criticism on others. One acquires from
them an elegance in one's manners as well as one's
expressions. Their kindness pardons every error
and to instruct or reprove, their acts are so delicate
that the lesson which they give, always without of-
fending, is sure to be profitable, though it may be
often unperceived.

Women observe all the delicacies of propriety in
manners, and all the shades of impropriety, much
better than men; not only because they attend to
them earlier and longer, but because their percep-
tions are more refined than those of the other sex,
who are habitually employed about greater things.
Women divine, rather than arrive at proper conclu-
sions.

WHAT TO TOLERATE.

The whims and caprices of women in society
should of course be tolerated by men, who themselves
require toleration for greater inconveniences. But
this must not be carried too far. There are certain
limits to empire which, if they themselves forget,
should be pointed out to them with delicacy and
politeness. You should be the slave of women, but
not of all their fancies.

COMMON PLACE SPEECH.
Compliment is the language of intercourse from

ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 35

men to women. But be careful to avoid elaborate
and common-place forms of gallant speech. Do not
strive to make those long eulogies on a woman,
which have the regularity and nice dependency of a
proposition in Euclid, and might be fittingly con-
cluded by Q. E. D. Do not be always undervaluing
her rival in a woman's presence, nor mistaking a
woman's daughter for her sister. These antiquated
and exploded attempts denote a person who has
learned the world more from books than men.

MODESTY.

The quality which a young man should most af-
fect in intercourse with gentlemen, is a decent modes-
ty : but he must avoid all bashfulness or timidity.
His flights must not go too far ; but, so far as they
go, let them be marked by perfect assurance.

RESPECTFUL DEFERENCE.

Among persons who are much your seniors behave
with the most respectful deference. As they find
themselves sliding out of importance they may be
easily conciliated by a little respect.

EASE OF MANNER.

By far the most important thing to be attended to,
is ease of manner. Grace may be added afterwards,
or be omitted altogether: it is of much less moment
than is commonly believed. Perfect propriety and
entire ease are sufficient qualifications for standing

36 ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY.

in society, and abundant prerequisites for distinc-
tion.

DISTINCTIONS IN CONDUCT.

There is the most delicate shade of difference be-
tween civility and intrusiveness, familiarity and
common-place, pleasantry and sharpness, the natur-
al and the rude, gaiety and carelessness ; hence the
inconveniences of society, and the errors of its mem-
bers. To define well in conduct these distinctions,
is the great art of a man of the world. It is easy to
know what to do ; the difficulty is to know what to
avoid.

LONG USAGE.

A sort of moral magnetism, a tact acquired by
frequent and long associating with others — alone
give those qualities which keep one always from er-
ror, and entitle him to the name of a thorough
gentleman.

SELECTING COMPANY.

A young man or woman upon first entering into
society should select those persons who are most cel-
ebrated for the propriety and elegance of their man-
ners. They should frequent their company, and im-
itate their conduct. There is a disposition inherent
in all, which has been noticed by Horace and by
Dr. Johnson, to imitate faults, because they are more

ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 37

readily observed and more easily followed. There
are, also, many foibles of manner and many refine-
ments of affectation, which sit agreeably upon on
man, which if adopted by another would become
unpleasant. There are even some excellences of de-
portment which would not suit another whose char-
acter is different.

GOOD SENSE.

For successful imitation in anything, good sense
is indispensable. It is requisite correctly to appre-
ciate the natural differences between your model and
yourself, and to introduce such modifications in the
copy as may be consistent with them.

QUALITIES OF A GENTLEMAN.

Let not any man imagine, that he shall easily ac-
quire those qualities which will constitute him a
gentleman. It is necessary not only to exert the
highest degree of art, but to attain also that higher
accomplishment of concealing art. The serene and
elevated dignity which mark that character, are the
result of untiring and arduous effort. After the
sculpture has attained the shape of propriety, it re-
mains to smooth off all the marks of the chisel.
" A gentleman," says a celebrated French author, "is
one who has reflected deeply upon all the obliga-
tions which belong to his station, and who has ap-
plied himself ardently to fulfill them with grace."

38 ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY.

WHOM TO IMITATE.

He who is polite without importunity, gallant with-
out being offensive, attentive to the comfort of all; em-
ploying a well-regulated kindness, witty at the proper
times discreet,indulgent,generous,who exercises, in his
sphere, a high degree of moral authority; he it is,
and he alone, that one should imitate.

INTRODUCTIONS.

CHAPTER 3.

N the introduction of one gentle-
man to another, great pru-
dence and caution must be
used by the really polite man ;
but in the introduction of
ladies to each other, and to
gentlemen, infinitely more care
is necessary, as a lady cannot shake off an improper
acquaintance with the same facility as a gentleman
can do, and her character is much easier affected by
apparent contact with the worthless and the dissi-
pated.

It is incumbent, therefore, on ladies to avoid all
proffers of introductions, unless from those on whom
from relationship or other causes, they can place the
most implicit confidence.

INTRODUCTIONS BY RELATIVES.

As a general rule, ladies may always at once ac-
cord to any offers of introduction that may proceed
from a father, mother, husband, sister or brother;
those from intimate cousins and tried friends are
also to be considered favorably, although not to be

40 INTRODUCTIONS.

entitled to the same implicit reliance as the former.
Formerly it was the habit for the ladies to curtsey
on being introduced, but this has latterly been
changed into the more easy and graceful custom of
bowing.

SALUTING AND SHAKING HANDS.

The habit of saluting and shaking hands is now
quite obsolete, except in some country towns where
ladies at first introductions salute other ladies by
kissing them on the cheek, and fervently shake the
hands of the gentlemen.

FIRST INTRODUCTION.

At present, in the best society, all that a lady is
called upon' to do, upon a first introduction either to
a lady or a gentleman, is to make a slight, but gra-
cious inclination of the head.

SECOND OR SUBSEQUENT MEETING.

Upon one lady meeting another for the second or
subsequent times, the hand may be extended in sup-
plement to the inclination of the head ; but no lady
should ever extend her hand to a gentleman, unless
she is very intimate, — a bow at meeting and one at
parting, is all that is necessary.

THE OBLIGATIONS OF INTRODUCTION.

Two persons who have been properly introduced
have in future certain claims upon one another's ac-

INTRODUCTIONS.

INTRODUCTIONS. 41

quaintance which should be recognized unless there
are sufficient reasons for overlooking them. Even
in that case good manners require the formal bow of
recognition upon meeting, which of itself encoura-
ges no familiarity. Only a very ill-bred person will
meet another with a vacant stare.

AFTER AN INTRODUCTION.

If you wish to avoid the company of any one that
has been properly introduced, satisfy your own mind
that your reasons are correct ; and then let no in-
ducement cause you to shrink from treating him
with respect, at the same time shunning his com-
pany. No gentleman will thus be able either to
blame or mistake you.

INTRODUCTIONS WHILE TRAVELING.

If, in traveling, any one introduces himself to you
and does it in a proper and respectful manner, con-
duct yourself towards him with politeness, ease, and
dignity ; if he is a gentleman, he will appreciate
your behavior — and if not a gentleman will be de-
terred from annoying you; but acquaintanceships,
thus formed must cease where they began. Your
entering into conversation with a lady or gentleman
while traveling does not give any of you a right to
after recognition. If any one introduces himself to
you in a manner betraying the least want of respect,
either towards you or himself, you can only turn
from him in dignified silence, — and if he presumes

42 INTRODUCTIONS.

to address you further, then there is no punishment
too severe.

INTRODUCTORY LETTER TO LADIES.

Be very cautious of giving a gentleman a letter
of introduction to a lady ; for remember, in propor-
tion as you are esteemed by the lady to whom it is
addressed, so do you claim for your friend her good
wishes, — and such letters are often the means of set-
tling the weal or the woe of the parties for life.
Ladies should never themselves, unless upon cases
of the most urgent business, deliver introductory
letters, but should send them in an envelope inclos-
ing their card.

KECEIPT OF INTRODUCTORY LETTERS.

On receipt of an introductory letter, take it into
instant consideration; if you are determined not to
receive the party, write at once some polite, plausi-
ble, but dignified cause of excuse. If the party is
one you think fit to receive, then let your answer be
accordingly, and without delay ; never leave unan-
swered till the next day a letter of introduction.

If any one whom you have never seen before call
with a letter of introduction, and you know from its
appearance who sent it, desire the person to sit down,
and at once treat them politely ; but if you do not
recognize the hand-writing it is quite proper, after-
requesting them to be seated, to beg their pardon, and

INTRODUCTIONS. 43

peruse the letter in order that you may know how
to act.

REQUESTING A LETTER OF INTRODUCTION.

If any one requests a letter of introduction, and
you do not consider that it would be prudent, eithei
in respect to your situation with the person so re-
questing it, or with the one to whom it would be
addressed, refuse it with firmness, and allow no in-
ducement whatever to alter your purpose.

INTRODUCTION TO SOCIETY.

On your introduction to society, be modest, retir-
ing, unassuming, and dignified ; pay respect to all,
but most to those who pay you the most, provided
it is respectful and timely.

BESTOWING OF TITLES.

In introducing a person be sure to give him his
appropriate title, as some persons are jealous of their
dignity. If he is a clergyman, say " The Rev. Mr.
Forsyth." If a doctor of divinity, say "The Rev.
Dr. Forsyth." If he is a member of Congress, call
him " Honorable," and specify to which branch of
Congress he belongs. If he be governor of a State,
mention what State. If he is a man of any celebri-
ty in the world of art or letters, it is well to mention
the fact something after this manner : " Mr. Ellis,
the artist, whose pictures you have frequently seen,"

44 INTRODUCTIONS.

or "Mr. Smith, author of 'The World after the Del-
uge/ which you so greatly admired."

PROPER FORMS OF INTRODUCTION.

The proper form of introduction is to present the
gentleman to the lady, the younger to the older, the
inferior to the superior; Thus you will say : " Mrs.
Gary, allow me to present to you Mr. Rhodes: Mr.
Rhodes, Mrs. Gary ;" "Mrs. Wood, let me present to
you my friend Miss. Ewing ;" "General Graves, per-
mit me to introduce to you Mr. Hughes." The ex-
act words used in introductions are immaterial, so
that the proper order is preserved.

It is better, among perfect equals, to employ the
phrase, "Permit me to present you to * *," than
"Permit me to present to you * *;" there are men in
this world, and men, too, who are gentlemen, who
are so sensitive that they would be offended if the
latter of these forms was employed in presenting
them to another.

CEREMONIOUS PHRASES.

These ceremonious phrases, "Permit me to present,
&c.," are not to be employed unless the acquaintance
has been solicited by one party, under circumstan-
ces of mere ceremony; and when you employ them,
do not omit to repeat to each distinctly the name of
the other.

INTRODUCTIONS. 45

CASUAL INTRODUCTIONS.

When two men unacquainted meet one another
where it is obviously necessary that they should be
made known to each other, perform the operation
with mathematical simplicity and precision, -"Mr.
A., Mr. A/; Mr. A.\ Mr. A."

SPEAK THE NAME DISTINCTLY.

When, upon being presented to another, you do
not feel certain of having caught his name, it may
be worse than awkward to remain, as it were, shoot-
ing the dark ; say, therefore, at once, without hesita-
tion or embarrassment, before making your bow, " I
beg your pardon, I did not hear the name."

INTRODUCTION OF A LADY TO GENTLEMEN.

When you are presented to a gentleman, do not
give your hand, but merely bow, with politeness :
and, if you have requested the presentment, or know
the person by reputation, you may make a speech, —
indeed, in all cases it is courteous to add, "I am hap-
py to make your acquaintance/' or, "I am happy to
have the honor of your acquaintance." I am aware
that high authority might be found in this country
to sanction the custom of giving the hand upon a
first meeting, but it is undoubtedly a solecism in
manners. The habit has been adopted by us, with
some improvement for the worse, from France.

46 INTRODUCTIONS.

INTRODUCTIONS IN OTHER COUNTRIES.

When two Frenchmen are presented to one anotk
er, each presses the other's hand with delicate affec-
tion. The English, however, never do so ; and the
practice is altogether inconsistent with the caution
of manner which is characteristic of their nation
and our own. If we are to follow the French in
shaking hands with one whom we have never before
seen, we should certainly imitate them also in kiss-
ing our intimate male acquaintances. There are
some Americans, indeed, who will not leave this
matter optional, but will seize your hand in spite of
you, and visit it pretty roughly before you recover
it. Next to being presented to the Grand Jury, is
the nuisance of being presented to such persons.
Such handling is most unhandsome.

INTRODUCTIONS WITH PERMISSION.

A gentleman should not be presented to a lady
without her permission being previously asked and
granted. This formality is not necessary between
men alone ; but, still, you should not present any
one, even at his own request, to another, unless you
are quite well assured that the acquaintance will be
agreeable to the latter. You may decline upon the
ground of not being sufficiently intimate yourself.
A man does himself no service with another when
he obliges him to know people whom he would
rather avoid.

INTRODUCTIONS. &

INTRODUCTIONS WITHOUT PERMISSION.

There are some exceptions to the necessity of ap-
plying to a lady for her permission. At a party or
a dance, the mistress of the house may present any
man to any woman without application to the lat*
ter. A sister may present her brother, and a moth-
er may present her son, upon their own authority ;
but they should be careful not to do this unless
where they are very intimate, and unless there is no
inferiority on their part. A woman may be very
willing to know another woman, without caring to
be saddled with her whole family. As a general
rule, it is better to be presented by the mistress of
the house, than by any other person.

MEETING ON THE STREET.

If you are walking down the street in company
with another person, and stop to say something to
one of your friends, or are joined by a friend who
walks with you for a long time, do not commit the
too common, but most flagrant error, of presenting
such persons to one another.

MORNING VISITORS.

If you are paying a morning visit, and some one
comes in, whose name you know, and no more, and
he or she is not recognized by, or acquainted with,
the person visited, present such a person, yourself.

48 INTRODUCTIONS.

INTRODUCING YOURSELF.

If on entering a drawing-room to pay a visit, you
are not recognized, mention your name immediately;
if you know but one member of a family, and you
find others only in the parlor, present yourself to
them. Much awkwardness may be occasioned by
want of attention to this.

ASSISTING A LADY IN DIFFICULTY.

If you see a lady whom you do not know, unat-
tended, and wanting the assistance of a man, offer
your services to her immediately. Do it with great
courtesy, taking off your hat and begging the honor
of assisting her. This precept, although universally
observed in France, is constantly violated in England
and America by the demi-bred, perhaps by all but
the thorough-bred. The '*mob of gentlemen" in this
country seem to act in these cases as if a gentleman
ipso facto ceased to be a MAN, and as if the form of
presentation was established to prevent intercourse
and not to increase it.

SALUTATIONS.

CHAPTER 4.

T is the salutation, says a French
writer, which is the touchstone oi
of good breeding. There have
been men since Absalom who
have owed their ruin to a bad
bow.

According to circumstances, it
should be respectful, cordial, civil,
affectionate or familiar — an incli-
nation of the head, a gesture with
the hand, the touching or doffing of the hat.

" It would seem that good manners were originally
the expression of submission from the weaker to
the stronger. In a rude state of society every salu-
tation is to this day an act of worship. Hence the
commonest acts, phrases and signs of courtesy with
which we are now familiar, date from those earlier
stages when the strong hand ruled and the inferior
demonstrated his allegiance by studied servility. Let
us take, for example, the words ' sir ' and ' madam.'
'Sir' is derived from seigneur, sieur, and origi-
nally meant lord, king, ruler and, in its patriarchal
sense, father. The title of sire was last borne by
some of the ancient feudal families of France, who,

50 SALUTATIONS.

as Selden has said, ' affected rather to be styled ^
the name of sire than baron, as Le Sire de Montmoren-
d and the like.' 'Madam' or 'madame,' corrupted
by servants into 'ma'am/ and by Mrs. Gamp and her
tribe into 'mum,' is in substance equivalent to ' your
exalted,' or 'your highness,' madame originally
meaning high-born or stately, and being applied on-
ly to ladies of the highest rank.

FORMS OF SALUTATION.

" To turn to our every-day forms of salutadon.
We take off our hats on visiting an acquaintance.
We bow on being introduced to strangers. We rise
when visitors enter our drawing-room. We wave
our hand to our friend as he passes the window or
drives away from our door. The Oriental, in like
manner, leaves his shoes on the threshold when he
pays a visit. The natives of the Tonga Islands kiss
the soles of a chieftain's feet. The Siberian peasant
grovels in the dust before a Russian noble. Each
of these acts has a primary, a historical significance.
The very word 'salutation,' in the first place, derived
as it is from salutatio, the daily homage paid by a
Roman client to his patron, suggests in itself a his-
tory of manners.

" To bare the head was originally an act of sub-
mission to gods and rulers. A bow is a modified
prostration. A lady's curtsey is a modified genu-
flection. Rising and standing are acts of homage ;

SALUTATIONS. 61

and when we wave our hand to a friena un the op-
posite side of the street, we are unconsciously imitat-
ing the Romans, who, as Selden tells us, used to stand
1 somewhat off before the images of their gods, sol-
emnly moving the right hand to the lips and casting
it, as if they had cast kisses/ Again, men remove
the glove when they shake hands with a lady — a
custom evidently of feudal origin. The knight re-
moved his iron gauntlet, the pressure of which would
have been all too harsh for the palm of a fair chate-
laine : and the custom, which began in necessity, has
traveled down to us as a point of etiquette."

SALUTATIONS OP DIFFERENT NATIONS.

Each nation has its own method of salutation. In
Southern Africa it is the custom to rub toes. In
Lapland your friend rubs his nose against yours.

The Moors of Morocco have a somewhat startling
mode of salutation. They ride at a gallop toward a
stranger, as though they would unhorse him, and
when close at hand suddenly check their horse and
fire a pistol over the person's head.

The Turk folds his arms upon his breast and bends
his head very low. The Egyptian solicitously asks
you, "How do you perspire ?" and lets his hand fall
to the knee. The Spaniard says, " God be with you,
sir," or, "How do you stand?" And the Neapolitan
piously remarks, "Grow in holiness." The Chinese
bows low and inquires, "Have you eaten ?" The

52 SALUTATIONS.

German asks, "Wie gehts?" — How goes it with you?
The Frenchman bows profoundly and inquires,
"How do you carry yourself?

In England and America there are three modes of
salutation — the bow, the handshake and the kiss.

THE Bow.

The bow is the proper mode of salutation to ex-
change between acquaintances in public, and, in cer-
tain circumstances, in private. The bow should
never be a mere nod. A gentleman should raise his
hat completely from his head and slightly incline
the whole body. Ladies should recognize their gen-
tlemen friends with a bow or graceful inclination.
It is their place to bow first, although among inti-
mate acquaintances the recognition may be simulta-
neous.

A well-bred man always removes his cigar from
his lips whenever he bows to a lady.

A young lady should show the same deference
to an elderly lady, or one occupying a higher social
position, that a gentleman does to a lady.

WORDS OF SALUTATION.

The most common forms of salutation are — "How
d'ye do?" "How are you?" "Good-morning," and
" Good-evening." The two latter forms seem the
most appropriate, as it is most absurd to ask after a
person's health and not stop to receive the answer.

SALUTATIONS.

SALUTATIONS, 63

A respectful bow should always accompany the
words of salutation.

FOREIGNERS' SALUTATIONS.

Foreigners are given to embracing. In France
and Germany the parent kisses his grown-up son on
the forehead, men throw their arms around the necks
of their friends, and brothers embrace like lovers.
It is a curious sight to Americans, with their natural
prejudices against publicity in kissing.

SALUTATIONS ON THE STREET.

It is a mark of high breeding not to speak to a
lady in the street, until you perceive that she has
noticed you by an inclination of the head..

MEETING IN THE STREET.

If you have anything to say to any one in the
street, especially a lady, however intimate you may
be, do not stop the person, but turn round and walk
in company; you can take leave at the end of the
street.

Bow OF CIVILITY.

If there is any one of your acquaintance, with
whom you have a difference, do not avoid looking
at him, unless from the nature of things the quarrel
is necessarily for life. It is almost always better to
bow with cold civility, though without speaking.

54 SALUTATIONS.

In passing women with whom you are not partic-
ularly well acquainted, bow, but do not speak.

SALUTING LADIES.

In bowing to women it is not enough that you
touch your hat ; you must take it entirely off. Em-
ploy for the purpose that hand which is most dis-
tant from the person saluted ; thus, if you pass on
the right side, use your right hand ; if on the left,
use your left hand.

SHAKING HANDS.

Among friends the shaking of the hand is the
most genuine and cordial expression of good-will.
It is not necessary, though in certain cases it is not
forbidden, upon introduction ; but when acquaint-
anceship has reached any degree of intimacy, it is
perfectly proper.

ETIQUETTE OF HANDSHAKING.

" The etiquette of handshaking is simple. A man
has no right to take a lady's hand until it is offered.
He has even less right to pinch or retain it. Two
ladies shake hands gently and softly. A young la-
dy gives her hand, but does not shake a gentleman's
unless she is his friend. A lady should always rise
to give her hand ; a gentleman, of course> never
dares to do so seated. On introduction in a room a
married lady generally offers her hand ; a young

SAL UTA TIONS. 55

lady, not. In a ballroom, where the introduction is
to dancing, not to friendship, you never shake hands;
and as a general rule, an introduction is not follow-
ed by shaking hands, only by a bow. It may per-
haps be laid down that the more public the place of
introduction, the less handshaking takes place. But
if the introduction be particular, if it be accompan-
ied by personal recommendation, such as, ' I want
you to know my friend Phelps,' or if Phelps comes
with a letter of presentation, then you give Phelps
your hand, and warmly too. Lastly, it is the priv-
ilege of a superior to offer or withhold his or her
hand, so that an inferior should never put his for-
ward first."

When a lady so far puts aside her reserve as to
shake hands at all, she should give her hand with
frankness and cordiality. There should be equal
frankness and cordiality on the gentleman's part^
and even more warmth, though a careful avoidance
of anything like offensive familiarity or that which
might be mistaken as such. A lady who has only
two fingers to give in handshaking had better keep
them to herself; and a gentleman who rudely press-
es the hand offered him in salutation, or too violen t-
ly shakes it, ought never to have an opportunity to
repeat his offense."

THE Kiss.

The most familiar and affectionate form of salu.
tation is the kiss. It need scarcely be said that this

56 SALUTATIONS.

is only proper on special occasions and between spe-
cial parties.

THE Kiss OF RESPECT.

The kiss of mere respect — almost obsolete in this
country — is made on the hand. This custom is re-
tained in Germany and among gentlemen of the
most courtly manners in England.

THE Kiss OF FRIENDSHIP.

The kiss of friendship and relationship is on the
cheeks and forehead. As a general rule, this act of
affection is excluded from public eyes; — in the case
of parents and children unnecessarily so ; for there
is no more pleasing and touching sight than to see
a young man kiss his mother, or a young woman
her father, upon meeting or parting.

WOMEN KISSING IN PUBLIC.

Custom seems to give a kind of sanction to wom-
en kissing each other in public : but there is, never-
theless, a touch of vulgarity about it, and a lady of
really delicate perceptions will avoid it.

SOCIAL INTERCOURSE.

CHAPTER 5.

E will, in the following chapters,
dwell more particularly upon
the external usages and cus-
toms of polite life — a knowl-
edge and practice of which
are necessary to enable one to
enter respectable company. In
many instances we have re-
peated the same idea over again, to enforce some
important point. We now proceed to give the reader
some advice as to the mental qualities desirable to be
possessed by all who wish to make a lasting mark in
" our best society."

THE VALUE OF KNOWLEDGE.

The young are apt to disregard the value of knowl-
edge,— partly, we fear, from the pertinacious con-
stancy with which teachers, parents, and guardians,
endeavor to impress them with its inestimable
worth.

" Knowledge better than houses and lands " is the
title of one of the first picture-books presented to a
child, and it is the substance of ten thousand pre-
57

58 SOCIAL INTERCOURSE.

cepts which are constantly dinned in his ears from
infancy upwards ; so that, at first, the truth becomes
tiresome and almost detested.

A GOOD CONSCIENCE.

Still it is a sober truth, of which every one should
feel the force, that, with the single exception of a
good conscience, no possession can be so valuable as
a good stock of information.

Some portion of it is always coming into use; and
there is hardly any kind of information which may
not become useful in an active life.

When we speak of information, we do not mean
that merely which has direct reference to one's trade,
profession, or business.

GOOD CHARACTER.

To be skillful in these is a matter of absolute ne-
cessity ; so much so, that we often see, for example,
a merchant beginning the world with no other stock
than a good character and a thorough knowledge of
business, and speedily acquiring wealth and respect-
ability ; while another, who is not well informed in
his business, begins with a fortune, fails in every-
thing he undertakes, causes loss and disgrace to all
who are connected with him, and goes on blunder-
ing to the end of the chapter.

SOCIA L INTERCO UR8E. 59

A WELL INFORMED MAN.

A thorough knowledge of one's business or profes-
sion is not enough, of itself, to constitute what is
properly called a well-informed man.

On the contrary, one who possesses this kind of in-
formation only, is generally regarded as a mere ma-
chine, unfit for society or rational enjoyment.

LIBERAL AND SCIENTIFIC INFORMATION.

A man should possess a certain amount of liberal
and scientific information, to which he should al-
ways be adding something as long as he lives ; and
in this free country he should make himself ac-
quainted with his own political and legal rights.

"Keep a thing seven years and you will have use
for it," is an old motto which will apply admirably
well to almost any branch of knowledge.

Learn almost any science, language, or art, and in
a few years you will find it of service to you.

EMPLOYING LEISURE MOMENTS.

Employ that leisure which others waste in idle and
corrupting pursuits, in the acquisition of those
branches of knowledge which serve to amuse as well
as instruct ; natural history, for example, or chemis-
try, or astronomy, or drawing, or any of the numer-
ous kindred branches of study.

60 SOCIAL INTERCOURSE.

SOFTENING NATURAL FEROCITY.

There is in most tempers a natural ferocity which
wants to be softened ; and the study of the liberal
arts and sciences will generally have this happy ef-
fect in polishing the manners.

When the mind is daily attentive to useful learn-
ing, a man is detached from his passions, and taken
as it were, out of himself; and the habit of being so
abstracted makes the mind more manageable, be-
cause the passions are out of practice.

THE ARTS OF PEACE.

Besides, the arts of learning are the arts of peace,
which furnish no encouragements to a hostile dis-
position.

There is a dreadful mistake too current among
young people, and which their own experience is apt
to cherish and commend in one another — that a
youth is of no consequence, and makes no figure,
unless he is quarrelsome, and renders himself a ter-
ror to his companions.

They call this honor and spirit; but it is false hon-
or, and an evil spirit. It does not command any re-
spect, but begets hatred and aversion; and as it can
not well consist with the purposes of society, it leads
a person into a sort of solitude, like that of the wild
beast in the desert, who must spend his time by him-
self, because he is not fit for company.

SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 61

DIFFERENCES IN SOCIAL INTERCOURSE.

If any difference arises, it should be conducted
with reason and moderation. Scholars should con-
tend with wit and argument, which are the weapons
proper to their profession.

Their science is a science of defense; it is like that
of fencing with the foil, which has a guard or but-
ton upon the point, that no hurt may be given.
When the sword is taken up instead of the foil, fenc-
ing is no longer an exercise of the school but of the
field.

If a gentleman with a foil in his hand appears
heated, and in a passion with his adversary, he ex-
poses himself by acting out of character; because
this is a trial of art, and not of passion.

The reason why people are soon offended, is only
this — that they set a high value upon themselves.

SLIGHT REFLECTIONS.

A slight reflection can never be a great offense,
but when it is offered to a great person; and if a
man is such in his own opinion, he will measure an
offense, as he measures himself, far beyond its value.

If we consult our religion upon this subject, it
teaches us that no man is to value himself for any
qualifications of mind or body.

What we call complaisance, gentility, or good
breeding, affects to do this; and is the imitation of a
most excellent virtue.

62 SOCIAL IXTEHCO URSE.

IMPROVING BY CONVERSATION.

If we would improve our minds by conversation,
it is a great happiness to be acquainted with persons
older than ourselves.

It is a piece of useful advice, therefore, to get the
favor of their conversation frequently, as far as cir-
cumstances will allow.

LEARN SOMETHING FROM ALL.

In mixed company, among acquaintance and
strangers, endeavor to learn something from all.

Be swift to hear, but be cautious of your tongue*
lest you betray your ignorance, and perhaps offend
some of those who are present too.

Acquaint yourself therefore sometimes with per-
sons and parties which are far distant from your
common life and customs. This is the way whereby
you may form a wiser opinion of men and things.

Be not frightened or provoked at opinions differ-
ing from your own.

BE NOT TOO CONFIDENT.

Some persons are so confident they are in the right
that they will not come within the hearing of any
opinion but their own. They canton out to them-
selves a little province in the intellectual world,
where they fancy the light shines, and all the rest is
in darkness.

Believing that it is impossible to learn something

SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 63

from persons they consider much below themselves.
NARROW AND LIMITED VIEWS

We are all short-sighted creatures; our views are
also, narrow and limited; we often see hut one side
of a matter, and do not extend our sight far and
wide enough to reach everything that has a connec-
tion with the thing we talk of. We see but in part;
therefore it is no wonder we form incorrect conclu-
sions, because we don't survey the whole of any sub-
ject.

CONSULTING WITH OTHERS.

We have a different prospect of the same thing,
according to the different positions of our under-
standings toward it: a weaker man may sometimes
light on truths which have escaped a stronger, and
which the wiser man might make a happy use of, if
he would condescend to take notice of them.

DIFFERENCE OF OPINION.

When you are forced to differ from him who de-
livers his opinion on any subject, yet agree as far as
you can, and represent how far you agree; and, if
there be any room for it, explain the words of the
speaker in such a sense to which you can in general
assent, and so agree with him, or at least by a small
addition or alteration of his sentiments show your
own sense of things.

84 SOCIAL INTERCOURSE.

It is the practice and delight of a candid hearei
to make it appear how unwilling he is to differ from
him that speaks.

Let the speaker know that it is nothing but truth
constrains you to oppose him; and let that difference
be always expressed in few, and civil, and chosen
words, such as may give the least offence.

And be careful always to take Solomon's rule with
you, and let your companion fairly finish his speech
before you reply; "for he that answereth a matter be-
fore he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him,"

A little watchfulness, care, and practice, in young-
er life, will render all these things more easy, famil-
iar, and natural to you, and will grow into habit.

CON VE KS ATION.

CONVERSATION.

CHAPTER 6.

HE finest compliment that can
be paid to a woman of refine-
ment and esprit is to lead the
conversation into such a chan-
nel as may mark your appre-
ciation of her superior attain-
ments.

Let your conversation be
adapted as skilfully as may be
to your company. Some men
make a point of talking com-
monplaces to all ladies alike,
as if a woman could only be a trifler. Others, on the
contrary, seem to forget in what respects the educa-
tion of a lady differs from that of a gentleman, and
commit the opposite error of conversing on topics with
which ladies are seldom acquainted. A woman of
sense has as much right to be annoyed by the one as
a lady of ordinary education by the other.

SUBJECTS TO BE AVOIDED.

In talking with ladies of ordinary education, avoid
political, scientific or commercial topics, and choose
only such subjects as are likely to be of interest to
them.

CONVERSA TION.

TALK TO PEOPLE OF THEIR OWN AFFAIRS.

Remember that people take more interest in their
own affairs than in anything else which you can
name. If you wish your conversation to be thor-
oughly agreeable, lead a mother to talk of her chil-
dren, a young lady of her last ball, an author of
his forthcoming book, or an artist of his exhibition
picture. Having furnished the topic, you need only
listen; and you are sure to be thought not only
agreeable, but thoroughly sensible and well-in-
formed.

AVOID TALKING TOO MUCH OF THEIR PROFESSIONS.

Be careful, however, on the other hand, not always
to make a point of talking to persons upon general
matters relating to their professions. To show an
interest in their immediate concerns is flattering;
but to converse with them too much about their own
arts looks as if you thought them ignorant of other
topics.

AVOID CLASSICAL QUOTATIONS.

Do not use a classical quotation in the presence of
ladies without apologizing for, or translating it.
Even this should only be done when no other phrase
would so aptly express your meaning. Whether in
the presence of ladies or gentlemen, much display
of learning is pedantic and out of place.

CONVERSATION. 67

MODULATION.

There is a certain distinct but subdued tone of
voice which is peculiar to only well-bred persons. A
loud voice is both disagreeable and vulgar. It is
better to err by the use of too low than too loud a
tone.

SLANG.

Remember that all "slang" is vulgar. It has be-
come of late unfortunately prevalent, and we have
known even ladies pride themselves on the saucy
chique with which they adopt certain cant phrases
of the day. Such habits cannot be too severely repre-
hended. They lower the tone of society and the
standard of thought. It is a great mistake to sup-
pose that slang is in any way a substitute for wit.

USING PROVERBS AND PUNS.

The use of proverbs is equally vulgar in conversa-
tion ; and puns, unless they rise to the rank of witti-
cisms, are to be scrupulously avoided. There is no
greater nuisance in society than a dull and persever-
ing punster,

AVOID LONG ARGUMENTS.

Long arguments in general company, however en-
tertaining to the disputants, are tiresome to the last
degree to all others. You should always endeavor

68 CONVERSATION.

to prevent the conversation from dwelling too long
upon one topic.

INTERRUPTING A PERSON WHILE SPEAKING.

Never interrupt a person who is speaking. It has
been aptly said that " if you interrupt a speaker in
the middle of his sentence, you act almost as rudely
as if, when walking with a companion, you were to
thrust yourself before him, and stop his progress."

WHISPERING IN SOCIETY.

It is considered extremely ill-bred when two per-
sons whisper in society, or converse in a language
with which all present are not familiar. If you have
private matters to discuss, you should appoint a
proper time and place to do so, without paying
others the ill compliment of excluding them from
your conversation.

If a foreigner be one of the guests at a small party,
and does not understand English sufficiently to fol-
low what is said, good-breeding demands that the
conversation shall be carried on (when possible) in
his own language. If at a dinner-party, the same
rule applies to those at his end of the table.

MAKE THE TOPIC OF CONVERSATION KNOWN.

If upon the entrance of a visitor you carry on the
thread of a previous conversation, you should briefly
recapitulate to him what has been said before he
arrived.

COSVERSATION

WITTICISMS.

Do not be always witty, even though you
be so happily gifted as to need the caution. To out-
.shine others on every occasion is the surest road to
unpopularity.

Always look, but never stare, at those with whom
you converse.

In order to meet the general needs of conversation
in society, it is necessary that a man should be well
acquainted with the current news and historical
events of at least the last few years.

AVOID UNFAMILIAR SUBJECTS.

Never talk upon subjects of which you know noth-
ing, unless it be for the purpose of acquiring infor-
mation. Many young men imagine that because
they frequent exhibitions and operas they are quali-
fied judges of art. No mistake is more egregious 01
universal.

INTRODUCING ANECDOTES.

Those who introduce anecdotes into their uOnrfii*
sation are warned that these should invariably be
"short, witty, eloquent, new, and not far-fetched."

Scandal is the least excusable of all conversation-
al vulgarities.

In conversation study to be quiet and composed.
Do not talk too much, and do not inflict upon your

*0 CONVERSATION.

hearers interminably long stories, in which, at the
best they can have frit & little interest.

OORRECT PRONUNCIATION.

Take pains to pronounce your words correctly.
Some people have a strangely vulgar way of saying
hos-pi^-dble for Tios-pit-able; inter-^-ing for w-ter-
esting.

AVOID REPEATING.

Some persons have an awkward habit of repeat-
ing the most striking parts of a story, especially the
main point, if it has taken greatly the first time.
This is in very bad taste, and always excites disgust.
In most cases, the story pleased the first time, only
because it was unexpected.

CULTIVATING THE MIND.

Your conversation can never be worth listening to
unless you cultivate your mind. To talk well you
must read much. A little knowledge on many sub-
jects is soon acquired by diligent reading. One does
not wish to hear a lady talk politics nor a smatter-
ing of science; but she should be able to understand
and listen with interest when politics are discussed,
and to appreciate, in some degree, tbe conversation
of scientific men,

CONVERSATION. 71

Music.

A well-bred lady of the present day is expected to
know something of music besides merely playing a
difficult piece. She should be able to discuss the
merits of different styles of music, modestly and in-
telligently; a little reading on the subject, and some
attention to the intellectual character of music, will
enable her to do so; and as music is becoming quite
a national passion, she will find the subject brought
forward very frequently by gentlemen.

"A Low VOICE."

I think one can always tell a lady by her voice
and laugh — neither of which will ever be loud or
coarse, but soft, low, and nicely modulated. Shake-
speare's unfailing taste tells us that —

*'A low voice is an excellent thing in woman."

And we believe that the habit of never raising the
voice would tend much to the comfort and happi-
ness of many a home: as a proof of good breeding,
it is unfailing.

TALK WELL ABOUT TRIFLES.

You should endeavor to have the habit of talking
well about trifles. Be careful never to make person-
al remarks to a stranger on any of the guests pres-
ent: it is possible, nay probable, that they may be
relatives, or at least friends.

7^ CON VERSA TION

DOUBLE ENTENDRES.

I need not say that no person of decency, still less
delicacy, will be guilty of a double entendre. Still, as
there are persons in the world possessing neither of
these characteristics who will be guilty of them in
the presence of people more respectable than them-
selves, and as the young and inexperienced are some-
times in doubt how to receive them, it is well to
make some reference to them in a book of this char^
acter. A well-bred person always refuses to under-
stand a phrase of doubtful meaning. If the phrase
may be interpreted decently, and with such inter-
pretation would provoke a smile, then smile to just
the degree called for by such interpretation, and no
more. The prudery which sits in solemn and severe
rebuke at a double entendre is only second in indeli-
cacy to the indecency which grows hilarious over it,
since both must recognize the evil intent. It is suffi-
cient to let it pass unrecognized.

INDELICATE WORDS AND EXPRESSIONS.

Not so when one hears an indelicate word or ex-
pression, which allows of no possible harmless inter-
pretation. Then not the shadow of a smile should
flit across the lips. Either complete silence should
be preserved in return or the words, "I do not under-
stand you," be spoken. A lady will alwaj^s fail to
hear that which she should not hear, or, having un-
mistakably heard, she will not understand.

CONVERSATION. 73

A lady was once in the streets of the city alone
after dark, and a man accosted her. She replied to
him in French. He followed her some distance try-
ing to open a conversation with her; but as she per^
sisted in replying only in French, he at last turned
away, completely baffled in his efforts to understand
or be understood.

PKOFANITY.

A gentleman should never permit any phrase that
approaches to an oath, to escape his lips in the pres-
ence of a lady. If any man employs a profane ex-
pression in the drawing-room, his pretensions to
good-breeding are gone forever. The same reason
extends to the society of men advanced in life; and
he would be singularly defective in good taste, who
should swear before old persons, however irreligious
their own habits might be. The cause of profanity
being offensive in these cases is that it denotes an
entire absence of reverence and respect from the
spirit of him who uses it.

LISTENING.

*'A dearth of words," says Young,

"A woman need not fear,
But 'tis a task, indeed to learn to Jwar,
In that, the skill of conversation lies;
That shows or makes you both polite and wise."

Listening is not only a point of good-breeding and
the best kind of flattery, but it is a method of ac«

74 CONVERSATION.

quiring information which no man of judgment will
neglect. "This is a common vice in conversation,"
says Montaigue, "that instead of gathering observa-
tions from others, we make it our whole business to
lay ourselves open to them, and are more concerned
how to expose and set out our own commodities, than
how to increase our stock by acquiring new. Silence
therefore, and modesty, are very advantageous qual-
ities in conversation."

GIVE CREDIT FOR WHAT You LEARN.

But if a person gets knowledge in this way from
another, he should always give him due credit for
it : and not endeavor to sustain himself in society
upon the claims that really belong to another. "It
is a special trick of low cunning," says Walpole,
with a very natural indignation, "to squeeze out
knowledge from a modest man, who is eminent in
any science; and then to use it as legally acquired,
and pass the source in total silence."

THE BEST KIND OF CONVERSATION.

That conversation is the best which furnishes the
most entertainment to the person conferred with, and
calls upon him for the least exercise of mind. It is
for this reason that argument and difference are stu-
diously avoided by well-bred people; they tax and
tire. It should be the aim of every one to utter his

CONVERSATION. 75

remarks in such a form that the expression of assent
or opposition need not follow from him he speaks
with.

INTERJECTIONS.

The interjection of such phrases as, "You know,"
"You see," "Don't you see?" "Do you understand?"
and similar ones that stimulate the attention, and
demand an answer, ought to be avoided. Make your
observations in. a calm and sedate way, which your
companion may attend to or not, as he pleases, and
let them go for what they are worth.

AVOID WOUNDING THE FEEDINGS OF ANOTHER.

To avoid wounding the feelings of another, is the
key to almost every problem of manners that can be
proposed; and he who will always regulate his say-
ings and doings by that principle, may chance to
break some conventional rule, but will rarely vio-
late any of the essentials of good-breeding. Judg-
ment and attention are as necessary to fulfil this pre-
cept, as the disposition; for, by inadvertence or folly
as much pain may be given as by designed malevo-
lence.

AFFECTATIONS.

One of the first virtues of conversation is to be
perspicuous and intelligible. Those quaint and af-

76 CONVERSATION.

fected constructions, and high-flown, bookish phra-
ses, in which gome indulge, to the embarrassment of
those they talk to, are in bad taste and should be
a\oided. There have indeed at times appeared writ-
ers and schools of rhetoric who cultivated obscurity
as a merit.

USE PLAIN WORDS.

A man of good sense will always make a point of
using the plainest and simplest words that will con-
vey his meaning; and will bear in mind that his
principal or only business is to lodge his idea in the
mind of his hearer. The same remark applies to
distinctness of articulation; and Hannah More has
justly observed that to speak so that people can hear
you is one of the minor virtues.

AVOID WIT WHICH WOUNDS.

Those who have generosity enough to care for the
feelings of others, or self-regard enough to covet
good- will, will be careful to avoid every display of
wit which wounds another. It is a happy circum-
stance for the honor of our nature, and one very
characteristical of the kindness of Providence, that
a display of the easiest moral virtues will generally
bring us more popularity than the exhibition of the
greatest talente without them.

CONVERSATION. 77

Part? may be praised, good nature is ador'd;
Then draw your wit as seldom as your sword,
And never on the weak.

Those who scatter brilliant jibes without caring
whom they wound, are as unwise as they are un-
kind. Those sharp little sarcasms that bear a sting
in their words, rankle long, sometimes forever, in the
mind, and fester often into a fatal hatred never to
be abated.

PROPER RESERVE.

Every one should avoid displaying his mind and
principles and character entirely, but should let his
remarks only open glimpses to his understanding.
For women this precept is still more important.
They are like moss-roses, and are most beautiful in
spirit and in intellect, when they are but half-un-
folded.

PROFESSIONAL PECULIARITIES.

When a man goes into company, he should leave
behind him all peculiarities of mind and manners.
That, indeed, constitued Dr. Johnson's notion of a
gentleman; and as far as negatives go, the notion was
correct. It is in bad taste, particularly, to employ
technical or professional terms in general conversa-
tion. Young physicians and lawyers often commit
that error.

The most eminent members of those occupations

78 CONVERSATION.

are the most free from it; for the reason, that the
most eminent have the most sense.

MODESTY.

Young men often, through real modesty, put forth
their remarks in the form of personal opinions; as,
with the introduction of, " I think so-and-so," or,
"Now, I, for my part, have found it otherwise." This
is generally prompted by humility; and yet it has
an air of arrogance. The persons who employ such
phrases, mean to shrink from affirming a fact into ex-
pressing a notion, but are taken to be designing to
extend an opinion into an affirmance of a fact.

CONVERSING WITH LADIES.

If you are a gentleman, never lower the intellect-
ual standard of your conversation in addressing
ladies. Pay them the compliment of seeming to
consider them capable of an equal understanding
with gentlemen. You will, no doubt, be somewhat
surprised to find in how many cases the supposition
will be grounded on fact, and in the few instances
where it is not the ladies will be pleased rather than
offended at the delicate compliment you pay them.
When you "come down" to commonplace or small-
talk with an intelligent lady, one of two things is
the consequence, she either recognizes the conde-
scension and despise? you, or else she accepts it as

CONVERSATION. 19

the highest intellectual effort of which you are capa-
ble, and rates you accordingly.

CONCLUSION.

The foregoing rules are not simply intended as
good advice. They are strict laws of etiquette, to
violate any one of which justly subjects a person to
the imputation of being ill-bred. But they should
not be studied as mere arbitrary rules. The heart
should be cultivated in the right manner until the
acts of the individual spontaneously flow in the
right channels.

A recent writer remarks on this subject: "Con-
versation is a reflex of character. The pretentious,
the illiterate, the impatient, the curious, will as inev-
itably betray their idiosyncrasies as the modest, the
even-tempered and the generous. Strive as we may,
we cannot always be acting. Let us therefore, cul-
tivate a tone of mind and a habit of life the betray-
al of which need not put us to shame in the com-
pany of the pure and wise; and the rest will be easy.
If we make ourselves worthy of refined and intelli-
gent society, we shall not be rejected from it; and in
such society we shall acquire by example all that we
have failed to learn from precept."

VISITS AND VISITING.
CHAPTER 7.

JF visits there are various kinds,
visits of congratulation, visits
of condolence, visits of cere-
mony, visits of friendship.

Such visits are necessary, in
order to maintain good feeling
between the members of soci-
ety; they are required by the
custom of the age in which we
live and must be carefully attended to.

VISITS OP CONGRATULATIONS.

Upon the appointment of one of your friends to any
office or dignity, you call upon him to congratulate,
not him, but the country, community or state, on
account of the honor and advantage which it derives
from the appointment.

If one of your friends has delivered a public ora-
tion, call upon him when he has returned home, and
tender to him your thanks for the great pleasure and
satisfaction for which you are indebted to him, and
express your high estimation of the luminous, ele-

VISITS. 81

gant, &c. discourse, trusting that he will be prevail*
ed upon to suffer it published.

VISITS OP CEREMONY OR CALLS.

Visits of ceremony, merging occasionally into
those of friendship, but uniformly required after
dining at a friends's house. Professional men are
not however, in general, expected to pay such visits,
because their time is preoccupied; but they form al-
most the only exception.

TIME TO MAKE CEREMONIOUS VISITS.

Visits of ceremony must be necessarily short.
They should on no account be made before the hour,
nor yet during the time of luncheon. Persons who
intrude themselves at unwonted hours are never
welcome; the lady of the house does not like to be
disturbed when she is perhaps dining with her chil-
dren; and the servants justly complain of being in-
terrupted at the hour when they assemble for their
noon-day meal. Ascertain, therefore, which you can
readily do, what is the family hour for luncheon,
and act accordingly.

KEEP AN ACCOUNT OF CEREMONIAL VISITS:

Keep a strict account of your ceremonial visits.
This is needful, because time passes rapidly; and take
note how soon your calls are returned. You will
thus be able, in most cases, to form an opinion wheth-
er or not your frequent visits are desired. Instances

82 VISITS.

may however occur, when, in consequence of age 01
ill health, it is desirable that you should call, with-
out any reference to your visits being return-
ed. When desirous to act thus, remember that
if possible, nothing should interrupt the discharge
of this duty.

VISITS OP CEREMONY AMONG FRIENDS.

Among relations and intimate friends, visits of
mere ceremony are unnecessary. It is however, need-
ful to call at suitable times, and to avoid staying too
long if your friend is engaged. The courtesies of
society, as already noticed, must ever be maintained
even in the domestic circle, or among the nearest
friends.

CALLING AT AN INCONVENIENT HOUR.

Should you call by chance at an inconvenient
hour, when perhaps the lady is going out, or sitting
down to luncheon, retire as soon as possible, even if
politely asked to remain. You need not let it aD-
pear that you feel yourself an intruder; every well-
bred or even good-tempered person knows what to
say on such an occasion; but politely withdraw with
a promise to call again, if the lady seems to be really
disappointed.

VISITING AT HOTELS.
If you call to see a friend who is staying at lodg-

VISITS. 83

ings, however intimate you may be with him, wait
below until a servant has carried up your name and
returned to tell you whether you can be admitted.
If you cannot find any one to announce you, you
should knock gently at the chamber-door, and wait
a little while before entering. If you are in too great
a hurry, you might find the person drawing off a
night-cap. These decent formalities are necessary
even in the most unreserved friendships; they pre-
serve the "familiar" from degenerating into the "vul-
gar." Disgust will very speedily arise between per-
sons who bolt into one another's chambers, throw
open the windows and seat themselves without being
desired to do so. Such intimacies are like the junc-
tion of two electrical balls, — only the prelude of a
violent separation.

VISITING THE SICK.

In calling to see a person confined by illness to
his room, it is not enough that you send up your
name; you must wait till the servant returns.

STYLE OF CONVERSATION.

The style of your conversation should always be
in keeping with the character of your visit. You
must not talk about literature in a visit of condolence
nor lecture on political economy in a visit of cere-
mony.

84 VISITS.

VISITS OF CONDOLENCE.

Visits of condolence should be paid within a week
after the event which occasions them; but if the ac-
quaintance be slight, immediately after the family
appear at public worship. A card should be sent
up; and if your friends are able to receive you, let
your manners and conversation be in harmony with
the character of your visit. It is courteous to send
up a mourning card; and for ladies to make their
calls in black silk or plain-colored apparel. It de-
notes that they sympathize with the afflictions of the
family; and such attentions are always pleasing.

BEFORE GOING ABROAD.

When you are going abroad, intending to be ab-
sent for some time, you enclose your card in an en-
velope, having, first, written p. p. c. upon it; — they
are the initials of the French phrase, "pour prendre
conge" — to take leave, and may with equal propriety
stand for presents parting compliments.

TAKING LEAVE OF A FAMILY.

In taking leave of a family, you send as many
cards as you would if you were paying an ordinary
visit. When you return from your voyage, all the
persons to whom, before going, you have sent cards,
will pay you the first visit.

VISITS. 85

MEETING OTHER VISITORS.

If a gentleman call at a house when a woman is
visiting there at the same time, and there is no male
relation of the mistress of the house present, he
should rise, when she takes leave, and accompany
her to her carriage, opening the doors for her. If
his visit has been of tolerable length, it were less
awkward, if he were to take leave at the same time;
if not, return to the parlor.

GENTLEMEN'S MORNING CALL.

Gentlemen will do well to bear in mind that, when
they pay morning calls, they must carry their hats
with them into the drawing-room; but on no account
put them on the chairs or table. There is a grace-
ful manner of holding a hat, which every well-bred
man understands.

RETURNING FROM THE COUNTRY.

In the beginning of the season, afterpersons have
returned from the country, and at the close of it
when you are about to leave town, you should call
upon all your acquaintance. It is polite and pleas-
ant to do the same thing on New Year's day, to wish
your friends the compliments of that season.

CARDS FOR CEREMONIOUS VISITS.
It is becoming more usual for visits of ceremony

86 VISITS.

to be performed by cards; it will be a happy daj
when that is universal.

CALLING ON STRANGERS.

If a stranger belonging to your own class of socie-
ty comes to town, you should call upon him. That
civility should be paid even if there be no previous
acquaintance; and it does not require the ceremony
of an introduction. In going to another city, you
should in general wait to be visited; but the etiquette
is different in many cities of our country.

ENGAGED OR NOT AT HOME.

When you call to see a person, and are informed
at the door, that the party whom you ask for, is en-
gaged, you should never persist in your attempt ta
be admitted, but should acquiesce at once in their
arrangements which the others have made for then
convenience, to protect themselves from interrup-
tion. However intimate you may be in any house,
you have no right nor reason, when an order has
been given to exclude general visitors, and no excep-
tion has been made of you, to violate that exclusion
and declare that the party shall be at home to you.
I have known several persons who have had the hab-
it of forcing an entrance into a house, after having
been thus forbidden; but whatever has been the de-
gree of intimacy, I never knew it done without giv-
ing an offence bordering on disgust. There are many
times and seasons at which a person chooses to be

VISITS. 87

wme, and when there is no friendship for
which he vrould give up his occupation or his soli-
tude.

EVENING VISITS.

Evening visits are paid only to those with whom
we are well acquainted. They should not be very
frequent even where one is intimate, nor should they
be much protracted. Frequent visits will gain for a
man, in any house, the reputation of tiresome, and
long visits will invariably bring down the appella-
tion of bore. Morning visits are always extremely
brief, being matters of mere ceremony.

FRIENDLY CALLS.

It is not necessary to mention friendly calls, ex-
cept to state, that almost all ceremony should be dis-
pensed with, They are made at all hours without
much preparation or dressing; a too brilliant attire
would be out of place, and if the engagement of the
day carry you in such a costume to the house of a
friend, you ought obligingly to make an explana-
tion.

KEEP ACCOUNT OF VISITS.

With a friend or relation whom we treat as such,
we do not keep an account of our visits. The one
who has the most leisure calls on the one
who has the least; but this privilege ought not to be
abused; it is necessary to make our visits of friend-

88 VISITS.

ship at suitable times. On the contrary, a visit of
ceremony should never be made without keeping an
account of it, and we should even remember the in-
tervals at which they are returned, for it is indispen-
sably necessary to let a similar interval elapse. Peo-
ple in this way give you notice whether they wish
to see you often or seldom. There are some persons
whom one goes to see once in a fortnight; others,
once a month; and others, less frequently.

OMITING VISITS.

In order not to omit visits, which are to be made,
or to avoid making them form misinformation, when
a preceding one has not been returned, persons who
have an extensive acquaintance will do well to keep
a little memorandum-book for this purpose.

CEREMONIOUS VISITS.

We cannot make ceremonious visits in a becom-
ing manner, if we have any slight indisposition
which may for the time affect our appearance or
voice, which may embarrass our thoughts, and ren-
der our company fatiguing.

SUITABLE TIMES FOR VISITS.

To take a suitable time for one's self, or for others,
is indispensable in visiting, as in everything else; if
you can obtain this by remembering the habits of
the person you are going to see, by making arrange-
ments so as not to call at the time of taking meals.

VISITS. 89

in moments of occupation, and when they are like-
ly to be walking. This time necessarily varies; but
as a general rule we must take care not to make cer-
emonious visits, either before the middle of the day
or after four o'clock. To do otherwise would, on the
one hand, look like importunity, by presenting one's
self too early, and on the other might interfere with
arrangements that had been made for the even-
ing.

HOW TO TREAT VISITORS,

A well-bred person aways receives visitors at what-
ever time they may call, or whoever they may be; but
if you are occupied and cannot afford to be interrupt-
ed by a mere ceremony, you should instruct the ser-
vant beforehand to say that you are " Engaged. >•
The form " not at home" sometimes employed by
ladies cannot be too strongly condemned. However
much one may try to justify it, the fact remains that
it is a falsehood. Any lady lowers herself in her
own and others estimation by resorting to prevarica-
tion, however slight. If the servant once admits a
visitor within the hall, you should receive him at any
inconvenience to yourself. A lady should never keep
a visitor waiting more than a minute, or two at the
most, and if she cannot avoid doing so, must apologize
on entering the drawing-room.

TAKING A SEAT WHILE VISITING.
In good society, a visitor, unless he is a complete

9<> VISITS.

stranger, does not wait to be invited to sit down, but
takes a seat at once easily. A gentleman should
never take the principal place in the room, nor, on
the other hand, sit at an inconvenient distance from
the lady of the house. He must hold his hat grace-
fully, not put it on a chair or table, or, if he wants
to use both hands, must place it on the floor close to
his chair.

PAY EQUAL ATTENTION TO ALL.

A well-bred lady, who is receiving two or three
visitors at a time, pays equal attention to all, and
attempts, as much as possible, to generalize the con-
versation, turning to all in succession. The last
arrival, however, receives a little more attention at
first than the others, and the latter, to spare her em-
barrasment, should leave as soon as convenient.
People who out-sit two or three parties of visitors,
unless they have some particular motive for doing
so, come under the denomination of "bores." A
"bore" is a person who does not know when you
have had enough of his or her company.

TAKING A FRIEND WITH YOU VISITING.

Be cautious how you take an intimate friend un-
invited even to the house of those with whom you
may be equally intimate, as there is always a feeling
ing of jealous}'' that another should share your
thoughts and feelings to the same extent as them-

VISITS. 91

selves, although good breeding will induce them to
behave civilly to your friend on your account.

PRIVILAGES OF LADIES.

Ladies in the present day are allowed considerable
license in paying and receiving visits; subject, how-
ever, to certain rules, which it is needful to define.

VISITING ACQUAINTANCES ALONE.

Young married ladies may visit their acquaintan-
ces alone; but they may not appear in any public
places unattended by their husbands or elder ladies.
This rule must never be infringed, whether as re-
gards exhibitions, or public libraries, museums, or
promonades; but a young married lady is at liberty
to walk with her friends of the same age, whether
married or single. Gentlemen are permitted to call
on married ladies at their own houses. Such calls
the usages of society permit, but never without the
knowledge and full permission of husbands.

A LADY CALLING ON A GENTLEMAN.

A lady never calls on a gentleman, unless profes-
sionally or officially. It is not only ill-bred, but pos-
itively improper to do so. At the same time, there
is a certain privilege in age, which makes it possible
for an old bachelor like myself to receive a visit from
any married lady whom I know very intimately,
but such a call would certainly not be one of cere-
mony, and always presupposes a desire to consult me

92 VISITS.

on some point or other. I should be guilty of shame-
ful treachery, however, if I told any one that I had
received such a visit, while I should certainly expect
that my fair caller would let her husband know of
it.

PREFERENCE OP SEATS.

When morning visitors are announced, rise and
advance toward them. If a lady enters request her
to be seated on a sofa; but if advanced in life, or the
visitor be an elderly gentleman, insist on their ac-
cepting an easy chair, and place yourself, by them.
If several ladies arrive at the same time, pay due re-
spect to age and rank, and seat them in the most
honorable places; these, in w:.nter, are beside the
fire.

RESPECT TOWARD THE FEEBLE XND AGED.

Supposing that a young lady occupies such a seat,
and a lady older than herself, or superior in condi-
tion, enters the room, she must rise immediately, and
having courteously offered her place to the new com-
er, take another in a different part of the room.

DISCONTINUING WORK.

If a lady is engaged with her needle when a vis-
itor arrives, she ought to discontinue her work, un-
less requested to do otherwise; and not even then
must it be resumed, unless on very intimate terms
with her acquaintance. When this, however, is the

VISITS, 93

case, the hostess may herself request permission to
do so. To continue working during a visit of cere-
mony would be extremely discourteous; and we can-
not avoid hinting to our lady readers, that even when
a particular friend is present for only a short time,
it is somewhat inconsistent with etiquette to keep
their eyes fixed on a crochet or knitting-book, appar-
ently engaged in counting stitches, or unfolding the
intricacies of a pattern. We have seen this done,
and are, therefore, careful to warn them on the sub-
ject. There are many kinds of light and elegant,
and even useful work, which do not require close at-
tention, and may be profitably pursued; and such
we recommend to be always on the work-table at
those hours which, according to established practice,
are given to social intercourse.

VISITING CARDS.

Visitors should furnish themselves with cards.
Gentlemen ought simply to put their cards into their
pocket, but ladies may carry them in a small ele-
gant portfolio, called a card-case. This they can
hold in their hand and it will contribute essentially
(with an elegant handkerchief of embroidered cam-
bric,) to give them an air of good taste.

ADDRESS ON CARDS.

On visiting cards, the address is usually placed
under the name, towards the bottom of the card,
and in smaller letters. Mourning cards are sur-

94 VISITS.

mounted with a broad black margin; half mourn-
ing ones, with a black edge only.

KEEPING CARDS.

It is bad taste to keep the cards you have received
around the frame of a looking-glass; such an ex-
posure shows that you wish to make a display of the
names of visitors. When from some cause or other
which multiplies visitors at your house; (such as a
funeral or a marriage,) you are obliged to return
these numerous calls, it is not amiss to preserve the
cards in a convenient place, and save yourself the
trouble of writing a list; but if, during the year,
your glass is always seen bristling with smoke-dried
cards, it will be attributed, without doubt, to an ill-
regulated self esteem. If the call is made in a car-
riage, the servant will ask if the lady you wish to
see is at home. If persons call on foot, they go
themselves to ask the servants.

LAYING ASIDE THE BONNET.

The short time devoted to a ceremonious visit, the
necessity of consulting a glass in replacing the head-
dress, and of being assisted in putting on the shawl,
prevent ladies from accepting the invitation to lay
them aside. If they are slightly familiar with the
person they are visiting and wish to be more at ease,
they should ask permission, which should be grant-
ed them, at the same time rising, to assist them
in taking off their hat and shawl. An arm-chair,

or a piece of furniture at a distant part of the room,
should receive these articles; they should not be
placed upon the couch, without the mistress of the
house puts them there.

HABITUAL VISITS.

At the house of a person whom we visit habitual-
ly, we can lay them aside without saying a word, and
a lady can even adjust her hair, &c. before the glass,
provided she occupies only a few moments in doing
it. If the person you call upon is preparing to go
out, or to sit down at table, you should although
asked to remain, to retire as soon as possible. The
person visited so unseasonably, should on her part,
be careful to conceal her knowledge, that the other
wishes the visit ended quickly.

We should always appear delighted to receive vis-
itors; and should they make a short visit, you must
express your regret.

SHORT VISITS.

Ceremonious visits should be short; if the conver-
sation ceases without being again continued by the
person you have come to see, and if she gets up from
her seat under any pretext whatever, custom re-
quires you to make your salutation and withdraw.
If before this tacit invitation to retire, other visitors
are announced, you should adroitly leave them with-
out saying much. If, while you are present, a letter
is brought to the person you are visiting, and she

06 VISITS.

should lay it down without opening it, you must en-
treat her to read it; she will probably not do so, and
this circumstance will warn you to shorten your
visit.

UNINTENTIONAL INTRUSIONS.

In most families in this country, evening calls are
the most usual. ShoXild you chance to visit a fami-
ly, and find that they have a party, present yourself,
and converse for a few minutes with an unembar-
rassed air; after which you may retire, unless urged
to remain. A slight invitation, given for the sake
of courtesy, ought not to be accepted. Make no
apology for your unintentional intrusion; but let it
be known, in the course of a few days, that you were
not aware that your friends had company.

TRUE HOSPITALITY.

In receiving guests, your first object should be
to make them feel at home. Begging them to make
themselves at home is not sufficient. You should
display a genuine unaffected friendliness. Whether
you are mistress of a mansion or a cottage, and in-
vite a friend to share your hospitality, you must en-
deavor, by every possible means, to render the visit
agreeable. This should be done without apparent
effort, that the visitor may feel herself to be a par-
taker in your home enjoyments, instead of finding
that you put yourself out of the way to procure ex-
traneous pleasures. It is right and proper that you

VISITS. 97

seek to make the time pass lightly; but if, on the
other hand, you let a visitor perceive that the whole
tenor of your daily concerns is altered on her account
a degree of depression will be felt, and the pleasant
anticipations which she most probably entertained
will fail to be realized. Let your friend be assured,
from your manner, that her presence is a real enjoy-
ment to you, an incentive to recreations which other-
wise would not be thought of in the common rou-
tine of life. Observe your own feelings when you
happen to be the guest of a person who, though he
may be very much your friend, and really glad to
see you, seems not to know what to do either with
you or himself; and again, when in the house of
another you feel as much at ease as in your own.
Mark the difference, more easily felt than described,
between the manners of the two, and deduce there-
from a lesson for your own improvement.

TREATMENT OF GUESTS.

If you have guests in your house, you are to ap-
pear to feel that they are all equal for the time, for
they all have an equal claim upon your courtesies.
Those of the humblest condition will receive Jutt as
much attention as the rest, in order that you shall not
painfully make them feel their inferiority.

Offer your guests the best that you have in the
way of food and rooms, and express no regrets and
make no excuses that you have nothing better to
give them.

98 VISITS.

Try to make your guests feel at home; and do
this, not by urging them in empty words to do so
but by making their stay as pleasant as possible, at
the same time being careful to put out of sight any
trifling trouble or inconvenience they may cause
you.

Devote as much time as is consistent with other
engagements to the amusement and entertainment
of your guests.

DUTIES OP THE VISITOR.

On the other hand, the visitor should try to con^
form as much as possible to the habits of the house
which temporarily shelters him. He should never
object to the hours at which meals are served, nor
should he ever allow the family to be kept waiting
on his account.

It is a good rule for a visitor to retire to his own
apartment in the morning, or at least seek out some
occupation of his own, without seeming to need the
assistance or attention of host or hostess; for it is
undeniable that these have certain duties which
must be attended to at this portion of the day, in
^rder to leave the balance of the time free for the
entertainment of their guests.

If any family matters of a private or unpleasant
nature come to the knowledge of the guest during
his stay, he must seem both blind and deaf, and
never refer to them unless the parties interested
speak of them first. Still more is he under moral

VISITS. 99

obligations never to repeat to others what he may
have been forced to see and hear.

The rule on which a host and hostess should act
is to make their guests as much at ease as possible;
that on which a visitor should act is to interfere as
little as possible with the ordinary routine of the
house.

It is not required that a hostess should spend her
whole time in the entertainment of her guests. The
latter may prefer to be left to their own devices for
a portion of the day. On the other hand it shows
the worst of breeding for a visitor to seclude him-
self from the family and seek his own amusements
and occupations regardless of their desire to join in
them or entertain him. Such a guest had better go
to a hotel, where he can live as independently as he
chooses.

Give as little trouble as possible when a guest, but
at the same time never think of apologizing for any
little additional trouble which your visit may occa-
sion. It would imply that you thought your friends
incapable of entertaining you without some incon-
venience to themselves.

Keep your room as neat as possible, and leave no
articles of dress or toilet around to give trouble to
servants.

A lady will not hesitate to make her own bed if
few or no servants are kept; and in the latter case
she will do whatever else she can to lighten the la-
bors of her hostess as a return for the additional ex-
ertion her visit occasions.

100 VISITS.

LEAVETAKING.

Upon taking leave express the pleasure you have
experienced in your visit. Upon returning home it
is an act of courtesy to write and inform your friends
of your safe arrival, at the same time repeating your
thanks.

A host and hostess should do all they can to make
the visit of a friend agreeable; they should urge
him to stay as long as is consistent with his own
plans, and at the same time convenient to them-
selves. But when the time for departure has been
finally fixed upon, no obstacles should be placed in
the way of leavetaking. Help him in every possi-
ble way to depart, at the same time giving him a
general invitation to renew the visit at some future
period.

"Welcome the coming, speed the parting, guest,"

expresses the true spirit of hospitality.

DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS.

CHAPTER 8.

INNER has been pronounced by
Dr. Johnson, to be, in civilized
life, the most important hour of
the twenty-four. The etiquette
of the dinner-table has a promi-
nence commensurate with the dig-
nity of the ceremony. Like the
historian of Peter Bell, we com-
mence at the commencement, and
thence proceed to the moment
when you take leave officially, or
vanish unseen.

INVITATIONS.

In order to dine, the first requisite is — to be invited.
The length of time which the invitation precedes
the dinner is always proportioned to the grandeur
of the occasion, and varies from two days to two
weeks.

REPLY TO INVITATION.

You reply to a note of invitation immediately,
and in the most direct and unequivocal terms. If
you accept, you arrive at the house rigorously at the

101

102 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS.

hour specified. It is equally inconvenient to be too
late and to be too early. If you fall into the latter
error, you find every thing in disorder ; the master
of the house is in his dressing-room, changing his
waistcoat; the lady is still in the pantry ; the fire not yet
lighted in the parlor. If by accident or thoughtless-
ness you arrive too soon, you may pretend that you
called to inquire the exact hour at which they dine,
having mislaid the note, and then retire to walk for
an appetite.

ARRIVING TOO LATE.

If you are too late, the evil is still greater, and
indeed almost without a remedy. Your delay spoils
the dinner and destroys the appetite and temper of
the guests ; and you yourself are so much embarrassed
at the inconvenience you have occasioned, that you
commit a thousand errors at table. If you do not
reach the house until dinner is served, you had
better retire to a restaurant, and thence send an
apology, and not interrupt the harmony of the courses
by awkward excuses and cold acceptances.

MANNERS AT TABLE.

Nothing indicates the good breeding of a gentle-
man so much as his manners at table. There are a
thousand little points to be observed, which, al-
though not absolutely necessary, distinctly stamp the
refined and well-bred man. A man may pass mus-
ter by dressing well, and may sustain himself tolerably

DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 103

in conversation ; but if he be not perfectly "aufait "
dinner will betray him.

DRESS NEATLY FOR DINNER PARTY.

Always go to a dinner as neatly dressed as possi-
ble. The expensiveness of your apparel is not of
much importance, but its freshness and cleanliness
are indispensable. The hands and finger-nails re-
quire especial attention. It is a great insult to every
lady at the table for a man to sit down to dinner
with his hands in a bad condition.

How LONG TO REMAIN AFTER DINNER.

Politeness demands that you remain at least an
hour in the parlor, after dinner; and, if you can
dispose of an entire evening, it would be well to
devote it to the person who has entertained you. It
is excessively rude to leave the house as soon as
dinner is over.

CONGENIAL COMPANY.

The utmost care should be taken that all the com-
pany will be congenial to one another, and with a
similarity of tastes and acquirements, so that there
shall be a common ground upon which they may
meet.

NUMBER OF GUESTS.

The number of guests should not be too large.
From six to ten form the best number, being neither

104 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS.

too large nor too small. By no means let the num-
ber at table count thirteen, for certain people have a
superstition about this number; and though it is a
very foolish and absurd one, it is courteous to re-
spect it.

MANNER OF WRITING INVITATIONS.

The invitations should be written on small note-
paper, which may have the initial letter or mono'
gram stamped upon it, but good taste forbids any-
thing more. The envelope should match the sheet
of paper

The invitation should be issued in the name of
the host and hostess.

The form of invitation should be as follows:

"Mr. and Mrs. Ford request the pleasure [or favor]
of Mr. and Mrs. Harper's company at dinner on
Thursday, the 13th of December, at 5 o'clock."

An answer should be returned at once, so that if
the invitation is declined the hostess may modify
her arrangements accordingly.

INVITATION ACCEPTED.

An acceptance may be given in the following form :
"Mr. and Mrs. Harper have much pleasure in
accepting Mr. and Mrs. Ford's invitation for De-
cember 13th."

INVITATION DECLINED.
The invitation is declined in the following manner4

DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 105

"Mr. and Mrs. Harper regret that a previous en-
gagement (or whatever the cause may be) will pre-
vent them having the pleasure of accepting Mr. and
Mrs. Ford's invitation for December 13th."

Or,

"Mr. and Mrs. Harper regret extremely that owing
to [whatever the preventing cause may be,] they
cannot have the pleasure of dining with Mr. and
Mrs. Ford on Thursday, December 13th."

Whatever the cause for declining may be, it should
be stated briefly yet plainly, that there may be no
occasion for misunderstanding or hard feelings.

INVITATION TO TEA-PARTY.

The invitation to a tea-party may be less formal.
It may take the form of a friendly note, something
in this manner:

"DEAR Miss PATTERSON,"

"We have some friends coming to drink tea with
us to-morrow: will you give us the pleasure of your
company also? We hope you will not disappoint
us."

One should always say "drink tea," not "take tea,"
which is a vulgarism.

RECEPTION OP GUESTS.

When guests are announced, the lady of the house
advances a few steps to meet them; gives them her
hand and welcomes them cordially.

106 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS.

INTRODUCTION OF GUESTS.

If there are strangers in the company, it is best to
introduce them to all present, that they may feel no
embarrassment.

PROCEEDING TO DINNER.

When they are all assembled, a domestic announ-
ces that the dinner is served up; at this signal we
rise immediately, and wait until the master
of the house requests us to pass into the din-
ing-room, whither he conducts us by goiag before.
It is quite common for the lady of the house to
act as guide to the guests, while the master offers his
arm to the lady of most distinction. The guests al-
so give their arms to the ladies, whom they conduct
as far as the table, and to the places which they are
to occupy. Having arrived at the table, each guest
respectfully bows to the lady whom he conducts, and
who in her turn bows also.

ARRANGING GUESTS AT TABLE.

It is one of the first and most difficult things,
properly to arrange the quests, and to place them in
such a manner, that the conversation may always be
general during the entertainment; we should, as
much as possible, avoid putting next one another,
two persons of the same profession, as it would ne-
cessarily result in an aside dialogue, which would
injure the general conversation, and consequently

DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 107

the gaiety of the occasion. The two most distin-
guished gentlemen ought to be placed next the
mistress of the house; and the two most distinguish-
ed ladies next the master of the house; the right
hand is especially the place of honor.

INTERMINGLING GUESTS.

If the number of gentlemen is nearly equal to that
of the ladies, wo should take care to intermingle them;
we should separate husbands from their wives, and
remove near relations as far from one another as
possible; because being always together, they ought
not to converse among themselves in a general
party.

At table, as well as at all other places, the lady al-
ways takes precedence of the gentleman.

ASKING THE WAITER FOR ANYTHING.

If you ask the waiter for anything, you will be
careful to speak to him gently in the tone of request,
and not of command To speak to a waiter in a driv-
ing manner will create, among well-bred people, the
suspicion that you were sometime a servant yourself,
and are putting on airs at the thought of your pro-
motion. Lord Chesterfield says: "If I tell a foot-
man to bring me a glass of wine, in a rough, insult-
ing manner, I should expect that, in obeying me, he
would contrive to spill some of it upon me, and I am
sure I should deserve it."

i08 DINNER-PARTIES A1T& BALLS.

PRAISING EVERY DISH.

It is not good taste to praise extravagantly every
dish that is set before you; but if there are some
things that are really very nice, it is well to speak in
their praise. But, above all things, avoid seeming
indifferent to the dinner that is provided for you, as
that might be construed into a dissatisfaction with
it.

PICKING YOUR TEETH AT THE TABLE.

Avoid picking your teeth, if possible, at the table,
for however agreeable such a practice might be to
yourself, it may be offensive to others. The habit
which some have of holding one hand over the
mouth, does not avoid the vulgarity of teeth-pick-
ing at table.

SELECTING A PARTICULAR DTSH.

Unless you are requested to do so, never select any
particular part of a dish; but if your host asks you
what part you prefer, name some part, as in this case
the incivility would consist in making your host
choose as well as carve for you.

DUTIES OF HOST AND HOSTESS.

The lady and gentleman of the house, are of course
helped last, and they are very particular to notice,
every minute, whether the waiters are attentive to
every guest. But they do not press people either to

DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 109

eat more than they appear to want, nor insist upon
their partaking of any particular dish. It is allow-
able for you to recommend, so far as to say that it is
considered "excellent," but remember that tastes dif-
fer, and dishes which suit you, may be unpleasant
to others; and that, in consequence of your urgency
some modest people might feel themselves compelled
to partake of what is disagreeable to them.

PARING FRUIT FOR A LADY.

Never pare an apple or a pear for a lady unless
she desire you, and then be careful to use your fork
to hold it; you may sometimes offer to divide a very
large pear with or for a person.

DIPPING BREAD INTO PRESERVES.

It is considered vulgar to dip a piece of bread into
the preserves or gravy upon your plate and then bite
it If you desire to eat them together, it is much
better to break the bread in small pieces, and con-
vey these to your mouth with your fork.

SOUP.

Soup is the first course. All should accept it even
.11 they let it remain untouched, because it is better
k> make a pretence of eating until the next course is
served than to sit waiting or compel the servants to
serve one before the rest.

Soup should be eaten with the side of the spoon,
Hot from the point, and there should be no noise of

HO DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS.

sipping while eating it. It should not be called fo*
a second time,

FISH.

Fish follows soup, and must be eaten with a fork,
unless fish-knives are provided. Put the sauce, when
it is handed you, on the side of your plate.

Fish may be declined, but must not be called for
a second time.

GENERAL RULES REGARDING DINNER.

After soup and fish, come the side-dishes, which
must be eaten with a fork only, though the knife
may be used in cutting anything too hard for a
fork.

Never apologize to a waiter for requiring him to
wait upon you; that is his business. Neither re-
prove him for negligence or improper conduct, that
is the business of the host.

Never take up a piece of asparagus or the bones
of fowl or bird with your fingers to suck them, pos
sibly making the remark that "fingers were made
before forks." These things should always be cut
with a knife and eaten with a fork. If fingers were
made before forks, so were wooden trenchers before
the modern dinner service. Yet it would rathei
startle these advocates of priority to be invited to
a dinner-party where the dining-table was set with
a wooden trencher in the centre, into which all the
guests were expected to dip with their fingers.

DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. HI

Bread should be broken, not bitten. This is, of
course, taken with the fingers.

Be careful to remove the bones from fish before
eating it. If a bone gets inadvertently into the
mouth, the lips must be covered with the napkin in
removing it.

Cherry-stones should be removed from the mouth
as unobtrusively as possible and deposited on the side
of the plate, A good way is to watch how others are
doing and follow their example. A better way still
is for the hostess to have her cherries stoned before
they are made into pies and puddings, and thus save
ber guests this dilemma.

If it is an informal dinner, and the guests pass the
dishes to one another instead of waiting to be helped
by a servant, you should always help yourself from
the dish, if you desire to do so at all, before passing
it on to the next.

A guest should never find fault with the dinner
or with any part of it.

When you are helped, begin to eat without wait-
ing for others to be served.

A knife should never, on any account, be put into
the mouth. Many even well-bred people in other
particulars think this an unnecessary regulation;
but when we consider that it is a rule of etiquette,
and that its violation causes surprise and disgust to
many people, it is wisest to observe it;

As an illustration of this point, I will quote from
a letter from the late Wm. M. Thackeray, addressed

112 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS.

to a gentleman in Philadelphia: "The European
continent swarms with your people. They are not
all as polished as Chesterfield. I wish some of them
spoke French a little better. I saw five of them at
supper at Basle the other night with their knives
down their throats. It was awful! My daughter
saw it, and I was obliged to say, 'My dear, your great-
great grandmother, one of the finest ladies of the
old school I ever saw, always applied cold steel to her
wittles. It's no crime to eat with a knife/ which is
all very well; but I wish five of 'em at a time
wouldn't."

WATCHING HOW OTHERS DO.

to'peaking of watching how others are doing, and
following their example, reminds us of an anecdote
told us not long since by the lady who played the
principal part in it.

She was visiting at the house of a friend, and one
day there was upon the dinner-table some sweet corn
cooked on the ear. Not knowing exactly how to
manage it so as not to give offense, she concluded to
observe how the others did. Presently two of the
members of the family took up their ears of corn in
their fingers and ate the grain directly from the cob.
So Miss Mary thought she might venture to eat hers
in the same manner. Scarcely had she begun, how-
ever, when her hostess turned to her little boy and
said, "I am going to let you eat your corn just like
a little pig to-day."

DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 113

"How is that, mamma?" questioned the boy.

"Look at Miss Mary," was the reply. "I am
going to let you eat it just as Miss Mary is eating
hers."

The mixed state of Miss Mary's feelings can be
better imagined than described.

Never use a napkin in the place of a handkerchief
by wiping the forehead or blowing the nose with
it.

Do not scrape your plate or tilt it to get the last
drop of anything it may contain, or wipe it out with
a piece of bread.

Pastry should be eaten with a fork. Everything
that can be cut without a knife, should be cut with a
fork alone.

Eat slowly.

Pudding may be eaten with a fork or spoon. Ice
requires a spoon.

Cheese must be eaten with a fork.

Talk in a low tone to your next neighbor, but not
in so low a tone but that your remarks may become
general. Never speak with the mouth full.

Never lay your hand or play with your fingers
upon the table. Neither toy with your knife, fork
or spoon, make pills of your bread nor draw imag-
inary lines upon the table-cloth.

Never bite fruit. An apple, pear or peach should
be peeled with a silver knife, and all fruit should be
broken or cut.

114 DINNERPARTIES AND BALLS.

URGING GUESTS TO EAT.

A mistress of a house ought never to appear to
pride herself regarding what is on her table, nor
confuse herself with apologies for the bad cheer
which she offers you; it is much better for her to ob-
serve silence in this respect, and leave it to her
guests to pronounce eulogiums on the dinner; nei-
ther is it in good taste to urge guests to eat nor to
load their plate against their inclination.

WAITING ON OTHERS.

If a gentleman is seated by the side of a lady or
elderly person, politeness requires him to save them
all trouble of pouring out for themselves to drink,
of procuring anything to eat, and of obtaining what-
ever they are in want of at the table and he should
be eager to offer them what he thinks to be most to
their taste.

MONOPOLIZING CONVERSATION

It would be impolite to monopolize a conversation
which ought to be general. If the company is large
we should converse with our neighbors, raising the
voice only loud enough to make ourselves heard.

SIGNAL FOR LEAVING THE TABLE.

It is for the mistress of the house to give the sig-
nal to leave the table; all the guests then rise, and,
offering their arms to the ladies, wait upon them to
the door.

DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. ^5

You should not leave the table before the end of
the entertainment, unless from urgent necessity.

We are glad to say that the English habit of gen-
tlemen remaining at the table, after the ladies have
retired, to indulge in wine, coarse conversation and
obscene jokes, has never been received into popular
favor in this country. The very words "after-dinner
jokes" suggest something indecent. We take our
manners from Paris instead of London, and ladies
and gentlemen retire together from the dining-table
instead of the one sex remaining to pander to their
baser appetites, and the other departing with all their
delicate sentiments in a state of outrage if they pause
to think of the eause of their dismissal.

After retiring to the drawing-room the guests
should intermingle in a social manner, and the time
until the hour of taking leave may be spent either
in conversation or in various entertaining games. It
is expected the guests will remain two or three hours
after the dinner.

DANCING.

Lord Chesterfield, in his letters to his son, says :
"Dancing is, in itself, a very trifling and silly thing:
but it is one of those established follies to which
people of sense are sometimes obliged to conform;
and then they should be able to do it well. And
though I would not have you a dancer, yet, when
you do dance, I would have you dance well, as I
would have you do everything you do well." In

116 DINNER-PAMTIES AND BALLS.

another letter, he writes: "Do you mind your danc-
ing while your dancing master is with you ? As you
will be often under the necessity of dancing a minuet,
I would have you dance it very well. Remember
that the graceful motion of the arms, the giving of
your hand, and the putting off and putting on of
your hat genteelly, are the material parts of a gentle-
man's dancing. But the greatest advantage of danc-
ing well is, that it necessarily teaches you to present
yourself, to sit, stand, and walk genteelly; all of
which are of real importance to a man of fashion."

GIVING A BALL.

If you cannot afford to give a ball in good style,
you had better not attempt it at all.

Having made up your mind to give a ball and to
do justice to the occasion, and having settled upon
the time, the next thing is to decide whom and how
many to invite. In deciding upon the number a due
regard must be paid to the size of the rooms; and
after making allowance for a reasonable number who
may not accept the invitation, there should be no
more invited than can find comfortable accommoda-
tions, both sitting and standing-room being taken
into account, and at the same time have the floor
properly free for dancing. The more guests you
have the more brilliant, and the fewer you have the
more enjoyable, will the occasion be.

Any number over a hundred guests constitutes ^
/large ball:" under fifty it is merely a "dance."

DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 117

CHOICE OF GUESTS.

As dancing is the amusement of the evening, due
regard should be paid to the dancing qualifications
of the proposed guests.

ISSUING INVITATIONS.

The invitations issued and accepted for an even-
ing party will be written in the same style as those
already desciibed for a dinner-party. They should
be sent out at least from seven to ten days before the
day fixed for the event, and should be replied to within
a week of their receipt, accepting or declining with
regrets. By attending to these courtesies, the guests
will have time to consider their engagements and
prepare their dresses, and the hostess will also know
what will be the number of her party.

PREJUDICES AGAINST DANCING.

One should be scrupulous and not wound the prej-
udices of a friend by sending her an invitation to a
ball when it is well known she is conscientiously
opposed to dancing.

NOTES OP INTERROGATION.

No one now sends a note of interrogation to a
dance; cards are universally employed. The form
of an invitation to a tea-party .differs from that to a
dance, in respect that the one specifies that you are
invited to tea, the other <jpes not, but merely requests

118 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS.

the pleasure of your company on such an evening, and
perhaps names the hour.

VARIETY OF TOILET.

Vary your toilet as much as possible, for fear that
idlers and malignant wits, who are always a ma-
jority in the world, should amuse themselves by
making your dress the description of your person.

CHOICE OF ATTIRE.

Certain fashionables seek to gain a kind of reputa-
tion by the odd choice of their attire, and by their
eagerness to seize upon the first caprices of the fash-
ions. Propriety with difficulty tolerates these fancies
of a spoiled child; but it applauds a woman of sense
and taste, who is not in a hurry to follow the fash-
ions, and asks how long they will last, before adopt-
ing them ; finally, who selects and modifies them
with success according to her size and figure.

EVENING PARTY.

If it is to be a simple evening party, in which we
may wear a summer walking-dress, the mistress of
the house gives verbal invitations, and does not
omit to apprise her friends of this circumstance, or
they might appear in unsuitable dresses. If, on the
contrary the soiree is to be in reality a ball, the in-
vitations are written, or what is better, printed and
expressed in the third person.

DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLk. 119

THE CLOAK ROOM.

A room appropriate for the purpose, and furnish-
ed with cloak-pins to hang up the shawls and other
dresses of the ladies, is almost indispensable. Do-
mestics should be there also, to aid them in taking
off and putting on their outside garments.

WHEN TO ARRIVE.

We are not obliged to go exactly at the appointed
jour; it is even fashionable to go an hour later.
Married ladies are accompanied by their husbands :
unmarried ones, by their mother, or by an escort.

REFUSING TO DANCE.

A lady cannot refuse the invitation of a gentleman
to dance, unless she has already accepted that of
another, for she would be guilty of an incivility
which might occasion trouble; she would, more-
over, seem to show contempt for him whom she
refused, and would expose herself to receive in secret
an ill compliment from the mistress of the house.

GIVING A REASON FOR NOT DANCING.

When a young lady declines dancing with a gentle-
man, it is her duty to give him a reason why, al-
though some thoughtless ones do not. No matter
how frivolous it may be, it is simply an act of cour-
tesy to offer him an excuse; while, on the other
hand, no gentleman ought so far to compromise big

120 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS.

self-respect as to take the slightest offense at seeing a
lady by whom he has just been refused, dance im-
mediately after with some one else.

How TO ASK A LADY TO DANCE.

In inviting a lady to dance with you, the words,
" Will you honor me with your hand for a quadrille? *
or, "Shall I have the honor of dancing this set with
you?" are more used now than "Shall I have the
pleasure?" or, "Will you give me the pleasure of
dancing with you.

LEAVING A BALL ROOM.

Married or young ladies, cannot leave a ball- room,
or any other party, alone. The former should be
accompanied by one or two other married ladies, and
the latter by their mother, or by a lady to represent
her.

TALKING TOO MUCH.

Ladies should avoid talking too much ; it will oc-
casion remarks. It has also a bad appearance to
whisper continually in the ear of your partner.

WALL FLOWERS.

The master of the house should see that all the
ladies dance; he should take notice, particularly of
those who seem to serve as drapery to the walls of
the ball-room, (or wall-flowers, as the familiar expres-
sion is,) and should see that they are invited to dance.

DINNEJR-PARTIES AND BALLS. 121

But he must do this wholly unperceived, in order
not to wound the self-esteem of the unfortunate la-
dies.

DUTIES OF GENTLEMEN.

Gentlemen whom the master of the house requests
to dance with these ladies, should be ready to accede
to his wish, and even appear pleased at dancing with
a person thus recommended to their notice.

DUTIES OF LADIES.

Ladies who dance much, should he very careful
not to boast before those who dance but little or not
at all, of the great number of dances for which they
are engaged in advance. They should also, without
being perceived, recommend to these less fortunate
ladies, gentlemen of their acquaintance.

WHILE DANCING.

In giving the hand for ladies chain or any other
figures, those dancing should wear a smile, and ac-
company it with a polite inclination of the head, in
the manner of a salutation. At the end of the dance,
the gentleman reconducts the lady to her place, bows
and thanks her for the honor which she has confer-
red. She also bows in silence, smiling with a grar
cious air.

RESERVE AND POLITENESS.
In these assemblies, we should conduct onrselyee

122 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS.

with reserve and politeness towards all present, al-
though they may be unknown to us.

WHEN NOT TO DANCE.

Never hazard taking part in a quadrille, unless
you know how to dance tolerably; for if you are a
novice, or but little skilled, you would bring disor-
der into the midst of pleasure. Being once engaged
to take part in a dance, if the figures are not famil-
iar, be careful not to advance first. You can in this
way govern your steps by those who go before you.
Beware, also, of taking your place in a set of dan-
cers more skillful than yourself. When an unprac-
ticed dancer makes a mistake, we may apprize him
of his error; but it would be very impolite to have
the air of giving him a lesson.

GRACE AND MODESTY.

Dance with grace and modesty, neither affect to
make a parade of your knowledge; refrain from
great leaps and ridiculous jumps, which would at-
tract the attention of all towards you.

PRIVATE PARTY.

In a private ball or party, it is proper for a lady
to show still more reserve, and not manifest more
preference for one gentleman than another; she shoulcj
dance with all who ask properly.

DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 123

PUBLIC BALLS.

In public balls, a gentleman offers his partner re-
freshments, but which she very seldom accepts, un-
less she is well acquainted with him. But in pri-
vate parties, the persons who receive the company,
send round cake and other refreshments, of which
every one helps themselves. Near the end of the
evening, in a well regulated ball, it is customary to
have a supper; but in a soiree, without great prep-
aration, we may dispense with a supper; refresh-
ments are, however, necessary, and not to have them
would be the greatest impoliteness.

VISIT OP THANKS.

We should retire incognito, in order not to disturb
the master and mistress of the house; and we should
make them, during the week, a visit of thanks, at
which we may converse of the pleasure of the ball
and the good selection of the company.

DEPORTMENT IN PUBLIC PLACES.

The proprieties in deportment, which concerts re-
quire, are little different from those which are re-
cognized in every other assembly, or in public exhi-
bitions, for concerts partake of the one and the oth-
er, according as they are public or private. In pri-
fate concerts, the ladies occupy the front seats, and
the gentlemen are generally in groups behind, or at
the side of them. We should observe the most pro-

124 DINNERPARTIES AND BALLS.

found silence, °jid refrain from beating time, hum-
ming the airs, applauding, or making ridiculous
gestures of admiration. It often happens that a
dancing soiree succeeds a concert, and billets of in-
vitation, distributed two or three days before hand
should give notice of it to the persons invited.

GENEKAL KULES FOR A BALL-ROOM.

A. lady will not cross a ball-room unattended.

A gentleman will not take a vacant seat next a
lady who is a stranger to him. If she is an acquaint-
ance, he may do so with her permission.

White kid gloves should be worn at a ball, and
only be taken off at supper-time.

In dancing quadrilles do not make any attempt to
take steps. A quiet walk is all that is required.

When a gentleman escorts a lady home from a
ball, she should not invite him to enter the house ;
and even if she does so, he should by all means de-
cline the invitation. He should call upon her during
the next day or evening.

As the guests enter the room, it is not necessary
for the lady of the house to advance each time to-
ward the door, but merely to rise from her seat to
receive their courtesies and congratulations. If, in-
deed, the hostess wishes to show particular favor to
some peculiarly honored guests, she may introduce
them to others, whose acquaintance she may imag-
ine will be especially suitable and agreeable.

When entering a private ball or party, the visitor

DINNER-PARTIES AND BALL8. 125

should invariably bow to the company. No well-
bred person would omit this courtesy in entering a
drawing-room; although the entrance to a large as
sembly may be unnoticed.

Any presentation to a lady in a public ball-room,
for the mere purpose of dancing, does not entitle
you to claim her acquaintance afterwards; there-
fore, should you meet her, at most you may lift your
hat; but even that is better avoided — unless, indeed,
she first bow — as neither she nor her friends can
know who or what you are.

Never wait until the signal is given to take a part-
ner, for nothing is more impolite than to invite a la-
dy hastily, and when the dancers are already in
their places; it can be allowed only when the set is
incomplete.

In private parties, a lady is not to refuse the invi-
tation of a gentleman to dance, unless she be pre-
viously engaged. The hostess must be supposed to
have asked to her house only those persons whom
she knows to be perfectly respectable and of unblem-
ished character, as well as pretty equal in position;
and thus, to decline the offer of any gentleman pres-
ent, would be a tacit reflection on the gentleman or
lady of the house.

CONCLUSION.

There is a custom which is sometimes practiced
both in the assembly room and at private parties,
which cannot be too strongly reprehended; we allude

126 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS.

to the habit of ridicule and ungenerous criticism of
those who are ungraceful or otherwise obnoxious to
censure, which is indulged in by the thoughtless,
particularly among the dancers. Of its gross im-
propriety and vulgarity we need hardly express an
opinion; but there is such an utter disregard for the
feelings of others implied in this kind of negative
censorship, that we cannot forbear to warn our young
readers to avoid it. The "Koran" says: "Do not
mock — the mocked may be better than the mocker."
Those you condemn may not have had the same ad-
vantages as yourself in acquiring grace or dignity,
while they may be infinitely superior in purity of
heart and mental accomplishments. The advice of
Chesterfield to his son, in his commerce with society,
to do as you would be done by, is founded on the
Christian precept, and worthy of commendation.
Imagine yourself the victim of another's ridicule,
and you will cease to indulge in a pastime which on-
ly gains for you the hatred of those you satirize, if
they chance to observe you, and the contempt of
others who have noticed your violation of politeness,
and abuse of true sociality.

STREET ETIQUETTE.

CHAPTER 9.

EETING a lady on the street,
it is not customary in Eng-
land for a gentleman to
recognize or speak to her un-
less she first smiles or bows.
But on the continent of
Europe the rule is reversed,
and no lady, however inti-
mate you may be with her,
will acknowledge you in the
street unless you first honor
her with a bow of recogni-
tion. The American fash-
ion is not like either of them. For here the really
well-bred man always politely and respectfully bows
to every lady lie knows, and, if she is a well-bred
woman, she acknowledges the respect paid her. If
she expects no further acquaintance, her bow is a
mere formal, but always respectful, recognition of the
good manners which have been shown her, and no
gentleman ever takes advantage of such politeness
to push a further acquaintance uninvited. But
why should a lady and gentleman, who know each
other, scornfully and doggedly pass each other in
the streets as though they were enemies? There
is no good reason for such impoliteness, in the prac-

127

128 STREET JETIQ UETTE.

tice of politeness. As compared with the English,
the French or continental fashion is certainly more
consonant with the rules of good breeding. But the
American rule is better than either, for it is based
upon the acknowledged general principle, that it is
every gentleman's and lady's duty to be polite in all
places. Unless parties have done something to for-
feit the respect dictated by the common rules of po-
liteness, there should be no deviation from this prac-
tice. It is a ridiculous idea that we are to practice
ill-manners in the name of etiquette.

FRIENDS ON THE STREET.

While walking the street no one should be so ab-
sent-minded as to neglect to recognize his friends. If
you do not stop, you should always bow, touch your
hat, or bid your friend good day. If you stop, you
can offer your hand without removing your glove.
If you stop to talk, retire on one side of the walk.
If your friend has a stranger with him and you have
anything to say, you should apologize to the stran-
ger. Never leave your friend abruptly to see anoth-
er person without asking him to excuse your depart-
ure. If you meet a gentleman of your acquaintance
walking with a lady whom you do not know, lift
your hat as you salute them. If you know the lady
you should salute her first.

Never fail to raise your hat politely to a lady ac-
quaintance; nor to a male friend who may be walk-
ing with a lady — it is a courtesy to the lady.

STREET ETIQUETTE.

STREET ETIQUETTE. 129

OMITTING TO RECOGNIZE ACQUAINTANCES.

A gentleman should never omit a punctilious ob-
servance of the rules of politeness to his recognized
acquaintances, from an apprehension that he will
not be met with reciprocal marks of respect. For
instance, he should not refuse to raise his hat to an
acquaintance who is accompanied by a lady, lest her
escort should, from ignorance or stolidity, return his
polite salutation with a nod of the head. It is bet-
ter not to see him, than to set the example of a rude
and indecorous salutation. In all such cases, and
in all cases, he who is most courteous has the advan-
tage, and should never feel that he has made a hu-
miliating sacrifice of his personal dignity. It is for
the party whose behavior has been boorish to have
a consciousness of inferiority.

SHAKING HANDS WITH A LADY.

Never offer to shake hands with a lady in the
street if you have on dark gloves, as you may soil
her white ones. If you meet a lady friend with
whom you wish to converse, you must not stop, but
turn and walk along with her; and should she be
walking with a gentleman, first assure yourself that
you are not intruding before you attempt to join th«
two in their walk.

YOUNG LADIES CONDUCT ON THE STREET.

After twilight, a young lady would not be conduct-
ing herself in a becoming manner, by walking alone;

ISO STREET ETIQ, UETTE.

and if she passes the evening with any one, she
ought, beforehand, to provide some one to come for
her at a stated hour ; but if this is not practicable,
she should politely ask of the person whom she is vis-
iting, to permit a servant to accompany her. But,
however much this may be considered proper, and
consequently an obligation, a married lady, well ed-
ucated, will disregard it if circumstances prevent
her being able, without trouble, to find a conduc-
tor.

ACCOMPANYING VISITORS.

If the host wishes to accompany you himself, you
must excuse yourself politely for giving him so much
trouble but finish, however, by accepting. On arriv-
ing at your house, you should offer him your thanks.
In order to avoid these two inconveniences, it will
be well to request your husband, or some one of your
relatives, to come and wait upon you; you will, in
this way, avoid all inconveniences, and be entirely
free from that harsh criticism which is sometimes
indulged in, especially in small towns, concerning
even the most innocent acts.

FULFILLING AN ENGAGEMENT.

If, when on your way to fulfill an engagement, a
friend stops you in the street, you may, without
committing any breach of etiquette, tell him of your
appointment, and release yourself from a long talk,

STREET ETiq UETTE. 131

but do so in a courteous manner, expressing regret
for the necessity.

CONDUCT WHILE SHOPPING.

In inquiring for goods at a store, do not say, I
want so and so, but say to the clerk — show me such
or such an article, if you please — or use some other
polite form of address. If you are obliged to exam-
ine a number of articles before you are suited, apol-
ogize to him for the trouble you give him. If, after
all, you cannot suit yourself, renew your apologies
when you go away, If you make only small pur-
chases, say to him — I am sorry for having troubled
you for so trifling a thing.

TAKING OFF YOUR GLOVE.

You need not stop to pull off your glove to shake
hands with a lady or gentleman. If it is warm
weather it is more agreeable to both parties that the
glove should be on — especially if it is a lady with
whom you shake hands, as the perspiration of your
bare hand would be very likely to soil her glove.

ASKING INFORMATION.

If a lady addresses an inquiry to a gentleman on
the street, he will lift his hat, or at least touch it re-
spectfully, as he replies. If he cannot give the in*
formation required, he will express his regrets.

132 STREET JETIQ UETTE.

CROSSING A MUDDY STREET.
When tripping over the pavement, a lady should
gracefully raise her dress a little above her ankle.
With her right hand she should hold together the
folds of her gown and draw them toward the right
side. To raise the dress on both sides, and with both
hands, is vulgar. This ungraceful practice can be
tolerated only for a moment when the mud is very
deep.

EXPENSIVE DRESSES IN THE STREET.

Most American ladies in our cities wear too rich
and expensive dresses in the street. Some, indeed,
will sweep the side-walks with costly stuffs only fit
for a drawing-room or a carriage. This is in bad
taste; and is what ill-natured people would term snob-
bish.

CARRIAGE OF A LADY IN PUBLIC.

A lady walks quietly through the streets, seeing
and hearing nothing that she ought not to see and
hear, recognizing acquaintances with a courteous
bow and friends with words of greeting. She is al-
ways unobtrusive. She never talks loudly or laughs
boisterously, or does anything to attract the atten-
tion of the passers by. She simply goes about her
business in her own quiet, lady-like way, and by her
preoccupation is secure from all the annoyance to
which a person of less perfect breeding might be
subjected.

STREET ETiq UETTE. 133

FORMING ACQUAINTANCES IN PUBLIC.

A lady, be she young or old, never forms an ac-
quaintance upon the streets or seeks to attract the
attention or admiration of persons of the other sex.
To do so would render false her claims to ladyhood?
if it did not make her liable to far graver charges.

DEMANDING ATTENTIONS.

A lady never demands attentions and favors from
a gentleman, but always accepts them gratefully and
graciously and with expressed thanks.

MEETING A LADY ACQUAINTANCE.
A gentleman meeting a lady acquaintance on the
street, should not presume to join her in her walk
without ascertaining that his company would be en-
tirely agreeable. It might be otherwise, and she
should frankly say so. A married lady usually leans
upon the arm of her husband; but single ladies do
not, in the day, take the arm of a gentleman, unless
they are willing to acknowledge an engagement.
Gentlemen always give place to ladies, and gentle-
men accompanying ladies, in crossing the street.

STOPPING A LADY ON THE STREET.

If you have anything to say to a lady whom you
may happen to meet in the street, however intimate
you may be, do not stop her, but turn round and
walk in company; you can taks leave at the end of
the street.

134 STREET ETIQ UETTE.

PASSING ACQUAINTANCES.

When you are passing in the street, and see com-
ing toward you a person of your acquaintance wheth-
er a lady or an elderly person, you should offer them
the wall, that is to say, the side next the houses. If
a carriage should happen to stop in such a manner
as to leave only a narrow passage between it and the
houses, beware of elbowing and rudely crowding the
passengers, with a view to get by more expeditioue-
ly; wait your turn, and if any of the persons before
mentioned come up, you should edge up to the wall
in order to give them the place. They also, as they
pass, should bow politely to you.

CROWDING BEFORE ANOTHER.

If stormy weather has made it necessary to lay a
plank across the gutters, which has become suddenly
filled with water, it is not proper to crowd before
another, in order to pass over the frail bridge.

GIVING THE ARM.

In walking with a lady, it is customary to give
her the right arm; but where circumstances render
it more convenient to give her the left, it may prop-
erly be done. If you are walking with a lady on a
crowded street, like State or Madison, by all means
give her the outside, as that will prevent her from
being perpetually jostled and run against by the hur-
rying crowd.

STREET ETiq UETTE. 135

WHEN TO OFFER YOUR ARM.

You should offer your arm to a lady with whom
you are walking whenever her safety, comfort, or
convenience may seem to require such attention on
your part. At night your arm should always be ten-
dered, and also when ascending the steps of a pub-
lic building. In walking with any person you
should keep step with military precision, and with
ladies and elderly people you should always accom-
modate your speed to theirs.

RETURNING A SALUTE.

If a lady with whom you are walking receives the
salute of a person who is a stranger to you, you
should return it, not for yourself, but for her.

PASSING BEFORE A LADY.

When a lady whom you accompany wishes to en-
ter a store, you should hold the door open and al-
low her to enter first, if practicable; for you must
never pass before a lady anywhere, if you can avoid
it, or without an apology

CORNER LOAFERS.

No gentleman will stand in the doors of hotels,
nor on the corners of the street, gazing impertinent
ly at the ladies as they pass. That is such an un-
mistakable sign of a loafer, that one can hardly im-
agine a well-bred man doing such a thing.

136 STREET ETIQ, UETTE.

SHOUTING.

Never speak to your acquaintances from one side
of the street to the other. Shouting is a certain sign
of vulgarity. First approach, and then make your
communication to your acquaintance or friend in a
moderately loud tone of voice.

GENTLEMEN WALKING WITH A LADY.
When two gentlemen are walking with a lady in
the street, they should not be both upon the same
side of her, but one of them should walk upon the
outside and the other upon the inside.

CROSSING THE STREET WITH A LADY.

If you are walking with a woman who has your
arm, and you cross the street, it is better not to dis-
engage your arm, and go round upon the outside.
Such effort evinces a palpable attention to form, and
that is always to be avoided.

GENERAL RULES.

A lady should never take the arms of two men,
one being upon either side; nor should a man carry
a woman upon each arm. The latter of these in-
iquities is practiced only in Ireland; the former
perhaps in Kamtskatcha. There are, to be sure,
some cases in which it is necessary for the protection
of the women; that they should both take his arm,
as in coming home from a concert, or in passing, on
any occasion, through a crowd.

STREET ETIQUETTE. 137

PASSING THROUGH A CROWD.

In walking in the street with a woman, if at any
place, by reason of the crowd, or from other cause
you are compelled to proceed singly, you should al-
ways precede your companion.

In passing a lady in the street, wno is accompan-
ied by a gentleman on the outside, there is the same
reason for your taking the inside that there would
be for you to walk on that side if you were with
them. You should take that side, then, unless you
would pay the gentleman, if he were alone, the com-
pliment of giving him the wall.

SALUTING A LADY.

When you salute a lady or a gentleman to whom
you wish to show particular respect, in the street, you
should take your hat entirely off and cause it to de-
scribe a circle of at least ninety degrees from its or-
iginal resting place.

ASCENDING A MOUNTAIN.

If you are walking with a woman in the country,
— ascending a mountain or strolling by the bank of
a river, — and your companion being fatigued, should
choose to sit upon the ground, on no account allow
yourself to do the same, but remain rigorously stand-
ing. To do otherwise would be flagrantly indecorous
and she would probably resent it as the greatest in-
sult.

138 STREET ETIQ UETTE.

In mounting a pair of stairs in company with a
woman, run up before her; in coming down, walk
behind her.

MEETING ON THE STREET.

If, in walking, you meet a friend, accompanied
by one whom you do not know, speak to • both. Al-
so, if you are walking with a friend who speaks to a
friend whom you are not acquainted with, you should
speak to the person ; and with as much respect and
ease as if you knew the party. If you meet a man
whom you have met frequently before, who knows
your name, and whose name you know, it is polite
to salute him.

INTRUSIVE INQUIRIES ON MEETING.

If you meet or join or are visited by a person who
has a book or box, or any article whatever, under his
arm or in his hand, and he does not offer to show it
to you, you should not, even if he be your most in-
timate friend, take it from him and look at it. There
may be many reasons why he would not like you to
see it, or be obliged to answer the inquiries or give
the explanations connected with it. That intrusive
curiosity is very inconsistent with the delicacy of a
well-bred man, and always offends in some degree.

SMOKING WHILE WALKING.

In walking with a lady, never permit her to en-
cumber herself with a book, parcel, or anything of

STREET ETIQ, UETTE. 139

that kind, but always offer to carry it. As to smok-
ing, it certainly is not gentlemanly to smoke while
walking with ladies ; but modern notions on the to-
bacco question are growing very lax, and when by
the seaside or in the country, or in any but fashion-
able quarters, if your fair companion does not ob-
ject to a cigar, never a pipe, you will not comprom-
ise yourself very much by smoking one.

TAKING OFF YOUR HAT.

If there is any man whom you wish to conciliate,
you should make a point of taking off your hat to
him as often as you meet him. People are always
gratified by respect, and they generally conceive a
good opinion of the understanding of one who ap-
preciates their excellence so much as to respect it.
Such is the irresistible effect of an habitual display
of this kind of manner, that perseverance in it will
often conquer enmity and obliterate contempt.

RIDING AND DRIVING.

CHAPTER 10.

|N these days of fast locomotion,
etc., the very delightful rec-
reation and exercise of riding
on horseback is partaken of
too little. This is to be
regretted for nothing is bet-
ter calculated to develop the
physical health and animal
spirits, nothing is more con-
ducive to pleasure of a rational character than the ride
on horseback upon every pleasant day.

ETIQUETTE OP RIDING.

The etiquette of riding is very exact and import-
ant. Remember that your left when in the saddle
is called the near side, and your right the off side,
and that you always mount on the near side. In do-
ing this put your left foot in the stirrup, your left
hand on the saddle, then, as you take a spring,
throw your right leg over the animal's back. Re-
member, also, that the rule of the road, both in riding
and driving, is, that you keep to the left, or near side
in meeting ; and to the right, or off side in passing.

140

RIDING AND DRIVING. 141

RIDING IN PUBLIC.

Never appear in public on horseback unless you
have mastered the inelegancies attending a first ap-
pearance in the saddle. A novice makes an exhibi-
tion of himself, and brings ridicule on his friends.
Having got a "seat" by a little practice, bear in
mind the advice conveyed in the old rhyme —

"Keep up your head and your heart,"

Your hands and your heels keep down,
Press your knees close to your horse's sides,
And your elbows close tojrour own."

This may be called the whole art of riding, in one
lesson.

BIDING WITH LADIES.

In riding with ladies, recollect that it is your duty
to see them in their saddles before you mount. And
the assistance they require must not be rendered by
a groom; you must assist them yourself.

ASSISTING A LADY TO MOUNT.

The lady will place herself on the near side of the
horse, her skirt gathered up in her left hand, her
right hand on the pommel, keeping her face towards
the horse's head. You stand at his shoulder, facing
her, and stooping hold your hand so that she may
place her left foot in it; then lift it as she springs,
BO as to aid her, but not to give such an impetus
that, like "vaulting ambition," she looses hei balance

142 RIDING AND DRIVING.

and "falls o' the other side." Next, put her foot in
the stirrup, and smooth the skirt of her habit. Then
you are at liberty to mount yourself.

PACE IN RIDING.

The lady must always decide upon the pace. It
is ungenerous to urge her or incite her horse to a
faster gait than she feels competent to undertake.

Keep to the right of the lady or ladies riding with
you.

Open all gates and pay all tolls on the road.

MEETING FRIENDS ON HORSEBACK.

If you meet friends on horseback do not turn back
with them; if you overtake them do not thrust your
company on them unless you feel assured that it is
agreeable to them for you to do so.

MEETING A LADY.

If, when riding out, you meet a lady with whom
you are acquainted, you may bow and ride on; but
you cannot with propriety carry on a conversation
with her while you retain your seat on horseback. If
very anxious to talk to her, it will be your duty to
alight, and to lead your horse.

ASSISTING A LADY TO ALIGHT FROM A HORSE

After the ride the gentleman must assist his com-
panion to alight. She must first freejier knee from
the pommel and be certain that her habit is entirely

RIDING AND DRIVING. 143

disengaged. He must then take her left hand in his
right and offer his left hand as a step for her foot.
He must lower this hand gently and allow her to
reach the ground quietly without springing. A lady
should not attempt to spring from the saddle.

ENTERING A CARRIAGE.

If you enter a carriage with a lady, let her first
take her place on the seat facing the horses ; then
sit opposite, and on no account beside her, unless
you are her husband or other near relative. Enter
a carriage so that your back is towards the seat you
are to occupy; you will thus avoid turning round
in the carriage, which is awkward. Take care that
you do not trample on the ladies' dresses, or shut
them in as you close the door.

ALIGHTING FROM A CARRIAGE.

The rule in all cases is this: You quit the car-
riage first and hand the lady out.

It is quite an art to decend from a carriage prop-
erly. More attention is paid to this matter in Eng-
land than in America. We are told an anecdote by
M. Mercy d'Argenteau illustrative of the importance
of this. He says: "The princess of Hesse-Darm-
stadt, having been desired by the empress of Austria
to bring her three daughters to court in order that
Her Imperial Majesty might choose one of them for
a wife to one of her sons, drove up in her coach to
the palace gate. Scarcely had they entered her pres-

144 RIDING AND DRIVING

ence when, before even speaking to them, the em-
press went up to the second daughter, and taking
her by the hand said,
"'I choose this young lady/

"The mother, astonished at the suddenness of her
choice, inquired what had actuated her.

"'I watched the young ladies get out of their car-
riage/ said the empress. 'Your eldest daughter
stepped on her dress, and only saved herself from
falling by an awkward scramble. The youngest
jumped from the coach to the ground without touch-
ing the steps. The second, just lifting her dress in
front as she decended, so as to show the point of her
shoe, calmly stepped from the carriage to the ground
neither hurriedly nor stiffly, but with grace and dig-
nity. She is fit to be an empress. The eldest sist-
er is too awkward, the youngest too wild.

If you are driving in company with another who
holds the reins, you should most carefully abstain
from even the slightest interference, by word or act,
with the province of the driver. Any comment, ad-
vice, or gesture of control, implies a reproof which
is very offensive. If there be any point of immi-
nent danger, where you think his conduct wrong,
you may suggest a change, but it must be done with
great delicacy and must be prefaced by an apology.
During the ordinary course of the drive, you should
resign yourself wholly to his control, and be entire-
ly passive.

RIDING AND DRIVING 145

If you do not approve of his manner, or have not
confidence in his skill, you need not drive with him
again; but while you are with him, you should
yield implicitly.

ASSISTING A LADY INTO A CARRIAGE.

A gentleman in assisting a lady into a carriage
will take care that the skirt of her dress is not al
lowed to hang outside. It is best to have a car-
riage-robe to protect it entirely from the mud or
dust of the road. He should provide her with her
parasol, fan and shawl before he seats himself, and
make certain that she is in every way comfortable.

If a lady has occasion to leave the carriage before
the gentleman accompanying her, he must alight to
assist her out ; and if she wishes to resume her seat
in the carriage, he must again alight to help her to
do so.

TRAVELERS AND TRAVELING.

CHAPTER 11.

EHAVIOR while traveling is a cer-
tain indication of a person's breed-
ing. Travelers seldom pay little
attention either to the comforts or
distresses of their fellow travelers ;
and the commonest observances of
politeness are often sadly neglected
by them. In the scramble for
tickets, for seats, for state-rooms, or for places at a
public table, the courtesies of life seem to be trampled
under foot. Even the ladies are sometimes rudely
treated and shamefully neglected in the headlong
rush for desirable seats in the railway cars. To see
the behavior of American people on their travels, one
would suppose that we were anything but a refined
nation ; and I have often wondered whether a major-
ity of our travelers could really make a decent appear-
ance in social society.

A LADY TRAVELING ALONE.

A lady accustomed to traveling, if she pays
proper attention to the rules of etiquette, may travel

146

TRA VELING. 147

alone anywhere in the United States with perfect
safety and propriety.

But there are many ladies to whom all the ways
of travel are unknown, and to such, an escort is very
acceptable. When a gentleman has a lady put in
his charge for a journey, he should he at the depot
in ample time to procure her ticket and see that her
baggage is properly checked.

ON ARRIVAL OF THE TRAIN.
On the arrival of the train, he should attend her
to the car and secure the best possible seat for her.
He should give her the choice of taking the outside
or window seat, should stow away her packages in
the proper receptacle, and then do all he can to make
her journey a pleasant one.

ARRIVING AT DESTINATION.
Arrived at their destination, he should see her
safely in a car or carriage, or at least conduct her to
the ladies' room of the station, before he goes to see
about the baggage. He should attend her to the
door or deliver her into the charge of friends before
he relaxes his care. He should call upon her the
following day to see how she has withstood the fa-
tigues of her journey. It is optional with her at
this time whether she will receive him, and thus
prolong the acquaintance, or not. However it is
scarcely supposed that a lady of really good breed-
ing would refuse further recognition to one from

148 TRAVELING.

whom she had accepted such services. If the gen-
tleman is really unworthy of her regard, it would
have been in better taste to have recognized the fact
at first by declining his escort.

RUSHING FOR TICKET OFFICE.

When you are traveling, it is no excuse that be-
cause others outrage decency and propriety you
should follow their example, and fight them with
their own weapons. A rush and scramble at the
railway ticket office is always unnecessary. The
cars will not leave until every passenger is aboard,
and if you have ladies with you, you can easily se-
cure your seats and afterward procure the tickets at
leisure. But suppose you do lose a favorite seat by
your moderation ! Is it not better to suffer a little
inconvenience than to show yourself decidedly vul-
gar ? Go to the cars half an hour before they start,
and you will avoid all trouble of this kind.

PERSONAL COMFORT.

When seated, or about to seat yourself in the cars
never allow considerations of personal comfort or
convenience to cause you to disregard the rights of
fellow-travelers, or forget the respectful courtesy due
to woman. The pleasantest or most comfortable
Beats belong to the ladies, and you should never re-
fuse to resign such seats to them with a cheerful po-
liteness. Sometimes a gentleman will go through a
car and choose his seat, and afterward vacate it to

TRA VELING. 149

procure his ticket, leaving his overcoat or carpet bag
to show that the seat is taken. Always respect this
token, and never seize upon a seat thus secured,
without leave, even though you may want it for a
lady.

A LADY TRAVELING.

A lady, in traveling alone, may accept services
from her fellow-travelers, which she should always
acknowledge graciously. Indeed, it is the business
of a gentleman to see that the wants of an unescort-
ed lady are attended to. He should offer to raise or
lower her window if she seems to have any difficul-
ty in doing it for herself. He may offer his assist-
ance in carrying her packages upon leaving the car,
or in engaging a carriage or obtaining a trunk.

Still, women should learn to be as self-reliant as pos-
sible; and young women particularly should accept
proffered assistance from strangers, in all but the
slightest offices, very rarely.

RUSHING FOR THE TABLE.

In steamers do not make a rush for the supper
table, or make a glutton of yourself when you get
there. Never fail to offer your seat on deck to a la-
dy, if the seats all appear to be occupied, and al-
ways meet half way any fellow-passenger who wish-
es to enter into conversation with you. Some trav-
elers are so exclusive that they consider it a pre-
sumption on the part of a stranger to address them;

150 TRAVELING.

but such people are generally foolish, and of no ac-
count.

SOCIAL INTERCOURSE WHILE TRAVELING.

Sociable intercourse while traveling is one of its
main attractions. Who would care about sitting and
moping for a dozen of hours on board a steamer
without exchanging a word with anybody? and this
must be the fate of the exclusives when they travel
alone. Even ladies who run greater risks in form-
ing steamboat acquaintances than the men, are al-
lowed the greatest privileges in that respect. It
might not be exactly correct for a lady to make a
speaking acquaintance of a gentleman; but she may
address or question him for the time being without
impropriety.

OCCUPYING TOO MANY SEATS.

No lady of genuine breeding will retain posses-
sion of more than her rightful seat in a crowded
car. When others are looking for accommodations,
she should at once and with all cheerfulness so dis-
pose of her baggage that the seat beside her will
be at liberty for any one who desires it, no mat-
ter how agreeable it might be to retain possession
of it.

There is no truer sign of want of proper manners
than to see two ladies turn over the seat in front of
them and fill it with their wraps and bundles, re-
taining it in spite of the entreating or remonstrating

TEA VELINO. 151

looks of fellow-passengers. In snch a case as this
any person who needs a seat is justified in reversing
the back, removing the baggage and taking posses-
sion of the unused place.

RETAINING A SEAT.

A gentleman in traveling may take possession of
a seat and then go to purchase tickets or look after
baggage, leaving the seat in charge of a companion
or depositing traveling-bag or overcoat upon it to
show that it is engaged. A gentleman cannot, how-
ever, in justice, vacate his seat to take another in the
smoking-car and at the same time reserve his rights
to the first seat. He pays for but one seat, and by
taking another he forfeits the first.

It is not required of a gentleman in a railway car
to relinquish his seat in favor of a lady, though a
gentleman of genuine breeding will do so rather
than allow the lady to stand or to suffer inconven-
ience from poor accommodations.

ETIQUETTE OF STREET CARS.
In the street cars the case is different. No wom-
an should be permitted to stand while there is a
seat occupied by a man. The inconvenience to the
man will be temporary and trifling at the most, and
he can well afford to suffer it rather than do an un-
courteous act.

ETIQUETTE OF FERRY-BOATS.
There is a place where the good manners of mea

152 TRA VELING.

seem sometimes to forsake them — in the ladies' sa-
loon of ferry-boats. The men reign paramount in
their own saloon. No woman dares intrude there,
still less deprive its rightful occupants of their seats.
Yet many men, without even the excuse of being es-
corts of women, prefering the purer natural and
moral atmosphere of the ladies' saloon, take posses*
sion and seat themselves, notwithstanding, women
have to stand in consequence. This is not a matter
of politeness alone; it is one of simple justice. The
ladies' saloon is for the accommodation of ladies,
and no gentleman has the right to occupy a seat so
long as a lady is unprovided.

CHECKING FAMILIARITY.

It is impossible to dwell too strongly upon the
importance of reserve and discretion on the part of
ladies traveling alone. They may, as has been al-
ready said, accept slight services courteously proffered
by strangers, but any attempt at familiarity must be
checked, and this with all the less hesitation that no
gentleman will be guilty of such familiarity; and a
lady wants only gentlemen for her acquaintances.

Once, when traveling from Chicago to Toledo,
there were upon the same train with ourselves a
young lady and gentleman who were soon the ob-
served of all observers. He was a commercial
traveler of some sort, and she probably just from
boarding-school. They were total strangers to each
other as they both entered the car at Chicago. The

TRA VELING. 153

acquaintance begun soon after starting. By the time
La Porte was reached he had taken his seat beside
her. At Elkhart the personal history of each was
known to the other. The gentleman here invited
the lady to supper and paid her bill. Shortly after-
ward photographs were exchanged, they had written
confidentially in each other's note-books, and had
promised to correspond. All this passed between
them in tonea so loud and with actions so obtrusive
that they attracted the notice of every one in the
car, and many were the comments upon them. As
daylight waned she sunk upon his shoulder to sleep
while he threw his arm around her to support her.
If they had announced their engagement and in-
quired for a clergyman upon the train to marry
them upon their arrival at Toledo, no one would
have been really surprised. She was a foolish girl,
yet old enough to have known better. He must
have been a villain thus to take advantage of her
silliness.

Still, if the journey is long, and especially if it be
by steamboat, a certain sociability is in order, and a
married lady or lady of middle age should make
good use of her privileges in this respect.

DUTY OP LADIES TO OTHER LADIES IN TRAVELING.

It is especially the duty of ladies to look after
other ladies younger or less experienced than them-
selves who may be traveling without escort, To
watch these and see that they are not made the

154 TRAVELING.

dupes of villains, and to pass a pleasant word with
others who may possibly feel the loneliness of their
situation, should be the especial charge of every lady
of experience. Such a one may often have the
privilege of rendering another lady an important
service in giving her information or advice, or even
assistance. Every lady of experience and self-pos-
session should feel her duties to be only less than
those of a gentleman in showing favors to the more
helpless and less experienced of her own sex.

The friendship which has subsisted between trav-
elers terminates with the journey. When you get
out, a word, a bow, and the acquaintance formed
is finished and forgotten.

CONSULTING THE COMFORT OF OTHERS.

In the cars you have no right to keep a window
open for your accommodation, if the current of air
thus produced annoys or endangers the health of
another. There are a sufficient number of discom-
forts in traveling, at best, and it should be the aim
of each passenger to lessen them as much as possi-
ble, and to cheerfully bear his own part. Life is a
journey, and we are all fellow-travelers.

ATTENDING TO THE WANTS OF OTHERS.

See everywhere and at all times that ladies and
elderly people have their wants supplied before you
think of your own. Nor is there need for unmanly
haste and pushing in entering or leaving cars or

TRA VELING. 155

boats. There is always time enough allowed for
each passenger to enter in a gentlemanly manner
and with a due regard to the rights of others.

If, in riding in the street cars or crossing a ferry,
your friend insists upon paying for you, permit him
to do so without serious remonstrance. You can
return the favor at some other time.

SELFISHNESS OF LADIES.

Ladies in traveling should scrupulously avoid
monopolizing, to the exclusion of others, whatever
conveniences are provided for their use. Mr. Pull-
man, the inventor of the palace car, was asked why
there were not locks or bolts upon the ladies7 dress-
ing-rooms. He replied that "if these were furnish-
ed, but two or three ladies in a sleeping car would
be able to avail themselves of the conveniences, for
these would lock themselves in and perform their
toiletts at their leisure.

This sounds like satire upon our American ladies,
but we fear it is true.

ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES.

CHAPTER 12.

HE perfect lady and gentleman
are always polite in public
places, considerate of the com-
fort and wishes of others, and
unobtrusive in their behavior.
Under the same circumstances
sham gentility is boisterous,
rude, vulgar and selfish.

CHURCH ETIQUETTE.
One should preserve the ut-
most silence and decorum in
church.

There should be no haste in passing up or down the
aisle.

A gentleman should remove his hat as soon as he
enters.

A gentleman and lady should pass up the aisle
together until the pew is reached, when the former
should step before the latter, open the pew door,
holding it open while she enters, then follow her
and close the door after him.

There should be no whispering, laughing or star-
ing.

156

ETiq UETTE OF P UBLIC PL A CES. 157

If a stranger is seen to enter the church and the
sexton does not at once provide him with a seat, the
pew door should be opened and the stranger silently
invited to enter.

It is courteous to see that strangers are provided
with books; and if the service is strange to them,
the places for the day's reading should be indi-
cated.

It is perfectly proper to offer to share the prayer
or hymn book with a stranger if there is no sepa-
rate book for his use.

If books or fans are passed in church, let them be
offered and accepted or refused with a silent gesture
of acceptance or refusal.

Upon entering a strange church it is best to wait
until the sexton conducts you to a seat. By no
means enter an occupied pew uninvited.

In visiting a church of a different belief from
your own, pay the utmost respect to the services and
conform in all things to the observances of the
church — that is, kneel, sit and rise with the congre-
gation. No matter how grotesquely some of the
forms and observances may strike you, let no smile
or contemptuous remark indicate the fact while in
the church.

If a Protestant gentleman accompanies a lady who
is a Roman Catholic to her own church, it is an act
of courtesy to offer the holy water. This he must
do with his ungloved right hand.

When the services are concluded, there should be

158 JETIQ UETTE OF PUBLIC PLA CES.

no haste in crowding up the aisle, but the departure
should be conducted quietly and in order. When
the vestibule is reached, it is allowable to exchange
greetings with friends, but here there should be no
loud talking nor boisterous laughter. Neither should
gentlemen congregate in knots in the vestibule or
upon the steps of the church and compel ladies to
run the gauntlet of their eyes and tongues.

Never be late to church. It is a decided mark of
ill-breeding.

In visiting a church for the mere purpose of see-
ing the edifice, one should always go at a time when
there are no services being held. If people are even
then found at their devotions, as is apt to be the case
in Roman Catholic churches especially, the demea-
nor of the visitor should be respectful and subdu-
ed and his voice low, so that he may not disturb
them.

VISITING AN ARTIST.

Upon visiting an artist's studio, by no means med-
dle with anything in the room. Reverse no picture
which hangs or stands with face to the wall; open
no portfolio without permission, and do not alter by
a single touch any lay-figure or its drapery, piece
of furniture or article of vertu posed as a model.
You do not know with what care the artist may
have arranged these things, nor what trouble the
disarrangement may cost him.

It is not proper to visit the studio of an artist ex-

£TIQ UETTE OF P UBLIC PL A CE8 159

ccpt by special invitation or permission and at an
appointed time, for you cannot appreciate how much
you may disturb him at his work. The hours of
daylight are all golden to him; and steadiness of
hand in manipulating a pencil is sometimes only ac-
quired each day after hours of practice, and may be
instantly lost on the irruption and consequent in-
terruption of visitors.

Use no strong expression of either delight or dis-
approbation at anything presented for your inspec-
tion. If a picture or a statue please you, show your
approval and appreciation by close attention and a
few quiet, well-chosen words, rather than by extrav-
agant praise.

Do not ask the artist his prices unless you really
intend to become a purchaser; and in this case it is
best to attentively observe his works, make your
choice, and trust the negotiation to a third person
or to a written correspondence with the artist after
the visit is concluded. You may express your de-
sire for the work and obtain the refusal of it from
the artist. If you desire to conclude the bargain at
once and ask his price, and he names a higher one
than you desire to give, you may say as much and
mention the sum you are willing to pay, when it
will be optional with the artist to maintain his first
price or accept your offer.

Never take a young child to a studio, for it may
do much mischief in spite of the most careful watch-
ing. At any rate, the juvenile visitor will try the

160 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES.

artist's temper and nerves by keeping him in a
state of constant apprehension.

If you have engaged to sit for your portrait, nev-
er keep the artist waiting one moment beyond the
appointed time. If you do so, you should in justice
pay for the time you make him lose.

A visitor should never stand behind an artist and
watch him at his work; for if he be a man of ner-
vous temperament, it will be likely to disturb him
greatly.

CONDUCT IN PICTURE-GALLERIES.

In visiting picture-galleries one should always
maintain the deportment of a gentleman or lady.
Make no loud comments, and do not seek to show
superior knowledge in art matters by gratuitous crit-
icism. Ten to one, if you have not an art education
you will only be giving publicity to your own ig-
norance.

Do not stand in conversation before a picture, and
thus obstruct the view of others who wish to see
rather than talk. If you wish to converse with any
one on general subjects, draw to one side out of the
way of those who wish to look at the pictures.

INVITATION TO OPERA OR CONCERT.

A gentleman upon inviting a lady to accompany
him to opera, theatre, concert or other public place
of amusement must send his invitation the previous
day and write it in the third person. The lady must

ETIQ, UETTE OF PUBLIC PL A CE8. 161

reply immediately, so that if she declines there will
yet be time for the gentleman to secure another com-
panion.

It is the gentleman's duty to secure good seats for
the entertainment, or else he or his companion may
be obliged to take up with seats where they can
neither see nor hear.

CONDUCT IN OPERA, THEATRE OR PUBLIC HALL.

On entering the hall, theatre or opera-house the
gentleman should walk side by side with his com-
panion unless the aisle is too narrow, in which case
he should precede her. Reaching the seats, he
should allow her to take the inner one,assuming the
outer one himself.

A gentleman should on no account leave the lady's
side from the beginning to the close of the perform-
ance.

If it is a promenade concert or opera, the lady
may be invited to promenade during the intermis-
sion. If she decline, the gentleman must retain his
position by her side.

The custom of going out alone between the acts
to visit the refreshment-room cannot be too strongly
reprehended. It is little less than an insult to the
lady.

There is no obligation whatever upon a gentleman
to give up his seat to a lady. On the contrary, his
duty is solely to the lady whom he accompanies. He
must remain beside her during the evening to con-

162 ETiq UETTE OF PUBLIC PLA CE8.

verse with her between the acts and to render hei
assistance in case of accident or disturbance.

It is proper and desirable that the actors be ap-
plauded when they deserve it. It is their only
means of knowing whether they are giving satisfac-
tion.

During the performance complete quiet should be
preserved, that the audience may not be prevented
seeing or hearing. Between the acts it is perfectly
proper to converse, but it should be in a low tone, so
as not to attract attention. Neither should one
whisper. There should be no loud talking, boister-
ous laughter, violent gestures, lover-like demonstra-
tions or anything in manners or speech to attract
the attention of others.

The gentleman should see that the lady is pro-
vided with programme, and with libretto also if they
are attending opera.

The gentleman should ask permission to call upon
the lady on the following day, which permission she
should^rant; and if she be a person of delicacy and
tact, she will make him feel that he has conferred a
real pleasure upon her by his invitation. Even if
she finds occasion for criticism in the performance,
she should be lenient in this respect and seek for
points to praise instead, that he may not feel regret
at taking her to an entertainment which has proved
unworthy.

If the means of the gentleman warrant him in so
doing, he should call for his companion in a car-

ETIQ, UETTE OF P UBLIC PL A CES 163

riage. This is especially necessary if the evening
is stormy. He should call sufficiently early to allow
them to reach their destination before the perform-
ance commences. It is unjust to the whole audience
to come in late and make a disturbance in obtain-
ing seats.

In passing out at the close of the performance the
gentleman should precede the lady, and there should
be no crowding and pushing.

CHURCH OR FANCY FAIRS.

In visiting a fancy fair make no comments on
either the articles or their price unless you can praise.
Do not haggle over them. Pay the price demanded
or let them alone. If you can conscientiously praise
an article, by all means do so, as you may be giving
pleasure to the maker if she chances to be within
hearing.

Be guilty of no loud talking or laughing, and
by all means avoid conspicuous flirting in so public
a place.

As, according to the general rules of politeness, a
gentleman must always remove his hat in the pres-
ence of ladies, so he should remain with head un-
covered, carrying his hat in his hand, in a public
place of this character.

If you have a table at a fair, use no unlady like
means to obtain buyers. Let a negative suffice.
Not even the demands of charity can justify you in
importuning others to purchase articles against their

164 ETIQ, UETTE OF PUBLIC PLA CES.

own judgment or beyond their means to purchase.
Never be so grossly ill-bred as to retain the
change if a larger amount is presented than the
price. Offer the change promptly, when the gentle-
man will be at liberty to donate it if he thinks best,
and you may accept it with thanks. He is, howev-
er, under no obligation whatever to make such do-
nation.

PICNICS.

In giving a picnic, the great thing to remember is
to be sure and have enough to eat and drink. Al-
ways provide for the largest possible number of
guests that may by any chance come.

Send out your invitations three weeks beforehand,
in order that you may be enabled to fill up your list,
if you have many refusals.

Always transport your guests to the scene of ac-
tion in covered carriages, or carriages that are ca-
pable of being covered, in order that you may be
provided against rain, which is proverbial on such
occasions.

Send a separate conveyance containing the provi-
sions, in charge of two or three servants — not too
many, as half the fun is lost if the gentlemen do not
officiate as amateur waiters.

The above rules apply to picnics which are given
by one person, and to which invitations are sent out
just the same as to an ordinary ball or dinner party.
But there are picnics and picnics as the French say.

ij^-, :

OUTDOOR SPORTS.

ETiq UETTE OF P UBLIC PL A CES 165

Let us treat of the picnic, in which a lot of people
join together for the purpose of a day's ruralizing.
In this case, it is usual for the ladies to contribute
the viands. The gentlemen should provide and su-
perintend all the arrangements for the conveyance
of the guests to and from the scene of festivity.

How TO DRESS.

Great latitude in dress is allowed on these occa-
sions. The ladies all come in morning dresses and
hats; the gentlemen in light coats, wide-awake hats,
caps, or straw hats. In fact, the morning dress of
the seaside is quite de rigueur at a picnic. After din-
ner it is usual to pass the time in singing, or if there
happens to be an orchestra of any kind, in dancing.
This is varied by games of all kinds, croquet, <fec.
Frequently after this the company breaks up into
little knots and coteries, each having its own centre
of amusement.

DUTIES OF GENTLEMEN.

Each gentleman should endeavor to do his ut-
most to be amusing on these occasions. If he has a
musical instrument, and can play it, let him bring
it — for instance, a cornet, which is barely tolerated
in a private drawing-room, is a great boon, when
well played at a picnic. On these occasions a large
bell or gong should be taken, in order to summon
the guests when required; and the guests should be
careful to attend to the call at once, for many a

106 ETiq UETTE OF P VELIO PL A CES.

pleasant party of this kind has been spoiled by a
few selfish people keeping out of the way when
wanted.

COMMITTEE OF ARRANGEMENTS.
Finally, it would be well on these occasions to have
each department vested in the hands of one respon-
sible person, in order that when we begin dinner we
should not find a heap of forks but no knives, beef,
but no mustard, lobster and lettuces but no salad-
dressing, veal-and-ham, pies but no bread, and near-
ly fifty other such contretemps, which are sure to
come about unless the matter is properly looked
after and organized.

BOATING.

The reader may doubtless be surprised that we
should treat of etiquette when speaking of boating,
still there are little customs and usages of politeness
to be observed even in the roughest sports in which
a gentleman takes part.

Never think of venturing out with ladies alone,
unless you are perfectly conversant with the man-
agement of a boat, and, above all, never overload
your boat. There have been more accidents caused
by the neglect of these two rules than can be im-
agined.

If two are going out with ladies, let one take his
stand in the the boat and conduct the ladies to their
seats, while one assists them to step from the bank.

ETiq UETTE OF P UBLIC PL A CES. 167

Let the ladies be comfortably seated, and their dress-
es arranged before starting. Be careful that you do
not splash them, either on first putting the oar into
the water or subsequently.

If a friend is with you and going to row, always
ask him which seat he prefers, and do not forget to
ask him to row "stroke," which is always the seat of
honor in the boat.

ROWING.

If you cannot row, do not scruple to say so, as then
you can take your seat by the side of the ladies, and
entertain them by your conversation, which is much
better than spoiling your own pleasure and that of
others by attempting what you know you cannot
perform.

The usual costume of gentlemen is white flannel
trousers, white rowing jersey, and a straw hat. Pea-
jackets are worn when their owners are not absolute-
ly employed in rowing.

LADIES ROWING.

Of late years ladies have taken very much to
rowing; this can be easily managed in a quiet river
or private pond, but it is scarcely to be attempted
in the more crowded and public parts of our rivers
— at any rate, unless superintended by gentlemen.
In moderation, it is a capital exercise for ladies;
but when they attempt it they should bear in mind
that they should assume a dress proper for the oc.

168 ETiq UETTE OF PUBLIC PLA CES.

casion. They should leave their crinoline at home,
and wear a skirt barely touching the ground; they
should also assume flannel Garibaldi shirts and little
sailor hats — add to these a good pair of stout boots,
and the equipment is complete. We should observe
however, that it is impossible for any lady to row
with comfort or grace if she laces tightly.

LETTER WRITING.

LETTERS AND LETTER WRITING.

CHAPTER 13.

DELIGHTFUL is the art of letter-
writing and one not hard to be
acquired. To write a good letter
doubtless requires some experi-
ence ; to write one which is marked by originality and
beauty requires, in some degree, a peculiar talent.
But almost any person of ordinary intelligence can
learn how to express himself or herself in an accept-
able manner upon paper.

Good grammar, correct orthography, precise punc-
tuation, will not make a clever communication, if
the life and spirit of the expression are wanting ; and
life and spirit will make a good impressive epistle,
even if the rhetorical and grammatical proprieties
are largely wanting. Some of the most charming
letters we ever saw or read were from children, who
while they tortured grammar, yet reproduced them-
selves so completely as to make it appear that they
really were chattering to us.

It is comparatively easy to compose. The secret
of it is hidden in no mystery — it is simply to converse

169

170 LETTER WRITING.

on paper, instead of by word of mouth. To illus-
trate : if a person is before you, you narrate the in-
cidents of a marriage, or a death, or of any circum-
stance of interest. It is an easy and an agreeable
thing to tell the story. Now, if the person were so
deaf as not to be able to hear a word, what would
you do ? Why, seize a pencil or pen and write out
just what you would have told them by words. That
very writing would be a delightful letter / It is this
naturalness of expression and individuality of a letter
which so delights the recipient.

PENMANSHIP.

It is not in the province of this chapter to teach
people how to write. There are numerous systems
of Penmanship, any one of which will enable one to
acquire a round, full, even hand, so much admired by
every one. People in general are very poor writers.
"Why ? Because they never have taken the time nor
exercised the patience to train their hands to write
correctly. That we are a nation of poor writers is at-
tributable more to carelessness (shall we say laziness ?)
than to any other one thing. We get a general idea
how to form letters and thea begin scribbling, and
keep on scribbling all the rest of our lives. It is just
as easy to train the hand to write well as poorly. One
should simply remember the old adage "creep before
you walk." In other words, learn correctly to form
letters slowly. Practice writing slowly until the hand

LETTER WRITING. 171

has become trained to writing properly, then with
constant practice a fair degree, of speed may be ac-
quired. But at the beginning, accuracy must never
be sacrificed to speed. Every boy and every girl
may and ought to learn to write well. The habit,
like all good habits, should be formed in youth and
when once formed is formed for life. The importance
of its acquirement cannot be over-estimated.

CHOICE OF PAPER.

For all formal notes, of whatever nature, use
heavy, plain, white, unruled paper, folded once, with
square envelopes to match. A neat initial letter at
the head of the sheet is allowable, but nothing more
than this. Avoid monograms, floral decorations and
landscapes. Unless of an elaborate and costly design
they have an appearance of cheapness, and are
decidedly in bad taste.

GENERAL APPEARANCE.

The excellences of a nicely written letter are
embraced in one word, neatness. All blots, erasures,
interlinings, will never be seen in a neat letter. If
you are so unfortunate as to write the wrong word,
do not draw your pen through it, but take a clean
sheet and begin over again.

Always allow half an inch margin at the left of
each page ; it will give your letter a symmetrical

172 LETTER WRITING.

appearance. This margin must be uniform, which ia
effected by beginning the first letter of each line
directly under the one above it. Until the eye and
hand are trained to do this naturally, it is well to rule
with a pencil a faint line, indicating the width of the
margin ; in writing, begin the first word of each line
at the ruled line, and when the page is completed
take a clean rubber and erase the ruled line. A
little practice in this way will enable one to form the
margin correctly by the eye.

SPELLING AND PUNCTUATION.

Never allow a letter to leave you until you have
carefully read it over to carefully punctuate and
detect any misspelled words.' Form the habit of
being critical. If there is any doubt about a word, go
to the dictionary. If your correspondent be a person
of culture, he will certainly notice any errors in your
epistle. You cannot afford to be thought either
ignorant or careless.

The correct form for punctuating a letter as well
as the punctuation of the address on the envelope will
be found in the following examples.

BEGINNING A LETTER.

Begin at the upper right hand corner, about one
half the distance between the top and middle.

LETTER WB2TING. 173

Write your street and number, and name of the
city in which you reside ; on the next line, directly
underneath, write the date; if you reside in the
country, write P. O. address and date on the same
line. Begin back far enough to avoid all appearance
of crowding. Skip one line, and at the left write the
name of your correspondent (or the name may be
written at the close of the letter at the left of the
page).

MANNER OF ADDRESS.

If the person addressed be a stranger or a
formal acquaintance, it is proper to write " Dear Sir,"
or " Dear Madam ; " if a friend, one may say " My
Dear Mr. Jones." In the case of addressing a cler-
gyman, one may say " Rev. Sir." In writing a pro-
fessional gentleman or a person with a title ho may
be distinguished as " To L. P. Davis, M.D.," " The
Rev. Dr. Hall," etc. In addressing a Senator or
Member of Congress or any other high Government
Official, address " Honorable Sir." The President of
the United States and Governor of a State should be
addressed " His Excellency." .

In closing a letter the degrees of formality are
shown as follows : "Yours truly," " Truly yours,"
" Yery truly yours," " Yours very truly," " Sincerely
yours," " Cordially yours," " Respectfully yours,"
<< Faithfully yours," "Affectionately yours," "Lov-
ingly yours." The writer's own judgment must be

174 LETTER WRITING.

the guide in choosing the above forms, depending en-
tirely upon the degree of familiarity existing between
the writer and the person addressed.

To a person somewhat older than yourself "Re-
spectfully yours," or, " Yours with great respect," is
an appropriate form. " Yours truly " and similar
forms are only used among business men and formal
acquaintances. "_Yours, etc.," is a careless and
improper ending, and should never be used.

Never abbreviate in opening or closing a letter, as
" D'r S'r," and " Y'rs tr'y," as it shows laziness and
undue respect for the person addressed. Care
should be exercised, in closing a letter, to have the
form appropriate, so as to leave a pleasing impression
with your correspondent. An ill chosen ending may
mar the effect of the entire letter.

PROPER SIGNATURES.

No lady or gentleman will write the titles Mr.,
Mrs., or Miss before their given names. In writing
to a stranger, ladies may indicate their appropriate
titles by writing " Mrs," or " Miss " after their signa-
tures, enclosed in parenthesis, as " Jeannette Elizabeth
Stuart (Miss)." Letters of widows and unmarried
ladies are addressed with their baptismal names.
The letters of married ladies are usually given with
their husbands' names ; however, this is optional, as
many ladies do not wish to so far lose their identity.

LETTER WRITING. 175

FOKM FOB A FRIENDLY LETTER.

15, J8<JI

tlsntse

WLU,

*/r

Ks jA

asO^Us^

. <s

LL,
UsO^Us'Ls

176 LETTER WRITING.

Carelessness in addressing a letter is a mark of discourtesy.
The following are proper forms:

J).

Princeton Street,

Hampden Co.

The square envelope is used very much by ladies.

fy,

% y. -4.

JOfj Thompson Street.

Letters sent in care of another person should be addressed
as above.

LETTER WRITING.

177

When a letter is sent by an acquaintance or friend,
the courtesy should be acknowledged on the envelope,
thus:

When a letter is sent by a messenger from one friend
to another residing in the same place, the envelope
may have the following superscription:

178 LETTER WRITING.

FORMS FOR CITY ADDRESS.

bs, WXL*.

'4.

LETTER WRITING. 179

LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION.

Letters of introduction should be short and care-
fully worded, so that the recipient may not be embar-
rassed by having to go over a large amount of written
matter before obtaining the necessary information re-
garding the person introduced. The contents should
express your real sentiments toward the person intro-
duced, and should not be too complimentary, other-
wise you might embarrass the person whom you wish
to favor.

Letters of introduction are to be regarded as cer-
tificates of respectability, and are therefore never to
be given where you do not feel sure on this point.
To send a person of whom you know nothing into
the confidence and family of a friend, is an unpar-
donable recklessness. In England, letters of intro-
duction are called " tickets to soup," because it is gen-
erally customary to invite a gentleman to dine who
comes with a letter of introduction to you. Such is
also the practice, to some extent, in this country, but
etiquette here does not make the dinner so essential
as there.

When a gentleman, bearing a letter of introduc-
tion to you, leaves his card, you should call on him
or send a note, as early as possible. There is no
greater insult than to treat a letter of introduction
with indifference — it is a slight to the stranger as
well as to the introducer, which no subsequent at-
tentions will cancel. After you have made this call,

180 LETTER WRITING.

it is, to some extent, optional with you as to what
further attentions you shall pay the party. In this
country everybody is supposed to be very busy,
which is always a sufficient excuse for not paying
elaborate attentions to visitors. It is not demanded
that any man shall neglect his business to wait upon
visitors or guests.

Letters of introduction should never be sealed,
and should bear upon the envelope, in the left hand
corner, the name and address of the person intro-
duced. The following will give an idea of an ap-
propriate form for a letter of introduction:

Neenah, Wis., October 27, 18—
"J. W. GOOD, ESQ.,

"DEAR SIR:—

"I take the liberty of introducing to you my
esteemed friend, Miss. Mary E. Edgarton, who con-
templates spending some little time in your city.
Any attentions you may find it possible to show her
during her stay, will be considered as a personal fa-
vor by Yours sincerely,

"MRS. C. E. JOHNSON."

The envelope should bear the following super-
scription:

LETTER WRITING 181

Introducing Aftss Mary E. Edgarton, Neenah, TFis.

LETTERS OF FRIENDSHIP.

The style proper for letters to friends should not
be too formal; nor should it be marked by too great
familiarity, except in cases where a rare intimacy
and confidence exist. A clear, cheerfully toned epistle
— talking with dignity even when in humor, relat-
ing nothing of impropriety or of scandal, and con-
veying the very spirit of kindliness — is always a
"welcome guest," and will do to be read aloud to
others, will do to be preserved and read in after years,
will enhance your friendship and add to your satis-
faction. Therefore make it an invariable rule to
write cheerfully, honestly, and considerately — never

182 LETTER WRITING

in haste, in a spirit ef petulance or anger, or in a
sinister manner. A letter of this character should
receive an early reply, yet not too early, as that
would place the first writer too soon under obliga-
tions to write again.

The following is a suitable form for a letter of this
kind.

Dixon, 111., Feb. 10th, 18

EESPECTED MADAM: —

I would be wanting in gratitude
did I not express to you my thanks for your excel-
lent services to me; I came here a giddy girl,
apt to be misled in many ways; but I have remem-
bered your admonitions at parting [or, have pre-
served your maxims of conduct], and I can say with
truth that they have added much to my sense
of security and to my happiness. Thus, I never
keep the company of any stranger; I never write to
any but my own old friends; I do not go out to
evening-parties except in the company with some
member of Mrs. Smith's family; I do not walk the
streets idly, nor without purpose; I seek the society
of those older than myself, and try to learn constant-
ly from what I see and hear.

I could not have done all this, had you not so earnest-
ly impressed it upon my mind and heart by your
kind and wise remarks to me; and now, I pray you
to accept my gratitude and thanks for your influence
over me. I feel that it will be an influence for life,

LETTER WRITING 183

and may Heaven bless you, is the hearty prayer of
Your young friend,

CARRIE FORD.

ANOTHER.

Laurel Hill Grove.
MY OWN DEAR CLARA : —

You are married ! Oh, how this
sounds! Another claims you — another has all your
first thoughts, all your warmest love and sympath-
ies; and life is no longer to you what it has been —
a sweet dream! but something real, thoughtful, earn-
est.

Dear Clara! I weep for you, because you are gone
from among us — are a girl no longer ; but I know
you are happy in your love, that you have chosen
wisely, and I have but to say, God bless you forever
and forever !

May there be few of life's storms and tempests for
you, but much of its summer of repose and sweet
content, and may he who has won your pure heart
ever be worthy of it. I congratulate you, I bless you,
I pray for you.

Your own loving friend,
LILLIAN.

THE FAMILY LETTER.
i

Family correspondence is a great social privilege as
well as a great necessity. It brings together the
divided members of the household, and, for the
while, gives home a place in their hearts.

184 LETTER WRITING.

Women always write these best. They know how
to pick up those little items of interest which are,
after all, nearly the sum-total of home life, and
which, by being carefully narrated, transport, for the
time being, the recipient back to home and home
interests.

Having furnished all the news, they should make
kind and careful inquiries concerning the feelings
and doings of the recipient; and if this recipient is
not an adept in the art of letter- writing, they may
furnish questions enough to be answered to make the
reply an easy task. They should conclude with sin-
cere expressions of affection from all the members
of the family to the absent one, a desire for his
speedy return or best welfare, and a request for an
early answer.

PARENTS TO CHILDREN.

Where it is parents writing to children, the study
should be not to talk too wisely and seriously, but
to interest their child by touching upon those
themes best calculated to win the absent ones atten-
tion, and encourage him or her to loving thoughts
of home. Any thing in a family letter, which ex-
cites any other than loving thoughts, i-s greatly to
be deprecated. Many an otherwise good child has
been driven to wicked thoughts and deeds, by harsh
or unkind words from home, when kind words would
have acted as an incentive to do only what was
right and best.

LETTER WRITING. 185

LETTERS OF LOVE.

The thought of them causes a thrill through the
heart: and to those who have had the blessed, bliss-
ful privilege of writing and receiving them, there
come reminiscences of associations which are in-
deed a rich inheritance.

What can we say of them? Only this : Let them
be expressive of sincere esteem, yet written in such
a style that if they should ever fall under the eye
of the outside world there will be no silliness to
blush about, nor extravagance of expression of
which to be ashamed.

Letters of love are generally preceded by some'
friendly correspondence, for Cupid is a wise design-
er, and makes his approaches with wonderful cau-
tion. These premonitory symptoms of love are easily
encouraged into active symptoms, then into positive
declarations: if the loved one is willing to be wooed,
she will not fail to lead her pursuer into an ambush
of hopes and fears, which a woman knows by in-
stinct so well how to order. After the various sub-
terfuges of coy expression and half-uttered wishes,
there comes sooner or later,

Love's Declaration.

Prince street, Dec. llth, 18 —
DEAR Miss HILL: —

I am conscious that it may be
presumptuous for me to address you this note; yet

186 LETTER WRITING

feel that an honorable declaration of my feelings
toward you is due to my own heart and to my future
happiness. I first met you to admire; your beauty
and intelligence served to increase that admiration
to a feeling of personal interest; and now, I am free
to confess, your virtues and graces have inspired in
me a sentiment of love — not the sentiment which
finds its gratification in the civilities of friendly so-
cial intercourse, but which asks in return a heart
and a hand for life.

This confession I make freely and openly to you,
feeling that you will give it all the consideration
which it deserves. If I am not deceived, it can not
cause you pain; but, if any circumstance has weight
with you — any interest in another person, or any
family obstacle, forbid you to encourage my suit,
then I leave it to your candor to make such a reply
to this note as seems proper. I shall wait your an-
swer with some anxiety, and therefore hope you may
reply at your earliest convenience.

Believe me, dear lady, with feelings of true re-
gard,

Yours, most sincerely,

HARRY STOVER.
Answer.

Tenth street,Dec. 15th, 18—.
HARRY STOVER,

DEAR SIR: —

Your note of the 10th reached

LETTER WRITING 187

me duly. Its tone of candor requires from me what
it would be improper to refuse — an equally candid
answer.

I sincerely admire you. Your qualities of heart
and mind have impressed me favorably, and, now
that you tell me I have won your love, I am con-
scious that I too am regarding you more highly and
tenderly than comports with a mere friend's rela-
tion.

Do not, however, give this confession too much
weight, for, after all, we may both be deceived in re-
gard to the nature of our esteem; and I should, there-
fore, suggest, for the present, the propriety of your
calling upon me at my father's house on occasional
evenings; and will let time and circumstances deter-
mine if it is best for us to assume more serious rela-
tions to one another than have heretofore existed.

I am, sir, with true esteem,

Yours, sincerely,

ADA HILL.

Now, this correspondence does not often take place
between lovers, and why? Simply because men and
women are not honest and independent enough to
talk thus to one another upon the most interesting
and important occasion of their whole lives.

^ LETTERS OF BUSINESS.
Letters of business need attention in a work of

188 LETTER WAITING.

this kind, because they are those most frequently to
to be written. They should be marked, 1st; by
plainness in the penmanship; 2d, by perfect clear-
ness of meaning; 3d, they should be brief. These
virtues will insure a consideration not always ac-
corded to long illegible, and obscure communica-
tions. Let the style be marked by the utmost di-
rectness; use no flowers of speech, no metaphor, no
rhetorical graces; they are out of place. Use plain
Saxon English; say just what you ought to in order
to give your order, or to convey your wishes, then
stop.

The name should always be signed in full to a let-
ter of whatever character; and if the writer be a
married lady, she should invariably, except in the
most familiar missives, prefix "Mrs." to her name.

An elaborate or illegible signature intended to
make an impression on the beholder is exceedingly
snobbish.

DIRECTIONS.

Use a commercial note, full sheet. Begin by writ-
ing your Town, County, State, and Date (month,
day, and year,) at full length, on the right, upper
part of the sheet, say the width of two lines from the
top. Then the introductory address on the left side
of the sheet, say one inch from the edge of the sheet
and one line below the post address and date. Com-
mence your communication, one line below the in-

LETTER WRITING. 189

troductory address, and directly perpendicular to its
last letter.

ORDER FOR BOOKS.

South Bend, St. Joe Co., Ind.,

June 20, 18—
UNION PUBLISHING HOUSE,
DEAR SIRB: —

Please send me by express,
eighty-five copies of Decorum.

Enclosed, find money order, for $17 00. You
will please collect balance, on delivery of the books.

Yours truly,

S. H. HANSON.

Making Application for Employ

Gilman, 111., Nov. 10th, 18—

SIRS:—

I am desirous of pursuing a mercantile life,
and write to know if you have any place vacant for
a "new hand." I am sixteen years of age, in good
health and strength, and can produce the best of re-
commendations as to my good moral character. If
you can give me a place upon trial, I will be at
your command from this time. An answer at your

[CT \

>,0.,/

190 LETTER WRITING.

earliest convenience will much oblige,
Yours, respectfully,

0. E. SKINNER.

Letter asking for a School

TO THE DlRECTOKS OP SCHOOL DISTRICT

No. 4, HANNA TOWNSHIP, BOONE Co.
SIRS :—

I ana in search of a school for the winter, and
offer my services to you. I have taught for several
seasons, and have the reputation of being a good
teacher. Of course I have my certificate of qualifi-
cation for teaching all English branches required in
a district school. My recommendations as to good
character, I shall be pleased to submit to your in-
spection. An early answer will much oblige,

Yours, truly,

ANNA STEELE.

ENCLOSING STAMP.

Always be sure to enclose stamp for reply upon
every occasion when the business is your own, or
where a favor is asked. It is a downright insult to
ask a person to be bothered with answering your
letters and to pay his own postage for the privilega

LETTERS OF INVITATION.
Letters of invitation are various in form, accord-

LETTER W&ITINQ. 191

ing to the various occasions which call them forth.

An invitation to a large party or ball should read
as follows:

"Mrs. Wolf requests the pleasure of Miss Web-
sters' company at a ball on Thursday, Jan. 8, at 9
o'clock."

Invitations to a ball are always given in the name
of the lady of the house.

The letter of acceptance should be as follows:

"Miss Webster accepts with pleasure Mrs. Wolfs
kind invitation for Thursday, Jan. 8."

Or if it is impossible to attend, a note something
after the following style should be sent:

"Miss Webster regrets that [whatever may be the
preventing cause] will prevent her accepting Mrs.
Wolf's kind invitation for Jan. 8."

INVITATION TO A PARTY.

The invitation to a large party is similar to that
for a ball, only the words "at a ball" are omitted and
the hour may be earlier. The notes of acceptance
or rejection are the same as for a ball.

Such a note calls for full evening-dress. If the
party is a small one, the same should be indicated
in the note by putting in the words "to a small even-
ing-party," so that there may be no mistake in the
matter.

If there is any special feature which is to give
character to the evening, it is best to mention this
fact in the note of invitation. Thus the words "mu-

192 LETTER WETTING

sical party," "to take part in dramatic readings," "to
witness amateur theatricals," etc., should be inserted
in the note. If there are programmes for the enter-
tainment/be sure to enclose one.

Invitations to a dinner-party should be in the
name of both host and hostess:

Thus:

Mr. and Mrs. S. S. Hawkins, request the pleasure
of Mr. and Mrs. Sayles' company at dinner, on Fri-
day, Jan. 17, at — o'clock. A note of acceptance or
refusal should be at once returned.

An invitation to a tea-drinking need not be so for-
mal. It should partake more of the nature of a
friendly note, thus:

"DEAR Miss ANDERSON: We have some friends
coming to drink tea with us to-morrow ; will you
give us the pleasure of your company also? We
hope you will not disappoint us.

MRS. JANE JONES.

Invitations should be written upon small note
paper, which may have initial or monogram stamp-
ed upon it.

All invitations should be dated at the top, with
address written legibly at the bottom.

The body of the invitation should be in the mid-
dle of the sheet, the date above, to the right, the
address below, to the left.

LETTER WRITING 193

The invitation must be sent to the private resi-
dence of the person invited, never to the place of
business.

Should an invitation be declined, some reason
must be given, the true cause — a prior engagement,
a contemplated journey, sickness, domestic trouble,
or whatever it may be — feeing stated clearly and
concisely, so that the hostess shall have no possible
occasion for offence. This refusal should be dis-
patched as quickly as possible, so that the hostess
may have time to supply the vacant place.

An invitation once accepted, and an engagement
made to dinner, should be sacredly observed. Only
the most imperative necessity will justify its being
broken. And in that case the fact must be commu-
nicated directly with a full explanation to the host-
ess. If it is too late to supply your place, it may at
least be in time to prevent dinner waiting on your
account.

The style of wedding invitations differs with
changing fashions, so that there can be no impera-
tive rule laid down. The same may be said regard-
ing funerals.

GENERAL ADVICE TO LETTER WRITERS.

In writing it is necessary to endeavor to make our
style clear, precise, elegant, and appropriate for all
subjects. Vivacity of discourse forces us frequently
to sacrifice happy though tardy expressions, to
the necessity of avoiding hesitation; but what is

194 LETTER WRITING

thus an obstacle in speaking, does not interfere with
the use of the pen. We ought therefore, to avoid
repetitions, erasures, insertions, omissions, and con-
fusion of ideas, or labored construction. If we write
a familiar letter to an equal or a friend, these blem-
ishes may remain; if otherwise, we must commence
our letter again.

An "ornamental" handwriting is a nuisance.
What with flourishes and extraneous appendages,
the reader is continually distracted from the text to
the characters, and generally ends by wishing the
writer had used better taste in his chirography. A
master who teaches any thing but making neat,
plain handwriting, is not fit for a teacher.

In business and ceremonious letters do not write
on both sides of the page.

Be very sparing in your underlining of words.
Most letters need no italics whatever, and to empha-
size words in every line by underscoring makes the
whole letter weak, if not ridiculous.

Letters should be directed in a clear, large hand
to the person for whom they are intended. If they
are to be in the care of some one else, let that be ad-
ded after the name or in the lower left-hand corner
of the letter.

Letters are indices of the taste as well as of the
mind of the writer. They express his thoughts and
his feelings, their manner almost invariably marks
the spirit and temper of their author. How import-
ant, then, that they should be conceived in kind-

LETTER WRITING. 195

ness, tempered with truthfulness, and spoken in
earnestness! It is too frequently the case that per-
sons sit down to write — "upon the spur of the mo-
ment"— when some incident, or piece of news, or
some moment of impatience, fires the pen with a
feeling which is very apt to find expression in too
hasty words — which affect the distant reader very
unpleasantly, or which needlessly wound feelinti
and stir up acrimony. It is best, in almost every
case, to write when thought and feeling have been
sobered by reflection; and then it is for the best to
eschew personalities, harsh expressions, unpleasant
allusions, for, once written they can not be recalled —
they then become matters of record. Therefore be-
ware, and be even over-cautious, rather than not cau-
tious enough, for a letter may serve as a sure witness
in cases where you might never suppose it could be
used. It may live and bear testimony for years — it
does not change with time or circumstance — it is a
warrantee deed of whose responsibility you can nev-
er be free

LAWS OF BUSINESS AND LEGAL FORMS.

CHAPTER 14.

4.NY are not familiar with the
following laws of business that
are in most common daily use :
Ignorance of the law excuses
no one.

The law does not require one
to do impossibilities.

Principals are respoBsible for
the acts of their agents.
The acts of one partner bind all the rest.
Each individual in a partnership is responsible for
the whole amount of the debts of the firm, except in
cases of special partnership.

A receipt for money is not always conclusive.
Signatures made with a lead pencil are held good in
law.

A contract made with a minor is void.
Contracts made on Sunday cannot be enforced.
No consideration is sufficient in law if it be illegal
in its nature. An agreement without consideration is
void.

An oral agreement must be proved by evidence. A
written agreement proves itself. The law prefers
written to oral evidence, because of its precision.

Written instruments are to be construed and inter-
preted by the law according to the simple, customary
and natural meaning of the words used.

No evidence can be introduced to contradict or
196

COMMERCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. 197

vary a written contract, but it may be received in
order to explain it when such evidence is needed.

A note obtained by fraud, or from a person in a
state of intoxication, cannot be collected. If the time
of payment is not named, it is payable on demand.

Yalue received should be written in a note, but, if
not, it may be supplied by proof.

The payee should be named in a note unless pay-
able to bearer. The time must not depend on a con-
tingency. The promise must be absolute.

The maker of an accommodation bill or note is not
bound to the person accommodated, but is bound to
all other parties, the same as if there was a good con-
sideration.

Checks or drafts should be presented for payment
without unnecessary delay, during business hours ;
but in this country it is not compulsory except in the
case of banks. If the drawee of a check or draft has
changed his residence, the holder must use due and
reasonable diligence to find him.

If one who holds a check as payee, or otherwise,
transfers it to another, he has a right to insist that
the check be presented on that day, or, at farthest, on
the day following. An indorsement of a bill or note
may be written on the face or back.

An indorser may prevent his own liability to be
sued by writing without recourse, or similar words.

An indorsee has a right of action against all whose
names were on the bill when he received it.

198 COmiEBCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS.

A note indorsed in blank (the name of the indorser
only written) is transferable by delivery, the same as
if made payable to bearer.

If a note or bill is transferred as security, or even
as payment of a pre-existing debt, the debt revives if
the note or bill be dishonored.

The holder of a note may give notice of protest to
all the previous indorsers, or to only one of them.
In the latter case, he should select the last indorser,
and the last should give notice to the last before him,
and so on through. Each indorser must send notice
the same day or the day following. Neither Sunday
nor any legal holiday is counted in reckoning time
in which notice is to be given.

If a letter containing a protest of non-payment be
put into the post-office, any miscarriage does not
affect the party giving notice. Notice of protest may
be sent either to the place of business or to the resi-
dence of the party notified.

If two or more persons, as partners, are jointly
liable on a note or bill, notice to one of them is suf-
ficient.

The loss of a note is not sufficient excuse for not
giving notice of protest.

The finder of negotiable paper, as of all other
property, must make reasonable efforts to find the
owner, before he is entitled to appropriate it to his
own benefit. If the finder conceal it, he is liable to
the charge of larceny or theft.

COMMERCIAL AND

Negotiable Note.

LEGAL FORMS. 199

Non-Negotiabla Note.

200 COMMERCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS.

Note with Interest. Sight Draft.

toq

:C\3
m

:^-q

•S

CV) V .
|| j

^ x&

t3 O
f$ o

COMMEEGIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. 201

Receipt for Money.

Bank Check.

3
«
«

• hO

s
5

202 COMMERCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS.
FORM OF CONTRACT FOR ANY PURPOSE.

This agreement made this

day of A.D. 18...., between

John Jones, of. , State of

, party of the first part,

and JohnSmith, of. , State

of. , party of the second part,

witnesseth:

That the said John Jones, for the
consideration hereinafter mentioned,
agrees to (here state the agreement).

In consideration whereof, the
said John Smith hereby agrees to
pay the said John Jones (here state
the conditions).

In witness whereof they have
hereunto interchangeably set their
hands and seals the day above written.

John Jones.

John Smith.
In presence of

Henry Barker.

COMMERCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. 203
BILL OF SALE.

Springfield, Mass.^Feb. 17, 1890.
Miss Ella M. Knowks,

Worcester, Mass.
Bought of KING, RICHARDSON & CO.,

25 "Manners," Clo., Plain, . . $2.25, $56.25
30 Silk (extra), . . 2.50, 75>oo

20 "- Russia, . . . 5.00, 60.00

$191.25
Received Payment,

King, Richardson &• Co.

LETTER OF CREDIT.

Fayette, Iowa, May 9, 1890.
King, T^icbardsm & Co.,

Springfield, Mass.

Tlease slip books to Geo. A. Austin
as be may order, not to exceed Five Hundred
($500) Dollars, and I will be responsible to
you for tbe payment of tbe same within fifteen
days from date of shipment.
Yaurs truly,

"Daniel F. Gay.

204 COMMERCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS.

FORM OF SOLEMNIZATION OF MARRIAGE.

Persons authorized to perform the marriage
ceremony should first satisfy themselves that the
candidates presenting themselves have the legal right
to marry.

When performed by a Minister, it should be accord-
ing to the forms and customs of the church to which
he belongs. If by a Magistrate, no particular form is
required.

This form may be used by either.

The Minister or Justice may say :

" A. B., do you take C. D. to be your wife ? Do
you promise to be to her a kind and faithful husband,
so long as you both live ? "

To which the gentleman assents.

Addressing the lady —

u 0. D., do you take A. B. to be your husband ?
Do you promise to be to him a kind and faithful
wife, so long as you both live ? "

To which she assents.

The Minister or Justice then pronounce them man
and wife.

SELF CULTURE.

SELF-CULTURE.

CHAPTER 15.

HE secret of moral self-culture lies in
the training of the will to decide
according to the fiat of an enlight-
ened conscience. When a question
of good or ill is brought before the
mind for its action, its several
faculties are appealed to. The in-
tellect perceives, compares and re-
flects on the suggestions. The emotions, desires and
passions are addressed and solicited to indulgence.
The conscience pronounces its verdict of right or
wrong on the proposed act. Then comes the self-
determining will, coinciding either with the conscience
or with the emotions. The end of right moral culture
is to habituate it to decide against the passions, desires
and emotions whenever they oppose the conscience.

Self-culture may be divided into three classes — the
physical, the intellectual, and the moral. Neither
must be developed exclusively. Cultivate the physi-
cal unduly and alone, and you may have an athletic
savage; the moral, and you have an enthusiast or a
maniac; the intellectual, and you have a diseased

205

206 SELF-CULTURE.

monstrosity. The three must be wisely trained toge-
ther to have the complete man.

ECONOMIZE TIME.

It is astonishing how much may be accomplished
in self-training by the energetic and persevering, who
are careful to use fragments of spare time which the
idle permit to run to waste.

Excellence is seldom if ever granted to man save as
the reward of severe labor.

Thus Stone learned Mathematics while working as
a journeyman gardener ; thus Druce studied the high-
est Philosophy in the interval of cobbling shoes ; thus
Miller taught himself Geology while working as a day
laborer in a quarry.

Whatever one undertakes to learn, he should not
permit himself to leave it till he can reach round and
clasp hands on the other side.

One must believe in himself if he would have others
believe in him. To think meanly of one's self is to
sink in his own estimation.

Cultivate self-help, for in proportion to your self-
respect will you be armed against the temptation of
low self-indulgence.

Again — " reverence yourself," as Pythagoras has
said. Borne up by this high idea, a man will not
defile his body by sensuality nor his mind by servile
thoughts. This thought, carried into daily life, will
be found at the root of all virtues : cleanliness, sobri-
ety, charity, morality and religion.

SELF-CULTURE. 207

Set a high price on your leisure moments. They
are sands of precious gold. Properly expended, they
will procure for you a stock of great thoughts —
thoughts that will fill, stir, and invigorate and expand
your soul. Richter said : " I have made as much
out of myself as could be made of the stuff, and no
man should require more." Self-discipline and self-
control are the beginnings of practical wisdom; and
these must have root in self-respect. The humblest
may say — " To respect myself, to develop myself, this
is my duty in life."

IMPORTANCE OF EARLY RISING.

In rightly improving his time every one who is seek-
ing earnestly to unfold the energies of his mind by
giving it the food which God designed that it should
receive, will soon discover that, after a night's repose,
his mind is clearer and more vigorous than after a day
spent in labor and perhaps anxiety, and he will naturally
seek to give as much time to study in the morning as
possible. Early rising will bring to him a two-fold
benefit ; it will strengthen both mind and body.

READING.

Self-education is something very different from
mere reading by way of amusement. It requires
long and laborious study. The cultivation of a taste
for reading is all very well, but mere reading does
little toward advancing any one in the world — little
toward preparing him for a higher station than the

208 SELF-CULTURE.

one he fills. The knowledge which fits a man for
eminence in any profession or calling is not acquired
without patient, long-continued and earnest applica-
tion.

STUDY.

Mere reading, therefore, although of importance in
itself as a means of enlarging our ideas and correct-
ing and refining our tastes, does not give a man much
power, does not help him to rise above the position in
which circumstances may have originally placed him.
It is study th&t does this. Franklin, the printer's boy,
did not become Franklin, the philosopher and states-
man, by reading only, but by study ; and we do not
hear of his studying under teachers and of being
guided by them, for, like many of us, he did not
possess these high advantages, but his education pro-
gressed under the supervision of his own mind. He
had to feel his way along, and to correct his own
errors ever and anon as the dawning of fresh light
enabled him to see them, and you may do the same ;
you, with few acquirements now, and few opportuni-
ties, may, if you only will it, become as useful and
eminent a man as Franklin. But you must work for
it. Diligently and earnestly must you labor or you
cannot stand side by side, in after years, with the men
who have become distinguished for the important
services they have been able to render their fellows.

Any one to become great through his own exertions
has undertaken a large contract. But the perspective

SELF-CULTURE. 209

of this superstructure looks larger and more formid-
able than it is in reality.

One is likely to look at a successful life rounded
out and complete, and then measure his own life by
this model. He must not say — " I cannot do as these
men do," but rather — " I should try to do what they
have done."

These models, whose memories are finger-posts for
a succeeding generation, did not become such by
accident, nor by a single leap. No! they rose by
successive, single degrees, each of which was wrought
out by sweating brow and aching muscle.

The golden crop cannot be garnered till after the
seed has been sown. The impression cannot be read
till after the type is set in order, and the errors shown
in the proof. Stones do not, of themselves, turn up
as you pass by, to reveal the golden wealth hidden
beneath them.

DEPEND UPON WORK — NOT GENIUS.

But usually young people are not willing to devote
themselves to that process of slow, toilsome self-
culture which is the price of great success. Could
they soar to eminence on the lazy wings of genius
the world would be filled with great men. But this
can never be ; for whatever aptitude for particular
pursuits nature may donate to her favorites, to her
particular children, she conducts none but the labo-
rious and the studious to distinction.

210 SELF-CULTUBE.

GOOD BOOKS EASILY ACCESSIBLE.
The great thoughts of great men are now to be
procured at prices almost nominal. Therefore, you
can easily collect a library of choice authors. Public
lectures are also abundant in our large cities. Attend
the best of them and carefully treasure up the richest
ideas. But, above all, learn to reflect even more than
you read.

CARELESS READING IMPAIRS THE MIND.

Reading is to the mind what eating is to the body ;
and reflection is similar to digestion. To eat, without
giving nature time to assimilate the food to herself by
the slower process of digestion is to deprive her, first,
of health, and then of life ; so to cram the intellect by
reading without due reflection is to weaken and par-
alyze the mind. He who reads thus has " his percep-
tions dazzled and confused by the multitude of images
presented to them." There are a very large number
of young men just entering upon life, of good minds
but deficient education who, from this cause, are kept
back and labor under great disabilities. Many of
these are mechanics, and others have no regular call-
ing whatever, and find it very difficult to earn any-
thing beyond a very meager support. Upon these
we would urge with great earnestness the duty of self-
education, so called. The deficiencies of early years
need not keep them back from positions of eminence
in society — those positions awarded only to men of

SELF-CULTURE. 211

intellectual force and sound information — if they will
but strive for them. A vast amount of knowledge
may be gained in the course of a very few years, by
rightly employing those leisure hours which every one
has ; and this knowledge, if of a practical kind, will
always insure to a man the means of elevation in the
world.

No matter what a young man's situation and pros-
pects are ; no matter if he is perfectly independent in
his circumstances, and heir of two millions, he will
certainly become a worthless character if he docs not
aim at something higher than his own selfish enjoy-
ment ; if he does not indeed devote himself to some
honorable and useful calling.

HAVE SOME WORTHY ATM.

To be industrious, a young man must have a useful
pursuit and a worthy aim. He must follow that pur-
suit diligently. Rising early and economizing his
moments, he must earnestly persist in his toil, adding
little by little to his capital stock of ideas, influence or
wealth. He must learn to glory in his labor, be it
mechanical, agricultural or professional. He must
impress himself deeply with the idea that a life of
idleness is one of the direst of all curses.

THE RESULT OF IDLENESS.

Vast numbers of young men annually sink from
positions of high promise into utter abandonment and
destruction. But admit that the idle youth so trims

212 SELF-CULTURE.

between sloth and industry as to avoid utter ruin;
what then? He lives a useless, insignificant life
His place in society is aptly illustrated by certain
books in a Boston library which are lettered " Succed-
aneum" on their backs. " Succedaneum I" exclaims
a visitor ; " what sort of a book is that ? " Down it
comes, when lo ! a wooden block, shaped just like a
book, is in his hands. Then he understands the
meaning of the occult title to be " in the place of
another," and that the wooden block is used to fill
vacant places, and keep genuine volumes from falling
into confusion. Such is an idler in society, a man in
form, but a block in fact.

As nothing great can be accomplished without
industry and an earnest purpose, so nothing great can
be accomplished without order. The one is indis-
pensable to the other, and they go hand in hand as
co-workers in man's elevation.

" DILIGENTIA OMNIA YINOIT."

No young man should wish to live without work ;
work is a blessing instead of a curse ; it makes men
healthy ; develops their powers of body and mind ;
frees them from temptation ; makes them virtuous and
enterprising, and raises them to wealth, to honor and
to happiness. The workingmen of our country are
its truest nobility. I refer, of course, both to those
who work with their minds and those who work with
their hands ; and with these workers every young maa

SELF-CULTURE. 213

should be prompt to enroll his name, and honor it
through life by being a working man — a producer,
and not a mere consumer of what other's earn. Hav-
ing chosen his occupation, let him give himself to it
with patient, untiring application — resolve to rise and
excel in it. If placed in discouraging circumstances,
let him remember the adage of Cicero — Diligentia
omnia vincit. Our worthiest and best men have
been formed amid difficulties and trials, and no
young man should ever succumb to difficulties or
shrink from toil.

I have seen young men starting from the humblest
walks and rising to honor, wealth and influence in the
various callings in life. I have seen others much their
superiors in natural talents and external advantages,
sink into inefficiency and neglect, unable to acquire
any eminence or respect in the world. And when I
have inquired into the cause of this difference, I have
found almost universally that it was owing to perse-
verance and diligence in one case and to neglect and
inconstancy in the other.

REQUISITES OF SUCCESS.

I have rarely known a young man fail to rise in
the world, who pursued an honest calling with a
steady, unw^voring purpose to excel in it ; and I have
never known one fail to sink who was a slothful,
unstable character. Industry and perseverance,
coupled with fidelity, can do anything, but without

214 SELF-CULTURE.

t-hera nothing can be done. Liko the tortoise in the
fable, it is the slow, sure, persevering runner that
first reaches the goal. It is not a few bold, fitful
efforts that make a man of mark. Even the great
Newton modestly confessed that he owed his success
as a philosopher more to patience and attention than
to any original superiority of mind. And we know
many at the present day, among the most useful and
respected in society, who have risen precisely in the
same manner.

Idleness is the nursery of crime. It is that prolific
germ of which all rank and poisonous vices are the
fruits. It is the source of temptation. It is the field
where " the enemy sows tares while men sleep."
Could we trace tho history of a large class of vices we
should find that they generally originate from the
want of some useful employment and are brought ia
to supply its place.

ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK.

" When a man hath taken a new wife he shall not go to war,
neither shall he be charged with any business; but he shall be
free at home one year and cheer up the wife which he has
taken." — DEUT. xxiv, 5.

CHAPTER 16.

MAN who avoids matrimony on
account of the cares of wed-
ded life, cuts himself off from
a great blessing for fear of a
trifling annoyance. He rivals
the wiseacre who secured him-
self against corns by having
his legs amputated. In his
selfish anxiety to live unen-
cumbered he only subjects
himself to heavier burdens; for the passions that
apportion to each individual the load he is to bear
through life, generally say to the calculating bachelor
— " As you are a single man, you shall carry double."

COMPARISONS.

The Assurance Magazine, an English periodical,
makes the statement, that in the two periods of life,
twenty to twenty-five and twenty-five to thirty, the
probability of a widower marrying in a year is nearly
three times as great as that of a bachelor ; at thirty,
it is four times as great ; at sixty, the chances of a
widower marrying in a year are eleven times as great

215

216 ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK.

as that of a bachelor. After the age of thirty, the
probability of a bachelor marrying in a year dimin-
ishes in a most rapid ratio ; the probability at thirty-
five is not much more than half that at thirty, and
nearly the same proportion exists between each period
afterward.

BACHELORS.

None but the married man has a home in his old
age. None has friends then but he ; none but he
knows and feels the solace of the domestic hearth;
none but he lives and freshens in his green old age,
amid the affections of his children. There is no tear
shed for the old bachelor ; there is no ready hand and
kind heart to cheer him in his loneliness and bereave-
ment ; there is none in whose eyes he can see himself
reflected and from whose lips he can receive the
unfailing assurance of care and love. He may be
courted for his money; he may eat and drink and
revel ; and he may sicken and die in a hotel or a gar-
ret with plenty of attendants about him, like so many
cormorants waiting for their prey; but he will never
know the comforts of the domestic fireside.

The guardian of the Holborn Union lately adver-
tised for candidates to fill the situation of engineer at
the work-house, a single man — a wife not being
allowed to reside on the premises. Twenty-one
candidates presented themselves ; but it was found
that as to testimonials, character, workmanship and

ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK 217

appearance, the best men were all married men. The
guardians had, therefore, to select a married man.
A married man falling into misfortune is more apt
to retrieve his iituation in the world than a single
one, chiefly because his spirits are soothed and re-
trieved by domestic endearments and his self-respect
kept alive by finding that although all abroad be
darkness and humiliation, yet there is a little world of
love at home over which he is a monarch.

ADVICE OF JEREMY TAYLOK.

Jeremy Taylor says : " If you are for pleasure, marry;
if you prize rosy health, marry. A good wife is heav- '
en's last best gift to man — his angel of mercy — minis-
ter of graces innumerable — his gem of many virtues —
his casket of jewels — her voice, his sweetest music —
her smiles, his brightest day — her kiss, the guardian
of innocence — her arms, the pale of his safety, the
balm of his health, the balsam of his life — her indus-
try, his surest wealth — her economy, his safest stew-
ard— her lips, his faithful counselors — her bosom, the
softest pillow of his cares — and her prayers, the ablest
advocates of heaven."

" Doubtless you have remarked, with satisfaction,"
says a writer in one of our popular magazines, " the
little oddities of men who marry rather late in life are
pruned away speedily after marriage. You may find'
a man who used to be shabbily and carelessly dressed,
with huge shirt collar frayed at the edges, and a
glaring yellow silk pocket-handkerchief, broken of

218 ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK.

these and become a pattern of neatness. You have
seen a man whose hair and whiskers w<ere ridiculously
cut, speedily become like other human beings. You
have seen a clergyman who wore a long beard, in a
little while appear without one. You have seen a man
who used to sing ridiculous sentimental songs leave
them off. You have seen a man who took snuff eo-
piously, and who generally had his breast covered with
snuff, abandon this vile habit. A wife is the grand
wielder of the moral priming-knife. If Johnson's wife
had lived, there would have been no hoarding of bits
of orange-peel, no touching of all the posts in walking
along the street, no eating and drinking with disgust-
ing voracity. If Oliver Goldsmith had been married,
he would never have worn that memorable and ridic-
ulous coat. Whenever you find a man whom you
know little about, oddly dressed or talking ridicu-
lously, or exhibiting any eccentricity of manner, you
may be tolerably sure he is not a married man. For
the little corners are rounded off, the shoots are
pruned away in married men. Wives generally have
much more sense than their husbands, especially if the
husbands are clever men. The wife's advices are like
the ballast that keeps the ship steady. They are like
the wholesome though painful shears snipping off
the little growth of self-conceit and folly.

CELIBACY AN UNNATURAL STATE.
Robert Southey says, a man may be cheerful and

ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK. 210

contented in celibacy but I do not think he can ever
be happy ; it is an unnatural state, and the best feel-
ings of his nature are never called into action.

WOMAN'S RISK GREATER THAN MAN'S.

The risks of marriage are for the greater part on
the woman's side. Women have so little the power
of choice that it is not, perhaps, fair to say that they
are less likely to choose well than we are ; but I am
persuaded that they are more frequently deceived in
the attachments they form, and their opinions con-
cerning men are less accurate than men's opinion of
their sex. Now, if a lady were to reproach me for
having said this, I should reply that it was only
another way of saying there are more good wives in
the world than there are good husbands, which I
verily believe. I know of nothing which a good and
sensible man is so certain to find, if he looks for it,
as a good wife.

Somebody has said — "Before you marry, be sure of
a house wherein to tarry/' And see, my friend, that
you make your house a home. A house is a mere
skeleton of bricks, lath, plaster and wood ; a home is
a residence, not merely of the body, but of the heart.
It is a place for the affections to develop themselves —
for children to live, and learn, and play in — for
husband and wife to toil smilingly together to make
life a blessing. A house where a wife is a slattern
and a sloven cannot be a home. A house where

220 ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK.

there is no happy fireside, no book, no newspaper —
above all, where there is no religion and no Bible,
how can it be a home ? My bachelor brother, there
cannot, by any possibility, be a home where there is
no wife. To talk of a home without love, we might
as well expect to find a New England fireside in one
of the pyramids of Egypt.

HAVE A HOME.

Married people should never be without a home of
their own from the day when they are united to the
day of their death. By giving it up, they may save
money and avoid trouble, but they are sure to lose
happiness and substantial comfort, and a great part of
the best uses of life. This is true at all times ; but
there are no five years in which it is so important as
those in which it is most frequently disregarded.

Home life is the proper and normal condition of
marriage, and they who have no home of their own
are not much better than half married, after all.

OBJECTIONS ON ACCOUNT OF EXPENSE.

The objection made is the expense; they cannot
afford the first outlay and the continual expenditure
involved ; to which we might give ft first and general
answer, that until we can afford to provide a home we
have no business to be married, but we admit that
the objection lies deeper and is more difficult of
removal than at first appears. It consists in foolish
habits of expenditure and in absurd social ambitions

ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK 221

by which unreal necessities are created, and the prob-
lem of domestic life is made one of almost impossible
solution. It is this that either prevents marriage or
destroys its comfort. When a young woman who is
accustomed to live and dress like a princess and
a man who has always expended his whole in-
come on himself contract an alljance, they must
either have a large income to maintain the accus-
tomed style, or adopt the very unaristocratic expe-
dient of " lodgings " BO as to keep up the appearance
before the world, and economize in comfort for the
sake of being extravagant in show. How much there
is of this, let every American city declare.

A part of the evil, and no small part, is the fault
of the parents who train their daughters so that noth-
ing but wealth can make them happy, and economy
is a virtue vulgar and hateful in their eyes; but
chiefly it is a general lack of good sense, false ideas
of respectability, the want of independence, and al-
most servile subjection to the opinion of what we call
the world, which generally means some fifteen or
twenty of the silliest persons of our acquaintance.

ESSENTIALS TO HAPPINESS.

Two things are essential to happiness in married
life : first, to have a home of one's own ; and second,
to establish it upon such a scale as to live distinctly
and clearly within one's means ; if possible, not quite
up to them, and by no possibility beyond them. A

ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK

great portion of the failures in wedlock may be
traced directly to the neglect of the latter rule. No
man can feel happy or enjoy the comfort of his own
fireside who is spending more than he earns. Debt
destroys his self-respect, puts hinr at variance with
the world, and makes him irritable, ill-tempered, and
hard to please. There is no Christian virtue, no
Christian grace, that can keep company with the bur-
densome annoyance of debt. The thought of unpaid
bills and of rent falling due and unprovided for, de-
stroys the relish of one's food, and awakens him from
the soundest sleep at night, and the luxuries for
which the debts were contracted become loathsome in
his sight. Then comes fault-finding and recrimina-
tion, and love flies out at the window when the
sheriff threatens to come in at the door. Romantic
people may talk as much as they please about indul-
gent husbands and fascinating wives, but the plain
matter of fact is, that no attractions or charms in the
wife, either of person or mind, are more available in
keeping the husband's affection and respect than the
despised virtues of economy and thrift.

By such care for his interests, she confers daily
benefits upon him ; she lessens and cheers his labor ;
she increases his credit and enlarges his prosperity ;
" She will do him good and not evil all the days of
his life."

COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.

CHAPTER 17.

OVE took up the harp of life

And smote on all the strings with

might ;
Smote the chord of self, which

trembling,
Passed in music out of sight.

In point of fact, women
certainly constitute the most
general consideration in life ;
in point of necessity, perhaps the most important one.
In every age and country, they occupy vastly the larger
portion of men's thoughts. The class of common men
dedicate to them their lives; and to ambition, busi-
ness or amusement, they are but the truants of an
hour. The boy dreams of them as the ministers of
a delight, dim but delicious, inexplicable but im-
mense ; the man thinks of them as the authors of a
pleasure, placid yet poignant ; the old turn towards
them as the sources of that comfort which is the
only paradise of age. To gain the favor of a race
whose attractions are so universal and so various,
must be admitted to be an art that is worth some
attention.

224 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA QE.

CHARMS FOR PROCURING LOVE.-
Anciently, talismans and charms were relied on
for procuring love; "but it is now many years since
the only tailsmans for creating love are the charms
of the person beloved," By gracefully displaying
those advantages which nature has given, and by
diligently cultivating the graces which art can be
stow, every man may reasonably hope to succeed in
whatever aspirations he may form in this direction.
In this field, moral qualities prevail far more than
physical ; and while few men are possessed of those
attractions of form and face which sometimes are
successful, all may hope to acquire those qualifica-
tions of character, understanding and manners,
which more often win the esteem of woman.

A WOMAN'S JUDGMENT.

A Woman's common judgment upon this matter
has been accurately expressed by Gibber when he
places in a woman's mouth, the remark, that "the
only merit of a man is his sense, while doubtless the
greatest value of a woman is her beauty." Beauty,
unquestionably, is the master-charm of that sex, and
it is felt to be so by themselves. But while we ob-
serve its value, we cannot but ponder on its dangers.
Their glory is so often their ruin, that what they
make their boast were better called their curse.

LOVE AND MARRIAGE.

This marriage is a terrible thing: ;

'Tis like that well-known trick in the ring

CO UR TSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 225

Where one of a famed equestrian troup
Makes a leap through a golden hoop,
Not knowing at all what may befall
After his getting through it.— THOMAS HOOD.

USAGES OF SOCIETY.

At first sight it would appear as if both love and
marriage were beyond the rules of etiquette; but it
is not so. In society we must conform to the usages
of society, even in the tender emotions of the heart.

LOVE A UNIVERSAL PASSION.

Love is the universal passion. We are all, at one
time or other, conjugating the verb amo.

"He that feels

No love for women, hts no heart for them,
Nor friendship or affectionl he is foe
To all the finer feelings of the soul;
And to sweet Nature's holiest, tenderest ties,
A heartless renegade." •

A LADY'S POSITION.

A ladyfe choice is only negative — that is to say,
she may love, but she cannot declare her love; she
must wait. It is hers, when the time comes, to con-
sent or to decline, but till the time comes she must
be passive. And whatever may be said in jest or
sarcasm about it, this trial of a woman's patience ia
often very hard to bear.

A GENTLEMAN'S POSITION.
A man may, and he will learn his fate at once,

226 COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.

openly declare his passion, and obtain his answer.
In this he has great advantage over the lady. Being
refused, he may go elsewhere to seek a mate, if he
be in the humor; try his fortune again, and mayhap
be the lucky drawer of a princely prize.

To a gentleman seeking a partner for life, we
would say — look to it, that you be not entraped by a
beautiful face.

'Regard not the figure, young man; look at the heart:
The heart of a woman is sometimes deformed."

CONDUCT OF A GENTLEMAN TOWARD LADIES.

A gentleman whose thoughts are not upon mar-
riage should not pay too exclusive attentions to any
one lady. He may call upon all and extend invita-
tions to any or all to attend public places of amuse-
ment with him, or may act as their escort on occa-
sions, and no one of the many has any right to feel
herself injured. But as soon as he neglects oth-
ers to devote himself to a single lady he gives that
lady reason to suppose he is particularly attracted
to her, and there is danger of her feelings becoming
engaged.

CONDUCT OF A LADY TOWARD GENTLEMEN.

Neither should a young lady allow marked atten-
tions from any one to whom she is not especially
attracted, for several reasons: one, that she may not
do an injury to the gentleman in seeming to give his

CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 227

suit encouragement, another, that she may not
harm herself in keeping aloof from her those whom
she might like better, but who will not approach her
under the mistaken idea that her feelings are al-
ready interested. A young lady will on no account
encourage the address of one whom she perceives to
be seriously interested in her unless she feels it pos-
sible that in time she may be able to return his af-
fections. The prerogative of proposing lies with
man, but the prerogative of refusing lies with wom-
an; and this prerogative a lady of tact and kind
heart can and will exercise before her suitor is
brought to the humiliation of a direct offer. She
may let him see that she receives with equal favor
attentions from others, and she may check in a kind
but firm manner his too frequent visits. She should
try, while discouraging him as a lover, to still retain
him as a friend.

A young man who has used sufficient delicacy
and deliberation in this matter, and who, moreover,
is capable of taking a hint when it is offered him,
need not go to the length of a declaration when a
refusal only awaits him.

PREMATURE DECLARATION.

It is very injudicious, not to say presumptuous
for a gentleman to make a proposal to a young lady
on a brief acquaintance. He may be perfectly sat*
isfied as to her merits, but how can he imagine him-
self so attractive as to suppose her equally satisfied

228 COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.

on her part? A lady who would accept a gentleman
at first sight can hardly possess the discretion need-
ed to make her a good wife. Therefore, impatient
and impassioned young man, nurse your ardor for a
while unless you wish to ensure for yourself disap-
pointment.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.

No doubt there is such a thing as love at first
sight, but love alone is a very uncertain foundation
upon which to base marriage. There should be thor-
ough acquaintanceship and a certain knowledge of
harmony of tastes and temperaments before matri-
mony is ventured upon.

TRIFLING WITH A MAN'S FEELINGS.

Some young ladies pride themselves upon the con-
quests which they make, and would not scruple
to sacrifice the happiness of an estimable person to
their reprehensible vanity. Let this be far from
you. If you see clearly that you have become an
object of especial regard to a gentleman, and do not
wish to encourage his addresses, treat him honora-
bly and humanely, as you hope to be used with gen-
erosity by the person who may engage your own
heart. Do not let him linger in suspense; but take
the earliest opportunity of carefully making known
your feelings on the subject. This may be done in
a variety of ways. A refined ease of manner will
satisfy him, if he has any discernment, that his ad'

COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 229

dresses will not be acceptable. Should your natural
disposition render this difficult, show that you wish
to avoid his company, and he will presently with-
draw; but if even this is difficult — and who can lay
down rules for another? — allow an opportunity for
explanation to occur. You can then give him a po-
lite and decisive answer; and be assured that, in
whatever manner you convey your sentiments to
him, if he be a man of delicacy and right feeling,
he will trouble you no further. Let it never be said
of you, that you permit the attentions of an honora-
ble man when you have no heart to give him; or
that you have trifled with the affections of one whom
you perhaps esteem, although you resolve never to
marry him. It may be that his preference gratifies
and his conversation interests you; that you are flat-
tered by the attentions of a man whom some of your
companions admire; and that, in truth, you hardly
know your own mind on the subject. This will not
excuse you. Every young woman ought to know
the state of her own heart; and yet the happiness and
future prospects of many an excellent man have
been sacrificed by such unprincipled conduct.

A POOR TRIUMPH.

It is a poor triumph for a young lady to say, or
to feel, that she has refused five, ten, or twenty offers
of marriage; it is about the same as acknowledging
herself a trifler and coquette, who, from motives of
personal vanity, tempts and induces hopes and ex-

230 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE.

pectations which she has predetermined shall be dis-
appointed. Such a course is, to a certain degree,
both unprincipled and immodest.

A STILL GREATER CRIME.

It is a still greater crime when a man conveys the
impression that he is in love, by actions, gallantries,
looks, attentions, all — except that he never commits
himself — and finally withdraws his devotions, exult-
ing in the thought that he has said or written noth-
ing which can legally bind him.

THE REJECTED LOVER.

Remember that if a gentleman makes a lady an
offer, she has no right to speak of it. If she possess
either generosity or gratitude for offered affection,
she will not betray a secret which does not belong to
her. It is sufficiently painful to be refused, without
incurring the additional mortification of being
pointed out as a rejected lover.

DUTY OF A REJECTED SUITOR.

The duty of the rejected suitor is quite clear. Et-
iquette demands that he shall accept the lady's de-
cision as final and retire from the field. He has no
right to demand the reason of her refusal. If she
assign it, he is bound to respect her secret, if it is
one, and to hold it inviolable.

To persist in urging his suit or to follow up the
lady with marked attentions would be in the worst

CO UBTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 231

possible taste. The proper course is to withdraw as
much as possible from the circles in which she
moves, so that she may be spared reminiscences
which cannot be other than painful.

UNMANLY CONDUCT.

Rejected suitors sometimes act as if they had re-
ceived injuries they were bound to avenge, and so
take every opportunity of annoying or slighting the
helpless victims of their former attentions. Such
conduct is cowardly and unmanly, to say noth-
ing of its utter violation of good breeding.

ENCOURAGING THE ADDRESS OF A GENELEMAN.

If you encourage the addresses of a deserving
man, behave honorably and sensibly. Do not lead
him about as if in triumph: nor take advantage oi
the ascendency which you have gained by playing
with his feelings. Do not seek for occasions to tease
him, that you may try his temper; neither affect in-
difference; nor provoke lovers' quarrels, for the fool-
ish pleasure of reconciliation. On your conduct
during courtship will very much depend the esti-
mation in which you will be held by your husband
in after life.

PROPOSAL OF MARRIAGE.

The mode in which the avowal of love should be
made, must of course, depend upon circumstances.
It would be impossible to indicate the style in which

232 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE.

the matter should be told. The heart and the head
— the best and truest partners — suggest the most
proper fashion. Station, power, talent, wealth, com-
plexion; all have much to do with the matter; they
must all be taken into consideration in a formal re-
quest for a lady's hand. If the communication be
made by letter, the utmost care should be taken that
the proposal be clearly, simply, and honestly stated.
Every allusion to the lady should be made with mark-
ed respect. Let it, however, be taken as a rule that
an interview is best; but let it be remembered that
all rules have exceptions.

FORMS FOR PROPOSALS.

As to the exact words there is no set formula, un-
less we accept those laid down in Dickens' novel of
David Copperfield — "Barkis is willin."

Trollope says on this subject: "We are inclined
to think that these matters are not always discussed
by mortal lovers in the poetically passionate phrase-
ology which is generally thought to be appropriate
for this description. A man cannot well describe
that which he has never seen or heard, but the ab-
solute words and acts of one such scene did once
come to the author's knowledge. The couple were
by no means plebeian or below the proper standard
of high bearing and high breeding; they were a
handsome pair, living among educated people, suffi-
ciently given to mental pursuits, and in every way
what a pair of polite lovers ought to be. The all-

CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 233

important conversation passed in this wise. The
site of the passionate scene was the sea-shore, on
which they were walking, in autumn:

11 Gentleman. — 'Well, miss, the long and the short
of it is this: here I am; you can take me or leave
me.'

"Lady (scratching a gutter on the sand with her
parasol, so as to allow a little salt water to run out
of one hole into another). — 'Of course I know that's
all nonsense/

"Gentleman. — 'Nonsense! By Jove, it isn't non-
sense at all! Come, Jane, here I am; come, at any
rate you can say something/

"Lady. — 'Yes, I suppose I can say something.1

"Gentleman. — 'Well, which is it to be — take me or
leave me?'

"Lady (very slowly, and with a voice perhaps
hardly articulate, carrying on, at the same time, her
engineering works on a wider scale). — 'Well, I dont
exactly want to leave you.'

"And so the matter was settled — settled with
much propriety and satisfaction; and both the lady
and gentleman would have thought, had they ever
thought about the matter at all, that this, the
sweetest moment of their lives, had been graced by
all the poetry by which such moments ought to be
hallowed."

PROPOSAL ACCEPTED.
Supposing the gentleman to be accepted by the

;234 COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.

lady of his heart, he is, of course, recognized hence-
forth as one of the family.

The family of the engaged lady should endeavor
to make the suitor feel that he is at home, however
protracted his visits may be.

PROTRACTED ENGAGEMENTS.

But protracted courtship, or engagements, are if
possible, to be avoided; they are universally embar-
rassing. Lovers are so apt to find out imperfections
in each other-to grow exacting, jealous, and morose.

"Alas ! how slight a cause can move
Dissension between hearts that love."

"ASKING PAPA."

When a gentleman is accepted by the lady of his
choice, the next thing in order is to go at once to her
parents for their approval. In presenting his suit
to them he should remember that it is not from the
sentimental but the practical side that they will re-
gard the affair. Therefore, after describing the state
of his affections in as calm a manner as possible,
and perhaps hinting that their daughter is not in-
different to him, let him at once frankly, without
waiting to be questioned, give an account of his pe-
cuniary resources and his general prospects in life,
in order that the parents may judge whether he can
properly provide for a wife and possible family. A
pertinent anecdote was recently going the rounds of

CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 235

the newspapers. A father asked a young man who
had applied to him for his daughter's hand how
much property he had. "None," he replied, but he
was "chock full of days' work." The anecdote con-
cluded by saying that he got the girl. And we be-
lieve all sensible fathers would sooner bestow their
daughters upon industrious, energetic young men
who are not afraid of days' work than upon idle
loungers with a fortune at their command.

AN ENGAGEMENT RING.

After the engagement is made between the couple
and ratified by the parents, it is customary in polite
society for the young man to affix the seal of this
engagement by some present to his affianced. This
present is usually a ring, and among the wealthy it
may be of diamonds — a solitaire or cluster — and as
expensive as the young man's means will justify.
The ring is not necessarily a diamond one; it may
be of other stones or it may be an heirloom in his
family, precious more because of its associations an-
tiquity and quaintness than from its actual money-
value.

All lovers cannot afford to present their lady-loves
with diamond rings, but all are able to give them
some little token of their regard which will be cher-
ished for their sakes, and which will serve as a me-
mento of a very happy past to the end of life. The
engagement ring should "be worn upon the ring
finger of the right hand.

236 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE.

THE RELATIONS OP AN ENGAGED COUPLE.

Neither should assume a masterful or jealous at-
titude toward the other. They are neither of them
to be shut up away from the rest of the world, but
must mingle in society after marriage nearly the
same as before, and take the same delight in friend-
ship. The fact that they have confessed their love
to each other ought to be deemed a sufficient guar-
antee of faithfulness; for the rest let there be trust
and confidence.

DEMONSTRATIONS OF AFFECTION.

It may be well to hint that a lady should not be
too demonstrative of her affection during the days
of her engagement. There is always the chance of
a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip; and overt demon-
strations of love are not pleasant to remember by a
young lady if the man to whom they are given by
any chance fails to become her husband.

An honorable man will never tempt his future
bride to any such demonstration. He will always
maintain a respectful and decorous demeanor to-
ward her.

KEEPING LATE HOURS.

Very few young men comprehend the real pain
and inconvenience they occasion to the lady of their
choice when they keep her up to untoward hours,

CO URTSHIP AND MARItIA GE. 237

and subject her, in consequence, to the ridicule and
censure of others.

It is not inappropriate to sometimes leave an en-
gaged couple by themselves, but that they should
always be so left, under all circumstances and no
matter at what inconvenience to others, is as absurd
as it is indelicate.

A DOMINEERING LOVER.

No lover will assume a domineering attitude over
his future wife. If he does so, she will do well to
escape from his thrall before she becomes his wife
in reality. A domineering lover will be certain to
be still more domineering as a husband; and from
all such the prayer of wise women is, "Good Lord,
deliver us!"

BREAKING AN ENGAGEMENT.

"Sometimes it is necessary to break off an engage-
ment. Many circumstances will justify this. In-
deed, anything which may occur or be discovered
which shall promise to render the marriage an un-
suitable or unhappy one is and should be accepted
as justification for such a rupture. Still breaking
an engagement is always a serious and distressing
thing, and ought not to be contemplated without
absolute and just reasons.

Whichever is the acting party in the matter must
necessarily feel his or her position one of great deli-
cacy and embarrassment. The step must be taken

238 COURTSHIP AND

firmly yet gently, and everything done to soften the
blow to the other party.

BREAKING AN ENGAGEMENT BY LETTER.

It is generally best to break an engagement by
letter. By this means one can express himself or
herself more clearly, and give the true reasons for
his or her course much better than in a personal in-
terview. The letter breaking the engagement
should be accompanied by everything in the way of
portraits, letters or gifts which have been received
during the engagement.

ACKNOWLEDGING SUCH LETTER.

Such a letter should be acknowledged in a dig-
nified manner, and no efforts should be made or
measures be taken to change the decision of
the writer unless it is manifest that he or she is
greatly mistaken in his or her premises. A simi-
lar return of letters, portraits and gifts should be
made."

THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY.

The marriage ceremony varies with the fortunes
and wishes of those interested.

In regard to the form of the rite, no specific direc-
tions are necessary ; for those who are to be married
by ministers, will study the form of their particular
church — the Methodists their "Book of Discipline,"
the Episcopalians their "Book of Common Prayer/'

CO tiRTS&IP AND MARRIA Gfi. 239

the Catholics their Ritual, etc., etc. In most cases
a rehearsal of the ceremony is made in private, that
the pair may the more perfectly understand the ne-
cessary forms. If the parties are to be wedded by
a magistrate, the ceremony is almost nominal — it is
a mere repetition of a vow. The Catholic and Epis-
copal forms have the most ceremony, and doubtless
are the most impressive, though no more effectual-
ly marrying than the simplest form.

GENERAL RULES.

There are, however; some generally received rules
which govern this momentous and interesting occa-
sion, and to these we refer all interested.

When the wedding is not strictly in private, it is
customary for bridesmaids and groomsmen to be
chosen to assist in the duties of the occasion.

The bridesmaids should be youngerHhan the bride;
their dresses should be conformed to hers; they
should not be any more expensive, though they are
permitted more ornament. They are generally chos-
en of light, graceful material; flowers are the princi-
pal decoration.

The bride's dress is marked by simplicity. But
few jewels or ornaments should be worn, and those
should be the gift of the bridegroom or parents. A
veil and garland are the distinguishing features of
the dress.

The bridesmaids assist in dressing the bride, re-
ceiving the company, etc.; and, at the time of the

240 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA OE.

ceremony, stand at her left side, the first bridesmaid
holding the bouquet and gloves.

The groomsmen receive the clergyman, present
him to the couple to be married, and support the
bridegroom upon the right, during the ceremony.

CONGRATULATIONS AFTER THE CEREMONY.

If it is an evening wedding, at home immediately
after "these twain are made one," they are congrat-
ulated: first by the relatives, then by the friends, re-
ceiving the good wishes of all; after which, they are
at liberty to leave their formal position, and mingle
with the company. The dresses, supper, etc., are
usually more festive and gay than for a morning
wedding and reception, where the friends stop for a
few moments only, to congratulate the newly-mar
ried pair, taste the cake and wine and hurry away.

CEREMONY IN CHURCH.

When the ceremony is performed in church, the
bride enters at the left, with her father, mother, and
bridesmaids; or, at all events, with a bridesmaid.
The groom enters at the right, folio wed by his attend-
ants. The parents stand behind, the attendants at
either side.

The bride should be certain that her glove is read-
ily removable; the groom, that the ring is where he
can find it, to avoid delay and embarrassment.

CO UR TSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 241

LEAVING THE CHURCH.

When they leave the church, the newly-married
couple walk arm-in-arm. They have usually a re-
ception of a couple of hours at home, for their inti-
mate friends, then a breakfast, then leave upon the
"bridal tour."

MARRIAGE-FEES.

A rich man may give to the officiating clergyman
any sum from five dollars to five hundred, according
as his liberality dictates. A person of moderate
means may give from five dollars to twenty.

LET JOY BE UNCONFINED.

On such festive occasions, all appear in their best
attire, and assume their best manners. Peculiari-
ties that pertain to past days, or have been unwarily
adopted, should be guarded against; mysteries con-
cerning knives, forks, and plates, or throwing "an
old shoe" after the bride, are highly reprehensible,
and have long been exploded. Such practices may
seem immaterial, but they are not so. Stranger
guests often meet at a wedding breakfast ; and the
good breeding of the family may be somewhat com-
promised by neglect in small things.

THE WEDDING BREAKFAST.

If the lady appears at breakfast, which is certainly
desirable, she occupies, with her husband, the center

242 COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.

of the table, and sits by his side — her father and
mother taking the top and bottom, and showing all
honor to their guests. When the cake has been cut,
and every one is helped — when, too, the health of
the bride and bridegroom has been drunk, and every
compliment and kind wish has been duly proffered
and acknowledged — the bride, attended by her
friends, withdraws; and when ready for her depar-
ture the newly-married couple start off on their wed-
ding journey, generally about two or three o'clock,
and the rest of the company shortly afterward take
their leave.

SENDING CARDS.

In some circles it is customary to send cards almost
immediately to friends and relations, mentioning at
what time and hour the newly-married couple ex-
pect to be called upon. Some little inconvenience
occasionally attends this custom, as young people
may wish to extend their wedding tour beyond the
time first mentioned, or, if they go abroad, delays
may unavoidably occur. It is therefore better to
postpone sending cards, for a short time at least.

WEDDING CARDS.

Fashions change continually with regard to wed-
ding cards. A few years since they were highly or-
namented, and fantastically tied together; now sil-
ver-edged cards are fashionable; but, unquestiona-
bly, the plainer and more unostentatious a wedding

COUETSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 243

card, the more becoming and appropriate it will be.
No one to whom a wedding-card has not been sent
ought to call upon a newly-married couple.

CALLING- ON A NEWLY-MAKRIED COUPLE.

When the days named for seeing company arrive,
remember to be punctual. Call, if possible, the first
day, but neither before nor after the appointed hour.
Wedding-cake and wine are handed round, of which
every one partakes, and each expresses some kindly
wish for the happiness of the newly-married couple.

A JOYOUS PERIOD.

Taking possession of their home by young people
is always a joyous period. The depressing influence
of a wedding breakfast, where often the hearts of
many are sad, is not felt, and every one looks for-
ward to years of prosperity and happiness.

PROFESSIONAL CALL WHILE RECEIVING CALLS.

If the gentleman is in a profession, and it hap-
pens that he cannot await the arrival of such as call
according to invitation on the wedding-card, an apol-
ogy aust be made, and, if possible, an old friend of
the 1 imily should represent him. A bride must on
no iccount receive her visitors without a mother, or
sister, or some friend being present, not even if her
husband is at home. This is imperative. To do
otherwise is to disregard the visages of society.

244 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GJE.

RETURNING WEDDING VISITS.

"Wedding visits must be returned during the course
of a few days, and parties are generally made for the
newly-married couple, which they are expected to
return. This does not, however, necessarily entail
much visiting; neither is it expected from young
people, whose resources may be somewhat limited,
or when the husband has to make his way in the
world.

THE HOME.

CHAPTER 18.

F the home is graced and sweetened
with kindness and smiles, no mat-
ter how humble the abode, the
heart, will turn lovingly toward
it from all the tumult of the world,
and it will be the dearest spot be-
neath the circuit of the sun. A
single bitter word may disquiet
an entire family for a whole day. One surly glance
casts a gloom over the household, while a smile, like a
gleam of sunshine, may light up the darkest and weari-
est hours. Like unexpected flowers which spring up
along our path, full of freshness, fragrance and beauty,
do kind words and gentle acts and sweet dispositions,
make glad the home where peace and blessing dwell.
The influences of home perpetuate themselves.
The gentle grace of the mother lives in the daughter
long after her head is pillowed in the dust of death ;
and the fatherly kindness feels its echo in the nobility
and courtesy of sons, who come to wear his mantle
and fill his place; while on the other hand, from an
unhappy, misgoverned, and disordered home go forth
persons who shall make other homes miserable, and
perpetuate the sourness and sadness, the contentions
and strifes and railings which have made their early
lives so wretched and distorted.

245

246 THE HOME.

Toward the cheerful home the children gather " as
clouds and as doves to their windows," while from
the home which is the abode of discontent and strife
and trouble they fly forth as vultures to rend their
prey.

The class of men who disturb and distress the
world are not those born and nurtured amid the hal-
lowed influences of Christian homes; but rather
those whose early life has been a scene of trouble and
vexation — who have started wrong in the pilgrimage,
and whose course is one of disaster to themselves and
trouble to those around them.

An ideal home must first have a government, but
love must be the dictator. All the members should
unite to make home happy. We should have light
in our homes, heaven's own pure, transparent light. It
matters not whether home is clothed in blue and
purple, if it is only brim-full of love, smiles and
gladness.

Our boards should be spread with everything good
and enjoyable. We should have birds, flowers, pets,
everything suggestive of sociability. Flowers are as
indispensable to the perfections of the home as to the
perfections of the plant. Do not give them all the
sunniest windows and pleasantest corners, crowding
out the children.

Of the ornamentation about a house, although a
broad lake lends a charm to the scenery, it cannot
compare with the babbliug brook. As the little
streamlet goes tumbling over the rocks, and along the

THE HOME. 247

shallow, pebbly bed, it may be a marvelous teacher
to the children, giving them lessons of enterprise
and perseverance.

In our homes we must have industry and sym-
pathy. In choosing amusements for the children, the
latter element must be brought in. To fully under-
stand the little ones, you must sympathize with them.
When a child asks questions, don't meet it with,
" Oh, don't bother me." Tell it all it wants to know.
Never let your anger rise, no matter how much you
may be tried.

For full and intelligent happiness in the home
circle, a library of the best works is necessary. Do
not introduce the milk and water fiction pf the pre-
sent da}7, but books of character. Oar homes should
have their Sabbath and their family altars. Around
these observances cling many of the softest and most
sacred memories of our lives.

A celebrated observer of American life recently
remarked to us that a great change had come in the
last ten years to the home-life of the country. One
point which he made was, that a great many games of
skill were being played in New England homes to-
day which were not known, or, if known, were for-
bidden by parents ten years ago. Chess, within the
past few years, has won a high place in the popular
regard. It speaks well for a people when such an
intellectual game can become popular. For it takes
brains to play chess even moderately well, and none
but clever and thoughtful people would ever like it.

248 THE HOME.

Checkers are not perhaps more universal, but they
are more fashionable. They have fought their way
into high life, and whereas they once found their
friends in the village tavern and in the farmer's
kitchen, they are now admitted into the parlors of the
wealthy and refined. The games played with histori-
cal cards are also numerous, and many of them
pleasantly exciting, and yon find them in almost
every household. Now this is all very pleasant and
hopeful. It reveals to the thinker the fact that home-
life is more vivacious and happy than it used to be ;
that the long, dull evenings are being enlivened
with sprightly and stimulating amusements, and
that the home circle is charged with attractions
which it once sadly lacked. These games are
helping to make the homes of the country hap-
pier, helping to make the children more contented
with their homes, and in doing this they are helping
to make the country more intelligent and more vir-
tuous. By wise parents these games are looked upon
as God-sends. They solve the problem of home
amusements and recreations.

A great many homes are like the frame of a harp
that stands without strings. In form and outline
they suggest music, but no melody rises from the
empty spaces; and thus it happens that home is unat-
tractive, dreary and dull.

Among home amusements, the best is the old-
fashioned habit of conversation ; the talking over the
events of the day, in bright and quick play of wit and

THE HOME. 249

fancy ; the story that brings the laugh, and the speak-
ing the good and kind and true things which all have
in their hearts. It is not so much by dwelling upon
what members of the family have in common, as
bringing each to the other something interesting and
amusing, that home-life is to be made cheerful and
joyous. Each one must do his part to make conver-
sation genial and happy. We are too ready to con-
verse with newspapers and books, to seek some
companion at the store, hotel or club-room, and to
forget that home is anything more than a place in
which to sleep and eat.

Conversation in many cases is just what prevents
many people from relapsing into utter selfishness at
their own firesides. This is the truest and best
amusement . it is the healthy education of great and
noble characters. There is the freedom, the breadth,
the joyousness of natural life. The time spent thus
by parents, in the higher entertainment of their
children, bears a harvest of eternal blessings, and
these long evenings furnish just the time.

j.t has been said that a " man's manners form his
fortune." Whether this be really so or not, it is
certain that his manners form his reputation — stamp
upon him, as it were, his current worth in the circles
where he moves. If his manners are the product of a
kind heart, they will please, though they be destitute
of graceful polish. There is scarcely anything of
more importance to a child of either sex than good
breeding. If parents and teachers perform their

250 THE HOME.

duties to the young faithfully, there will be compara-
tively few destitute of good manners.

Visit a family where the parents are civil and
courteous toward all within their household, whether
as dwellers or as guests, and their children will have
good manners just as they learn to talk from imita-
tion. But reverse the order of things concerning the
parents, and the children learn ill manners, just as in
the former case they learn good manners, by imita-
tion.

Train children to behave at home as you would
have them act abroad. It is almost certain that they,
while children, conduct themselves abroad as they
would have been in the habit of doing under like cir-
cumstances when at home. " Be courteous," is an
apostolic injunction which all should ever remember
and obey.

Cherish the spirit of kindly affection. Let the
love of childhood find a return, never repulsing the
confiding tenderness every child displays when sur-
rounded by kindly influences. Remember how much
of the joy of life flows from sympathetic mingling of
congenial spirits, and seek to bind such to you closer
and closer with the golden links of affection's easy
bondage.

Cultivate singing in your family. Begin when the
child is not yet three years old. The songs and
hymns your childhood sang, bring them all back to
your memory, and teach them to your little ones ;
mix them all together to meet the varying moods, as

THE HOME. 251

in after life they come over you so mysteriously at
times. Many a time, in the very whirl of business,
in the sunshine and gayety of the avenue, amid the
splendor of the drive in the park, some little thing
wakes up the memories of early youth — the old mill,
the cool spring, the shady tree by the little school-
house — and the next instant we almost see again the
ruddy cheeks, the smiling faces and the merry eyes
of schoolmates, some of whom are gray-headed now,
while most have passed from amid earth's weary
noises. And anon, "the song my mother sang"
springs unbidden to the lips, and soothes and sweet-
ens all these memories. At other times, amid the
crushing mishaps of business, a merry ditty of the
olden time breaks in upon the ugly train of thought,
and throws the mind in another channel ; light breaks
from behind the cloud in the sky, and new courage is
given us. The honest man goes gladly to his work ;
and when the day's labor is done, his tools laid
aside and he is on his way home, where wife and
child, and the tidy table and cheery fireside await
him, how can he but have music in his heart to break
forth so often into the merry whistle or the jocund
song ? Moody silence, not the merry song, weighs
down the dishonest tradesman, the perfidious clerk,
the unfaithful servant, the perjured partner.

OUR GIRLS.

Girls, and especially those who are members of
large families, have much influence at home, where

252 THE HOME.

brothers delight in their sisters, and where parents
look fondly down on their dear daughters, and pray
that their example may influence the boys for good.
Girls have much in their power with regard to those
boys; they have it in their power to make them
gentler, purer, truer, to give them higher opinions
of women ; to soften their manners and ways, to
tone down rough places and shape sharp, angular
corners.

All this, to be done well, must be done by imper-
ceptibly influencing them and giving them an example
of the gentleness and purity, the politeness and ten-
derness we wish them to emulate. When we see
boys careless to their elders, rude in manner and
coarse in speech, and we know that they have sisters,
we often, and I think with reason, conclude that
there must be something wrong, and that the sisters
are not trying to make them bertter boys, but leaving
things alone, letting them go their own course. Per-
haps their excuse would be that they were too much
occupied themselves, and that their own studies and
pursuits prevented them from being able to pay
much attention to their brothers; and " boys will be
boys," you know. By all means, let boys be boys. I,
for one, regard boys too highly to wish them to be
otherwise ; but the roughness and coarseness and
rudeness of which I speak are not necessary ingre-
dients of boyhood ; and it is you, their sisters, who
must prove that they are not. Interest yourselves in
their pursuits, show them, by every means in your

TEE HOME. 253

power, that you do not consider them and their
doings beneath 'your notice ; spare an hour from
your practicing, from your drawing, from your
languages, for their boating or sports, and don't turn
contemptuously away from the books and amusements
in which they delight, as if, though good enough for
them, they are immeasurably below you. Try this
behavior, girls, for a short time ; it will not harm
you, and will benefit them greatly. You will soon
find how a gentle word will turn off a sharp answer ;
how a grieved look will effectually reprove an unfit-
ting expression ; how gratefully a small kindness will
be received, and how unbounded will be the power
for good you will obtain by a continuance of this
conduct.

Equally great will a girl's influence be on her
younger sisters, in whose eyes she is the perfection of
grace and goodness, in whose thoughts she is ever
present. Beautiful, exceedingly beautiful, is the
close friendship between an older and a younger
sister ; but let the elder beware of the influence she
exerts.

If she herself be careless, frivolous, undutiful and
irreligious, the child will inevitably be so, unless the
fatal influence be counteracted by some other holier
one. If she gives sharp answers, or shows but little
regard for truth, let her not be astonished if the little
one be ill-tempered and untruthful, and sorrowful will
be the conviction that she has had not a little to do
with making her so.

254 THE HOME.

In school, too, a girl of determined, resolute char-
acter, will soon take the lead and acquire a certain
influence. School-girls are gregarious, and follow
naturally any one who is stronger minded and more
decided. When the influence is exercised to elevate
the young minds, and give them higher and nobler
aspirations, it is a salutary and beneficial effect of school
life ; but when it is otherwise, it is a very sad one.

Two or three older girls in a school, having a noble
object in view, steadily endeavoring to do right, act-
ing quietly and without ostentation, but seeking
humbly to follow in the footsteps Christ has marked
out for us, may do an immense amount of good. "A
little leaven leaveneth the whole lump."

BOYS.

A boy may be spoiled about as easily as a girl, by
injudicious training. No, we take that back — much
easier. In the first place, then, by leading him to
depend upon his sisters.

Who has not seen the spoiled boy in the man who
could not arrange his tie without calling his wife
from the breakfast-table to help him ? or put on his
coat without she held the sleeves ? or get a drop of
hot water when the kettle was right before him ?

Another way to spoil a boy is to pick up after him.
We hold that there is as much need of neat habits in
a boy as in .the gentler sex ; and this idea of gather-
ing the coat from the sofa, the vest from the rocking-
chair, the boots from the hearth-rug, the collar from

THE HOME. 255

the table, and the neck-cloth from nobody knows
where, is perfectly and superlatively ridiculous.

Again, why is the boy allowed to use coarse, indel-
icate expressions that, from the lips of a girl, would
call forth well-merited rebuke ? Should the mind of
man be made of coarse material because he is expected
to jostle his way through the rude elements of human
nature ? That is not the law of the machinist who
controls dumb matter. Though one engine may be
ponderous and massive, destined for the roughest
work, and another delicate and complicated, there is
the same smoothness of material in both — the same
polish, the same nice finish.

A boy will most surely be spoiled if led to think he
can commit offences against morals, which by the
parents are considered only masculine — not criminal.

Another wrong; thing is to bring a boy up for a
profession, will he nill he. Some parents have a re-
spectable horror for dirt, and cannot think of soiled
hands and a trade with any degree of complacency.
Therefore the world is burdened with burdens to
themselves, in the shape of lawyers, doctors, etc., who
are too poor to live and too poor to die — in comfort.
Finally, the surest way to spoil a boy is not to instil
into his very soul, from the tima he is an infant, a
true reverence for woman, a regard for her virtue as
aacred as the love he bears his mother. .Never let
her name be trifled with in his presence, or her ac-
tions interpreted loosely, else you may hereafter
share the disgrace of having given to the world a

256 THE HOME.

curse more corrupting than all others — a heartless
libertine.

Most boys go through a period when they have
great need of patient love at home. They are awk-
ward and clumsy, sometimes strangely willful and
perverse, and they are desperately conscious of them-
selves, and very sensitive to the least word of censure
or effort at restraint. Authority frets them. They
are leaving childhood, but they have not yet reached
the sober good sense of manhood.

They are an easy prey to the tempter and the
sophist. Perhaps they adopt skeptical views from
sheer desire to prove that they are independent and
can do their own thinking. Now is the mother's
hour. Her boy needs her now more than when he
lay in his cradle. Her finer insight and serener faith
may hold him fast and prevent him from drifting
into dangerous courses. At all events there is very
much that only a mother can do for her son, and that
a son can receive only from his mother in the critical
period of which we are speaking. It is well for him
if she has kept the freshness and brightness of her
youth, so that she can now be his companion and
friend, as well as instructor.

We know not half the power, for good or ill,

Our daily lives possess o'er one another;
A careless word may help a soul to kill,

Or by one look we may redeem our brother.

'Tis not the great things that we do or say,

But idle words forgot as soon as spoken;
The little, thoughtless cleeda of every day

Are stumbling-blocks on which the weak are broken.

DOMESTIC ETIQUETTE AND DUTIES.

CHAPTER 19.

HOME, as well as a larger
community, should be regu-
ulated by well-defined cus-
toms. Said the Vicar of
Wakefield about his family
life: "We all assembled
early, and after we had
saluted each other with
proper ceremony (for I always thought fit to keep up
some mechanical forms of good breeding, without
which, freedom ever destroys friendship), we all knelt
in gratitude to that Being who gave us another day.
So also when we parted for the night."

We earnestly recommend that the precepts and
example of the good old Vicar should be followed and
adopted by every newly-married couple. With regard
to the first, the courtesies of society should never be
omitted, in even the most trivial matters; and as
respects the second", what blessing can be reasonably
expected to descend upon a house wherein the voice of
thanksgiving is never heard, nor yet protection sought
by its acknowledged head !

257

258 DOMESTIC ET1Q, UETTE AND D UTIES.

DUTIES OF THE WIFE.

On the wife especially devolves the privilege and
pleasure of rendering home happy. We shall, there-
fore, speak of such duties and observances as per-
tain to her.

When a young wife first settles in her home, many
excellent persons, with more zeal, it may be, than
discretion, immediately propose that she should de-
vote some of her leisure time to charitable purposes:
such, for instance, as clothing societies for the poor,
or schools, or district visiting. We say with all earn-
estnes to our young friend, engage in nothing of the
kind, however laudable, without previously consult-
ing your husband, and obtaining his full concur-
rence. Carefully avoid, also, being induced by any
specious arguments to attend evening lectures, un-
less he accompanies you. Remember that your
Heavenly Father, who has given you a home to
dwell in, requires from you a right performance of
its duties. Win your husband, by all gentle appli-
ances, to love religion; but do not, for the sake even
of a privilege and a blessing, leave him to spend his
evenings alone. Look often on your marriage ring
and remember the sacred vows taken by you when
the ring was given; such thoughts will go far toward
allaying many of these petty vexations which cir-
cumstances call forth.

DOMESTIC ETiq UETTE AND D UTIES. 259

AVOID ALL CAUSES FOR COMPLAINT.
Never let your husband have cause to complain
that you are more agreeable abroad than at home;
nor permit him to see in you an object of admiration
as respects your dress and manners, when in com-
pany, while you are negligent of both in the domes-
tic circle. Many an unhappy marriage has been oc-
casioned by neglect in these particulars. Nothing
can be more senseless than the conduct of a young
woman, who seeks to be admired in general society
for her politeness and engaging manners, or skill in
music, when, at the same time, she makes no effort
to render her home attractive; and yet that home
whether a palace or a cottage, is the very centre of
her being — the nucleus around which her affections
should revolve, and beyond which she has compara-
tively small concern.

BEWARE OF CONFIDANTS.

Beware of intrusting any individual whatever
with small annoyances, or misunderstandings, be-
tween your husband and yourself, if they unhappily
occur. Confidants are dangerous persons, and many
seek to obtain an ascendency in families by gaining
the good opinion of young married women. Be on
your guard, and reject every overture that may lead
to undesirable intimacy. Should any one presume
to offer you advice with regard to your husband, or
seek to lessen him by insinuations, shun that per-
son as you would a serpent. Many a happy home

260 DOMESTIC ETIQUETTE AND DUTIES.

has been rendered desolate by exciting coolness or
suspicion, or by endeavors to gain importance in an
artful and insidious manner.

REGARDING MONEY MATTERS.
In all money matters, act openly and honorably
Keep your accounts with the most scrupulous exact-
ness, and let your husband see that you take an hon-
est pride in rightly appropriating the money which
he intrusts to you. "My husband works hard for
every dollar that he earns," said a young married
lady, the wife of a professional man, to a friend who
found her busily employed in sewing buttons on her
husbanu'o coat, "and it seems to me worse than cruel
to lay out a dime unnecessarily." Be very careful
also, that you do not spend more than can be afford-
ed in dress; and be satisfied with such carpets and
curtains in your drawing-room as befit a moderate
fortune, or professional income.

How TO KEEP A HOME.

Natural ornaments, and flowers tastefully arrang-
ed, give an air of elegance to a room in which the
furniture is far from costly; and books judiciously
placed, uniformly produce a good effect. A sensible
woman will always seek to ornament her home, and
to render it attractive, more especially as this is the
taste of the present day. The power of association
is very great; light, and air, and elegance, are im-
portant in their effects. No wife acts wisely who per-

D OMESTIC ETiq UETTE AND D UTIE8. 261

mits her sitting-room to look dull in the eyes of him
whom she ought especially to please, and with whom
she has to pass her days.

AVOID CONCEALMENT.

In middle life, instances frequently occur of con-
cealment with regard to money concerns; thus, for
instance, a wife wishes to possess an article of dress
which is too costly for immediate purchase, or a
piece of furniture liable to the same objection. She
accordingly makes an agreement with a seller, and
there are many who call regularly at houses when
the husband is absent on business, and who receive
whatever the mistress of the house can spare from
her expenses. A book is kept by the seller, in which
payments are entered; but a duplicate is never re-
tained by the wife, and therefore she has no check
whatever. We have known an article of dress paid
for in this manner, far above its value, and have
heard a poor young woman, who hasbeenthus duped
•say to a lady, who remonstrated with her: "Alas!
what can I do? I dare not tell my husband." It
may be that the same system, though differing ac-
cording to circumstances, is pursued in a superior
class of life. We have reason to think that it is so,
and therefore affectionately warn our young sisters
to beware of making purchases that require con-
cealment. Be content with such things as you can
honorably afford, and such as your husbands ap-
prove. You can then wear them with every feeling

262 DOMESTIC ETIQ UETTE AND D UTIES.

of self-satisfaction, and have a contented mind.

AVOID ALL BICKERINGS.

Before dismissing this part of our subject, we be-
seech you to avoid all bickerings. What does it sig-
nify where a picture hangs, or whether a rose or
a pink looks best on the drawing-room table? There
is something inexpressibly endearing in small con-
cessions, in gracefully giving up a favorite opinion,
or in yielding to the will of another; and equally
painful is the reverse. The mightiest rivers have
their source in streams; the bitterest domestic mise-
ry has often arisen from some trifling difference of
opinion. If, by chance you marry a man of hasty
temper, great discretion is required. Much willing-
ness, too, and prayer for strength to rule your own
spirit are necessary. Three instances occur to us,
in which, ladies have knowingly married men of
exceedingly violent tempers, and yet have lived
happily. The secret of their happiness consisted in
possessing a perfect command over themselves, and
in seeking, by every possible means, to prevent their
husbands from committing themselves in their pres-
ence.

BECOMING CONDUCT FOR A WIFE.

Lastly, renie. ociber your standing as a lady, and
never approve a. mean action, nor speak an unre-
fined word; let all your conduct be such as an hon-
orable and right-minded man may look for in his

DOMESTIC ETiq UETTE AND D UTIES. 263

wife, and the mother of his children. The slightest
duplicity destroys confidence. The least want of re-
finement in conversation, or in the selection of books
lowers a woman, ay, and forever ! Follow these few
simple precepts, and they shall prove to you of more
worth than rubies; neglect them, and you will know
what sorrow is. They apply to every class of socie-
ty, in every place where man has fixed his dwelling;
and to the woman who duly observes them may be
given the beautiful commendation of Solomon, when
recording the words which the mother of King Le-
muel taught him :

SOLOMON'S DESCRIPTION OP A WOMAN.

"The heart of her husband doth safely trust in
her; she will do him good, and not evil, all the days
of her life. Strength and honor are her clothing;
and she shall rejoice in time to come. Her children
rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and
he praiseth her." — Prov. xxxi.

DUTIES OF A HUSBAND.

We shall now address ourselves exclusively to our
brethren; to them who have taken upon themselves
the sacred and comprehensive names of husband
and of master, who have formed homes to dwell in
and have placed therein, as their companions through
life's pilgrimage, gentle and confiding ones who have
left for them all that was heretofore most dear, and
whom they have sworn to love and to cherish.

264 DOMESTIC JET1Q UETTE AND D UTIES.

THINGS TO REMEMBER.

Remember that you have now, as a married man
a very different standing in society from the one
which you previously held, and that the happiness
of another is committed to your charge. Render,
therefore, your home happy by kindness and atten-
tion to your wife, and carefully watch over your
words and actions. If small disputes arise, and your
wife has not sufficient good sense to yield her
opinion; nay, if she even seems determined to have
her own way, and that tenaciously, do not get angry;
rather be silent and let the matter rest. An oppor-
tunity will soon occur of speaking affectionately, yet
decidedly, on the subject, and much good will be
effected. Master your own temper, and you will
soon master your wife's; study her happiness without
yielding to any caprices, and you will have no rea-
son to regret your self-control.

ACCOMPANY YOUR WIFE TO CHURCH.

Never let your wife go to church alone on Sunday.
You can hardly do a worse thing as regards her
good opinion of you, and the well being of your
household. It is a pitiable sight to see a young wife
going toward the church-door unattended, alone in
the midst of a crowd, with her thoughts dwelling,
it may be very sadly, on the time when you were
proud to walk beside her. Remember that the con-
dition of a young bride is often a very solitary one;

DOMESTIC ETiq UETTE AND D UTIES. 265

and that for your sake she has left her parent's roof,
and the companionship of her brothers and sisters.
If you are a pxufessional man, your wife may have
to live in the neighborhood of a large city, where
she scarcely knows any one, and without those agree-
able domestic occupations, or young associ .
among whom she had grown up. Her garden and
poultry-yard are hers no longer, and the day passes
without the light of any smile but yours. You go
off, most probably after breakfast, to your business
or profession, and do not return till a late dinner;
perhaps even not then, if you are much occupied, or
have to keep up professional connections. It seems
unmanly, certainly most unkind, to let your young
wife go to church on Sunday without you, for the
common-place satisfaction of lounging at home.

A BREACH OF DOMESTIC ETIQUETTE.

To act in this manner is certainly a breach of do-
mestic etiquette. Sunday is the only day in which
you can enable her to forget her father's house, and
the pleasant associations of her girlhood days — in
which you can pay her those attentions which pre-
vent all painful comparisons as regards the past.
Sunday is the day of rest, wisely and mercifully ap-
pointed to loose the bonds by which men are held
to the world; let it be spent by you as becomes the
head of a family. Let no temptation ever induce
you to wish your wife to relinquish attending Di-
vine service, merely that she may "idle at home

266 DOMESTIC ETIQ UETTE AND D UTIES.

with you." Religion is her safeguard amid the tri-
als or temptations of this world, And woe may foe
to you if you seek to withdraw her from its protec-
tion!

YOUR WIFE INTO YOUR CONFIDENCE.

Much perplexity in the marriage state often arises
from want of candor. Men conceal their affairs,
and expect their wives to act with great economy,
without assigning any reason why such should be
the case; but the husband ought frankly to tell his
wife the real amount of his income; for, unless this
is done, she cannot properly regulate her expenses.
They ought then to consult together as to the sum
that can be afforded for housekeeping, which should
be rather below than above the mark.

LET HER MANAGE HER OWN AFFAIRS.

When this is arranged he will find it advantage-
ous to give into her hands, either weekly, monthly,
or quarterly, the sum that is appropriated for daily
expenditure, and above all things to avoid interfer-
ing without absolute necessity. The home depart-
ment belongs exclusively to the wife; the province
of the husband is to rule the house — hers to regu-
late its internal movements. True it is, that some
inexperienced young creatures know but little of
household concerns. If this occur, have patience,
and do not become pettish or illhumored. If too
much money is laid out at first, give advice, kind-

D OMESTIC ETiq UETTE AND D UTIES. 267

ly and firmly, and the young wife will soon learn
how to perform her new duties.

AVOID UNNECESSARY INTERFERENCE.

No good ever yet resulted, or ever will result from
unnecessary interference. If a man unhappily mar-
ries an incorrigible simpleton, or spendthrift, he can-
not help himself. Such, however, is rarely the case.
Let a man preserve his own position, and assist his
wife to do the same; all things will then move to-
gether, well and harmoniously.

BE ALWAYS READY TO PRAISE.

Much sorrow, and many heart-burnings, may be
avoided by judicious conduct in the outset of life.
Husbands should give their wives all confidence.
They have intrusted to them their happiness, and
should never suspect them of desiring to waste their
money. Whenever a disposition is manifested to do
right, express your approbation. Be pleased with
trifles, and commend efforts to excel on every fitting
occasion. If your wife is diffident, encourage her,
and -avoid seeing small mistakes. It is unreasona-
ble to add to the embarrassments of her new condi-
tion, by ridiculing her deficiencies.

AVOID COMPARISONS.

Forbear extolling the previous management of
your mother or your sisters. Many a wife has been
alienated from her husband's family, and many an

268 DOMESTIC ETIQ UETTE AND D UTIES.

affectionate heart has been deeply wounded by such
injudicious conduct; and, as a sensible woman will
always pay especial attention to the relations of her
husband, and entertain them with affectionate polite-
ness, the husband on his part should always cordial-
ly receive and duly attend to her relations. The re-
verse of this, on either side, is often productive of
unpleasant feelings.

CONCLUSION.

Lastly, we recommend every young married man,
who wishes to render his home happy, to consider
his wife as the light of his domestic circle, and to
permit no clouds, however small, to obscure the re-
gion in which she presides. Most women are natur-
ally amiable, gentle and complying; and if a wife
becomes perverse and indifferent to her home, it is
generally her husband's fault. He may have neg-
lected her happiness; but nevertheless it is unwise
in her to retort, and, instead of faithfully reflecting
the brightness that still may shine upon her, to give
back the dusky and cheerless hue which saddens
her existence. Be not selfish, but complying in small
things. If your wife dislikes cigars — and few young
women like to have their clothes tainted by tobacco
— leave off smoking; for it is at best, an ungentle-
manly and dirty habit. If your wife asks you to
read to her, do not put your feet upon a chair and
go to sleep. If she is fond of music, accompany her
as you were wont when you sought her for a bride.

DOMESTIC ETIQ UETTE AND D UTIE8. 269

The husband may say that he is tired, and does not
like music, or reading aloud. This may occasionally
be true, and no amiable woman will ever desire her
husband to do what would really weary him. We,
however, recommend a young man to practice some-
what of self-denial, and to remember that no one
acts with a due regard to his own happiness who lays
aside, when married, those gratifying attentions
which he was ever ready to pay the lady of his love;
or those rational sources of home enjoyment which
made her look forward with a bounding heart to be-
come his companion through life.

Etiquette is a comprehensive term; and its obser-
vances are nowhere more to be desired than in the
domestic circle.

TABLE ETIQUETTE.

CHAPTER 20.

^ HERE the corps of servants is
large, so that the arrange-
ments of the day are not
disturbed thereby, it is cus-
tomary to let the members
of the family breakfast at
their own proper hour. Each
one comes in without ceremony whenever it pleases
him or her to do so. In smaller households a good
deal of inconvenience would attend such a course, and
it is well to insist upon punctuality at a reasonable
hour. Nevertheless, at this first meal of the day a
certain amount of freedom is allowed which would be
unjustifiable at any other time. The head of the
house may read his morning paper, and the other
members of the family may look over their corre-
spondence if they choose. And each may rise and
leave the table when business or pleasure dictates,
without waiting for a general signal.

270

TABLE ETiq UETTE. 271

THE BREAKFAST-TABLE.

The breakfast-table should be simply decorated,
yet it may be made extremely attractive, with its
snowy cloth and napkins, its array of glass, and its
ornamentation of flowers and fruit.

Queen Victoria has set the fashion of placing the
whole loaf of bread upon the table with a knife by
its side, leaving the bread to be cut as it is desired.
However, the old style of having the bread already
cut when it is placed upon the table will still recom-
mend itself to many. In eating, bread must always
be broken, never cut, and certainly not bitten.

Fruit should be served in abundance at the break-
fast-table. There is an old adage which declares
that "fruit is golden in the morning, silver at noon
and leaden at night."

GENERAL RULES FOR BEHAVIOR AT TABLE.

Tea and coffee should never be poured into a
saucer.

If a person wishes to be served with more tea or
coffee, he should place his spoon in the saucer. If
he has had sufficient, let it remain in the cup.

If anything unpleasant is found in the food, such
as a hair in the bread or a fly in the coffee, remove
it without remark. Though your own appetite be
spoiled, it is well not to spoil that of others.

Never if possible, cough or sneeze at the table. If
you feel the paroxysm coming on, leave the room.

272 TABLE ETIQUETTE.

It may be worth while to know that a sneeze may
be stifled by placing the finger firmly upon the up-
per lip.

Fold your napkin when you are done with it and
place it in your ring, when at home. If you are
visiting, leave your napkin unfolded beside your
plate.

Never hold your knife and fork upright on each
side of your plate while you are talking.

Do not cross your knife and fork upon your plate
until you have finished.

When you send your plate to be refilled, place
your knife and fork upon one side of it or put them
upon your piece of bread.

Eat neither too fast nor too slow.

Never lean back in your chair nor sit too near or
too far from the table.

Keep your elbows at your side, so that you may
not inconvenience your neighbors.

Do not find fault with the food.

The old-fashioned habit of abstaining from tak-
ing the last piece upon the plate is no longer observ-
ed. It is to be supposed that the vacancy can be
supplied if necessary.

If a plate is handed you at table, keep it yourself
instead of passing it to a neighbor. If a dish is
passed to you, serve yourself first, and then pass it.

TABLE JETIQ UETTE. 273

LUNCHEON.

Luncheon is a recognized institution in our large
cities, where business forbids the heads of families
returning to dinner until a late hour.

There is much less formality in the serving of
lunch than of dinner. Whether it consists of one
or more courses, it is all set upon the table at once.
When only one or two are to lunch, the repast is
ordinarily served upon a tray.

DINNER.

We have already spoken at some length of cere-
monious dinners, so that all we need speak of in this
place is the private family dinner. This should al-
ways be the social hour of the day. Then parents
and children meet together, and the meal should be
of such length as to allow of the greatest sociality.
Remember the old proverb that "chatted food is
half digested."

It may not be out of place to quote here an anec-
dote from the French, which will illustrate, in most
respects, the correct etiquette of the dining-table.

The abbe Casson, a professor in the College Maza-
rin, and an accomplished litterateur, dined one day
at Versailles with the abbe de Radonvilliers, in com-
pany with several courtiers and marshals of France.
After dinner, when the talk ran upon the etiquette
and customs of the table, the abbe Casson boasted
of his intimate acquaintance with the best dining-
out usages of society.

274 TABL E ETIQ UETTE.

The abbe Delille listened to his account of his own
good manners for a while, but then interrupted him
and offered to wager that at the dinner just served
\Q had committed numberless errors or impropri-
eties.

"How is it possible!" demanded the abbe. "I did
exactly like the rest of the company."

"Nonsense!" exclaimed the other. "You did a
hundred things which no one else did. First, when
you sat down at the table, what did you do with
your napkin?"

"My napkin? Why, just what everybody else
did: I unfolded it and fastened it to my button-
hole."

"Ah, my dear friend," said Delille, "you were the
only one of the party who did that. No one hangs
his napkin up in that style. They content them-
selves with placing it across their knees. And what
did you do when you were served to soup?"

"Like the others, surely. I took my spoon in my
right hand and my fork in the left — "

"Your fork! Who ever saw any one eat bread
out of a soup-plate with a fork before ? After your
soup what did you eat?"

"A fresh egg."

"And what did you do with the shell?

"Handed it to the servant."

"Without breaking it?"

"Yes, without breaking it up, of course."

"Ah, my dear abbe, nobody ever eats an egg with-

TABLE ETIQUETTE. 275

out breaking the shell afterward," exclaimed Abbe
Delille. "And after your egg?"

"I asked the abbe Eadonvilliers to send me a piece
of the hen near him."

"Bless my soul! a piece of the hen? One should
never speak of hens out of the hennery. You should
have asked for a piece of fowl or chicken. But you
say nothing about your manner of asking for wine."

"Like the others, I asked for claret and cham-
pagne."

"Let me inform you that one should always ask
for claret wine and champagne wine. But how did
you eat your bread?"

"Surely I did that properly. I cut it with my
knife into small mouthfuls and ate it with my
fingers."

"Bread should never be cut, but always broken
with the fingers. But the coffee — how did you man-
age that?"

"It was rather too hot, so I poured a little of it in-
to my saucer and drank it."

"Well, then, you committed the greatest error.
You should never pour either coffee or tea into your
saucer, but always let it cool and drink it from the
cup."

It is unnecessary to say that the abbe was deeply
mortified at his evident ignorance of the usages of
polite society.

MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE,

CHAPTER 21.

OME contend that mere in-
tercourse with the world
gives a habit and taste for
those modest and obliging
observances which consti-
tute true politeness; but
this is an error. Propriety
of deportment is the valu-
able result of a knowledge
of one's self, and respect
for the rights of others ; it
is a feeling of the sacrifices
which are imposed on self-esteem by our own social
relations ; it is, in short, a sacred requirement of har-
mony and affection. But the usage of the world is
merely the gloss, or rather the imitation of propriety ;
and when not based upon sincerity, modesty and
courtesy, it consists in being inconstant in everything,
and in amusing itself by playing off its feelings and
ridicule against the defects and excellencies of others.
Thanks to custom — it is sufficient, in order to be rec-
ognized as amiable, that he who is the subject of a
malicious pleasantry may laugh as well as the author
of it.

276

MISCELLANEO US R ULES 277

PRESENTS AMONG FRIENDS.

Among friends, presents ought to be made of
things of small value; or, if valuable, their worth
should be derived from the style of the workman-
ship, or from some accidental circumstance, rather
than from the inherent and solid richness. Especi-
ally never offer to a lady a gift of great cost: it is
in the highest degree indelicate, and looks as if you
were desirous of placing her under an obligation to
you, and of buying her good will. The gifts made
by ladies to gentlemen are of the most refined na-
ture possible: they should be little articles not pur-
chased, but deriving a priceless value as being the
offspring of their gentle skill; a little picture from
their pencil, or a trifle from their needle.

PRESENTS TO MARRIED LADIES.

Unmarried ladies should not accept presents from
gentlemen to whom they are neither related nor en-
gaged. A married lady may occasionally accept a
present from a gentleman who is indebted to her for
hospitality.

PRESENTS BY MARRIED LADIES.

Presents made by a married lady to a gentleman
should be in the name of both herself and her hus-
band.

Never make a gift which is really beyond or out
of proportion to your means. For you may be sure

278 MISCELLANEOUS RULES

the recipient is thinking, even if he have the good
breeding to say nothing, that you had best kept it
yourself.

PRAISING PRESENTS.

If you make a present, and it is praised by the
receiver, you should not yourself commence under-
valuing it. If one is offered to you, always accept
it; and however small it may be, receive it with
civil and expressed thanks, without any kind of af-
fectation. Avoid all such deprecatory phrases, as
"I fear I rob you," etc.

MAKING PARADE.

A present should be made with as little parade
arid ceremony as possible. If it is a small matter,
a gold pencil-case, a thimble to a lady, or an affair
of that sort, it should not be offered formally, but
in an indirect way, — left in her basket, or slipped on
to her finger, by means of a ribbon attached to it
without a remark of any kind.

How TO RECEIVE A PRESENT.
Receive a present in the spirit in which it is given
and with a quiet expression of thanks. On the
other hand, never, when what you have given is ad-
mired, spoil the effect by saying it is of no value, or
worse still, that you have no use for it, have others,
or anything of that kind. Simply remark that you
are gratified at finding it has given pleasure.

MISCELLANEO US R ULJLS 279

KEFUSING A GIFT.

Never refuse a gift if offered in kindness unless
the circumstancess are such that you cannot with
propriety or consistency receive it. Neither in re-
ceiving a present make such comments as "I am
ashamed to rob you;" "I am sure I ought not to take
it," which seem to indicate that your friend cannot
afford to make the gift.

VALUE OF PKESENTS.

In the eyes of persons of delicacy, presents are of
no worth, except from the manner in which they are
bestowed; strive then to gain them this value.

GOVERNING OUR MOODS.

We should subdue our gloomy moods before we
enter society. To look pleasantly and to speak kind-,
ly is a duty we owe to others. Neither should we
afflict them with any dismal account of our health
state of mind or outward circumstances. It is pre-
sumed that each one has trouble enough of his own
to bear without being burdened with the sorrows of
others.

CIVILITY DUE TO ALL WOMEN.

Chesterfield says, "Civility is particularly due to
all women; and, remember, that no provocation
whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil to
v *y woman; and the greatest man would justly be

2SO MISCELLANEOUS RULES

reckoned a brute if he were not civil to the mean-
est woman. It is due to their sex, and is the only
protection they have against the superior strength
of ours; nay, even a little is allowable with women;
and a man may, without weakness, tell a woman
she is either handsomer or wiser than she is."

KEEPING ENGAGEMENTS.

Keep your engagements. Nothing is ruder than
to make an engagement, be it of business or pleasure
and break it. If your memory is not sufficiently
retentive to keep all the engagements you make
stored within it, carry a little memorandum book,
and enter them there.

REQUISITES TO GAIN ESTEEM.

Chesterfield says, "As learning, honor, and virtue
are absolutely necessary to gain you the esteem and
admiration of mankind, politeness and good breed-
ing are equally necessary to make you welcome and
agreeable in conversation and common life. Great
talents, such as honor, virtue, learning, and arts,
are above the generality of the world, who neither
possess them themselves nor judge of them rightly
in others; but all people are judges of the lesser tal-
ents, such as civility, affability, and an obliging,
agreeable address and manner; because they feel the
good effects of them, as making society easy and
Basing."

MISCELLANEOUS RULES 281

CONTEMPT AND HAUGHTINESS.

Contempt and haughtiness are never wise and
never politic. Pride is a losing game, play it with
whom you please. Courtesy is the only way to deal
with the courteous, and the best way to deal with
the rude. "There is nothing, so savage and un-
couth, that a little care, attention, and complaisance
will not tame it into civility."

TALKING OF YOURSELF.

Talk as little of yourself as possible^ or of any
science or business in which you have acquired fame.
There is a banker in New York who is always cer-
tain to pccupy the time of every party he gets into,
by talking of his per cents, and boasting that he be-
gan life without a cent — which every one readily be-
lieves; and if he were to add that he began life in a
pig-pen, they would believe that too.

A FILTHY HABIT.

Spitting is a filthy habit, and annoys one in al-
most every quarter, in-doors and out. Since vul-
garity has had its way so extensively amongst us,
every youth begins to smoke and spit before he has
well cut his teeth. Smoking is unquestionably so
great a pleasure to those accustomed to it, that it
must not be condemned, yet the spitting associated
with it detracts very much from the enjoyment. No
refined person will spit where ladies are present or

282 MISCELLANEOUS RULES

in any public promenade; the habit is disgusting in
the extreme, and one would almost wish that it
could be checked in public by means of law.

AVOID LOUD CONVERSATION.

If you are in a public room, as a library or read-
ing-room, avoid loud conversation or laughing which
may disturb others. At the opera, or a concert be
profoundly silent during the performances; if you
do not wish to hear the music, you have no right to
interfere with the enjoyment of others.

In private, watch your thoughts; in your family,
watch your temper; in society, watch your tongue.

CONSULTING YOUR TIME-PIECE.

Frequent consultation of the watch or time-pieces
is impolite, either when at home or abroad. If at
home, it appears as if you were tired of your com-
pany and wished them to be gone; if abroad, as if
the hours dragged heavily, and you were calculat-
ing how soon you would be released.

REMOVING THE HAT.

A gentleman never sits in the house with his hat
on in the presence of ladies for a single moment.
Indeed, so strong is the force of habit, that a gentle-
man will quite unconsciously remove his hat on en-
tering a parlor, or drawing-room, even if there is no
one present but himself,

MISCELLANEO US It, ULES 283

SMOKING IN PRESENCE OF LADIES.

It is not deemed polite and respectful to smoke in
the presence of ladies, even though they are amia-
ble enough to permit it. A gentleman, therefore, is
not in the habit of smoking in the parlor, for if
there is nobody present to object, it leaves a smell in
the room which the wife has good reason to be mor-
tified at, if discovered by her guests.

RELINQUISHING A SEAT FOR LADIES.

If you are in attendance upon a lady at any opera,
concert, or lecture, you should retain your seat at her
side; but if you have no lady with you, and have
taken a desirable seat, you should if need be, cheer-
fully relinquish it in favor of a lady, for one less el-
igible.

A MAN'S PRIDE AND PRINCIPLES.

A man's pride should dwell in his principles and
not in his demeanor. He should be above thinking
anything which may be unworthy of his nature,
and above doing anything which may lessen his
character or impair his honor; but he should not be
above illustrating his rank and breeding by gentle-
ness and kindness.

AVOID RELIGIOUS TOPICS.

Religious topics should be avoided in conversa-
tion, except where all are prepared to concur in a

284 MISCELLANEO US R ULES

respectful treatment of the subject. In mixed soci«
eties the subject should never be introduced.

Do not touch any of the ornaments in the houses
where you visit; they are meant only for the use of
the lady of the house, and may be admired but not
touched.

ATTENTION TO YOUNG PEOPLE IN SOCIETY.

In society all should receive equal attention, the
young as well as the old. "If we wish our young
people to grow up self-possessed and at ease, we
must early train them in these graces by giving
them the same attention and consideration we do
those of maturer years. If we snub them and sys-
tematically neglect them, they will acquire an awk-
wardness and a deprecatory manner which it will
be very difficult for them to overcome. We sin-
cerely believe that that which is considered the
natural gaucherie of young girls results more from
the slights which they are constantly receiving and
constantly expecting to receive, than from any real
awkwardness inherent in their age."

REVERENTIAL REGARD FOR RELIGION.

A reverential regard for religious observances,
and religious opinions, is a distinguishing trait of a
refined mind. Whatever your opinions on the sub
ject, you are not to intrude them on others, per-
haps to the shaking of their faith and happiness.

Never read in company. A gentleman or lady

MISCELLANEO US R ULLS 285

may however, look over a book of engravings with
propriety.

ABSENT MINDEDNESS.

Absence of mind is usually affected, and springs
in most cases from a desire to be thought abstracted
in profound contemplations. The world, however,
gives a man no credit for vast ideas who exhibits
absence when he should be attentive, even to trifles-
The world is right in this, and I would implore
every studious youth to forget that he is studious
when he enters company. I have seen many a man
who would have made a bright character otherwise,
affect a foolish reserve, remove himself as far from
others as possible, and in a mixed assembly, where
social prattle or sincere conversation enlivened the
hearts of the company, sit by himself abstracted in
a book. It is foolish, and, what is worse for the
absentee, it looks so.

AFFECTATION.

There is nothing more diligently to be avoided
than every species of affectation. It is always de-
tected; and it always disgusts. It is as often found
among people of fashion now, as a hundred years
since.

CONFIDENCE AND SECRESY.

There are few points in which men are more fre-
quently deceived than in the estimate which they

286 MISCELLANEO US R UL&S

form of the confidence and secresy of those to whom
they make communications. People constantly make
statements of delicacy and importance which they
expect will go no farther and will never be repeated;
but the number of those who regard the obligation
of silence even as to the most particular affairs, is
extremely small.

A WOMAN'S GOOD NAME.

Let no man speak a word against a woman at any
time, or mention a woman's name in any company
where it should not be spoken. A person at an
English dinner-party once made an after-dinner
speech, in which he was loud in his abuse of the
sex. When he had concluded, a gentleman whose
indignation was aroused remarked: "I hope the
gentleman refers to his own mother, wife and sisters
and not to ours."

Civility is particularly due to all women ; and no
provocation whatsoever can justify a man in not be-
ing civil to every woman, no matter what her station
in life may be ; the greatest man would justly be
reckoned a brute, if he were not civil to the meanest
woman. It is due to all women, and is the only
protection they have against the superior strength
of man.

SINGING IN COMPANY.

A lady in company should never exhibit any
anxiety to sing or play; but if she intends to do so,

MISCELLANEOUS RULES 28?

she should not affect to refuse when asked, but
obligingly accede at once. If you cannot sing or
do not choose to, say so with seriousness and gravi-
ty, and put an end to the expectation promptly.
After singing once or twice, cease and give place to
others. There is an old saying, that a singer can
with the greatest difficulty be set agoing, and when
agoing, cannot be stopped.

GENTLEMEN AT EVENING-PARTIES.

At an evening party, a gentleman should abstain
from conversing with the members of the family at
whose house the company are assembled, as they
wish to be occupied with entertaining their other
guests. A well-bred man will do all that he can in
assisting the lady of the house to render the even-
ing pleasant. He will avoid talking to men, and
will devote himself entirely to the women, and es-
pecially to those who are not much attended to by
others.

ACCEPTING AN INVITATION.

If a lady accepts an invitation, nothing but the
most cogent necessity amounting to an absolute pre-
vention, should be permitted to interfere with her
keeping her word. To decline at a late period, after
having accepted, is, I believe, invariably felt to be
a rudeness and an insult; and it will be resented in
some civil way.

288 MISCELLANEO US R ULES

EXPRESSING UNFAVORABLE OPINIONS.

When you find that one of your friends appears
to be attracted by a young lady, and to be attentive
to her, you should be extremely careful how you ex-
press to him any unfavorable opinion about her, or
indulge in any derogatory remarks. If he should
make her his wife, the remembrance of your obser-
vations will make a constant awkwardness between
you.

CHECKING HIMSELF IN CONVERSATION.

If a person in conversation has begun to say
something, and has checked himself, you should
avoid the tactless error so often committed, of insist-
ing on hearing him. Doubtless there was some rea-
son for his change of intention, and it may make
him feel unpleasantly to urge him forward accord-
ing to his first impulse.

CAUTIOUSNESS AND SEFL-CONTROL.

Cautiousness, and the check of an habitual self-
control, should accompany the mind of every one
who launches out in animated conversation. When
the fancy is heated, and the tongue has become rest-
less through exercise, and there is either a single
listener or a circle, to reward display, nothing but
resolute self-recollection can prevent the utterance
of much that had better been left unsaid.

MISCELLANEO US R ULES 289

AVOID ARGUMENT.

Avoid opposition and argument in conversation.
Rarely controvert opinions; never contradict senti-
ments. The expression of a feeling should be re-
ceived as a fact which is not the subject of confuta-
tion. Those who wrangle in company render them-
selves odious by disturbing the equanimity of their
companion, and compelling him to defend and give
a reason for his opinion, when perhaps he is neither
capable nor inclined to do it.

CIVILITY.

Civilities always merit acknowledgment; trivial
and personal ones by word; greater and more dis-
tant ones by letter. If a man sends you his book,
or pays any other similar compliment, you should
express your consideration of his courtesy, by a
note.

COURTESY.

Courtesy is a habit of which the cultivation is
recommended by the weightiest and most numerous
motives. We are led to it by the generous purpose
of advancing the happiness of others, and the more
personal one of making ourselves liked and courted.
When we see how the demagogue is driven to affect
it, we learn how valuable the reality will be to us.
"It is like grace and beauty," says Montaigne; "it
begets regard and an inclination to love one at the

290 MISCELLANEO US It ULES

first sight, and in the very beginning of an acquaint-
ance."

IMPROPER ACTIONS AND ATTITUDES.

Never pass between two persons who are talking
together; and never pass before any one when it is
possible to pass behind him. When such an act is
absolutely necessary, always apologize for so doing.

GOOD MAXIMS.

Bishop Beveridge says, "Never speak of a man's
virtues before his face or his faults behind his back."

Another maxim is, "In private watch your
thoughts; in your family watch your temper; in so-
ciety watch your tongue."

POLITENESS.

Politeness has been defined as benevolence in small
things. A true gentleman is recognized by his re-
gard for the rights and feelings of others, even in
matters the most trivial. He respects the individu-
ality of others, just as he wishes others to respect
his own. In society he is quiet, easy, unobtrusive ;
putting on no airs, nor hinting by word or manner
that he deems himself better, wiser, or richer than
any one about him. He is never " stuck up," nor
looks down upon others, because they have not titles,
honors, or social position equal to his own. He
never boasts of his achievements, or angles for com-
pliments by affecting to underrate what he has done.

MISCELLANEO US R ULES 291

WASHINGTON'S MAXIMS.

Mr. Sparks has given to the public a collection
of Washington's maxims which he called his "Rules
of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company." We
give these rules entire, as they cannot fail to both
interest and profit the reader:

1. Every action in company ought to be with
some sign of respect to those present.

2. In the presence of others sing not to yourself
with a humming voice, nor drum with your fingers
or feet.

3. Speak not when others speak, sit not when
others stand and walk not when others stop.

4. Turn not your back to others, especially in
speaking; jog not the table or desk on which anoth-
er reads or writes; lean not on any one.

5. Be no flatterer, neither play with any one that
delights not to be played with

6. Bead no letters, books or papers in company;
but when there is a necessity for doing it, you must
not leave. Come not near the books or writings of
any one so as to read them unasked; also look not
nigh when another is writing a letter.

7. Let your countenance be pleasant, but in seri-
ous matters somewhat grave.

8. Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of
another, though he were your enemy.

9. They that are in dignity or office have in all
places precedency, but whilst they are young, they

MISCELLANEOUS RULES

ought to respect those that are their equals in birth
or other qualities, though they have no public
charge.

10. It is good manners to prefer them to whom
we speak before ourselves, especially if they be above
us, with whom in no sort we ought to begin.

11. Let your discourse with men of business be
short and comprehensive.

12. In visiting the sick do not presently play the
physician if you be not knowing therein.

13. In writing or speaking give to every person
his due title according to his degree and custom of
the place.

14. Strive not with yonr superiors in argument,
but always submit your judgment to others with
modesty.

15. Undertake not to teach your equal in the art
he himself professes; it savors of arrogancy.

16. When a man does all he can, though it suc-
ceeds not well, blame not him that did it.

17. Being to advise or reprehend any one, con-
sider whether it ought to be in public or in private,
presently or at some other time, also in what terms
to do it; and in reproving show no signs of choler,
but do it with sweetness and mildness.

18. Mock not nor jest at anything of importance;
break no jests that are sharp or biting; and if you
deliver anything witty or pleasant, abstain from
laughing thereat yourself.

19. Wherein you reprove another be unblamable

MISCELLAXEO US ft VLES 293

yourself, for example is more prevalent than pre-
cept.

20. Use no reproachful language against any one,

neither curses nor revilings.

21. Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the
disparagement of any one.

22. In your apparel be modest, and endeavor to
accommodate nature rather than procure admiration-
Keep to the fashion of your equals, such as are civil
and orderly with respect to time and place.

23. Play not the peacock, looking everywhere
about you to see if you be well decked, if your
slices fit well, if your stockings set neatly and
clothes handsomely.

24. Associate yourself with men of good quality
if you esteem your own reputation, for it is better
to be alone than in bad company.

25. Let your conversation be without malice or
envy, for it is a sign of tractable and commendable
nature; and in all causes of passion admit reason to
govern.

26. Be not immodest in urging your friend to dis*
cover a secret.

27. Utter not base and frivolous things amongst
grown and learned men, nor very difficult questions
or subjects amongst the ignorant, nor things hard
to be believed.

28. Speak not of doleful things in time of mirth
nor at the table; speak not of melancholy things, as
death and wounds; and if others mention them,

294 MISVELLANEO US R ULES

change, if you can the discourse. Tell not your
dreams but to your intimate friends.

29. Break not a jest when none take pleasure in
mirth. Laugh not aloud, nor at all without occasion.
Deride no man's misfortunes, though there seem to
be some cause.

30. Speak not injurious words, neither in jest nor
earnest. Scoff at none, although they give occa-
sion.

31. Be not forward, but friendly and courteous,
the first to salute, hear and answer, and be not pen-
sive when it is time to converse.

32. Detract not from others, but neither be exces-
sive in commending.

33. Go not thither where you know not whether
you shall be welcome or not. Give not advice with-
out being asked; and when desired, do it briefly.

34. If two contend together, take not the part of
either unconstrained, and be not obstinate in your
opinion; in things indifferent be of the major side.

35. Reprehend not the imperfection of others, for
that belongs to parents, masters and superiors.

36. Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of
others, and ask not how they came. What you may
speak in secret to your friend deliver not before
others.

37. Speak not in an unknown tongue in company
but in your own language; and that as those of
quality do, and not as the vulgar. Sublime matters
treat seriously.

MISCELLAXEO US R ULES 295

38. Think before you speak; pronounce not im-
perfectly, nor bring out your words too hastily, but
orderly and distinctly.

39. When another speaks, be attentive yourself,
and disturb not the audience. If any hesitate in his
words, help him not, nor prompt him without being
desired; interrupt him not, nor answer him till his
speech be ended.

40. Treat with men at fit times about business, and
whisper not in the company of others.

41. Make no comparisons; and if any of the com-
pany be commended for any brave act of virtue com-
mend not another for the same.

42. Be not apt to relate news if you know not the
truth thereof. In discoursing of things you have
heard, name not your author always. A secret dis-
cover not.

43. Be not curious to know the affairs of others,
neither approach to those that speak in private.

44. Undertake not what you cannot perform; but
be careful to keep your promise.

45. When you deliver a matter, do it without pas-
sion and indiscretion, however mean the person
may be you do it to.

46. When your superiors talk to anybody, hear
them; neither speak nor laugh.

47. In disputes be not so desirous to overcome as
not to give liberty to each one to deliver his opin-
ion, and submit to the judgment of the major part,
especially if they are judges of the dispute..

296 MISCELLANEO US R ULES

48. Be not tedious in discourse, make not many
digressions, nor repeat often the same matter of dis-'
course.

49. Speak no evil of the absent, for it is unjust.

50. Be not angry at table, whatever happens; and
if you have reason to be so show it not; put on a
cheerful countenance, especially if there be strangers
for good humor makes one dish a feast.

51. Set not yourself at the upper end of the table;
but if it be your due, or the master of the house
will have it so, contend not, lest you should trouble
the company.

52. When you speak of God or his attributes, let
it be seriously, in reverence and honor, and obey
your natural parents.

53. Let your recreations be manful, not sinful.

54. Labor to keep alive in your breast that little
spark of celestial fire called conscience.

PRINCIPLES OF GOOD-BREEDING.
The principles of good-breeding are all found-
ed in generosity. We must educate ourselves into
those feelings which teach us to consult the welfare
and comfort of others, and to bow ourselves to the
restraints of honor. It is only by discipline and ef-
fort that we can attain to that elevation of charact-
er. But high as the result may be, it is always obe-
dient to those endeavors; and every man may
take home to himself the assurance that time and
toil will enable him to reach the last and loftiest

MISCELLANEO US H, ULES 297

conclusions in that department, and be honored and
respected by all.

ATTENTION TO SMALL MATTERS.

There is nothing, however minute in manners,
however insignificant in appearance that does not
demand some portion of attention from a well-bred
and highly-polished young man or woman. An
author of no small literary renown, has observed,
that several of the minutest habits or acts of some
individuals may give sufficient reasons to guess at
their temper. The choice of a dress, or even the
folding and sealing of a letter, will bespeak the
shrew and the scold, the careless and the negligent

WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE.

CHAPTER 22.

HE wife of the chief-justice is
the first lady in the land, and
takes precedence of all others.
She holds receptions and re-
ceives calls, but she alone is
excluded from all duty of re-
turning calls.

Next in rank comes the wife
of the President.

SOCIAL DUTIES OP THE PRESIDENT.
It is customary for the President to give several
state dinners and official receptions during each ses-
sion of Congress. Besides these, there are also gen-
eral receptions, at which time the White House is
open to the public and any citizen of the United
States has the recognized right of paying his re-
spects to the President.

PRESIDENTIAL RECEPTIONS.

On the days appointed for the regular "levees" the
doors of the White House are thrown open, and the
world is indiscriminately invited to enter them.

298

WASHINGTON ETIQ UETTE. 299

No special dress is required to make one's ap-
pearance at this republican court, but every one
dresses according to his or her own taste or fancy.
The fashionable carriage or walking-dress is seen
side by side with the uncouth homespun of the back-
woodsman and his wife.

Nor are there any forms or ceremonies to be com-
plied with to gain admittance to the presidential
presence. You enter, an official announces you,
and you proceed directly to the President and his
wife and pay your respects. They exchange a few
words with you, and then you pass on, to make room
for the throng that is pressing behind you. You
may loiter about the rooms for a short time, chat-
ting with acquaintances or watching the shifting
panorama of faces, and then go quietly out, and the
levee is ended for you.

PRIVATE CALL UPON THE PRESIDENT.

If you wish to make a private call upon the Pres-
ident, you will find it necessary to secure the com-
pany and influence of some official or special friend
of the President. Otherwise, though you will be
readily admitted to the White House, you will prob-
ably fail in obtaining a personal interview.

SOCIAL DUTIES OP CABINET OFFICERS AND THEIR
FAMILIES.

The ladies of the family of a Cabinet officer should

300 WASHING TON ET1Q UETTE

hold receptions every Wednesday during the season
from two or three o'clock to half-past five. On these
occasions the houses should be open to all. Refresh-
ments and an extra number of servants are provid-
ed. The refreshments for these receptions may be
plain, consisting of chocolate, tea, cakes, etc.

Every one who has called and left a card at a
Wednesday receptions is entitled to two acknowl-
edgments of the call. The first must be a returning of
the call by the ladies of the family, who at the same
time leave the official card of the minister. The
second acknowledgment of the call is an invitation
to an evening reception.

Cabinet officers are also expected to entertain at
dinners Senators, Representatives, justices of the
Supreme Court, the diplomatic corps, and many oth-
er public officers, with the ladies of their families.

The season proper for receptions is from the first
of January to the beginning of Lent. The season
for dinners lasts until the adjournment of Congress.

SOCIAL DUTIES OF CONGRESSMEN AND THEIR
FAMILIES.

It is optional with Senators and Representatives,
as with all officers except the President and mem-
bers of the Cabinet, wrhetherthey shall "entertain."

"There is a vast expense in all this, but that is not
all. The labor and fatigue which society imposes
upon the ladies of the family of a Cabinet officer
are fairly appalling. To stand for hours during

WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 301

receptions at her own house, to stand at a series of
entertainments at the houses of others whose invita-
tions courtesy requires should be accepted, and to re-
turn, in person all the calls made upon her, are a
few of the duties of the wife of a high official. It
is doubtful if her husband, with the cares of state,
leads so really laborious a life.w

BUSINESS.

CHAPTER 23.

is thought by many that among business
men is the last place to look for politeness ;
but in no place is it more necessary.

Many a man has lost a good customer,
or missed making a profitable bargain, by
a sharp, abrupt answer to a civil question.
Many pages could be compiled showing
instances where great advantages have been derived
from practising politeness and suavity in the most im-
portant matters, as well as in trifling business affairs.
Here, as elsewhere, the golden maxim of " doing
unto others as we wish to be done by," shines out in
resplendent brightness.

Never keep a man listening to you during busi-
ness hours. You may have all your business done
for the day, while he may be cogitating how to meet a
note or buy a cargo.

Letters asking information should always enclose
envelope and return stamp.

Avoid asking your correspondent to transact any

THE FORGED SIGNATURE.

&V8H7JBSB. 305

business for you, that in its nature does not admit
of repayment. Time to a business man is money.

If you should happen to be a bank teller, be as
civil to the most coarsly clad as to the most elabo-
rately dressed. Remember that the poor man of to-
day may be the millionaire of to-morrow. So that,
even as a business speculation, it pays to be polite.

The lamented George Peabody and the great
Lafitte were as approachable to the poorest, having
business with them, as if they themselves did not
own the shoes they stood in.

Politeness even to the most inferior person, like
bread cast upon the waters, may return after many
days, — even long after you may have forgotten all
about the incident.

No matter how pressing your business may be in
thronged marts or crowded banks, — if you jostle a
man, however accidentally, always raise your hat,
and look an apology, even where you have no chance
of speaking one.

Keep your temper in discussing all business affairs;
let your opponent in a controversy put himself in
the wrong if he wishes to do so; but let your calm
politeness disarm his blustering rudeness.

But if the great merchant or the great banker
owes courteous and polite treatment to those he comes
in contact with, the duty of being polite and pleas-
ant is doubly incumbent upon the rising man or the
man hoping to rise.

It is not good taste when meeting in business

304 BUSINESS.

hours to go into any long detail or discussion of mat-
ters foreign to the subject on which you have called.

Even in speaking of your business affairs, be as
brief as is consistent with clearness. Remember
that a short call in business hours is likely to be a
pleasant one.

We often hear of the rudeness of would-be aristo-
crats; but generally impoliteness departs with coarse
habits. A man would not be tolerated in good socie-
ty, however rich he might be, who brought with
him the manners of a boor.

Truly has the poet said, "'tis manners make the
man, the want of it the fellow;" and it behooves a
man in every station, and under every possible cir-
cumstance, to be as agreeable as possible to every
one he meets with.

Let your reply to any interrogation be given free-
ly and willingly, although you may not see how it
is going to benefit you.

Set an example to your clerks and other employ-
ees. Speak kindly, even where it is necessary to re-
prove them for any shortcomings.

Consideration for the feelings of others is the main
thing.

On no occasion, nor under any temptation, mis-
lead or falsify. Temporarily the advantage may
come from it eventually you are sure to be the loser.

Never by word or deed falsify in representing an
article to be better than you know it really to be.

To break an appointment is the height of ill-man-

BUSINESS. 305

ners, in any case; but to break an appointment with
a business man, is likev/ise a positive wrong. How
little do you know what sacrifices he may be making
to keep his engagement good.

When circumstances inevitably prevent your keep-
ing an appointment, at once write, or, what is still
better, send a special message to that effect.

Make it a rule to reply to all letters immediately.

Never even glance at any mercantile book or pa-
per which may accidentally be left open before you.

Do not listen to any business conversation carried
on by persons near you, and which they evidently
don't desire you to overhear.

Do not inflict upon a mere business acquaintance
a tedious recital of your gains and losses. Every
man has just as much of his own affairs to think
about as he cares to employ his mind upon.

It may seem a trite remark, but true politeness is
often shown by not neglecting to "shut the door."

Call on a business man at business times only, and
on business; transact your business, and go about
your business, in order to give him time to finish his
business.

ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.

CHAPTER 24.

•NE of the pleasant customs which
is coming into general favor is
that of celebrating anniversary
weddings. Special anniversa-
ries are designated by special
names, indicating the presents
suitable on each occasion.

THE PAPER WEDDING.

The first anniversary is called the paper wed-
ding. The invitations to this wedding should be
issued on a gray paper, representing thin card-
board.

Presents from the guests are appropriate, but not
by any means obligatory. These presents, if given,
should be only of articles made of paper. Thus, boxes
of note-paper and envelopes, books, sheets of music,
engravings and delicate knickknacks of papier mache
are all appropriate for this occasion.

THE WOODEN WEDDING.

We celebrate the wooden wedding on the fifth an-
niversary of the marriage. The invitations for

306

ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 307

this wedding, if it is desired to make them appro-
priate to the occasion, should be upon thin cards of
wood. They may also be written on a sheet of wed-
ding note-paper, and a card of wood enclosed in the
envelope.

The presents suitable to this occasion are very
numerous, and may range from a wooden paper-
knife or trifling article for kitchen use up to a com-
plete set of chamber or parlor furniture.

THE TIN WEDDING.

The tenth anniversary of the marriage calls for
the tin wedding. The invitations for this anniver-
sary may be made upon cards covered with tin-foil,
or upon the ordinary wedding note-paper, with a
tin card enclosed.

Those guests, who desire to accompany their con-
gratulations with appropriate presents, have the
whole list of articles manufactured by the tinner
irom which to select.

THE CRYSTAL WEDDING.

Next in order comes the crystal wedding being
the fifteenth anniversary. Invitations to this wed-
ding may be on thin transparent paper, on colored
sheets of prepared gelatine or on ordinary wedding
note-paper, enclosing a sheet of mica.

The guests make their offerings to their host and
hostess of trifles of glass, which are more or less
valuable, as the donor feels inclined.

308 ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.

THE CHINA WEDDING.

The china wedding takes place on the twen-
tieth anniversary of the wedding-day. Invitations
to this anniversary wedding should be issued on
exceedingly fine, semi-transparent note-paper or
cards.

Various articles for the dining or tea-table or for
the toilet-stand, vases or mantel ornaments, all are
appropriate on this occasion.

THE SILVER WEDDING.

The silver wedding is celebrated on the twenty-
fifth marriage anniversary. The invitations given
for this wedding should be upon the finest note-pa-
per, printed in bright silver, with monogram or
crest upon both paper and envelope, in silver also.

If presents are offered by any of the guests, they
should be of silver, and may be mere trifles or more
expensive, as the means and inclinations of the do-
nors incline them to present.

THE GOLDEN WEDDING.

At the close of the fiftieth year of married life is
the time for the golden wedding. Fifty years of
married happiness should indeed be crowned with
gold.

The invitations for this anniversary celebration
should be printed on the finest note-paper in gold,
with crest or monogram on both envelope and pa-

ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 309

per in highly-burnished gold. The presents, if any,
are also in gold.

THE DIAMOND WEDDING.

Few, there are that celebrate their diamond wed-
ding. This is celebrated on the seventy-fifth anni-
versary of the marriage-day. So rare is this occur-
rence that custom has given us no particular style
or form to be observed in the invitations. These
invitations may be issued upon diamond-shaped
cards, enclosed in envelopes of a corresponding
shape. There can be no general offering of presents
at such a wedding, since diamonds in any number
are beyond the means of most persons.

PRESENTS AT ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.

It is not required that an invitation to an anni-
versary wedding be acknowledged by a valuable
gift, or indeed by any. The donors on such occa-
sions are usually only members of the family or in-
timate friends.

On the celebration of golden or silver weddings
it is a good plan to have printed at the bottom of
the invitation the words "No presents," or to enclose
a card reading thus:

"It is preferred that no wedding gifts be offered."

It is perfectly proper, though, not at all obliga-
tory, at the earlier anniversaries to present trifles in
paper, wood, tin, glass or china, which, if well chos-
en, often add to the amusement and sociability of
the evening.

310 ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.

INVITATIONS TO ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.

Invitations of this character vary somewhat in
wording, depending largely upon the fancy of the
writer, but must embody certain similar features,
such as date of marriage, what anniversary, date and
place of anniversary, etc.

The following is a good form :

1866—1891.
The pleasure of your company is requested at the

Silver Wedding Inception

Mr. & Mrs. Grover Cleveland,

Thursday Evening, CMay 14, at nine o'clock,
346 Grand Av.t N. Y. C.

R. S. V. P.

This form is equally suitable for any anniversary
by varying the dates and inserting instead of " silver,"
the word "paper," "wooden," "tin," "crystal,"
" china," " golden," or " diamond."

THE CEREMONY.

It is quite common to have the marriage cere-
mony repeated at these anniversary weddings, more

ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 311

especially at the silver or golden wedding. The
earlier anniversaries are rather too trivial occasions
upon which to introduce this ceremony, especially
since the parties may not yet have had sufficient
time to discover whether an application for divorce
may not yet be deemed necessary by one or the other.
But there is a certain impressiveness in seeing a hus-
band and wife who have remained faithful to each
other for a quarter or half a century publicly re-
newing their vows of fidelity and love, which then
can only mean "till death us do part." The clergy-
man who officiates on this occasion will of course so
change the exact words of the marriage ceremony
as to make them perfectly appropriate to the occa*
sion,

FUNERALS.

CHAPTER 25.

HE hired mutes and heavy trap-
pings of woe which are still in
use at funerals in England are
entirely abandoned in this
country.

All manner of ostentation
should be carefully avoided.
Mourning is rejected by many
persons of intelligence, who think it a temptation to
extravagance, and who regard it, moreover, as requir-
ing too much thought and trouble when the mind is
ovewhelmed with real grief.

INVITATIONS TO A FUNERAL.

On the mournful occasion when death takes place,
the most proper course is to announce the decease in
the newspaper. An intimation that friends will kindly
accept such notice, appended to the announcement,
saves a large amount of painful correspondence.

Near relations, and those whose presence is desired
at the funeral, should be communicated with by let-
ter, upou mourning paper ; the depth of the mourn-

312

FUNERALS. G13

ing border depending on the age, or position, of the
deceased.

Private invitations are usually printed in forms
something like the following:

" You are respectfully invited to attend the funeral
of John Jones on Friday, June 3, 18 — , at 11 A. M,,
from his late residence, 417 Washington street (or
from Grace M. E. Church.) To proceed to Grace-
wood Cemetery.

These invitations should be delivered by a pri-
vate messenger.

Whether other invitations are sent or not, notes
must be sent to those who are desired to act as pall-
bearers.

CHARGE OP AFFAIRS AT A FUNERAL.

The arrangements for the funeral are usually left
to the undertaker, who best knows how to proceed,
and who will save the family of the deceased all
the cares and annoyances at the time they are least
fitted to meet them.

Such details as usually do not fall to the under-
taker are entrusted to some relative or friend who
is acquainted with business. This friend should have
an interview with the family or some representative
of it, and learn what their wishes may be and re-
ceive from them a limit of expenses.

EXPENSE OF FUNERAL.
As to this limit, let it be born in mind that it

314 FUNERALS.

should alwaysbe according to the means of the fami-
ly; that nothing can excuse an extravagance and dis-
play at a funeral which must be indulged in at the
expense of privation afterward, or perhaps, worse
still, at that of the creditors. Pomp and display
are at all times out of keeping with the solemn occa-
sion and inconsistent with real grief

GENERAL RULES OF ETIQUETTE CONCERNING
HOUSES OF MOURNING.

No one should call upon a bereaved family while
the dead remains in the house, and they are excus-
able if they refuse to see friends and relatives.

Upon a death occurring in a house, it is desirable
that some outward sign should be given to keep
away casual visitors. The usual means of doing
this is by tying black crape upon the bell or door-
knob, with a black ribbon if the person is married
or advanced in years, with a white one if young and
unmarried. The customs of different localities des-
ignate when this crape should be removed.

CONVEYANCES FOR A FUNERAL.
For those friends specially invited, carriages should
be furnished to take them to the cemetery. A list
of invited persons should be given to the undertak-
er, that he may know the order in which they, are to
be placed in the carriages.

EXHIBITING THE CORPSE.
If the guests are invited to go from the house to

FUNERALS. 315

the church, the corpse is usually exposed in the
drawing-room, while the family are assembled in
another apartment. If the guests go directly to the
church, the coffin is placed in front of the chancel,
and after the services the lid is removed and friends
pass up one aisle, past the coffin, from the feet to the
head, and down the other aisle out.

RECEIVING GUESTS AT A FUNERAL.
If the services are held at the house, some near
friend or relative will receive the guests. The ladies
of the family do not show themselves at all. The
gentleman may do as they please.

PROCEEDING TO THE CEMETERY.

The procession moves from the door just one hour
after the time set for the funeral.

In England the male friends only, follow the corpse
to its final resting place. In this country it is prop-
er for the female friends and relatives to do so if they
desire it, as they generally do.

The carriage occupied by the clergyman precedes
the hearse. The carriage immediately following the
hearse is occupied by the nearest relatives, the fol-
lowing carriages by the more remote relations.

While the mourners pass out to enter the carria-
ges the guests stand with uncovered heads. No sal-
utations are given or received. The person who has
been selected to officiate as superintendent of cere-
monies assists the mourners to enter and alight from
the carriages,

316 FUNERALS.

Sometimes the private carriage of the deceased is
placed in the procession, empty, immediately behind
the hearsa

The horse of a deceased mounted officer, fully
equipped and draped in mourning, may be led im-
mediately after the hearse.

In towns and villages where the cemetery is near
at hand it is customary for all to proceed to it on
foot. The hat must be removed when the coffin is
carried from the hearse to the church or back, when
the guests may form a double line, between which
it passes.

At the cemetery the clergyman or priest walks in
advance of the coffin.

FLOWERS AT A FUNERAL.

It is the custom to deck the corpse and coffin
with flowers, but it is some what expensive. Upon the
coffin of an infant or a young person a wreath of
flowers should be placed, upon that of a married
person a cross. These flowers should always fee
white. Friends sending flowers should send them
in time to be used for decorative purposes.

OTHER DECORATIONS UPON THE COFFIN.

If the deceased be a person of rank he generally
bears some insignia of his rank upon his coffin-lid.
Thus, a deceased army or naval officer will have
his coffin covered with the national flag, and his hat,
epaulettes, sword and sash laid upon the lid.

FUNERALS. 317

AFTER THE FUNERAL.

Guests should not return to the house of mourn-
ing after the funeral. "In some sections it is cus-
tomary to conclude the ceremonies of the day with
a dinner or banquet, but this is grossly out of place
and not to be tolerated by any one of common sense
and refinement. If friends have come from a dis-
tance, it may sometimes be a matter of necessity to
extend a brief hospitality to them; but if the guests
can avoid this necessity, they should do so. This
hospitality should be of the quietest sort, and in no
manner become an entertainment.

It is the cruelest blow which can be given be-
reaved friends to fill the house with strangers or in-
different acquaintances and the sound of feasting at
a time when they desire of all things to be left alone
with their sorrw."

NOTIFICATION OF DEATH.

An English custom, which is beginning to be
adopted in America, is to send cards deeply edged
in black to relatives and friends upon which are
printed or engraved the name of the deceased, with
his age and date of his death. These cards must
be immediately acknowledged by letters of condo-
lence and offers of assistance, but on no account by
personal visits within a short time after the fu-
neral.

OBLIGATION TO ATTEND A FUNERAL.
Every one except those who are themselves in

318 FUNE&ALS.

deep affliction are under obligation to attend a fu«
neral to which they have been invited.

SECLUSION OF THE BEREAVED FAMILY.

No one of the immediate family of the deceased

should leave the house between the time of the

death and the funeral. A lady friend should make

all necessary purchases and engage seamstresses, etc.

PERIOD OF MOURNING.

On this subject we quote from a modern writer
who says:

"Those who wish to show themselves strict obser-
vers of etiquette keep their houses in twilight se-
clusion and sombre with mourning for a year, or
more, allowing the piano to remain closed for the
same length of time. But in this close observance
of the letter of the law its spirit is lost 'entirely.

It is not desirable to enshroud ourselves in gloom
after a bereavement, no matter how great it has been.
It is our duty to ourselves and to the world to re-
gain our cheerfulness as soon as we may, and all
that conduces to this we are religiously bound to ac-
cept, whether it be music, the bright light of heaven,
cheerful clothing or the society of friends.

At all events, the moment we begin to chafe
against the requirements of etiquette, grow wearied
of the darkened room, long for the open piano and
look forward impatiently to the time when we may
lay aside our mourning, from that moment we are

PVNERALS. 319

slaves to a law which was originally made to serve
us in allowing us to do unquestioned what was sup-
posed to be in true harmony with our gloomy feel-
ings.

The woman who wears the badge of widowhood
for exactly two years to a day, and then puts it off
suddenly for ordinary colors, and who possibly has
already contracted an engagement for a second mar-
riage during these two years of supposed mourning,
confesses to a slavish hypocrisy in making an osten-
tatious show of a grief which has long since died a
natural (and shall we not say a desirable?) death.

In these respects let us be natural, and let us
moreover, remember that, though the death of
friends brings us real and heartfelt sorrow, yet it is
still a time for rejoicing for their sakes."

DRESS.

CHAPTER 26.

ELL-BRED people give care-
ful attention to their per-
sonal appearance. If vanity,
pride or prudery have fre-
quently given to these atten-
tions the names of coquetry,
ambition or folly, it is no
reason why they should be
neglected.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS.

First impressions are apt to be permanent ; it is there-
fore of importance that they should be favorable. The
dress of an individual is that circumstance from which
you first form your opinion of him. It is even more
prominent than manner. It is indeed the only thing
which is remarked in a casual encounter, or during
the first interview.

What style is to our thoughts, dress is to our per-
sons. It may supply the place of more solid qualities,
and without it the most solid are of little avail. Num-
bers have owed their elevation to their attention to the
toilet. Place, fortune, marriage have all been lost by
neglecting it.

320

DRESS. 321

CONSISTENCY IN DKESS.

Your dress should always be consistent with your
age and your natural exterior. That which looks
ill on one person, will be agreeable on another. As
success in this respect depends almost entirely upon
particular circumstances and personal peculiarities,
it is impossible to give general directions of much
importance. We can only point out the field for
study and research, it belongs to each one's own
genius and industry to deduce the results. Howev-
er ugly you may be, rest assured that there is some
style of habiliment which will make you passable.

PLAIN DRESSING.

The plainest dress is always the most genteel, and
a lady that dresses plainly will never be dressed un-
fashionably.

Next to plainness in every well-dressed lady is
neatness of dress and taste in the selection of colors.

Too RICH DRESSING.

If we were allowed to say anything to the ladies
concerning dress in a dictatorial way, and were sure
of being obeyed, we should order them generally to
dress less. How often do we see a female attired in
the height of fashion, perfectly gorgeous in costume,
sweeping along the dusty street, perspiring under
the weight of her finery — dressed, in fact, in a man-
ner fit only for a carriage. This is a very mistaken

322 DRESS.

and absurd fashion, and such people would be as-
tonished to see the simplicity of real aristocracy ai
regards dress.

ELEGANT DRESSING.

Some ladies perhaps imagining that they are defi-
cient in personal charms — and we are willing to be-
lieve that there are such, although the Chesterfield-
ian school of philosophers would ridicule the idea —
endeavor to make their clothes the spell of their at-
traction. With this end in view, they labor by lav-
ish expenditure to supply in expensive adornment
what they lack in beauty of form or feature. Un-
fortunately for their success, elegant dressing does
not depend upon expense. A lady might wear the
costliest silks that Italy could produce, adorn herself
with laces from Brussels which years of patient toil
are required to fabricate; she might carry the jewels
of an Eastern princess around her neck and upon
her wrists and fingers, yet still, in appearance, be es-
sentially vulgar. These were as nothing without
grace, without adaptation, without a harmonious
blending of colors, without the exercise of discrim-
ination and good taste.

APPROPRIATE AND BECOMING DRESS.

The most appropriate and becoming dress is that

which so harmonizes with the figure as to make the

apparel unobserved. When any particular portion

of it excites the attention, there is a defect, for the

DRESS. 323

details should not present themselves first but the
result of perfect dressing should be an elegant woman,
the dress commanding no especial regard. Men are
but indifferent judges of the material of a lady's
dress; in fact, they care nothing about the matter.
A modest countenance and pleasing figure, habited
in an inexpensive attire, would win more attention
from men, than awkwardness and effrontery, clad in
the richest satins and the costliest gems.

NEGLECT OF DRESS.

There are occasionally to be found among both
sexes, persons who neglect their dress through a ri-
diculous affectation of singularity, and who take
pride in being thought utterly indifferent to their
personal appearance. Millionaires are very apt to
manifest this characteristic, but with them it gener-
ally arises through a miserly penuriousness of dis-
position; their imitators, however, are even more de-
ficient than they in common sense.

HABITUAL ATTENTION TO ATTIRE.

Lavater has urged that persons habitually atten-
tive to their attire, display the same regularity in
their domestic affairs. He also says: "Young wom-
en who neglect their toilet and manifest little con-
cern about dress, indicate a general disregard of
order — a mind but ill adapted to the details of house-
keeping— a deficiency of taste and of the qualities
that inspire love."

324 VJRES&

AN AMIABLE EXTERIOR.

The desire of exhibiting an amiable exterior is
essentially requisite in a young lady, for it indicates
cleanliness, sweetness, a love of order and propriety,
and all those virtues which are attractive to their
associates, and particularly to those of the other sex.

Chesterfield asserts that a sympathy goes through
every action of our lives, and that he could not help
conceiving some idea of people's sense and character
from the dress in which they appeared when intro-
duced to him.

Another writer has remarked that he never yet
met with a woman whose general style of dress was
chaste, elegant and appropriate, that he did not
find her on further acquaintance to be, in dispo-
sition and mind, an object to admire and love.

DRESS T&E APPROPRIATE FINISH OF BEAUTY.

The fair sex have the reputation of being passion-
ately fond of dress, and the love of it has been said
to be natural to women. We are not disposed to
deny it, but we do not regard it as a weakness nor a
peculiarity to be condemned. Dress is the appro-
priate finish of beauty. Some one has said that,
"Without dress a handsome person is a gem, but a
gem that is not set, But dress," he further remarks,
"must be consistent with the graces and with na-
ture.

DRESS. 32*

TASTE.

"Taste," says a celebrated divine, "requires a con-
gruity between the internal character and the exter-
nal appearance; the imagination will involuntarily
form to itself an idea of such a correspondence.
First ideas are, in general, of considerable conse-
quence. I should therefore think it wise in the fe»
male world to take care that their appearance should
not convey a forbidding idea to the most superficial
observer."

SIMPLICITY IN DKESS.

As we have already remarked, the secret of per*
feet dressing is simplicity, costliness being no essen-
tial element of real elegance. We have to add that
everything depends upon the judgment and good
taste of the wearer. These should always be a har-
monious adaptation of one article of attire to anoth-
er, as also to the size, figure and complexion of the
wearer. There should be a correspondence in all
parts of a lady's toilet, so as to present a perfect en*
tirety. Thus, when we see a female of light, deli*
cate complexion, penciling her eyebrows until they
are positively black, we cannot but entertain a con-
tempt for her lack of taste and good sense. There
is a harmony in nature's tints which art can never
equal, much less improve.

DELICACY AND HARMONY.
A fair face is generally accompanied by blue eyest,

326 DltESS.

light hair, eyebrows and lasses. There is a delica*
cy and harmonious blending of correspondences
which are in perfect keeping; but if you sully the
eyebrows with blackness, you destroy all similitude
of feature and expression, and almost present a de-
formity.

USING PAINTS.

We cannot but allude to the practice of using
paints, a habit strongly to be condemned. If for no
other reason than that poison lurks beneath every
layer, inducing paralytic affections and premature
death, they should be discarded — but they are a dis-
guise which deceives no one, even at a distance;
there is a ghastly deathliness in the appearance of
the skin after it has been painted, which is far re-
moved from the natural hue of health.

COLOR AND COMPLEXION.

A lady has to consider whai colors best suit her
complexion. Blue, for instance, never looks well
upon those of a dark complexion; nor pink upon
those of a florid complexion. Yellow is a very try-
ing color, and can only be worn by the rich-toned
brunettes. Attention to these particulars is most
important. Longitudinal stripes in a lady's dress
make her appear taller than she really is, and are,
therefore, appropriate for a person of short stature.
Flounces give brevity to the figure, and are there'
fore only adapted to tall persons.

327

Every article of dress should be well made, how-
ever plain the style, or inexpensive the material,

DRESS TO SUIT THE OCCASION.

The dress should always be adapted to the occa-
sion. Nothing is more proper for the morning than
a loosely made dress, high in the neck, with sleeves
fastened at the wrist with a band, and belt. It looks
well, and is convenient. For a walking dress, the
skirt should be allowed only just to touch the ground;
for While a train looks well in the drawing-room/
and is inconspicuous in a carriage or opera-box, it
serves a very ignoble purpose in sweeping the street.
Ladies' shoes for walking should be substantial,
to keep the feet dry and warm. If neatly made
and well fitted, they need not be clumsy.

Hats are now fashionable for morning walks, and
they are both pretty and convenient.

EVENING DRESS.

Evening dress means full dress, in the common
acceptation of the term. It will serve for dinner,
opera, evening-party, everything but the ball. Ball
dresses are special. With regard to evening dress
and ball dress no explicit directions can be given.
The fashion-books declare what is to be worn, and
the dressmaker is the interpreter of the fashion.
Still, individual taste should be exerted, and no
slavish adherance given in to fashion at the sacri-
fice of grace or elegance.

328 DRESS.

BRIGHT-COLORED GLOVES.

Deep and bright-colored gloves are always in bad
taste; very few persons are careful enough in select-
ing gloves. Light boots and dark dresses, dark
boots and light dresses, are indicative of bad taste.
A girl with neatly and properly dressed feet, with
neat, well-fitting gloves, smoothly-arranged hair, and
a clean well-made dress, — who walks well, and speaks
well, and above all, acts politely and kindly, is a
lady. Fine acts and obtrusive airs are abashed be-
fore such propriety and good taste. Fine feathers
do not always make fine birds.

NEVER DRESS ABOVE YOUR STATION.

Never dress above your station; it is a grevious
mistake, and leads to great evils, besides being the
proof of an utter want of taste.

Care more for the nice fitting of your dress than
for its material. An ill-made silk is not equal in its
appearance to the plainest material well made.

THINKING ABOUT YOUR DRESS.

Never appear to be thinking about your dress, but
wear the richest clothes and the plainest with equal
simplicity. Nothing so destroys a good manner as
thinking of what we have on. Never keep a morn-
ing visitor waiting while you change your dress.
You ought always to be fit to be seen; and it is bet-
ter to present yourself in your ordinary attire than

DRESS. 329

to be guilty of the ill-breeding of keeping your ac-
quaintance waiting while you make an elaborate
toilette.

Never spend more than you can afford on your
dress; but endeavor by care, neatness, and ingenui-
ty, to make up for expenditure.

MORNING-DRESS FOR HOME.

A dress for morning wear at home may be more
simple than for visiting, or for hotel or boarding-
house. A busy housewife will find it desirable to
protect her dress with an ample apron. The hair
should be plainly arranged, without ornament.

MORNING-DRESS FOR VISITOR.

For breakfasting in public or at the house of a friend
a wrapper is not allowable. A dress with a closely-
fitting waist should be worn. This for summer may
be of cambric, or other wash-goods, either white or
figured; in winter plain woolen goods, simply made
should be adopted.

MORNING-DRESS FOR STREET.

The morning-dress for the street should be plain
in color and make, and of serviceable material.
The dress should be short enough to clear the ground.
White skirts are out of place, the colored ones now
found everywhere in stores being much more appro-
priate.

In stormy weather a large waterproof with hood

330 DRESS.

will be found more convenient than an umbrella,
which is troublesome to carry and often difficult to
manage.

The hat should be plain and inexpensive, match-
ing the dress as nearly as possible, and displaying
no superfluous ornament.

Jewelry is out of place in any of t*he errands
which take a lady from her home in the morning.
Lisle thread gloves in summer and cloth ones in
winter will be found more serviceable than kid ones.
Linen collar and cuffs are more suitable than elab-
orate neck and wrist dressing. Walking-boots of
kid should be worn.

BUSINESS WOMAN'S DRESS.

There are many women who are engaged in busi-
ness of some sort that it seems necessary that they
should have a distinct dress suited to their special
wants. This dress need not be so peculiar as to
mark them for objects of observation, but still it
should differ from the ordinary walking-costume.
Its material as a rule should, be more serviceable,
better fitted to endure the vicissitudes of weather,
and of plain colors, such as browns or grays.

For winter wear, waterproof tastefully made up is
the very best material for a business woman's dress.

This costume should not be made with plain sim-
plicity, but it should at least dispense with all su-
perfluities in the way of trimming. It should be
made with special reference to easy locomotion and
to the free use of the hands and arms.

DRESS. 331

THE PROMENADE.

The dress for the promenade admits of greater
richness in material and variety in trimming than
that of the business or errand dress. It should how-
ever, display no two incongruous colors, and had
best be in one tint, except where a contrasting or
harmonizing color is introduced in the way of or-
nament.

In the country walking-dresses must be made for
service rather than display, and what would be per-
fectly appropriate for the streets of a city would be
entirely out of place on the muddy, unpaved walks
or paths of a small town or among the unpretend-
ing population of a country neighborhood.

MATERIAL OF A WALKING SUIT.

The material of a walking-suit may be as rich or
as plain as the wearer's taste may dictate or means
justify, but it must always be well made and never
be allowed to grow shabby. It is better to avoid
bright colors and use them only in decoration.
Black has come to be adopted very generally for
street-dresses; but while it is becoming for most in-
dividuals, it gives to the promenade a somewhat som-
bre look.

The dress for the promenade should be in perfect
harmony with itself. One article should not be new
and another shabby. The gloves should not be of
one color, the bonnet of another, and the parasol of

332 DRESS.

a third. All the colors worn should at least har-
monize.

A lady who wishes to maintain a reputation for
always being well dressed will be scrupulous in suit-
ing her toilet to the special occasion for which it is
worn. She will not appear on foot upon the streets
in a dress suited only for the carriage, nor will she
either walk or drive in a costume appropriate alone
for the house.

CARRIAGE-DRESS.

The dress for a drive through the streets of a city
or along a fashionable drive or park can not be too
rich in material. Silks, velvets and laces are all ap-
propriate, with rich jewelry and costly furs.

The carriage-dress may be long enough to trail
if fashion so indicates, though many prefer using the
walking-dress length.

For country driving a different style of dress is
required as protection against the mud or dust. It
seems hardly necessary to describe the dress for
country driving, we presume every lady is capable
of selecting for herself, since the dress is worn for
protection and not for show.

RIDING-DRESS.

There is no place where a woman appears to bet-
ter advantage than upon horseback. We will take
it for granted that our lady has acquired properly
the art of riding. Next she must be provided with

DRESS. 333

a suitable habit. Her habit should fit perfectly
without being tight. The skirt should be full and
long enough to cover the feet, while it is best to omit
the extreme length, which subjects the dress to mud-
spatterings and may prove a serious entanglement
in case of accident.

Waterproof is the most serviceable for a riding
costume. Something lighter may be worn in sum-
mer. In the lighter costume a row or two of shot
should be stitched in the bottom of the breadths to
keep the skirt from blowing up in the wind.

The riding-dress should be made to fit the waist
closely and buttoned nearly to the throat.

Coat sleeves should come to the wrist, with linen
cuffs beneath them.

It is well to have the waist attached to a skirt of
the usual length and the long skirt fastened over it^
so that if any mishap obliges the lady to dismount
she may easily remove the long overskirt and still be
properly dressed.

The shape of the hat will vary with the fashion,
but it should always be plainly trimmed; and if
feathers are worn, they must be fastened so that the
wind cannot possibly blow them over the wearer's
eyes.

All ruffling, puffing or bows in the trimming of
a riding-dress is out of place. If trimming is used
it should be put on in perfectly flat bands or be of
braiding.

The hair must be put up compactly, neither curls

334 DRESS.

nor veil should be allowed to stream in the wind.
No jewelry except what is absolutely required to fas-
ten the dress, and that of the plainest kind, is allow-
able.

DRESS FOR RECEIVING CALLS.

The dress of a hostess differs with the occasion
on which she is called to receive her callers, and
also with the social position and means of the
wearer.

A lady whose mornings are devoted to domestic
affairs may and should receive a casual caller in her
ordinary morning-dress, which should be neat yet
plain, devoid of superfluous ornaments or jewelry

If a lady appoints a special day for the reception
of calls, she should be dressed with more care to do
honor to her visitors. Her dress may be of silk or
other goods suitable to the season or to her position,
but must be of plain colors.

White plain linen collar and cuffs belong to the
plain morning-dress; lace may be worn with the cer-
emonious dress, and a certain amount of jewelry is
also admissible.

For New Year's or other special calls the dress
should be rich, and may be elaborately trimmed.

DRESS OF HOSTESS.

The hostess' dress should be rich in material, but
subdued in tone, in order that she may not eclipse
any of her guests. A young hostess should wear a

&RES8. 335

dress of rich silk, black or dark in color, with collar
and cuffs of fine lace, and plain jewelry, or, if the
dinner is by gaslight, glittering stones.

An elderly lady may wear satin or velvet) with
rich lace.

DINNER-DRESS.

We do not in this country, as in England, expose
the neck and arms at a dinner-party. These should
be covered, if not by the dress itself, then by lace or
muslin overwaist.

DRESS OF GUESTS AT DINNER-PARTY.

The dress of a guest at a dinner-party is less
showy than that for evening; still, it may be rich.
Silks and velvets for winter, and light goods for sum-
mer, which latter may be worn over silk, are the
most appropriate.

Young unmarried ladies may wear dresses of
lighter materials and tints than married ones. Mid-
dle-aged and married ladies should wear silks heav-
ier in quality and richer in tone, and elderly ladies
satins and velvets.

All the light neutral tints and black, purple, dark
green, garnet, dark blue, brown and fawn are suited
for dinner dress. But whatever color the dress may
be, it is best to try its effect by gaslight and day-
light both, since many a color which will look well
in daylight may look extremely ugly in gaslight.

A lady can lay no claim to delicacy and refine-

336 DRESS.

ment no matter how richly or well dressed she may
appear in public, if she do not give an equal amount
of attention to her home-dress. This dress need not
be expensive and should not be elaborate, but neat,
tasteful, of perfect fit and becoming colors.

ORDINARY EVENING-DRESS.

A lady should always be prepared for casual call-
ers in the evening. Her dress should be tasteful
and becoming, made with a certain amount of or-
nament and worn with lace and jewelry. Silks are
the most appropriate for this dress, but all the heavy
woolen fabrics for winter and the lighter lawns and
organdies for summer, elegantly made, are suitable.

The colors should be rich and warm for winter,
and knots of bright ribbon should be worn in the
hair and at the throat. The former should be dress-
ed plainly, with no ornament save a ribbon. Arti-
ficial flowers are out of place, and glittering gems
are only worn on more important occasions.

DRESS FOR EVENING CALL.

Those who make a casual evening call will dress
in similar style, though somewhat more elaborate.
A hood should not be worn unless it is intended to
remove it during the call. Otherwise a bonnet
should be worn.

DRESS FOR SOCIAL PARTY.
For the evening-party the rules just given regard-

DRESS. 337

ing dress will apply, except that more latitude is
allowed in the choice of colors, trimmings, etc.
Dresses covering the arms and shoulders should be
worn; or if they are cut low in the neck and with
short sleeves, puffed illusion waists or something
similar should be used to cover the neck and arms.
Dark silks are very dressy — relieved by white lace
and glittering gems — they are admirable. Wearing
gloves is optional. If worn, they should be of some
light tint harmonizing with the dress.

THE SOIREE AND BALL.

These occasions call for the richest dress. The
former usually requires dark colors and heavy
material, the latter lighter tints and goods. The
richest velvets, the brightest and most delicate tints
in silks, the most expensive laces, low neck and
short sleeves, elaborate head-dress, the greatest dis-
play of gems, flowers, etc., all belong more or less to
these occasions.

Still, it is possible to be over-dressed. It is best to
aim at being as well dressed as the rest, yet not to
outdo them or render one's self conspicuous.

White kid gloves and white satin boots belong to
these costumes unless the overdress is of black lace,
when black satin boots or slippers are required.

The dress to be worn in public should always be
suited to the place where it is to appear. For church
the material should be rich rather than showy. Fo*
the opera the extreme of brilliancy is allowable.

338 DJRESSL

DRESS FOR CHURCH.

The dress for church should be plain and simple,
It should be of dark, plain colors for winter, and
there should be no superfluous trimming or jewelry.
It should, in fact, be the plainest of promenade-
dresses, since church is not a place for the display
of elaborate toilets, and no woman of consideration
would wish to make her own expensive and showy
toilet an excuse to another woman, who could not
afford to dress in a similar manner, for not attend-
ing church.

DRESS FOR THE THEATRE.

The ordinary promenade-dress is suitable for the
theatre, with the addition of a handsome shawl or
cloak, which may be thrown aside if uncomfortable.
Either the bonnet or hat may be worn. In some
cities it is customary to remove the bonnet in the
theatre — a custom which is sanctioned by good sense
and a consideration of those who sit behind, but
which has not yet the authority of etiquette. The
dress should be, in all respects, plain, without any
attempt at display. Gloves should be dark, and har-
monize with the costume.

DRESS FOR LECTURE AND CONCERT.
Lecture and concert-halls call for a little more
elaborate toilet. Silk is the most appropriate mate-
rial for the dress, and should be worn with lace col-
lar and cuffs and jewelry. White or light kid gloves

DHJSS& 339

should be worn. A rich shawl or opera cloak is an
appropriate finish. The latter may be kept on the
shoulders during the evening. The handkerchief
should be fine and delicate; the fan of a color to
harmonize with the dress.

DRESS FOR THE OPERA.

The opera calls out the richest of all dresses. A
lady goes to the opera not only to see but to be seen,
and her dress must be adopted with a full realiza-
tion of the thousand gaslights which will bring out
its merits or defects.

The material of the dress should be heavy enough
to bear the crush of the place, rich in color and
splendid in its arrangement. The headdress should
be of flowers, ribbons, lace or feathers — whatever
may be the prevailing style — the head should be
uncovered. If, however, it is found necessary to
have the head protected, a bonnet or hat of the light-
est character should be worn.

Jewelry of the heaviest and richest description is
worn on this occasion, and there is no place^where
the glitter of gems will be seen to better advantage.

White kid gloves or those of light delicate tints
should be worn.

A most important adjunct to an opera-costume is
the cloak or wrap. This may be of white or of some
brilliant color. Scarlet and gold, white and gold,
green and gold or Roman stripe are all very effect*
ive when worn with appropriate dresses.

340

Either black or white lace may be adopted with
advantage in an opera-dress. Purple, pink, orangf
and most light tints require black lace, while tht
neutral shades may be worn with either black or
white.

Yellow and blue should be avoided in an opera-
dress, as neither bears the light well. Green re-
quires gold as a contrasting color; crimson, black.

The fan, the bouquet and handkerchief must all
have due consideration and be in keeping with the
other portions of the dress. Thus a lady in pink
should avoid a bouquet in which scarlet flowers pre-
dominate.

CROQUET AND SKATING COSTUMES.

Both call for a greater brilliancy in color than
any other out-of-door costume. They should both be
short, displaying a handsomely fitting boot.

Croquet gloves should be soft and washable; skat-
ing gloves thick and warm.

The hat for croquet should have a broad brim, so
as to shield the face from the sun and render a par-
asol unnecessary.

Velvet trimmed with fur, with turban hat of the
same, and gloves and boots also fur bordered, com-
bine to make the most elegant skating costume im-
aginable. But any of the soft, warm, bright-colored
woolen fabrics are quite as suitable, if not so rich.
A costume of Scotch plaid is in excellent taste. Silk
is unsuitable for a skating costume.

DRESS. 341

The boot should be amply loose, or the wearer will
suffer with cold or frozen feet.

COSTUMES FOR COUNTRY AND SEA-SIDE.

We cannot give a full description of the ward-
robe which the lady of fashion desires to take with
her to the country or sea-side. But there are a few
general rules which apply to many things, and which
all must more or less observe. Let the wardrobe be
ever so large there must be a certain number of
costumes suited for ordinary wear. Thus, dresses,
while they may be somewhat brighter in tint than
good taste would justify in the streets of a city, must
yet be durable in quality and of material which
can be washed. The brim of the hat should be broad
to protect the face from the sun. The fashion of
making hats of shirred muslin is a very sensible
one, as it enables them to be done up when they are
soiled. The boots should be strong and durable.
A waterproof is an indispensable article to the so-
journer at country resorts.

BATHING COSTUMES.

The bathing-dress should be made of flannel. A
soft gray tint is the neatest, as it does not soon fade
and grow ugly from contact with salt water. It may
be trimmed with bright worsted braid. The best
style is a loose sacque or the yoke waist, both of them
to be belted in and falling about midway between
the knee and the ankle. Full trowsers gathered in-

342 DJRES8.

to a band at the ankle, an oilskin cap to protect the
hair, which becomes harsh in the salt water, and
socks of the color of the dress complete the costume.

COSTUMES FOB TRAVELING.

There is no place where the true lady is more
plainly indicated than in traveling. A lady's travel-
ing costume should be neat and plain,without super-
fluous ornament of any kind.

The first consideration in a traveling-dress is com-
fort; the second, protection from the dust and stains
of travel.

For a short journey, in summer a linen duster
may be put on over the ordinary dress, in winter a
waterproof cloak may be used in the same way.

But a lady making a long journey will find it
more convenient to have a traveling-suit made ex-
pressly. Linen is used in summer, as the dust is so
easily shaken from it and it can be readily washed.
In winter a waterproof dress and sacque are the most
serviceable.

There are a variety of materials especially adapt-
ed for traveling costumes, of soft neutral tints and
smooth surfaces, which do not catch dust. These
should be made up plain and short.

The underskirts should be colored woolen in win-
ter, linen in summer. Nothing displays vulgarity
and want of breeding so much as a white petticoat
in traveling.

Gloves should be of Lisle thread in summer and

DRESS. 343

cloth in winter. Thick soled boots, stout and dur-
able. The hat or bonnet should be plainly trimmed
and protected by a large veil. Velvet is not fit for
a traveling-hat, as it catches and retains the dust.

Plain linen collars and cuffs finish the costume.
The hair should be put up in the plainest manner
possible.

A waterproof and a warm woolen shawl are in-
dispensable in traveling. Also a satchel or basket,
in which may be kept a change of collars, cuffs,
gloves, handkerchiefs and toilet articles.

A traveling-dress should be well supplied with
pockets. The waterproof should have large pock-
ets; so should the sacque.

In an underskirt there should be a pocket in
which to carry all money not needed for immediate
use. The latter may be entrusted to the portemon-
naie in the ordinary pocket, or in the bosom of the
dress.

GOING TO EUROPE.

"An elastic valise and a hand-satchel, at the side
of which is strapped a waterproof," are enough bag-
gage to start with. "In the valise changes of linen,
consisting of two garments, night-gowns and 'angel'
drawers. These latter are made of cotton or linen,
and consist of a waist cut like a plain corset-cover,
but extending all in one piece in front with the
drawers, which button on the side. Usually the
waists of these drawers are made without sleeves 01

,'jil DRESS.

with only a short cap at the top of the arm, but for
a European trip it is advisable to add sleeves to the
waist, so that cuffs — paper cuffs if preferred — can
be buttoned to them. Thus, in one garment easily
>made, easily removed, and as easily washed as a
chemise, is comprised drawers, chemise, corset-cover
and undersleeves, the whole occupying no more
room than any single article of underwear, and sav-
ing the trouble attending the care and putting on
of many pieces. A gauze flannel vest underneath
is perhaps a necessary precaution, and ladies who
wear corsets can place them next to this. Over
these the single garment mentioned adds all that is
required in the way of underwear, except two skirts
and small light hair-cloth tournure.

" Of dresses three are required — one a traveling-
dress of brown de bege, a double calico wrapper and
a black or hair-striped silk. The latter is best, be-
cause it is light, because it does not take dust, be-
cause it does not crush easily and because by judi-
cious making and management it can be arranged
into several costumes, which will serve for city sight-
seeing throughout the journey and be good after-
ward to bring home. Then, if there is room, an old
black silk or black alpaca skirt may be found use-
ful, and an embroidered linen or batiste polonaise
from last summer's store.

"Add to these a black sash, a couple of belts, an
umbrella with chatelaine and requisite attachments,
a pair of neat-fitting boots and pa^ ^ Dippers, some

DRESS. 345

cuffs, small standing collars and a few yards of frais-
ing, a striped or cheddar shawl, a 'cloud' for even-
ings on deck, some handkerchiefs and gray and
brown kid gloves, and, with a few necessary toilet
articles, you have an outfit that will take you over
the world and can all he comprised in the space in-
dicated, leaving room for a small whisk broom, es-
sential to comfort, and a large palm-leaf fan.

"Stores, such as lemons, a bottle of glycerine,
spirits of ammonia and Florida water, which are
really all that are required — the first for sickness,
the last three for the toilet — should be packed in a
small case or box in such a way that the flasks con-
taining the liquid will not come in contact with the
fruit. After landing the box will not be wanted, as
the lemons will have been used and the flasks can
be carried with dressing-combs and the like in the
satchel."

WEDDING-OUTFIT.

Although the fashions in make and material of
the bride's dress are continually varying, yet there
are certain unchangeable rules in regard to it. Thus
a bride in full bridal costume should be dressed en-
tirely in white from head to foot.

THE WEDDING-DRESS.

The dress may be of silk, brocade, satin, lace,
merino, alpaca, crape, lawn or muslin. The veil
may be of lace, tulle or illusion, but it roust be long

346 DRESS.

and full. It may or may not fall over the face. The
flowers of the bridal wreath and bouquet must be
orange blossoms, either artificial or natural, or oth-
er white flowers.

The dress should be high and the arms covered.
No jewelry should be worn save pearls or diamonds.
Slippers of white satin and gloves of kid, make the
dress complete.

The simplicity in bridal toilettes, adopted in con-
tinental Europe, is more commendable than that of
England and America, where the bridal dress is
made as expensive and as heavy with rich and cost-
ly lace as it can possibly be made.

DRESS OF BRIDEGROOM.

The bridegroom should wear a black or dark-blue
dresscoat, light pantaloons, vest and necktie, and
white kid gloves.

DRESS OF BRIDESMAIDS.

The dresses of the bridesmaids are not so elabor-
ate as that of the bride. They also should be of
white, but they may be trimmed with delicately col-
ored flowers and ribbons. White tulle worn over
pale pink or blue silk, and caught up with blush-
roses or forget-me-nots, makes a charming brides-
maid's costume.

If the bridesmaids wear veils, they should be
shorter than that of the bride.

347
TRAVELING-DRESS OF BRIDE.

The traveling-dress of a bride may be of silk, or
of any of the fabrics used for walking-dresses. It
should be of some neutral tint, the bonnet and
gloves harmonizing in color. A bridal traveling
costume may be more elaborately trimmed than an
ordinary traveling-dress; but if the bride wishes to
attract but little attention she will not make herself
conspicuous by too showy a dress.

A bride is sometimes married in traveling cos-
tume; but when this is the case, the wedding is in
private, and the bridal pair start out at once upon
their journey.

MARRIAGE OP A WIDOW.

A widow should never be married in white. Wid-
ows and brides of middle age should choose delicate
neutral tints, with white lace collar and cuffs and
white gloves. The costumes of the bridesmaids
must take their tone from that of the bride, and be
neither gayer, lighter nor richer than hers.

Brides and bridesmaids should wear their wed-
ding dresses at the wedding-reception.

DRESS OP GUESTS AT WEDDING-RECEPTION.

The guests at an evening reception should appear
in full evening-dress. No one should attend in black
or wear mourning. Those in mourning should lay
aside black for gray or lavender.

348 DRESS.

For a morning reception the dress should be the
richest street costume, with white gloves. If the
blinds are closed and the gas lighted at the morning
reception, then evening-dress is worn by the guests.

THE TROUSSEAU.

The trousseau may be as large and expensive as
the circumstances of the bride will admit, but this
expense is generally put upon outside garments.

There are a great many other articles which must
be supplied in a requisite number, and these all
brides must have, and of a certain similarity in gen-
eral character and make. These are usually fur-
nished by the bride's parents, and are as complete
and expensive as their taste dictates, or their means
justifies.

HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS.

COLORS IN DRESS.

CHAPTER 27.

NE of our most celebrated artists
says: "Color is the last at-
tainment of excellence in every
school of painting." The same
may be said in regard to the
art of colors in dress. Never-
theless, it is the first thing in
dress to which we should give
our attention and study.

We put bright colors upon
our little children, we dress
our young girls in light and
delicate shades, the blooming
matron is justified in adopting the rich hues which we
see in the autumn leaf, while black and neutral tints
are appropriate to the old. This forms the basis upon
which to build our structure of color.

Having decided what colors may be worn, it is
important to know how they may be worn. One color
should predominate in the dress; and if another
is adopted, it should be limited in quantity, and
only by way of contrast or harmony. Certain colors
should never, under any circumstances, be worn
together since they produce positive discord to the

349

350 HARMONY OF COLOR IN DREU8.

eye. If the dress be blue, red should not be introduc-
ed by way of trimming, or vice versa. Red and
yellow, red and blue, blue and yellow and scarlet
and crimson should not be united in the same cos-
tume. If the dress is red, green may be introduced
in a limited quantity; if green, crimson; if blue,
orange. Scarlet and solferino are deadly enemies,
killing each other whenever they meet.

Two contrasting colors, such as red and green,
should not be used in equal quantities in a dress, as
they are both so positive in tone that they divide
and distract the attention. When two colors are
worn in any quantity, one must approach a neutral
tint, such as drab or gray. Black may be worn with
any color, though it looks best with the lighter
shades of the different colors. White may also be
worn with any color, though it looks best with the
darker tones. Thus white and crimson, black and
pink, each contrast better and have a richer effect
than though the black were united with the crimson
and the white with the pink. Drab, being a shade
of no color between black and white, may be worn
with the same effect with all.

A person of very fair, delicate complexion should
always wear the most delicate of tints, such as light
blue, pea-green and mauve. A brunette requires
bright colors, such as scarlet and orange, to bring
out the brilliant tints in her complexion. A florid
face and auburn hair require blue.

There are many shades of complexions which we

HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS 351

cannot take time to describe here, the peculiar col-
ors to suit which can only be discovered by actual
experiment; and if the persons with these various
complexions are not able to judge for themselves,
they must seek the opinion of some acquaintance
with an artistically trained eye.

Pure golden or yellow hair needs blue, and its
beauty is also increased by the addition of pearls or
white flowers.

If the hair has no richness of coloring, a pale, yel-
lowish green will by reflection produce the lacking
warm tint.

Light-brown hair requires blue, which sets off to
advantage the golden tint.

Dark-brown hair will bear light blue, or dark blue
in a lesser quantity.

Auburn hair, if verging on the red, needs scarlet
to tone it down. If of a golden red, blue green,
purple or black will bring out the richness of its
tints.

Black hair has its color and depth enhanced by
scarlet, orange or white, and will bear diamonds,
pearls or lustreless gold.

Flaxen hair requires blue.

SIZE IN RELATION TO DRESS AND COLORS.

A person of small stature may dress in light col-
ors which would not be appropriate to a person of
larger proportions. So a lady of majestic appear-
ance should not wear white, but will be seen to the

352 HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS

best advantage in black or dark tints. A lady of
diminutive stature dresses in bad taste when she
appears in a garment with large figures, plaids or
stripes. Neither should a lady of large proportions
be seen in similar garments, because, united with
her size, they give her a "loud" appearance. Indeed,
pronounced figures and broad stripes and plaids are
never in perfect taste, whatever a capricious fashion
may say in the matter.

It is of importance to observe, that you do not
overstep the boundaries of good taste in the number
and variety of colors which you may employ. You
may display the greatest taste and judgment in the
contrast and harmony of colors; and yet, owing to
their profusion, they may obtrude themselves too
glaringly on the eye, drawing the attention more to
the dress than to the countenance and figure of the
person, an error which ought to be carefully avoided;
the fewer the colors are which are used, the more
simple and graceful will be the effect.

In the canons of the laws of harmony and con-
trast, size, or the magnitude of objects, has also its
rules to be observed in regard of colors; large ob-
jects appear to greater advantage in sober colors
than smaller ones.

Black, however, not only suits the complexion of
all forms, and is becoming to all figures, but is at
once piquant and elegant; it has a surprising effect
in imparting grace and elegance to a well-turned
form.

HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRE8S. 353

When two colors which are dissimilar are associ-
ated agreeably, such as blue and orange, or lilac and
cherry, they form a harmony of contrast. And when
two distant tones of one color are associated, such
as very light and very dark blue, they harmonize
by contrast. Of course, in the latter instance the
harmony is neither so striking nor so perfect.

When two colors are grouped which are similar
to each other in disposition, such as orange and
scarlet, crimson and crimson-brown, or orange and
orange-brown, they form a harmony of analogy. And
if two or more tones of one color be associated,
closely aproximating in intensity, they harmonize
by analogy.

The harmonies of contrast are 'more effective, al-
though not more important, than those of analogy;
the former are characterized by brilliancy and de-
cision, while the latter are peculiar for their quiet,
retiring, and undemonstrative nature. In affairs of
dress both hold equal positions; and in arranging
colors in costume, care must be taken to adopt the
proper species of harmony.

The simplest rules to be observed are the follow-
ing : 1. When a color is selected which is favorable
to the complexion, it is advisable to associate with
it tints which will harmonize by analogy, because
the adoption of contrasting colors would diminish its
favorable effect. 2. When a color is employed in
dress which is injurious to the complexion, contrast-
ing colors must be associated with it, as they have

354 HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS.

the power to neutralize its objectionable influence.

We will take an example illustrative of the first
rule. Green suits the blonde, and, when worn by
her, its associated colors should be tones of itself
(slightly lighter or darker,) which will rather en-
hance than reduce its effect.

As an example of the second rule, we may take
violet, which, although unsuitable to brunettes, may
be rendered agreeable by having tones of yellow or
orange grouped with it.

Colors of similar power which contrast with each
other mutually intensify each other's brilliancy, as
blue and orange, scarlet and green. When dark and
very light colors are associated, they do not intensify
each other in the same manner; the dark color is
made to appear deeper, and the light to appear
lighter, as dark blue and straw-color, or any dark
color and the light tints of the complexion.

Colors which harmonize with each other by ana*
logy reduce each other's brilliancy to a greater or less
degree; as white -and yellow, blue and purple, black
and brown.

There are many colors which lose much of their
brilliancy and hue by gaslight, and are therefore
unserviceable for evening costume; of this class wi
may enumerate all the shades of purple and lilac,
and dark blues and greens. Others gain brilliancy
in artificial light, as orange, scarlet, crimson, and the
light browns and greens. It is advisable that all
these circumstances should be considered, in the se-

HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS. 355

lection of colors for morning and evening costume.
Our readers will find the following list of harmo-
nious groups of service in the arrangement of colors
in dress; we have given the most useful as well as
the most agreeable combinations.
Blue and lilac, a weak harmony.
Blue and drab harmonize.
Blue and stone-color harmonize.
Blue and fawn-color, a weak harmony.
Blue and white (or gray) harmonize.
Blue and straw-color harmonize.
Blue and maize harmonize.
Blue and chestnut (or chocolate) harmonize.
Blue and brown, an agreeable harmony.
Blue and black harmonize.
Blue and gold (or gold-color), a rich harmony.
Blue and orange, a perfect harmony.
Blue and crimson harmonize, but imperfectly.
Blue and pink, a poor harmony.
Blue and salmon-color, an agreeable harmony.
Blue, scarlet, and purple (or lilac) harmonize.
Blue, orange, and black harmonize.
Blue, orange, and green, harmonize.
Blue, brown, crimson, and gold (or yellow; harmonize
Blue, orange, black and white, harmonize.
Red and gold (or gold-color) harmonize.
Red and white (or gray) harmonize.
Red, orange, and green, harmonize.
Red, yellow (or gold-color,) and black, harmonize.
Red gold-color, black and white, harmonize.

3b6 HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS.

Scarlet and slate-color harmonize.

Scarlet, black, and white harmonize.

Scarlet, blue and white harmonize.

Scarlet, blue and yellow harmonize. .

Scarlet, blue, black, and yellow harmonize.

Scarlet and blue harmonize.

Scarlet and orange harmonize.

Crimson and black, a dull harmony.

Crimson and drab harmonize.

Crimson and brown, a dull harmony.

Crimson and gold (or gold-color,) a rich harmony.

Crimson and orange, a rich harmony.

Crimson and maize harmonize.

Crimson and purple harmonize.

Yellow and chestnut (or chocolate) harmonize.

Yellow and brown harmonize.

Yellow and red harmonize.

Yellow and crimson harmonize.

Yellow and white, a poor harmony.

Yellow and black harmonize.

Yellow, purple, and crimson harmonize.

Yellow, purple, scarlet, and blue harmonize.

Yellow and purple, an agreeable harmony.

Yellow and blue harmonize, but cold.

Yellow and violet harmonize.

Yellow and lilac, a weak harmony.

Green and scarlet harmonize.

Green, scarlet, and blue harmonize.

Green, crimson, blue, and gold, or yellow, harmonize.

Green and gold, or gold-color, a rich harmony.

HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS. 35?

Green and yellow harmonize.

Green and orange harmonize.

Orange, blue, and crimson harmonize.

Orange, purple, and scarlet, hairnonize.

Orange, blue, scarlet, and purple harmonize.

Orange, blue, scarlet, and claret harmonize.

Orange, blue, scarlet, white, and green harmonize.

Orange and chestnut, harmonize.

Orange, and brown, an agreeable harmony.

Orange, lilac, and crimson, harmonize.

Orange, red, and green harmonize.

Purple, scarlet, and gold-color, harmonize.

Purple, scarlet, and white harmonize.

Purple, scarlet, blue, and orange harmonize.

Purple, scarlet, blue, yellow, and black harmoniza

Purple and gold, or gold-color, a rich harmony.

Purple and orange, a rich harmony.

Purple and maize harmonize.

Purple and blue harmonize.

Purple and black, a heavy harmony.

Purple and white, a cold harmony.

Lilac and crimson harmonize.

Lilac, scarlet, and white, or black, harmonize.

Lilac, gold-color, and crimson harmonize.

Lilac, yellow, or gold, scarlet, and white harmoniza

Lilac and gold, or gold-color, harmonize.

Lilac and white, a poor harmony.

Lilac and gray, a poor harmony.

Lilac and maize, harmonize.

Lilac and cherry, an agreeable harmony.

358 HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS.

Lilac and scarlet, harmonize.

White and gold-color, a poor harmony.

White and scarlet harmonize.

White and crimson harmonize.

White and cherry harmonize.

White and pink harmonize.

White and brown harmonize.

Black and white a perfect harmony.

Black and orange, a rich harmony.

Black and maize harmonize.

Black and scarlet harmonize.

Black and lilac harmonize.

Black and pink harmonize.

Black and slate-color harmonize.

Black and brown a dull harmony.

Black and drab, or buff harmonize.

Black, white, or yellow and crimson harmonize

Black, orange, blue, and scarlet harmonize.

THE TOILETTE.

CHAPTER 28.

UTY has more to do with atten-
tion to the toilette than vanity.
We are therefore bound to turn
our personal attractions to the
very best advantage, and to pre-
serve every agreeable quality
with which we may have been
endowed.

It is every woman's duty to make herself as beauti-
ful as possible ; and no less the duty of every man to
make himself pleasing in appearance. The duty of
looking well is one we owe not only to ourselves, but
to others as well. We owe it to ourselves because
others estimate us very naturally and very properly by
our outward appearance ; and we owe it to others be-
cause we have no right to put our friends to the blush
by our untidiness.

If a gentleman ask a lady to accompany him to the
opera or a concert, she has no right to turn that
expected pleasure into a pain and mortification by
presenting herself with tumbled hair, ill-chosen dress,
badly-fitting gloves and an atmosphere of cheap and
offensive perfumes. So, also, if the gentleman comes
to fulfill his appointment with tumbled clothes, shaggy
hair and beard, soiled linen and an odor of stale tobacco,
she may well consider such an appearance an insult.

359

360 THE TOILETTE.

Self-respect, as well as consideration for the other,
demands that the personal appearance of each be
pleasing and in good taste.

HEALTH AND BEAUTY.

XFpon the minor details of the toilette depend, in a
great degree, the health, as well as the beauty, of the
individual. In fact, the highest state of health is
equivalent to the greatest degree of beauty of which
the individual is capable. It is a false taste which
looks upon a fragile form and a pale and delicate
complexion as requisites for beauty. The strength
and buoyancy and vigor of youth, the full and roun-
ded curves of form and features, the clear complex-
ion, fair in the blonde and rich and brilliant in the
brunette, tinted with the rosy flush of health, — these
constitute the true beauty which all should seek,
and to which all with proper care can at least par-
tially attain.

THE DRESSING-BOOM.

The first requisite in properly performing the
duties of the toilette is to have a regularly-arranged
dressing-room. This room, of course, in many in-
stances, is used as a bedroom as well; but that need
not interfere with its general arrangements.

The walls should be covered with a light-colored
paper, with window-curtains and furniture covers all
\n harmony. A few choice chromos or water-color
drawings may hang on the walls, and one or two

THE TOILETTE. 361

ornaments may occupy a place on the mantel; but it
must be borne in mind that the room is to be used
exclusively for dressing and the toilette, so that
everything interfering with these offices in any way
should be carefully avoided.

LADY'S DRESSING-ROOM.

A lady's dressing-room should be furnished with
a low dressing-bureau, a washstand, an easy-chair,
placed in front of the dressing-bureau, one or two
other chairs, a sofa or couch if there be sufficient
room, and a large wardrobe if there are not suffi-
cient closet conveniences.

The dressing-bureau should contain the lady's
dressing-case, her jewel-box, pin-cushion ring-stand,
and hairpin-cushion. The latter is very convenient,
and is made in the following way : It may be square
or round, the sides of card-board or wood, loosely
stuffed with fine horsehair and covered with plain
knitting, worked in german wool with fine needles.
This cover offers no impediment to the hairpins^
which are much better preserved in this way than by
being left scattered about in an untidy fashion. There
should also be a tray with various kinds of combs,
frizettes bottles of perfumes, &c.

The washstand should be furnished with a larga
bowl and pitcher, small pitcher and tumbler, soap-
tray, sponge-basin, holding two sponges (large and
small), china tray containing two tooth-brushes and
nail-brushes, and a bottle of ammonia.

362 THE TOILETTE.

On the right of the washstand should be the towel
-rack, which should contain one fine and two coarse
towels and two more very coarse hucka-back or Tur-
kish towels. The foot-bath should be placed beneath
the washstand.

On the wall there should be hooks and pegs at
convenient distances, which may be used for sacques,
dressing-gowns, dresses about to be worn, or any
other article of general or immediate use.

Dresses, skirts, crinolines, etc., should be hung
neatly away in the closet or wardrobe. The under-
clothing should be folded and placed in an orderly
manner in the drawers of the dressing-bureau. The
finer dresses are kept in better order if folded smooth-
ly and laid on shelves instead of being hung up.

GENTLEMAN'S DRESSING-ROOM.

The arrangements of a gentleman's dressing-room
are similar in most respects to those of the lady's
dressing-room, the differences being only in small
matters.

A gentleman's wardrobe is not necessarily so large
as a lady's, but it should be well supplied with draw-
ers to contain vests and pantaloons when folded. In-
deed, no gentleman who wishes to make a tidy ap-
pearance should ever hang up these articles.

The hooks and pegs in a gentleman's dressing-
room are for the convenience of articles of a gentle-
man's toilet corresponding with those occupying a
similar place in the lady's room.

TKE TOILETTE. 363

In a gentleman's dressing-bureau should be found
the articles used in a gentleman's toilet — razors,
shaving-soap, shaving-brush and a small tin pot for
hot water, also packages of paper, on which to wipe
razors. Cheap razors are a failure as they soon lose
their edge. It has been suggested as an excellent
plan to have a case of seven razors — one for each
day in the week — so that they are all equally used.

A boot-stand, on which the boots and shoes should
be arranged in regular order, with boot-jacks and
boot-hooks, is a necessary part of the gentleman's
dressing-room.

A couple of hair gloves, with a flesh-brush, may
be added.

THE BATH.

In most of our houses in the city there is a sepa-
rate bath room with hot and cold water, but country
houses are not always so arranged. A substitute for
the bath-room is a large piece of oilcloth, which can
be laid upon the floor of the ordinary dressing-room.
Upon this may be placed the bath-tub or basin.

There are various kinds of baths, both hot anJ
cold — the douche, the shower-bath, the hip-bath and
the sponge-bath.

We do not bathe to make ourselves clean; but to
keep clean, and for the sake of its health-giving and
invigorating effects. Once a week a warm bath, at
about 100°, may be used, with plenty of soap, in or-
der to thoroughly cleanse the pores of the skin.

364 THE TOILETTE.

A douche or hip-bath may be taken every morn-
ing, winter and summer, with the temperature of the
water suited to the endurance of the individual. In
summer a second or sponge-bath may be taken on
retiring.

Only the most vigorous constitutions can endure
the shower-bath, therefore it cannot be recommended
for indiscriminate use.

After these baths a rough towel should be vigor-
ously used, not only to help remove the impurities
of the skin, but for the beneficial friction which will
send a glow over the whole body. The hair glove
or flesh-brush may be used to advantage in the bath
before applying the towel.

Before stepping into the bath the head should be
wet with cold water, and in the bath the pit of the
stomach should first be sponged.

There is no danger to most people from taking a
bath in a state of ordinary perspiration. But one
should by all means avoid it if fatigued or over-
heated.

THE AIR-BATH.

Next in importance to the water-bath is the air-
bath. Nothing is so conducive to health as an ex-
posure of the body to air and sun. A French phy-
sician has recommended the sun-bath as a desirable
hygienic practice. It is well, therefore, to remain
without clothing for some little time after bathing,

THE TOILETTE. 365

performing such duties of the toilet as can be done

in that condition.

THE TEETH.

The next thing to be done is to clean the teeth.
Brides this daily morning cleaning, the teeth should
be carefully brushed with a soft brush after each
meal, and also on retiring at night. Use the brush
so that not only the outside of the teeth is white,
but the inside also. After the brush is used plunge
it two or three times into a glass of fresh water, then
rub it quite dry on a towel.

Use no tooth-washes nor powders whatever.
There may be some harmless ones, but it is impossi-
ble for a person of ordinary knowledge to discrim-
inate between them, and that which seems to be
rendering the teeth beautifully white may soon de-
stroy the enamel which covers them. Castile soap
used once a day, with frequent brushings with pure
water and a soft brush, cannot fail to keep the teeth
clean and white, unless they are disfigured and de-
stroyed by other bad habits, such as the use of to-
bacco or too hot or too cold drinks.

Tartar is not so easily dealt with, but it requires
equally early attention. It results from an impaired
state of the general health, and assumes the form of
a yellowish concretion on the teeth and gums. At
first it is possible to keep it down by a repeated and
vigorous use of the tooth-brush; but if a firm, solid
mass accumulates, it is necessary to have it chipped

866 THE TOILETTE.

off by a dentist. Unfortunately, too, by that time it
will probably have begun to loosen and destroy the
teeth on which it fixes, and is pretty certain to have
produced one obnoxious effect — that of tainting the
breath.

On the slightest appearance of decay or af* tend-
ency to accumulate tartar, go at once to a dentist.
If a dark spot appearing under the enamel is neg-
lected, it will eat in until the tooth is eventually
destroyed. A dentist seeing the tooth in its first
stage will remove the decayed part and plug the
cavity in a proper manner.

Washing the teeth with vinegar when the brush
is used has been recommended as a means of removi
ing tartar.

Tenderness of the gums, to which some persons
are subject, may sometimes be met by the use of salt
and water, but it is well to rinse the mouth frequent-
ly with water with a few drops of tincture of myrrh
in it.

Relief in cases of decay may sometimes be ob-
tained by thrusting into the cavity with a needle a
little cotton-wool saturated with creosote or oil of
cloves.

About toothache it is only necessary to point out
that it results from various causes, and that therefore
it is impossible to give any general remedy for it.
It may be occasioned by decay, by inflammation of
the membrane covering the root, or the pain may be
neuralgic, or there may be other causes.

TOILETTE. 367

When there is inflammation, relief is often gained
by applying camphorated chloroform, to be procured
at the druggist's. This has often succeeded when
laudanum and similar applications have entirely
failed.

It may be added that foul breath, unless caused
by neglected teeth, indicates a deranged state of the
system. When it is occasioned by the teeth or other
local cause, use a gargle consisting of a spoonful of
solution of chloride of lime in half a tumbler of
water. Gentlemen smoking, and thus tainting the
breath, may be glad to know that the common pars-
ley has a peculiar effect in removing the odor of
tobacco.

THE SKIN.

Beauty and health of the skin can only be ob-
tained by perfect cleanliness and an avoidance of
all cosmetics, added to proper diet and correct
habits.

The skin must be frequently and thoroughly
washed, occasionally with warm water and soap, to
remove the oily exudations upon its surface. If any
unpleasant sensations are experienced after the use
of soap, they may be immediately removed by rins-
ing the surface with water to which a little lemon-
juice or vinegar has been added.

Our somewhat remote maternal ancestors were
very chary in the use of water lest it should injure
the complexion. So they delicately wiped their faces

368 THE TOILETTE.

with the corner of a towel wet in elder-flower water
or rose-water. Or in springtime they tripped out to
the meadows while the dew still lay upon the grass,
and saturating their kerchiefs in May dew refreshed
their cheeks and went home contented that a con-
scientious duty had been performed. And so it was
though a different duty than the one they congrat-
ulated themselves upon. The May dew did them
no harm at least, and they had been beguiled by a
stratagem into early rising.

It is not necessary here to speak of various cutane-
ous eruptions. The treatment of these belongs prop-
erly to a physician. They are usually the result of
a bad state of the blood or general derangement of
the system, and cannot be cured by any merely ex-
ternal application.

The following rules may be given for the preserva-
tion of the complexion : Rise early and go to bed
early. Take plenty of exercise. Use plenty of cold
water, and good soap frequently. Be moderate in
eating and drinking. Do not lace. Avoid as much
as possible the vitiated atmosphere of crowded as-
semblies. Shun cosmetics and washes for the skin.
The latter dry the skin, and only defeat the end they
are supposed to have in view.

Freckles are of two kinds. Those occasioned by
exposure to the sunshine, and consequently evanes-
cent, are denominated "summer freckles; " those
which are constitutional and permanent are called
"cold freckles."

THE TOILETTE. 369

Moles are frequently a great disfigurement to the
face, but they should not be tampered with in any
way. The only safe and certain mode of getting rid
of moles is by a surgical operation.

With regard to freckles, it is impossible to give
any advice which will be of value. They result from
causes not to be affected by mere external applica-
tions. Summer freckles are not so difficult to deal
with, and with a little care the skin may be kept free
from this cause of disfigurement.

Some skins are so delicate that they become freck-
led on the slightest exposure in the open air of sum-
mer. The cause assigned for this is that the iron in
the blood, forming a junction with the oxygen, leaves
a rusty mark where the junction takes place. We
give in their appropriate place some recipes for re-
moving these latter freckles from the face.

There are various other discolorations of the skin,
proceeding frequently from derangement of the sys-
tem. The cause should always be discovered before
attempting a remedy, otherwise you may aggravate
the complaint rather than cure it.

THE EYES, LASHES AND BROWS.

Beautiful eys are the gift of Nature, and can owe
little to the toilet. As in the eye consists much of the
expression of the face, therefore it should be borne
in mind that those who would have their eyes bear
a pleasing expression must cultivate pleasing traits
of character and beautify the soul, and then this

370 THE TOILETTE.

beautiful soul will look through its natural windows.

Never tamper with the eyes. There is danger of
destroying them. All daubing or dyeing of the lids
is foolish and vulgar.

Short-sightedness is not always a natural defect.
It may be acquired by bad habits in youth. A short-
sighted person should supply himself with glasses
exactly adapted to his wants ; but it is well not to
use these glasses too constantly, as, even when they
perfectly fit the eye, they really tend to shorten the
sight. Unless one is very short-sighted, it is best to
keep the glasses for occasional use, and trust ordi-
narily to the unaided eye. Parents and teachers
should watch children and see that they do not ac-
quire the habit of holding their books too close to
their eyes, and thus injure their sight.

Parents should also be careful that their children
do not become squint- or cross-eyed through any
carelessness. A child's hair hanging down loosely
over its eyes, or a bonnet projecting too far over
them, or a loose ribbon or tape fluttering over the
forehead, is sometimes sufficient to direct the sight
irregularly until it becomes permanently crossed.

A beautiful eyelash is an important adjunct to the
eye. The lashes may be lengthened by trimming
them occasionally in childhood. Care should be
taken that this trimming is done neatly and evenly.
Oreat care how-ever must be used in this direction,
as, after a certain age they never grow again.

The eyebrows may be brushed carefully in the

THE TOILETTE. 371

direction which they should lie, and when the hair
is oiled, which should be but seldom, they may be
oiled also.

Generally, it is in exceeding bad taste to dye
either lashes or brows, for it usually brings them
into inharmony with the hair and features. There
are cases, however, when the beauty of an otherwise
fine countenance is utterly ruined by white lashes
and brows. In such cases one can hardly be blamed
if India ink is resorted to, to give them the desired
color.

Never shave the brows. It adds to their beauty
in no way, and may result in an irregular growth of
new hair.

The utmost care should be taken of the eyes.
They should never be strained in an imperfect light,
whether that of clouded daylight, twilight or flick-
ering lamp- or candle-light.

Many persons have an idea that a dark room is
best for the eyes. On the contrary, it weakens them
and renders them permanently unable to bear the
light of the sun. Our eyes were naturally designed
to endure the broad light of Heaven and the nearer
we approach to this in our houses, the stronger will
be our eyes and the longer will we retain our sight.

Some persons have the eyebrows meeting over the
nose. This is usually considered a disfigurement,
but there is no remedy for it. It may be a consola-
tion for such people to know that the ancients ad-

372 THE TOILETTE.

mired this style of eyebrows, and that Michael An-
gelo possessed it.

It is useless to pluck out the uniting hairs; and if
a depilatory is applied, a mark like that of a scar left
from a burn remains, and is more disfiguring than
the hair.

If the lids of the eyes become inflamed and scaly,
do not seek to remove the scales roughly, for they
will bring the lashes with them. Apply at night a
little cold cream to the edges of the closed lids, and
wash them in the morning with lukewarm milk and
water.

Sties in the eye are irritating and disfiguring.
Foment with warm water; at night apply a bread-
and-milk poultice. When a white head forms, prick
it with a fine needle. Should the inflammation be
obstinate, a little citrine ointment may be applied,
care being taken that it does not get into the eye.

It is well to have on the toilet-table a remedy for
inflamed eyes. Spermaceti ointment is simple and
well adapted to this purpose. Apply at night, and
wash off with rose-water in the morning. There is
a simple lotion made by dissolving a very small
piece of alum and a piece of lump-sugar of the same
size in a quart of water; put the ingredients into the
water cold and let them simmer. Bathe the eyes
frequently with it.

THE HAIR.
There is nothing that so adds to the charm of an

THE TOILETTE. 873

individual as a good head of hair. The complexion
and the features may be perfect, but if the hair is
thin and harsh they all pass for little. On the other
hand, magnificent locks will atone for other de-
ficiencies.

The hair should be brushed for at least twenty
minutes in the morning, for ten minutes when it is
dressed in the middle of the day, and for a like
period at night. In brushing or combing it begin
at the extreme points, and in combing hold the
portion of hair just above that through which the
comb is passing firmly between the first and second
fingers, so that if it is entangled it may drag from
that point, and not from the roots. The finest head
of hair may be spoiled by the practice of plunging
the comb into it high up and dragging it in a
reckless manner. Short, loose, broken hairs are thus
created, and become very troublesome.

The skin of the head requires even more tender-
.ness and cleanliness than any other portion of the
body, and is capable of being irritated by disease.
Formerly, the use of a fine-tooth comb was con-
sidered essential to the proper care of the hair, but
in general, to the careful brusher, the fine comb is
not necessary.

The hair should be brushed carefully. The brush
should be of moderate hardness, not too hard. The
hair should be separated, in order that the head itself
may be well brushed, as by doing so the scurf is re-
moved, and that is most essential, as not only is it

374 THE TOILETTE.

unpleasant and unsightly, but if suffered to remain
it becomes saturated with perspiration and tends to
weaken the roots of the hair, causing it in time to
fall off.

Vinegar and water form a good wash for the roots
of the hair. Ammonia diluted with water is still
better.

Nothing is simpler or better in the way of oil
than pure, unscented salad oil, and in the way of a
pomatum bear's grease is as pleasant as anything.
Apply either with the hands or keep a soft brush
for the purpose, but take care not to use the oil too
freely. An over-oiled head of hair is vulgar and
offensive. So are scents of any kind in the oil ap-
plied to the hair. It is well also to keep a piece of
flannel with which to rub the hair at night after
brushing it, in order to remove the oil before lay-
ing, the head upon the pillow.

Do not plaster the hair with oil or pomatum.
A white, concrete oil pertains naturally to the cov-
ering of the human head, but some persons have
it in more abundance than others. Those whose
hair is glossy and shining need nothing to render
it so; but when the hair is harsh, poor and dry,
artificial lubrication is necessary. Persons who per-
spire freely or who accumulate scurf rapidly require
it also.

The hair-brush should also be frequently washed
in diluted ammonia.

For removing scurf glycerine diluted with a little

THE TOILETTE. 375

rose-water will be found of service. Any prepara-
tion of rosemary forms an agreeable and highly
cleansing wash.

The yolk of an egg beaten up in warm water is an
excellent application to the scalp.

Many heads of hair require nothing more in the
way of wash than soap and water.

Do not by any means use any dyes or advertised
nostrums to preserve or change the color of the hair,
or to prevent it from falling out or to curl it. They
are one and all objectionable, containing more or
less poison, some of them even sowing the germs of
paralysis or of blindness.

Young girls should wear their hair cut short until
they are grown up if they would have it then in its
best condition.

Beware of letting the hair grow too long, as the
points are apt to weaken and split. It is well to
have the ends clipped off once a month.

The style of modern coiffure is so perpetually
changing with every breath of fashion that it is
useless to say much about it in these pages. It may
be well to hint that when fashion ordains extrava-
gance in style of wearing the hair or in the abun-
dance of false locks, the lady of refinement will
follow her mandates only at a distance, and will sup-
plement the locks with which Nature has provided
her only so far as is absolutely required to prevent
her presenting a singular appearance.

A serious objection to dyeing the hair is that it is

376 THE TOILETTE.

almost impossible to give the hair a tint which har-
monizes with the complexion.

If the hair begins to change early and the color
goes in patches, procure from the druggist's a prep-
aration of the husk of the walnut water or eau crayon.
This will by daily application darken the tint of the
hair without actually dyeing it. When the change
of color has gone on to any great extent, it is better
to abandon the application and put up with the
change, which, in nine cases out of ten, will be in
accordance with the change in the face. Indeed,
there is nothing more beautiful than soft white hair
worn in plain bands or clustering curls about the
face.

The walnut-water may be used for toning down
too red hair.

Gentlemen are more liable to baldness than ladies,
owing, no doubt, to the use of the close hat, which
confines and overheats the head. It may be consid-
ered, perhaps, as a sort of punishmemt for disregard-
ing one of the most imperative rules of politeness, to
always remove the hat in the presence of ladies, the
observance of which would keep the head cool and
well aired.

If the hair is found to be falling out, the first thing
to do is to look to the hat and see that it is light and
thoroughly ventilated. There is no greater enemy
to the hair than the silk dress-hat. The single eye-
let-hole through the top does not secure sufficient
circulation of air for the health of the head. It is

THE TOILETTE. 877

best to lay this hat aside altogether and adopt light
straw in its place.

It would, no doubt, be to the advantage of men if
they would take to going out in the open air bare-
headed. Women think nothing of stepping out of
doors heads uncovered, men scarcely ever do it. We
are of opinion that if the health of the brain and
hair is to be paramount we should learn to consider
hats and bonnets, and especially hats, as worn merely
as hostages to the proprieties, and not at all as neces-
sities, while we should seek to do without them on
every possible occasion, in doors and out.

It is conceded that artists and musicians may wear
their hair long if they choose, but it is imperative
upon all other gentlemen to cut their hair short.
Long hair on a man not of the privileged class above
named will indicate him to the observer as a person
of unbalanced mind and unpleasantly erratic char-
acter— a man, in brief, who seeks to impress others
with the fact that he is eccentric, something which
a really eccentric person never attempts.

THE BEARD.

Those who shave should be careful to do so every
morning. Nothing looks worse than a stubbly beard.
Some persons whose beards are strong should shave
twice a day, especially if they are going to a party
in the evening.

The style of hair on the face should be governed
by the character of the face. Some people wear the

378 THE TOILETTE.

full beard, not shaving at all ; others long Cardigan
whiskers ; some moustache and whiskers or mutton-
chop whiskers, or the long, flowing moustache and
imperial of Victor Emmanuel, or the spiky moustache
of the late emperor of the French. But whatever
the style be, the great point is to keep it well brush-
ed and trimmed and to avoid any appearance of wild-
ness or inattention. The full, flowing beard of course
requires more looking after, in the way of cleanli-
ness than any other. It should be thoroughly wash-
ed and brushed at least twice a day, as dust is sure
to accumulate in it, and it is very easy to suffer it
to become objectionable to one's self as well as to
others. If it is naturally glossy, it is better to avoid
the use of oil or pomatum.

The moustache should be worn neatly and not
over-large.

In conclusion, our advice to those who shave is
like Punch's advice to those about to marry;
"Don't!" There is nothing that so adds to native
manliness as the full beard if carefully and neatly
kept. Nature certainly knows best; and no man
need be ashamed of showing his manhood in the
hair of his face.

The person who invented razors libeled nature and
added a fresh misery to the days of man. "Ah,"
said Diogenes, who would never consent to be
shaved, "would you insinuate that Nature had done
better to make you a woman than a man?"

THE TOILETTE. 379

THE HAND.

A beautiful hand is long and slender, with taper-
ing fingers and pink, filbert-shaped nails. The hand,
to be in proper proportion to the rest of the body,
should be as long as from the point of the chin to
the edge of the hair on the forehead.

Be careful always to dry the hands thoroughly, and
rub them briskly for some time afterward. When
this is not sufficiently attended to in cold weather,
the hands chap and crack. When this occurs, rub
a few drops of honey over them when dry, or anoint
them with cold cream or glycerine before going
to bed.

As cold weather is the usual cause of chapped
hands, so the winter season brings with it a cure for
them. A thorough washing in snow and soap will
cure the worst case of chapped hands and leave
them beautifully soft and white.

The hands should be kept scrupulously clean, and
therefore should be very frequently washed — not
merely rinsed in soap and water, but thoroughly
lathered, and scrubbed with a soft nail-brush. In
cold weather the use of lukewarm water is unobjec-
tionable, after which the hands should be dipped
into cold water and very carefully dried on a fine
towel.

Should you wish to make your hands white and
delicate, you might wash them in white milk and
water for a day or two. On retiring to rest rub

380 THE TOILETTE*

them well over with some palm oil and put on a
pair of woolen gloves. The hands should be thor-
oughly washed with hot water and soap the next
morning, and a pair of soft leather gloves worn dur-
ing the day, They should frequently be rubbed
together to promote circulation.

Sunburnt hands may be washed in lime-water or
lemon-juice.

Warts, which are more common with young peo*
pie than with adults, are very unsightly, and are
sometimes very difficult to get rid of. The best plan
is to buy a small stick of lunar caustic, which is sold
in a holder and case at the druggist's for the purpose,
dip it in water, and touch the wart every morning
and evening, care being taken to cut away the with-
ered skin before repeating the operation. A still
better plan is to apply acetic acid gently once a day
with a camel's-hair pencil to the summit of the wart.
Care should be taken not to allow this acid to touch
the surrounding skin; to prevent this the finger or
hand at the base of the wart may be covered with
wax during the operation.

Nothing is so repulsive as to see a lady or gentle*
man, however well dressed they may otherwise be,
with nails dressed in mourning.

Never bite the nails; it not only is a most dis-
agreeable habit, but tends to make the nails jagged,
deformed and difficult to clean, besides giving a red
and stumpy appearance to the finger-tips.

On no account scrape the nails with a view to

THE TOILETTE. 381

polishing their surface. Such an operation only
tends to make them wrinkled and thick.

The nails should be cut about once a week — cer-
tainly not oftener. This should be accomplished
jush after washing, the nail being softer at such a
time. Care should be taken not to cut them too
short, though, if they are left too long, they will
frequently get torn and broken. They should be
nicely rounded at the corners. Recollect, the filbert-
shaped nail is considered the most beautiful.

Some people are troubled by the cuticle adhering
to the nail as it grows. This may be pressed down
with the towel after washing; or should that not
prove efficacious, it must be loosened round the edge
with some blunt instrument.

It always results from carelessness and inattention
to the minor details of the toilet, which is most rep-
rehensible.

Absolute smallness of a hand is not essential to
beauty, which requires that the proper proportions
should be observed in the human figure. Many a
young girl remains idle for fear her hand will grow
larger by wo'rk, The folly of this idea is only equal-
ed by that of the Chinese woman who bandages the
feet of her daughter and does not permit her to walk
lest her feet should grow to the size Nature intended
them. What are our hands made for if not for
work? And that hand which does the most work
in the world is the hand most to be honored and to
be admired. The hand which remains small

382 THE TOILETTE.

through inaction is not only not beautiful, but to be
despised.

People afflicted with moist hands should revolu-
tionize their habits, take more out-door exercise and
more frequent baths. They should adopt a nutri-
tious but not over-stimulating diet, and perhaps take
a tonic of some sort. Local applications of starch-
powder and the juice of lemon may be used to
advantage.

With proper care the hand may be retained beau-
tiful, soft and shapely, and yet perform its fair share
of labor. The hands should always be protected by
gloves when engaged in work calculated to injure
them. Gloves are imperatively required for garden-
work. The hands should always be washed carefully
and dried thoroughly after such labor. If they are
roughened by soap, rinse them in a little vinegar or
lemon-juice, and they will become soft and smooth
at once.

THE FEET.

If one would see a representation of a perfectly-
formed foot, let him turn to the pictures of Guido
and Murillo, who probably had for models the shape-
ly feet of Italian and Spanish peasants, which never
had known the bondage of a shoe.

If a modern artist succeeds in painting a perfect
foot, it must be looked upon as the result of inspira-
tion, for surely he can find no models among the shoe-
tortured, pinched and deformed feet of the men and
women of the present day.

THE TOILETTE. «83

We once had an opportunity to examine the feet of
a modern fashionable lady — feet which, encased in
their dainty gaiters, were as long and narrow and as
handsomely shaped as the most fastidious taste could
require. But what a sight the bare foot presented I
In its hideous deformity there was scarcely a trace
of its original natural shape. The forward portion
of the foot was squeezed and narrowed, the toes were
pressed together and moulded into the shape of the
narrow shoe. The ends of the toes, with the nails,
were turned down ; the big toe, instead of standing
a little apart from the others, was bent over toward
them, and its outline formed one side of a triangle,
of which the little toe and the ends of the interme-
diate toes were the second side, and the end of the big
toe the junction of the two sides. In addition to
this, the toes and the ball of the big toe were covered
with corns and calluses.

This deformity and disease, existing, no doubt, in
many a foot, we are called upon to regard as beauty
wheu hidden in its encasing shoe!

A well-formed foot is broad at the sole, the toes
well spread, each separate toe perfect and rounded in
form. The nails are regular and perfect in shape as
those of the fingers. The second toe projects a little
beyond the others, and the first or big toe stands
slightly apart from the rest and is slightly lifted, as
as we see in Murillo's beautiful picture of the infant
Sd. John.

The feet from the circumstance of their being so

384 THE TOILETTE.

much confined by boots and shoes, require more
care in washing than the rest of the body. Yet they
do not always get this care. " How is it," asked a
French lady, "that we are always washing our
hands, while we never wash our feet?" We trust
this statement of the case is not quite true, though
we fear that with some individuals it somewhat ap-
proaches it. The hands receive frequent washings
every day. Once a week is quite as often as many
people bestow the same attention upon the feet.

A perfectly-shaped foot can hardly be hoped for
in these days, when children's feet are encased in
shoes from earliest infancy and Nature is not allow-
ed to have her way at any time. In country places
where children are allowed to run barefoot during
the summer there is still some trace of beauty left ;
and instead of its being regarded as a misfortune to
be thus deprived of feet-covering, it should be es-
teemed an advantage.

" How dirty your hands are ! " exclaimed an as-
tonished acquaintance to Lady Montague, whom she
met in public with hands most decidedly unwashed.
Ah!" replied that lady, in a tone of the utmost
unconcern; "what would you say if you saw my
feet?"

And what would we say if we saw many people's
feet? That they needed washing, certainly. A tepid
bath, at about 80° or 90°, should be used. The feet
may remain in the water about five minutes, and
the instant they are taken out they should be rapid-

THE TOILETTE. 385

ly and thoroughly dried by being well rubbed with
a coarse towel. Sometimes bran is used in the
water.

Some people are troubled with moist or damp feet.
This complaint arises more particularly during the
hot weather in summer-time, and the greatest care
and cleanliness should be exercised in respect to
it. Persons so afflicted should wash their feet twice
a day in soap and warm water; after which they
should put on clean socks. Should this fail to effect
a cure, they may, after being washed as above, be
rinsed, and then thoroughly rubbed with a mix-
ture consisting of half a pint of warm water and
three tablespoonfuls of concentrated solution of
chloride of soda.

After the bath is the time for paring the toe-nails,
as they are so much softer and more pliant after
having been immersed in warm water.

Few things are more invigorating and refreshing
after a long walk or getting wet in the feet than a
tepid foot-bath, clean stockings and a pair of easy
shoes.

To avoid chilblains on the feet it is necessary to
observe three rules: 1. Avoid getting the feet wet;
if they become so, change the shoes and stockings
at once. 2. Wear lamb's wool socks or stockings.
3. Never under any circumstances "toast your toes,"
before the fire, especially if you are very cold. Fre-
quent bathing of the feet in a strong solution of alum
is useful in preventing the coming of chilblains

386 THE TOILETTE.

People who walk much are frequently afflicted
with blisters, and many are the plans adopted for
their prevention. Some soap their socks, some pour
spirits in their shoes, others rub their feet with glyce-
rine. The great point, however, is to have easy,
well-fitting boots and woolen socks. Should blisters
occur, a very good plan is to pass a large darning*
needle threaded with worsted through the blister
lengthwise, leaving, an inch or so of the thread out-
side at each end. This keeps the scurf-skin close to
the true skin, and prevents any grit or dirt entering.
The thread absorbs the matter, and the old skin re-
mains till the new one grows. A blister should not
be punctured save in this manner, as it may degener-
ate into a sore and become very troublesome.

On the first indication of any redness of the toes
and sensation of itching it would be well to rub them
carefully with warm spirits of rosemary, to which a
little turpentine has been added. Then a piece of
lint soaked in camphorated spirits, opodeldoc or
camphor liniment may be applied and retained on
the part.

Should the chilblain break, dress it twice daily
with a plaster of equal parts of lard and beeswax,
with half the quantity in weight of oil of turpentine.

It is tolerably safe to say that those who wear
loose, easy-fitting shoes and boots will never be
troubled with corns. Some people are more liable
to corns than others, and some will persist in the
use of tightly-fitting shoes in spite of corns. Though

THE TOILETTE. 387

these latter really deserve to suffer, it is still GUI
duty to do what we can to remove that suffering.

Pare the toe-nails squarer than those of the fin-
gers. Keep them a moderate length — long enough
to protect the toe, but not so long as to cut holes in
the stockings. Always cut the nails; never tear
them, as is too frequently the practice. Be careful
not to destroy the spongy substance below the nails,
as that is the great guard to prevent them going into
the quick.

The toe-nails do not grow so fast as the finger-
nails, but they should be looked after and trimmed
at least once a fortnight. They are much more sub-
ject to irregularity of growth than the finger-nails,
owing to their confined position. If the nails show
a tendency to grow in at the sides, the feet should
be bathed in hot water, pieces of lint be introduced
beneath the parts with an inward tendency, and the
nail itself scraped longitudinally.

The remedies for corns are innumerable. There
is no doubt, however, that corns are the result of
undue pressure and friction. According to the old
formula, '* Remove the cause, and the effect will
cease." But how to remove it? As a general
preventive against corns adopt the plan of having
several pairs of shoes or boots in constant use, and
change every day. When the corn has asserted
itself, felt corn-plasters may be procured of the drug-
gist, taking care that you cut the aperture in them
large enough to prevent any portion of them press-

388 THE TOILETTE.

ing on the edges of the corn. Before long the corn
will disappear.

The great fault with modern shoes is that their
soles are made too narrow, If one would secure
perfect healthfulness of the feet, he should go to a
shoemaker and step with his stockinged feet on a
sheet of paper. Let the shoemaker mark with a
pencil upon the paper the exact size of his foot, and
then make him a shoe whose sole shall be as broad
as this outlined foot.

Still more destructive of the beauty and symmetry
of our women's feet have been the high, narrow
heels so much worn lately. They made it difficult
to walk, and even in some cases permanently crip-
pled the feet.

A shoe, to be comfortable, should have a broad sole
and a heel of moderate height, say one-half an inch,
as broad at the bottom as at the top.

EXPRESSION.

BEAUTY AND ITS EXPRESSION

SINGING AND PLAYING.

CHAPTER 29.

[HERE are many young women,
who, when they sit down to
the piano to sing, twist them-
selves into so many contor-
tions, and writhe their bodies
and faces about into such
actions and grimaces, as would
almost incline one to believe
that they are suffering great
bodily torture. Their bosoms
heave, their shoulders shrug,
their heads swing to the right and left, their lips
quiver, their eyes roll ; they sigh, they pant, they seem
ready to expire ! And what is all this about ? They
are merely playing a favorite concerto, or singing a
new Italian song.

If it were possible for these conceit-intoxicated
warblers, these languishing dolls, to guess what ra-
tional spectators say of their follies, they would be
ready to break their instruments and be dumb for-
ever. What they call expression in singing, at the rate

390 HINTS ON FEMALE BE A UTT.

they would show it, is only fit to be exhibited on tha
stage, when the character of the song intends to por-
tray the utmost ecstasy of passion to a sighing swain,
In short, such an echo to the words and music of a
love-ditty, is very improper in any young woman who
would wish to be thought as pure in heart as in per-
son. If amatory addresses are to be sung, let the ex-
pression be in the voice and the composition of the
air, not in the looks and gestures of the lady -singer.
The utmost that she ought to allow herself to do,
when thus breathing out the accents of love, is to
wear a serious, tender countenance. More than this
is bad, and may produce reflections in the minds of
the hearers very inimical to the reputation of the
fair warbler.

The attitude at a piano-forte is not happily adapt-
ed to grace. From the shape of the instrument, the
performer must sit directly in front of a straight line
of keys ; and her own posture being correspondingly
erect and square, it is hardly possible that it should
not appear rather inelegant. But if it attain not the
ne plus ultra of grace, she may prevent an air of stiff-
ness ; she may move her hands easily on the keys,
and bear her head with that elegance of carriage
which cannot fail to impart its own character to the
whole of her figure.

If ladies, in meditating on grace of deportment,
would rather consult the statues of fine sculptors, and
the figures of excellent painters, than the lessons of
their dancing-masters, or the dictates of their looking-

HINTS ON FEMALE BEAUTY. 391

glasses, we should, doubtless, see simplicity where we
now find affectation, and a thousand ineffable graces
taking the place of the present regime of absurdity
and conceit.

It was by studying the perfect sculpture of Greece
and Rome, that a certain lady of rank, eminent for
her peculiarly beautiful attitudes, acquired so great a
superiority m mien above her fair contemporaries of
every court in which she became an inmate. It was
by meditating on the classic pictures of Poussin, that
one of the first tragic actresses on the French stage
learned to move and look like the daughter of the sun.
And by a similar study did Mrs. Siddons derive in-
spiration from the pencil of Corregio and Rubens.

THE VOICE AND DRESS.

The voice of individuals, the tone they assume in
speaking to strangers, or even familiarly to their
friends, will lead a keen observer to discover what ele-
ments the temper is made of. The low key belongs to
the sullen, sulky, obstinate ; the shrill note to the pet-
ulant, the pert, the impatient : some will pronounce
the common and trite question, " How do you do ? "
with such harshness and asperity that they seem
positively angry with you that you should ever do at
til. Some affect a lisping, which at once betrays
childishness and downright nonsense ; others will bid
their words gallop so swiftly that the ablest ear is
unable to follow the rapid race, and gathers nothing
but confused and unmeaning sounds. All these ex*

392 HINTS ON FEMALE BEAUTY.

tremes are to be avoided, and, although nature has
differently formed the organs of speech for different
individuals, yet there is a mode to correct nature's
own aberrations.

If good-breeding and graceful refinement are ever
most proper, they are always so. It is not sufficient
that you are amiable and elegant in your deportment
to strangers and to your acquaintance ; you must be
undeviatingly so to your most intimate friends, to
nearest relations, to father, mother, brothers, sisters,
husband, wife. You must have no dishabille for them,
either of mind or person.

If you would always appear amiable, elegant and
endearing to the beings with whom you are to spend
your life, make those beings the first objects for
Whose pleasure your accomplishments, your manners,
and your dress are to be cultivated. Never appear
before these tender relatives in the disgusting negli-
gence of disordered and soiled clothes. By this has
many a lovely girl lost her lover ; and by this has
many an amiable wife alienated the affections of her
husband.

Let me, then, in one short sentence, in one tender
adieu, my fair readers and endeared friends, enforce
upon your minds, that if Beauty be woman's weapon,
it must be feathered by the Graces, pointed by the
eye of Discretion, and shot by the hand of Virtue !

Look, then, not merely to your mirrors, when you
would decorate yourselves for conquest, but consult
the speculum which will reflect your hearts and minds.

HINTS ON FEMALE BE A UTY. 393

Remember that it is the affections of a sensible and
reasonable soul you hope to subdue, and seek for
arms likely to carry the fortress.

BEAUTY OP PERSON.

Beauty of person will ever be found a dead letter,
unless it be animated with beauty of mind. " For 'tis
the mind that makes the body rich." We must, then,
not only cultivate the shape, the complexion, the air,
the attire, the manners, but most assiduously must
our attention be devoted to teach " the young idea
how to shoot," and to fashion the unfolding mind to
judgment and virtue. By such culture, it will not be
merely the charming girl, the captivating woman we
shall present to the world, but the dutiful daughter,
.affectionate sister, tender wife, judicious mother,
faithful friend, and amiable acquaintance.

DIGNITY AND FAMILIARITY.

We regard society as a grand machine, in which
each member has the place best fitted for him ; or, to
make use of a more common illustration, as a vast
drama, in which every person has the part allotted to
him most appropriate to his abilities. One enacts the
general, others the subalterns, others the soldiery ;
but all obey the Great Director, who best knows what
is in man. Regarding things in this light, all arro-
gance, all pride, all envy ings and contempt of others,
from their relative degrees, disappear, as emotions to
whixjh we have no pretensions. We neither endowed

394 HUMS ON FEMALE BEAUTY.

ourselves with high birth nor eminent talents. "We
are altogether beings of a creation independent of our
own will ; and, therefore, bearing our own honors as
a gift, not as a right, we should condescend to our in-
feriors (whose place it might have been our lot to
fill), and regard with deference our superiors, whom
Heaven, by so elevating, has intended that we should
respect.

This sentiment of order in the mind, this conviction
of the beautiful harmony in a well-organized civil so-
ciety, gives us dignity with our inferiors, without al-
loying it with the smallest particle of pride ; by keep-
ing them at a due distance, we merely maintain our-
selves and them in the rank in which a higher Power
has placed us ; and the condescension of our general
manners to them, and our kindnesses in their exigen-
cies, and generous approbation of their worth, are
sufficient acknowledgments of sympathy to show that
we avow the same nature with themselves, the same
origin, the same probation, the same end.

Our demeanor with our equals is more a matter or
policy. To be indiscreetly familiar, to allow of liber-
ties being taken with your good nature, all this is
likely to happen with people of the same rank as
ourselves, unless we hold our mere acquaintance at a
proper distance, by a certain reserve. A woman may
be gay, ingenuous, perfectly amiable to her associates,
and yet reserved. Avoid all sudden intimacies, nil
needless secret-telling, all closeting about nonsense,
caballing, taking mutual liberties with each other ia

HINTS ON FEMALE BEAUTY. 395

regard to domestic arrangements ; in short, beware of
familiarity ! The kind of familiarity which is com-
mon in families, and amongst women of the same
classes in society, is that of an indiscriminate gossip-
ing ; an interchange of thoughts without any effusion
of the heart. Then an unceremonious way of re-
proaching each other, for a real or supposed neglect ;
a coarse manner of declaring your faults ; a habit of
jangling on trifles ; a habit of preferring your own
whims or ease before that of the persons about you ;
an indelicate way of breaking into each other's pri-
vacy. In short, doing everything that declares the
total oblivion of all politeness and decent manners.

This series of errors happens every day amongst
brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, and female
acquaintances; and what are the consequences?
Distaste, disgust, everlasting quarrels and perhaps
total estrangement in the end !

I have seen many families bound together by the
tenderest affection ; I have seen many hearts wrought
into each other by the sweet amalgamation of friend-
ship ; but with none did I ever find this delicious
foretaste of the society in Elysium, where a never-
failing politeness was not mingled in all their thoughts,
words and actions to each other.

SERVANTS.

CHAPTER 30.

OR fear of being suspected of that
mean and ungenerous sentiment
of desiring to make others feel
that difference which fortune
has, and perhaps too unde-
servedly made between us, I am
more upon my guard, as to my behavior to my servants
and to others who are called my inferiors than I am
towards my equals.

It would be difficult to express the sense of etiquette
on this subject better than by these words of Lord
Chesterfield.

Much has been said respecting bad servants, and
there are a great many bad ones amongst the numer-
ous class ; but it is more their misfortune than their
fault ; they are for the most part taken from a class
of society who do not attend properly to the training
of their children, and are placed too frequently with
those who pay no attention to their comfort.

Treat your servants always with kindness — but at
the same time with firm respect for yourself; on no
account be familiar with them, neither hear their tat-
tle, nor tattle with them, and you will have at least a
chance of sometimes making them attentive, zealous,

899

SERVANTS. 397'

and grateful, rud of having your services performed
with order and alacrity.

Do not scold your servants ; you had better turn
them away at once. When they need reproof, give
them it in a calm, dignified and firm manner ; but
on no account, if you can possibly avoid it, find fault
with them in the presence of strangers, even though
they should let fall the tray with your best set of china
upon it.

The ton of the mistress of a house is often affected,
if not measured, by that of her servants ; take care,
therefore, to make them civil and polite — teach them
to assist your visitors in putting off and on their over-
coats, cloaks, &c. — and let them always be ready to
open the door when your guests arrive or depart.

Accustom your servants never to appear before you
too slatternly or too finely dressed ; never allow them
to enter into conversation with each other in your
presence, nor to answer you by signs or coarse terms.

If you have only one servant, talk of her by her
Christian name ; if you have more, talk of them by
the names of their offices, such as nurse, cook, house-
maid, butler, footman, but always address them by
their Christian names.

Although you must avoid all familiar confidential
conversation, never speak to your servants with hau-
teur nor harshness.

Never entertain your visitors with any narrative of
your servants' improprieties.

Give no o< vwJon for them to complain of you;

398 SERVANTS.

but never suffer yourself to complain of them with-
out first ascertaining that your complaint is just, see-
iiig that it has attention, and that the fault com-
plained of is remedied.

Beware of giving servants the inch; there is no
class so prone, under such circumstances, to take
the ell.

If staying in a friend's house, you may assume, to
a certain extent, that your friend's servants are your
servants. But this must be only so far as you are
yourself concerned. You must not, on any account,
give directions respecting the general conduct of the
menage. For all your own personal wants, however,
you are free to command their services. Ask for
anything, under their control, that may be lacking in
your own room ; do not send them on errands, how-
ever, without first ascertaining that it will not inter-
fere with their regular routine of household duty. It
is contrary to all laws of etiquette to trouble your
host or hostess with all your petty wants.

Never apologize for the trouble you give them ;
but if you should, through illness or other cause, oc-
casion more work than a visitor ordinarily brings to
a household, let the gift, which, in any case, you
would make to the servants on leaving the house, be
somewhat heavier than would otherwise have been
necessary.

This question of fees to servants is a very impor-
tant one. Many people are disposed to regard it as
an imposition which is tolerated only through the

SERVANTS. :399

force of custom. Others view it in the light of pay-
ing for an extra burden, which their presence has
laid upon the servant's shoulders. The latter view,
if not entirely the correct one, is, at least, as reason*
able as the former, and a generous nature will prob-
ably adopt it. " But all cannot afford to make these
presents," and " The servants are hired on the ex-
press understanding that they will have to serve
their employer's guests, as part of the work they are
engaged to do."

With regard to the amount of fees to servants in a
-household, it is not possible to lay down any precise
rule. Much must depend on the length of the visit,
the position of the master of the house, and the po-
sition in which you are supposed to stand toward
him ; and on each of these points you must exercise
your own discretion, and consult your own means or
generosity.

Gentlemen give fees to the men servants only, as a
general rule, and ladies give to the female servants
only ; and though the strict observance of this rule
may seem at times to work injustice, it is better to
adhere .to it than to mar the comfort and position of
those who come after you, and who may not have
the means of being liberal over and above the pre-
scribed standard.

At a dinner party, an evening company, a ball, or
like occasions, it is customary, on coming away, to
give a trifle, the gentleman to the waiter who hands
him his hat, etc., the lady to the attendant in the

400 SERVANTS.

dressing-room; but you are not called upon to re-
member every servant in attendance.

Fees to railway porters and others are certainly
not required by the rules of etiquette to be paid.
The payment of them is indeed forbidden by many
of the railway companies ; but the receiving of them
is winked at, the result being that travelers who
want attendance are, for the most part, obliged to
pay for it. The system is, however, a pernicious
one, and travelers should discourage it as much as
possible, if only for the sake of those who cannot af-
ford to sustain it.

It is generally wise and right, after a due experi-
ence of the principles and intentions of servants, to
place confidence in their honesty, and to let them
have the comfort of knowing that you do so. At the
same time never cease to exercise a system of super-
vision. The great principle of housekeeping is regu-
larity, and without this (one of the most difficult of
the minor virtues to practice), all efforts to promote
order must be ineffectual.

In this country, servants are proverbially more
troublesome than in Europe, where service is often
transmitted through generations in one family. Here,
the housekeeper is obliged to change often, taking
frequently the most ignorant of the lower classes of
foreigners to train into good and useful servants,
only to have them become dissatisfied as soon as
they become acquainted with others, who instil the
republican doctrine of perfect equality into their

SERVANTS. 401

minds, ruining them for good servants. There are
some points of etiquette, however, upon which every
lady should insist :

Never allow a servant to keep people waiting upon
the door-step.

Never allow servants to treat any one disrespect-
fully.

Never allow servants to turn their own proper
duties over to the children or other servants by a
bribe. Many fond parents would be amazed if they
knew how much running and actual work was per-
formed by little Nellie or Charlie, and how many fits
of mysterious indigestion were caused by the rich
cake, candy, or half-ripe fruit that paid for the service
and bribed the silence.

Never allow a servant to keep a visitor standing
parleying on the door- step, while she holds the door
ajar. Train the door-servant to admit any caller
promptly, show them to the parlor, bring up their
cards at once, and return with your answer or mes-

HOME DECORATION.

FLOWERS.

CHAPTER 31.

HERE is nothing cheaper, there is
nothing more beautiful, there is
nothing that makes a house more
cheerful than flowers. They are
ready and willing to smile in
beauty and loveliness on all who
will cultivate their acquaintance
and give them hospitality. Here
is an example which will cost very
little besides the labor :

Take an old tin pan condemned
to the retired list by reason of holes in the bottom,
get twenty-five cents' worth of green paint for this
and other purposes, and paint it. The holes in the
bottom are a recommendation for its new service. If
there are no holes, you must drill two or three, a*
drainage is essential. Now put a layer one inch deep
of broken charcoal and potsherds over the bottom, ancj
then soil, in the following proportions :

Two-fourths wood soil, such as you find in foresta
under trees.

One-fourth clean sand.

402

fgw

HOME DECORATIONS.

HOME DECORATION. 403

One-fourth meadow-soil, taken from under fresh
turf. Mix with this some charcoal dust.

In this soil plant all sorts of ferns, together with
some few swamp-grasses ; and around the edge put a
border of money-plant or periwinkle to hang over.
This will need to be watered once or twice a week,
and it will grow and thrive all summer long in a
corner of your room. Should you prefer, you can
suspend it by wires and make a hanging-basket.
Ferns and wood-grasses need not have sunshine —
they grow well in shadowy places.

On this same principle you can convert a salt-box
or an old drum of figs into a hanging-basket. Tack
bark and pine-cones and moss upon the outside of it,
drill holes and pass wires through it, and you have a
woodland hanging-basket, which will hang and grow
in any corner of your house.

We have been into rooms which, by the simple dis-
position of articles of this kind, have been made to
have an air so poetical and attractive that they seem-
ed more like a nymph's cave than anything in the real
world.

Another mode of disposing of ferns is this : Take a
flat piece of board sawed out something like a shield,
with a hole at the top for hanging it up.

Upon the board nail a wire-pocket made of an ox-
muzzle flattened on one side ; or make something of
the kind with stiff wire. Line this with a sheet of
close moss, which appears green behind the wire net-
work. Then you fill it with loose, spongy moss, such

404 HOME DECORATION.

as you find in swamps, and plant therein great plumes
of fern and various swamp-grasses ; they will con-
tinue to grow there, and hang gracefully over. When
watering, set a pail under for it to drip into. It needs
only to keep this moss always damp, and to sprinkle
these ferns occasionally with a whisk-broom, to have
a most lovely ornament for your room or hall.

The use of ivy in decorating a room is beginning
to be generally acknowledged. It needs to be plant-
ed in the kind of soil we have described, in a well-
drained pot or box, and to have its leaves thoroughly
washed once or twice a year in strong suds made
with soft soap, to free it from dust and scale-bug :
and an ivy will live and thrive and wind about in a
room, year in and year out, will grow around pic-
tures, and do almost anything to oblige you that you
can suggest to it.

Pretty brackets can be made of common pine, or-
namented with odd-growing twigs or mosses or roots,
scraped and varnished, or in their native state.

A beautiful ornament for a room with pictures is
German ivy. Slips of this will start without roots in
bottles of water. Slide the bottle behind the picture,
and the ivy will seem to come from fairyland, and
hang its verdure in all manner of pretty curves
around the picture. It may then be trained to
travel toward other ivy, and thus aid in forming
green cornice along the ceiling. We have seen some
rooms that had an ivy cornice around the whole,
giving tho air of a leafy bower.

HOME DECORATION. 403

There are some other odd devices to ornament a
room. For example, a sponge, kept wet by daily
immersion, can be filled with flax-seed and suspended
by a cord, when it will ere long be covered with ver-
dure and afterward with flowers.

A sweet potato, laid in a bowl of water on a
bracket, or still better, suspended by a knitting-
needle, run through or laid across the bowl half in
the water, will, in due time, make a beautiful ver-
dant ornament. A large carrot, with the smallest
half cut off, scooped out to hold water and then sus-
pended with cords, will send out graceful shoots in
rich profusion.

Half a cocoa-nut shell, suspended, will hold earth
or water for plants, and make a pretty hanging-
garden.

The best foundations are the cheap wooden bowls,
which are quite easy to get, and the walks in the
woods can be made interesting by bringing home
material for this rustic work. Different colored
twigs and sprays of trees, such as the bright scarlet
of the dog-wood, the yellow of the willow, the black
of the birch, and the silvery gray of the poplar, may
be combined in fanciful net-work. For this sort of
work, no other investment is needed than a hammer
and an assortment of different-sized tacks, and beau-
tiful results will be produced.

But the greatest and cheapest and most delightful
fountain of beauty is a " Ward case."

J^ow, immediately all our economical friends give

406 HOME DECORATION.

up in despair. Ward's cases sell all the way along
from eighteen to fifty dollars, and are, like every-
thing else in this lower world, regarded as the sole
perquisites of the rich.

It is true that plate glass, and hot-house plants,
and rare patterns, are the especial inheritance of the
rich ; but any family may command all the requisites
of a Ward case for a very small sum. Such a case is
a small glass closet over a well-drained box of soil.
You make a Ward case on a small scale when you
turn a tumbler over a plant. The glass keeps the
temperature moist and equable, and preserves the
plants from dust, and the soil being well drained,
they live and thrive accordingly. The requisites of
these are the glass top and the bed of well-drained
soil.

Suppose you have a common cheap table, four
feet long and two wide. Take off the top boards of
your table, and with them board the bottom across
tight and firm ; then line it with zinc, and you will
have a sort of box or sink on legs. Now make a top
of common window -glass such as you would get for a
cucumber-frame ; let it be two and a half feet high,
with a ridge-pole like a house, and a slanting roof of
glass resting on this ridge-pole ; on one end let there
be a door two feet square.

We have seen a Ward case made in this way, in
which the capabilities for producing ornamental
effect were greatly beyond many of the most elabo-
rate ones of the shops. It was large, and roomy,

HOME DECORATION. 407

and cheap. Common window-sash and glass are not
dear, and any man with moderate ingenuity could
fashion such a glass closet for his wife ; or a woman,
not having such a husband, can do it herself.

The sink or DOX part must have in the middle of it
a hole of good size for drainage. In prepariDg for
the reception of plants, first turn a plant-saucer over
this hole, which may otherwise become stopped.
Then, as directed for 'the other basket, proceed with
a layer of broken charcoal and potsherds for drain-
age, two inches deep, and prepare the soil as directed
Above, and add to it some pounded charcoal, or the
scrapings of the charcoal-bin. In short, more or less
charcoal and charcoal-dust are always in order in the
treatment of these moist subjects, as it keeps them
from fermenting and growing sour.

Now for filling the case.

Our own native forest-ferns have a period in the
winter months when they cease to grow. They are
very particular in asserting their right to this yearly
nap, and will not on any consideration, grow for you
out of their appointed season.

Nevertheless, we shall tell you what we have tried
ourselves, because greenhouse ferns are expensive,
and often great cheats when you have bought them,
and die on your hands in the most reckless and
shameless manner. If you make a Ward case in the
spring, your ferns will grow beautifully in it all sum-
mer ; and in the autumn, though they stop growing,
and cease to throw out leaves, yet the old leaves will

408 HOME DECORATION.

remain fresh and green till the time for starting the
new ones in the spring.

But, supposing you wish to start your case in the
(all, out of such things as you can find in the forest ;
by searching carefully the rocks and clefts and reces-
ses of the forest, you can find a quantity of beautiful
ferns whose leaves the frost has not yet assailed.
Gather them carefully, remembering that the time of
the plant's sleep has come, and that you must make
the most of the leaves it now has, as you will not
have a leaf more from it till its waking-up time in
February or March. But we have succeeded, and
you will succeed, in making a very charming and
picturesque collection. You can make in your Ward
case lovely little grottoes with any bits of shells and
minerals, and rocks you may have; you can lay
down, here and there, fragments of broken looking-
glass for the floor of your grottoes, and the effect of
them will be magical. A square of looking-glass
introduced into the back side of your case will pro-
duce charming effects.

The trailing arbutus or May-flower, if cut up care-
fully in sods, and put into this Ward case, will come
into bloom there a month sooner than it otherwise
would, and gladden your eyes and heart.

In the fall, if you can find the tufts of eye-bright
or Houstonia cerulia, and mingle them in with your
mosses, you will find them blooming before the winter
is well over.

But among the most beautiful things for such c

HOME DECORATION. 409

case is the partridge-berry, with its red plums. The
berries swell and increase in the moist atmosphere,
and become intense in color, forming an admirable
ornament.

Then the ground pine, the princess pine, and vari-
ous nameless pretty things of the woods, all flourish
in these little conservatories. In getting your sod of
trailing arbutus, remember that this plant forms its
buds in the fall. You must, therefore, examine
your sod carefully, and see if the buds are there ;
otherwise you will find no blossoms in the spring.

There are one or two species of violets, also, that
form their buds in the fall, and these, too, will blos-
som early for you.

We have never tried the wild anemones, the crow-
foot, etc. ; but as they all do well in moist, shady
places, we recommend hopefully the experiment of
putting some of them in.

A Ward case has this recommendation over com-
mon house-plants, that it takes so little time and
care. If well made in the outset, and thoroughly
drenched with water when the plants are first put in,
it will after that need only to be watered about once a
month, and to be ventilated by occasionally leaving
open the door for a half-hour or hour when the moist-
ure obscures the glass and seems in excess.

AMUSEMENTS.

CHAPTER 32.

HREE things are to be borne in
mind while getting up amuse-
ments for a party.

First, to get up an entertain-
ment that as many as possible
can partake in, for participation
is a part of enjoyment.

Second, That in the entertain-
ment there shall be nothing to which there can be any
objection, or which shall cause unpleasant remark and
leave unpleasant memories.

Third, That the real object of the amusement shall
be gained, namely, that all shall be amused.

There are many amusements to which attention
could be directed, among which are

SHAKESPEARE READINGS.

Shakespeare reading clubs, amateur dramas, cha-
rades, and tableaux are deservedly the popular home
amusements of the present day. They certainly
strengthen the lungs and memory, and improve the
intellectual tastes. These amusements are peculiarly
adapted to enliven long winter evenings, and they

AMVSMMENT& 411

furnish a far better way of spending an evening than
in more sentimental and childish games, that may be-
come a party of children, but ill become a company
of men and women.

Some clubs read Shakespeare alone. It is most
certainly a noble study, and one we can never weary
of. Few can hope ever to excel in delineating Shake-
speare. Therefore it is well, if we meet together for
social enjoyment as well as improvement, to have a
variety of plays, such as Sheridan Knowles's plays.
Also, it is an admirable way of learning to converse
easily in German and French to read plays in the
different languages. In reading these plays, the
parts, in the beginning, should be given to different
members.

The librettos of many excellent plays can be bought
for a very small sum, such as " Ion," " Hunchback,"
" William Tell," " Love's Sacrifice," and many other
excellent old plays. These small books are less cum-
bersome to carry around. It is well, before the club
meets to read any play, to have each person read
over his or her part, so as to be able to comprehend
the character. Therefore the play to be read at each
reading should be given out at the close of every
meeting, and the parts selected, each member having
an equal share. Such clubs are far more agreeable
to their members, and less likely to cause unpleasant
rivalries, than clubs for private theatricals, as private
actors are often jealous, for human nature, alas ! is
weak.

«2 AMUSEMENTS.

PEIVATE DRAMAS.

Private dramas amuse a large circle of friends, and
any club willing to undertake the presentation of
plays deserve the thanks of their audience.

Even a simple farce requires much labor and fre-
quent rehearsals to be well acted, and one soon wea-
ries of the constant repetition of even witty sayings.
The most trivial character must be carefully studied,
for one bad actor often destroys the effect of the
whole play. Then the footlights, stage, &c., must be
prepared. A few directions, with a list of easy farces,
may be of service. AU who live in cities can easily
hire scenery, dresses, &c., but for the benefit of towns
and villages, we will give a short account of how such
things can be managed.

Some lady can almost always be found who will
give the use of her house. A house should be select-
ed which has two parlors, connected by large folding-
doors or an arch ; one parlor being for the audience,
and the other for the stage. All the furniture and
carpets should be taken from the latter room. A
rough staging should be built (boards can be easily
hired), and by boring a hole in the floor, a gas-pipe
can be run up along the front of the staging, with a
sufficient number of burners. Tin shades painted
green (as they render the light softer, and more agree-
able to the eye), are an addition, for they keep the
light from the audience, and throw it directly on the
actors. A large floor-cloth can be nailed on the stage

AMUSKMENTS.

AMUSEMENTS. 4*3

for a carpet. A drop-curtain, so arranged as to be
rolled up quickly and easily, by means of a cord-pul-
ley at one side of the stage, where the prompter sits,
just out of sight of the audience, is necessary. Scen-
ery for the sides and back parts of the stage can be
roughly painted on cloth ; it answers every purpose
of canvas, by being strained when wet, over light
wooden frames (made so as to be easily moved);
when dry, it presents a smooth, hard surface.

Each member should provide his or her own dress.
To give the required expressions to the faces, a box
of good water-colors, some fine chalk-powder, camel's-
hair pencils, and rouge-saucers are wanted. To make
frowns, scowls, or comical expressions, such as a broad
grin, smirk, or simper, stand before a mirror and as-
sume the desired expression ; then trace the wrinkles
produced with a fine brush of the brown tint ; this
will fix the required expression on your face. Kouge
is best applied with the finger. Burnt cork is excel-
lent for darkening eyebrows and making moustaches,
also for representing leanness, which will be done by
applying a faint tint just under the eyes, on the sides
of the cheeks, and under the lower lip. A strong
mark running from the corner of the nose down to-
ward the corner of the mouth on each side marks
age or emaciation.

A few directions may be of use in regard to th*
preparation of theatrical dresses. Powdered wigs
can be made of tow, ravelled yarn, or gray-colored
horse hair ; beards and moustache of the same, or a

414 AMUSEMENTS.

piece of buffalo-skin. Ermine can be made of cotton
flannel, with tags of lion-skin cloth sewed on, or
black tags painted. Pelisse wadding is sometimes
used.

Crowns and sceptres are easily made of pasteboard
and gold paper. Velvet talma-cloaks, capes, or even
the loose velvet sack, can be converted into cavalier-
cloaks (the armholes in the sack must be fastened up
on the inside) by fastening them gracefully over one
shoulder. Then put on a large old-fashioned lace
collar, ruffles around the hand, a Kossuth hat, looped
up on one side with a paste-pin or buckle, fastening
a white or black plume (taken from some lady's bon-
net), stockings drawn over the pantaloons and fas-
tened at the knees with bows and buckles ; and, lo !
with but little trouble, you have a fine cavalier of the
olden times. "With old finery and little ingenuity, a
theatrical wardrobe can be quickly made, if all are
willing to do their part, but the larger share of the
work is generally done by a few. Rocks can be made
by throwing plain gray blanket -shawls over ottomans,
tables, &c. Kain may be imitated by dropping peas
in a tin pan ; thunder, by rattling sheet-iron ; light-
ning, by means of a tin tube, larger at one end than
the other, and filled with powdered resin. The
smaller end of the tube should be open, the other
end so managed that the resin may sift through.
Shake the tube over a lamp, or blow the resin
through a plain tube into the flame of a lamp, and
you will have a good imitation of lightning.

AMUSEMENTS. *15

CHARADE&

There is no game that can aftora so much amuse-
ment to a circle of friends as that 01 acting charades.
It affords a scope for the exercise of both wit and
ingenuity.

A word must be chosen, in which the syllables may
be rendered into some kind of a lively performance,
and the whole word must be capable of similar rep-
resentation. Then the plan of action must be agreed
upon. Old-fashioned garments, gay shawls, scarfs,
old coats, hats, aprons, gowns, etc., must be looked
up for the occasion, and speedily converted into vari-
ous and grotesque costumes, suited to the representa-
tion to be made. By exercising a little ingenuity,
very fine charades can be acted " impromptu." Speed,
in all preparations, is quite necessary to success, as
an audience is always impatient. If it is determined
to have charades at a party, the lady of the house
should arrange dresses, plan of action, and subjects
beforehand. She can generally tell who can assist
her best. If all the arrangements can be made with-
out the knowledge of her guests, the effect will be
greatly increased. This is also an improving game
for a family of children. Write the plot and a simple
iialogue, and let them learn it ; it will be a good ex-
ercise for the memory, and teach them ease of man-
ner ; but let them only act before a home circle.

For a good charade party, twelve or more persons
are desirable, and two rooms, connecting by sliding

416 AMUSEMENTS.

or folding doors, are the most convenient, though
two connecting by only a single door will do, if the
party is not a large one.

First, two persons should be chosen managers ;
then the managers must choose sidec, so that the
company will be about equally divided. The sides
then take separate rooms, to become, alternately,
actors and audience ; the managers draw lots to see
which side shall act first. Those that are to begin,
first choose a word, then proceed to represent it. A
common way is to divide the word into syllables, and
present one at each scene, then, after having gone
through the word, if the other side cannot guess it, a
scene is given to represent the whole word. When
all is ready for a scene, the door is thrown open for
the others to look in and guess it. Frequently a
whole word is given at once in one scene. The man«
ager must always announce whether one syllable or
more is given. After giving the audience time to
guess it or give it up, the^ parties change rooms, and
the other side must act ; they will, of course, have
their word selected and all arrangements made, as
they had sufficient time while waiting for the
others.

In acting the word, each party must try to mystify
the other, yet the syllable must be well represented ;
but there can be by-play to divert the audience from
the real word. The party that guesses the whole
word the soonest are considered the conquering
party. Care must be taken not to let the actors

AMUSEMENTS. 417

know if the audience guess the word before it is fully
acted.

Sometimes in the place of words, proverbs are
acted. Each word is acted in turn, or two words are
acted in one scene ; if the latter, before the scene is
acted, some one of the actors can inform the audience
that they will act two words of the proverb.

For the sake of learners we will suggest a few
words and proverbs that can be acted. Do-na-tion;
con-ju-gate ; so-li-cit ; dumb-found ; slow and sure ;
all is not gold that glitters ; a stitch in time saves
nine ; little pitchers have big ears.

TABLEAUX YIVANTS.

Tableaux vivants, as commonly represented, are
so well understood that no directions are necessary ;
but some of our readers may not have heard of the
illustration of poems, etc., by a series of living pic-
tures. This is far more interesting than simply to
personify some one picture. Still another way is to
represent the different verses and scenes in a song in
pantomime, while at the same time some one who is
a good musician sings the verses of the song, as they
are represented. For instance, " The Mistletoe
Bough:" first represent a room decorated with
green, a company assembled, gayly dressed and
dancing, while a lady or gentleman behind the scene
sings the verse represented in distinct tones, and so
on through the whole song ; the last scene, represent-
ing children in a lumber-room opening an old chest,

418 AMUSEMENTS.

and exposing a skeleton, old flowers, etc. "Auld
Robin Gray," " The Three Fishers," "O, they
marched through the Town," " She wore a Wreath oJ*
Roses," v< The Minstrel's Eeturn from the War," are
all excellent ballads to represent.

TABLEAUX OF STATUARY.

This is a new form of tableaux, and if weh1 doca.
exceedingly beautiful.

To prepare and arrange groups of statuary, re-
quires artistic skill, patience, and steady nerves ; the
two last qualities are necessary for those actiug as
statues.

A lady who excels in preparing groups of statues,
as we can testify, has kindly permitted us to give to
the public her manner of preparing them.

First, some effective groups of statuary must be
selected, and carefully examined. Then those per-
sons who are willing to gratify their friends by act-
ing as statues, can be arranged in the different
groups according to their fitness ; those acting as
statues require marked features, and in most groups
fine figures to build upon, as drapery conceals minor
faults. All that can be prepared before the evening?
are the head-gear and the articles for drapery. A
cap must be made of white linen or cotton, closely
fitting the head. Take candle-wicking, and knit it
on common sized ivory needles, wet it in hot water,
and iron it dry. Then ravel it out, and cut it into the
desirable lengths, and fasten it to the cap like a wig.

AMUSEMENTS. *™

When placed on the head, this candle-wicking can
be arranged according to the statue to be repre-
sented, and it will resemble the hair carved in mar-
ble. If expense is not to be considered, the dra-
pery should be made of cotton flannel, as it hangs
heavier, and is more easily arranged than sheets,
which are generally used to save expense. From
three to four sheets are often required for the dra-
pery of one person, as it is necessary to hang in such
heavy folds to look like marble. One is usually
doubled up and tied around the waist, the others
folded, tied, and pinned, to resemble the drapery of
the statue represented ; rules are impossible to give,
as the arrangement can only be made by an ingen-
ious as well as an artistic person. Now comes the
most disagreeable part, that of painting all exposed
parts, such as neck, face, hands, or feet, to resemble
marble. First, common whiting must be mixed
smoothly in water, the consistency of milk. This is
put on with a shaving brush, and every part wholly
covered with this preparation; let that nearly dry,
then rub it in with the hand, then rub in lily white,
to give the flesh, besides the whiteness of marble, the
soft look of polished marble. The lips are finished
at the last moment. Old white stocking legs drawn
over the arms will save the trouble of painting them.
Then the statues are ready to be grouped for exhibi-
tion. Any person who is nervous, restless, and
easily inclined to laugh, cannot act as a statue. It is
not possible to realize the beauty of such a group of

420 AMUSEMENTS.

living statuary, when well done, unless it has been
once seen. We advise those attempting to get up
exhibitions for the benefit of some charitable object,
to try a few groups of living statuary ; it is very
effective to an audience.

LIGHTS AND SHADES.

If you wish to throw the background of a tableau
into shadow, place screens between the lights at the
sides of the stage and that part of the picture you
wish to have dark ; vice versa with the foreground.
Particular points or characters may be more brill-
iantly lighted than others, by placing at the side of
the stage a strong light within a large box, open at
one side, and lined with bright tin reflectors.

Lights of different colors can be thrown succes-
sively on a picture, and made to blend one with
another, by placing the various colored fires in
boxes three feet square, open at one side, and lined
with reflectors. Those arranged at the sides of the
stage on pivots can be turned on, one after another,
so as to throw their light on the stage. Before one
light has entirely vanished from the scene, a different
color should gradually take its place.

FTIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN.

ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN.

CHAPTER 33.

TILES of strict etiquette forbid
taking a child when making
formal calls, as they are a re-
straint upon conversation, even
if they are not troublesome
about touching forbidden ar-
ticles, or teasing to go home.

Never take a child to a fu-
neral, or to the house of
mourning.

Never allow a child to take
a meal at a friend's house
without special invitation. It
is impossible to know how much she may be incon-
venienced, while her regard for the mother would
deter her from sending the little visitor home again.
Never allow a child to handle goods in a store.
Never send for children to meet visitors in the
drawing-room, unless the visitors themselves request
to see them. Make their stay then very brief, and
be careful that they are not troublesome.

Never take a child to church until it is old enough to
remain perfectly quiet. Although you may be accus-
tomed to its restless movements, and not disturbed
by them, others near you will certainly feel annoyed
by them.

It is not etiquette to put a child to sleep in the

421

422 ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN.

room of a guest, nor to allow children to go at all to
a guest's room, unless especially invited to do so, and
even then to make long stay there.

Etiquette excludes children from all companies
given to grown persons, all parties and balls, except
such as are especially given for their pleasure.

When invited to walk or drive, never take a child,
unless it has been invited, or you have requested
permission to do so ; even in the latter case, the con-
sent is probably given more from good-nature than
from any desire to have a juvenile third to the party.

Never crowd children into pic-nic parties, if they
have not been invited. They generally grow weary
and very troublesome before the day is over.

Never take a child to spend the day with a friend
unless it has been included in the invitation.

Never allow children to be in the drawing-room if
strangers are present.

Never permit children to handle the ornaments in
the drawing-room of a friend.

Never allow a child to pull a visitor's dress, play
with the jewelry or ornaments she may wear, take
her parasol or satchel for a plaything, or in any way
annoy her.

Train children early to answer politely when ad-
dressed, to avoid restless, noisy motions when in
company, and gradually inculcate a love of the
gentle courtesies of life. By making the rules of
etiquette habitual to them, you remove all awkward-
ness and restraint from their manners when they are
aid enough to go into society.

ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN. 423

Never send a child to sit upon a sofa with grown
people, unless they express a desire to have it do so.

Never crowd a child into a carriage seat between
two grown people.

Never let a child play with a visitor's hat or cane.

If children are talented, be careful you do not
weary your friends, and destroy their own modesty
by "showing them off," upon improper occasions.
What may seem wonderful to a mother, may be an
unutterable weariness to a guest, too polite to allow
the mother to perceive the incipient yawn.

Never allow children to visit upon the invitation of
other children. "When they are invited by the older
members of the family, it is time to put on their
" best bibs and tuckers."

The custom for having children in the drawing-
room for morning or evening parties, or in the din-
ing-room with the dessert at dinner companies, is
not only often an annoyance to the guests, but bad
for the children themselves.

It is one of the first duties of parents to train their
children at home as they would have them appear
abroad. An English lady writes thus :

" If, then, we desire that our children shall become
ladies and gentlemen, can we make them so, think
you, by lavishing money upon foreign professors,
dancing-masters, foreign travel, tailors, and dress-
makers? Ah, no! good breeding is far less costly,
and begins far earlier than those things. Let our
little ones be nurtured in an atmosphere of gentleness
and kindness from the nursery upwards ; let them

424 ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN.

grow up in a home where a rude gesture or an ill-
tempered word are alike unknown ; where between
father and mother, master and servant, mistress and
maid, friend and friend, parent and child, brother
and sister, prevails the law of truth, of kindness, of
Consideration for others, and forgetfulness of self.
Can they carry into the world, whither we send them
later, aught of coarseness, of untruthfulness, of slat-
ternliness, of vulgarity, if their home has been
orderly, if their parents have been refined, their ser-
vants well mannered, their friends and playmates
kindly and carefully trained as themselves ? Do we
want our boys to succeed in the world ; our girls to
be admired and loved ; their tastes to be elegant ;
their language choice ; their manners simple, charm-
ing, refined, and graceful; their friendship elevating?
Then we must ourselves be what we would have our
children to be, remembering the golden maxim, that
good manners, like charity, must begin at home.

" Good manners are an immense social force. We
should, therefore, spare no pains to teach our
children what to do, and what to avoid doing, in
their pathway through life.

"On utilitarian as well as social principles, we
should try to instruct our children in good manners ;
for whether we wish them to succeed in the world, or
to adorn society, the point is equally important. We
must never lose sight of the fact, that here teachers
and professors can do little, and that the only way
in which it is possible to acquire the habits of good
society is, to live in no other*"

ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISMS.

CHAPTER 34.

'IFFERENT churches have their
own peculiar forms for the bap-
tism of infants, but there are
certain customs and observan-
ces which hold in the world of
good society, independent of the
religious ceremonies. A few
hints will suffice, as each sect
has its own peculiar forms known to the members of
that church ; we do not profess to guide these, but
merely the worldly observances.

It is not customary to invite mere acquaintances
to be godfather or godmother to an infant; these
should be tried friends of long standing, or better
still, near relations, to whom the obligations thus im-
posed will be pleasures and not tasks.

It is customary for the maternal grandmother and
the paternal grandfather to act as sponsors for the
first child ; the paternal grandmother and the mater-
nal grandfather as sponsors for the second child. If
the grand-parents are not living, the nearest relatives
of the same church should be invited.

It is unkind, as well as impolite, to refuse to act in
this capacity towards children who, from poverty or
other reasons, may occupy an inferior position in society
to your own.

Never invite any friends to be godfather or god-
425

428 ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISMS.

mother, wlio are not of the same church as the child
to be baptized.

"When you are invited to stand godfather or god-
mother to an infant, never refuse without grave cause,
and then do so immediately, that the parents may
have time to make other arrangements.

It is customary to allow the grandmother herself
to select the godfather.

In the Protestant churches, it is customary to de-
fer the baptism until the mother of the child can be
present

It is always- desirable to have the ceremony per-
formed in the church, if possible ; but if there is a
necessity for it, such as the illness of the child or the
parents, it can take place in the house of the parents,
by their special request.

No one should ever offer to act as sponsor for a
child. It is the privilege of the parents to make the
selection amongst their relatives or friends.

It is customary for the sponsors to make the babe
a present. If it is a little boy, the godfather gives a
silver cup, with the full name engraved upon it, and
the godmother some pretty piece of silver, jewelry, or
dress. If a little girl, it is the godmother who gives
the cup, and the godfather the other gift. Where
the sponsors are wealthy, it is not unusual to fill the
christening-cup with gold pieces. The god-mother
often adds to her gift the christening robe and cap,
both trimmed with white ribbons — for a babe should
wear only pure white when presented for baptism.

ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISMS. 427

It is contrary to etiquette to invite young persons
to stand as sponsors for an infant.

In the Roman Catholic Church, it is customary to
baptize an infant as soon as possible. If the child
is very delicate, it is customary to send at once for
the priest, and have the ceremony performed in the
bed-room ; but if the babe is healthy and likely to
live, it is usually taken to the church for baptism, as
young as the physician will permit.

In entering the church, the nurse, carrying the
child, goes first ; then follow the sponsors, who do
not walk arm-in-arm ; then the father, and after him
.the invited guests.

"When the ceremony commences, the sponsors
stand on each side of the child, the godfather on the
right, and the godmother on the left.

The babe should be held lying in the arms of the
nurse, its head upon the right arm. The cap should
be tied so as to be easily unfastened and removed.

When the priest asks who are the sponsors of the
child, it is sufficient for them to incline the head,
without speaking.

Baptism is a gratuitous ceremony in the church,
but it is customary for the father to present some
token to the clergyman, in the name of the babe, or,
where parents are wealthy, to make a handsome dona-
tion to the poor of the parish, through the clergyman.

If the ceremony is performed at the house of the
parents, a carriage must be sent to the house of the
clergyman to convey him to the house of the parents,

428 ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISMS.

and wait until after the ceremony, to convey him
home again. It is extremely rude to expect a clergy-
man to provide his own conveyance, or to walk.

Friends invited to a christening usually carry some
gift to the babe ; gentlemen a gift of silver, and ladies
some pretty piece of needlework.

If the ceremony is performed in the house of the
parents, or if the guests return there from the church,
the only refreshments required are cake and wine.

The father usually gives a present of money to the
nurse who carries the babe to the church.

It is not etiquette to remain long at a christening ;
and it is better taste for the infant to be removed to
the nursery as soon as the ceremony is over. To
keep a weary mother sitting up entertaining guests,
or a cross, tired child on exhibition, are either of
them in bad taste.

For a guest to show any annoyance if a child cries
loudly, or is in any way troublesome, is the height
of rudeness. Remarks or even frowns are forbidden
entirely, even if the infant screams so as to make the
voice of the clergyman entirely inaudible.

Etiquette requires that the babe be praised if it is
shown to the guests, even if it is a little monster of
pink ugliness. Ladies, especially mothers, will see
something beautiful, if only its helpless innocence ;
and gentlemen must behold infantile graces, if they
cannot actually behold them. " Mother's darling "
must be the great attraction at a christening, if it
only improves the occasion by a succession of yells.

ETIQUETTE OF THE STUDIO.

CHAPTER 35

ODES of etiquette may seem unnec-
essary for those to whom Nature
has given gentle dispositions and
pleasing ways, but there are a few
special rules applicable to visitors
to artists studios which might
not suggest themselves as a
matter of course even to such.
It is not etiquette to ask an artist the price of his
picture at sight.

It is against the rules of etiquette to ask to see an
unfinished picture, even if it is one that is being
painted by your own order.

It is against the rules of etiquette to keep an artist
waiting, if you are sitting for a portrait. His time is
of value to him, whatever yours may be to you ; and
it is equally rude to detain him after the sitting is
over. His politeness may hinder him from even hint-
ing to you that you are trespassing upon his hours
for work, though he may be fretting silently at your
rudeness in so doing.

It is excessively ill-bred to criticise harshly, in the
'presence of an artist, the works displayed in his

429

480 ETIQUETTE OF THE STUDIO.

studio. Extravagant praise is also in bad taste. A
few cordial words of praise and pleasure should, of
course, be spoken, and a friend may sometimes point
out where improvements could be made ; but it is a
thankless task generally, and it is in much better taste
to leave all criticism to the public journals, when the
paintings are on public exhibition.

It is contrary to the rules of etiquette to look
around a studio in which you may be sitting for a
portrait, unless you are invited by an artist to do so.

If a visitor sees a painting or a piece of statuary
which he wishes to possess, he asks simply that he
may have the refusal of it ; or he says to the artist :
" I wish to have this picture, if it is not disposed of."
After leaving the studio, the visitor writes and asks
the price, of which he is informed by the artist, in
writing. Should the price be larger than the would-
be purchaser is disposed to give, he writes again to
that effect, and it is no breach of etiquette to name
the sum which he wished to spend upon the work of
art. This gives an opportunity to the artist of lower-
ing his price.

It is not customary to haggle about the sum, and
the correspondence should not be carried further than
above, except it be an intimation from the artist that
he will accept the terms of the purchaser, and that
the picture is subject to his order, and will be sent
to him on further instructions.

Some portrait painters have a practice which, for
obvious reasons, cannot be adopted by painters of

ETIQUETTE OF THE STUDIO. 431

general subjects. They have a card hung up in a
conspicuous part of the studio, showing the price at
which they will execute portraits of the sizes given.
At the bottom of this card there is generally an inti-
mation that half the price must be paid at the first
sitting, the remainder when the portrait is com-
pleted.

This practice saves time and trouble, and it would
be well if other artists could adopt some system where-
by the price of such paintings as they may have for
sale might be made known to visitors. But the price
of a fancy picture is to be ascertained by the artist
only by what it will bring, and it is quite likely that
the wealth of the buyer, or his known admiration for
good paintings, may reasonably make a difference in
the sum asked by the artist, who might ask a lower
price of a man whom he knew could not afford so
much. There is nothing wrong in this, for an artist
has as much right to get as much more than the mini-
mum price of his picture as anybody else has to get
the best price for his labor or his merchandise.

Portrait painting is, however, pretty much a repe-
tition of the same sort of work, and the artist would
be the last man in the world to admit that there
could be such difference in the execution of the work
as to warrant a scale of prices in conformity there-
with.

It is not etiquette to visit the studio of an artist
excepting by special invitation, and then only at the
hours he may appoint. To go at any other time ia

432 ETIQUETTE OF THE STUDIO.

ill-bred ; for although he may be there, he will prob-
ably be unwiMirig to be disturbed at his work.

It is ill-bred to take a young child to visit the
studio of an artist, as there are generally articles
there of value and easily broken or soiled ; and even
if the child is well trained, the owner of such articles
would be in terror lest they should be ruined.

To uncover any picture or article in a studio that
may be veiled or hidden from view, is extremely rude.
It is equally so to turn a picture that is hung to face
the wall, or standing facing it.

Gentlemen must never smoke in a studio, unless
especially invited by the artist to do so.

To whisper in a studio is excessively ill-bred ; for,
although you may make a remark entirely independ-
ent of what is around you, you may rest assured you
will have the credit of having ridiculed or censured
some of the pictures you have been invited to examine.

To behave in a studio as if you were in a store,
pricing pictures, inquiring about what is for public
exhibition, what is not ; who ordered this picture, or
that ; whose portrait this or that may be ; or in any
way reminding the artist that his genius is merchan-
dise, is rude and indelicate.

It is against the rules of etiquette to handle the
pictures or other articles in a studio.

It is extremely rude, if an artist continues his em-
ployment during a visit to his studio, for the visitor
to stand behind him or very near him, or in any way
to seem to watch his work.

PRECIOUS STONES.

FlNGER-RlNGS, WITH SENTIMENTS.

CHAPTER 36.

HE stones have their sermons,
precious stones their legends and
poems. Not only do precious
stones possess particular signifi-
cations and exercise special
charms, but they are individually
sacred to particular months. This
latter peculiarity many do not profess to understand ;
but so it is, and so it always has been. Thus, accord-
ing to the Persians, the Romans, the Poles, and the
Arabs, the amethyst was sacred to February, and
February to the amethyst; the stone in question
being, as its name denotes, " a preservative against
violent passions and drunkenness." That the blood-
stone, signifying " courage and wisdom in perilous
undertakings," should have been chosen by the four
races who, among all the races of the world, appear
to have been the greatest amateurs of jewelry, as the
fit emblem of war like March (whose name is taken
from Mars, the god of war), is just intelligible. There
is a certain outward correspondence, too, between the
emerald and the verdant month of May, with which,
in the lapidary calendar, it is associated.

Similarly, the light transparent sapphire goes well
433

434 PRECIOUS STONES.

enough with the showery month of April ; the flam-
ing ruby with fiery July, the deep red cornelian with
burning August. It is the inward spiritual meaning
of this connection between mouths and stones that
escapes us. Only as regards the ever changing opal
of autumnal October, denoting "misfortune and
hope," can we recognize a two-fold significance in
the type. As much might be said of the pearl, which
suggests equally tears and the rainy month of No-
vember. The diamond stands supreme among pre-
cious stones. The brightest among gems, it out-
shines all others, as the soprano outshines ah1 other
voices in a full choir. It was with diamonds that
the angels tempted the daughters of men ; with
diamonds that Mephistophiles caused Margarita to
be tempted by Faust. Indeed, the fatal light of
diamonds has led so many to destruction, that per-
haps for that very reason the most precious of stones
is not allowed to figure among the "zodiac stones/'
which, each in its own month, act benignantly on
those born beneath them as some happy star.

The virtue of " zodiac stones " was such, that the
ancients " often had them all set together in an amu-
let, hoping thereby, no doubt, to derive the various
benefits each could confer, and thus to circumvent
fate/' Thus the

Garnet, Constancy, fidelity.

Amethyst, Sincerity,

Bloodstone, Courage, presence of mind.

Diamond, Innocence.

THEIR SENTIMENTS. 435

Emerald, Success in love.

Agate, Health and long life.

Cornelian, Contented mind.

Sardonyx, Conjugal fidelity.

Chrysolite, Antidote against madness.

Opal, Hope.

Topaz, Fidelity.

Turquoise, Prosperity.

The Poles have a fanciful belief that each month
of the year is under the influence of a precious stone,
which has a corresponding effect on the destiny of a
person born during the respective month. Conse-
quently it is customary among friends and lovers, on
birthdays, to make reciprocal presents of trinkets
ornamented with the natal stones. The stones and
their influences, corresponding with each month, are
supposed to be as follows : January, garnet ; Feb-
ruary, amethyst ; March, bloodstone ; April, diamond;
May, emerald ; June, agate ; July, cornelian ; August,
sardonyx ; September, chrysolite ; October, opal ; No-
vember, topaz : December, turquoise.

So very closely are rings connected with precious
stones, that it is important they should be noticed.
At this time, and for generations past, they have
held a prominent place, and have become a matter
of history, which dates back to the building of the
pyramids (upward of two thousand years before the
time of Christ). To attempt to give a full history of
all the noted rings would occupy more space than
can be gwen in these few pages.

It is Supnis or Cheops, King of Memphis, who

436 FINGER-RINGS.

caused the Great Pyramid to be made for his monu-
ment. What a speck, for such a tomb ! The monu-
ments of man take up much space. Here was a
whole nation employed to make one man's mauso-
leum. We fear that the virtues which live after men
could often go within the compass of their finger-ring.

To every kingly order or decree connected with
the foundation of the Great Pyramid or with the
thousands of men who had to work or with the pro-
digious material employed, an impression of the
signet-ring of Suphis had to be attached. Kings
have been used for higher and holier things; but
never for so vast a human purpose.

Caesar's ring bore an armed Venus. On that of
Augustus, there was first a sphinx, afterwards the
image of Alexander the Great, and at last his own,
which the succeeding emperors continued. Pom-
pey's ring is known. Upon it were engraved three
trophies, as emblems of his three triumphs over the
three parts of the world — Europe, Asia, and Africa.

Nero's signet ring bore Apollo flaying of Marsyas.
This emperor's musical vanity led him to adopt it.

In Persia, at the present day, letters are seldom
written and never signed by the person who sends
them ; and it will thus appear that the authenticity
of all orders and communications, and even of a
merchant's bill, depends wholly on an impression
from his seal-ring. This makes the occupation of a
seal-cutter one of as much trust and danger as it
seems to have been in Egypt. Such a person is

FINGER-RINGS. 437

obliged to keep a register of every ring-seal he
makes ; and if one be lost or stolen from the party
for whom it was cut, his life would answer for mak-
ing another exactly like it. The loss of a signet-ring
is considered a serious calamity; and the alarm
which an Oriental exhibits when his signet is miss-
ing, can only be understood by a reference to these
circumstances, as the seal-cutter is always obliged
to alter the real date at which the seal was cut.
The only resource of a person who has lost his seal
is to have another made with a new date, and to
write to his correspondents to inform them that all
accounts, contracts, and communications to which his
former signet is affixed are null from the day on
which it was lost.

Arabian princesses wear golden rings on their fin-
gers, to which little bells are suspended, so that their
superior rank may be known, and they, themselves,
receive, in passing, the homage due to them.

In the year one thousand eight hundred and fifty-
two, some citizens of California presented President
Pierce with a gigantic ring. We here give a descrip-
tion of it. It is a massive gold ring, weighing up-
ward of a full pound. This monster ring, for chaste-
ness of design, elegance of execution, and high style
of finish, has, perhaps, no equal in the world. The
design is by Mr. George Blake, a mechanic of San
Francisco. The circular portion of the ring is
cut into squares, which stand at right angles with
each other, and are embellished each with a beauti-

438 FINGER-RINGS.

fully executed design, the entire group presenting a
pictorial history of California, from her primitive
state down to her present flourishing condition, un-
der the flag of our Union.

" Thus, there is given a grizzly bear in a menacing
attitude, a deer bounding down a slope, an enraged
boa, a soaring eagle, and a salmon. Then we have
the Indian with his bow and arrow, the primitive
weapon of self-defense; the native mountaineer on
horseback, and a Californian on horseback, throwing
his lasso. Next peeps out a Californian tent. Then
you see a miner at work, with his pick, the whole
being shaded by two American flags, with the staves
crossed and groups of stars in the angles. The part
of the ring reserved for a seal is covered by a
solid and deeply carved plate of gold, bearing the
arms of the State of California in the center, sur-
mounted by the banner and stars of the United
States, and inscribed with ' FRANK PIEKCE,' in old
Roman characters. This lid opens upon a hinge,
and presents to view underneath a square box,
divided by bars of gold into nine separate compart-
ments, each containing a pure specimen of the
varieties of ore found in the country. Upon the in-
side is the following inscription : 'Presented to FRANK-
LIN PIEKCE, the Fourteenth President of the United
States: The ring is valued at $2,000. Altogether,
it is a massive and superb affair, rich in emblem-
atical design and illustration and worthy its object."

An English work professes to make out " Love's

THEIR SENTIMENTS. 439

Telegraph," as understood in America, thus. — "If a
gentleman wants a wife, he wears a ring on the first
finger of the left hand ; if he is engaged, he wears it
on the second finger ; if married, on the third; and
on the fourth if he never intends to be married.
When a lady is not engaged, she wears a hoop or
diamond on her first finger ; if engaged, on the sec-
ond ; if married, on the third ; and on the fourth if
she intends to die a maid."

Many of our readers are aware that there are
name-rings, in which the first letter attaching to each
jewel employed will make a loved one's name or a
sentiment. In the formation of English rings of this
kind, the terms Regard and Dearest are common.
Thus illustrated : — ~R(uby), Jfymerald), G(arnet), A(me-
thyst), "R(uby), D(iamond). — ~D(iamond), E(mera?c?),
A.(methyst), ~P\>(uby), ~E(merald), S(apphire), T(opaz).
It is believed that this pretty notion originated (as
many pretty notions do) with the French. The
words which the latter generally play with, in a
combination of gems, are Souvenir and Amitie, thus :
S(aphir or sardoine\ O(nix or opale), TJ(rame), V(er-
meille), ~E>(meraude), T$(atralithe), I(ris), ^(ubis or rose
diamant). — K(methiste or aigue-marine) , ]A.(alachite),
I(ris), T(urquoise or topaze), I(ris), ^(meraude).

Here are the alphabetical French names of pre<-
cious stones :

A. Am^thiste. — Aigue-marine.

B. Brilliant. — Diamant, d*esigniant la meme pierre.

C. Chrisolithe.— Carnaline. Chrisophrase.

440 RINGS AND STONES.

D. Diamant.

E. Emeraude.

F. (Pas de pierre cowius.)

G. Grenat.
H. Hiacinthe.
I. Iris.

J. Jasper.

K. (Pas de pierre cownue.)

L. Lapis lazuli.

M. Malachite.

N. Natralithe.

O. Onix. Opale.

P. Perle. Peridot. Purpurine.

Q. (Pas de pierre connue.)

K. Rubis. Eose diamant.

S. Saphir. Sardoine.

T. Turquoise. Topaze.

U. Urane.

V. Vermeille (espece de grenat jcmne^.

X. Xepherine.

Y. Z. (Pas de nous connus.}

Kobell says, " In name-rings, in which a name is
indicated by the initial letter of different gems, the
emerald is mostly used under its English and French
name (Emeraude) to stand for e, which would other-
wise not be represented. (The German name is
Smaragd.) While on this point, it may be men-
tioned that a difficulty occurs with u, but recent
times have furnished a name which may assist,
namely, a green garnet, containing chrome, from
Siberia, which has been baptized after the Eussian
Minister Uwarrow, and called Uwarrovite"

FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS.

CHAPTER 37.

LOWERS not only please the eye
and gratify the sense, but to
one of a reflective turn of mind,
they are the dispensers of in-
struction. Flowers add a charm
to domestic life, which nothing
else can impart. What high en-
coniums have been lavishingly
bestowed upon " vine clad cottages ! " and how often
in our readings do we find notice taken of some
beautiful geranium that sheds its sweet fragrance
around. Of the ivy, extending its arms of friendship
around the room, lending its presence to cheer the
despondent, and offer protection to the decorations
that support it on its mission.

Flowers are the smiles of nature, and earth would
seem a desert without them. How profuse is nature
in the bestowment of her smiles ! They are seen on
every hillside and in every valley; they cheer the
traveler on the public way, and the hermit in his
seclusion. Wherever the light of day reaches, you
vill find them, and none so poor they cannot possess
them. They grew first in Paradise, and bring to our

441

442 FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS.

riew more vividly than anything else the beauties
of Eden.

It is no new thing to attach sentiments to flowers*
In Eastern lands flowers have a language which all
understand. It is that " still small voice " which is
powerful on account of its silence. " It is one of the
chief amusements of the Greek girls to drop these
symbols of their esteem or scorn upon the various
passengers who pass their latticed windows."

These customs have not been confined to the
eastern countries alone, but have been taken up and
to a large extent are recognized everywhere ; and at
the present time great care is taken in the cultivation
of tho flowers that express by their sentiments the
subjects that are considered first among the young.

Snow-ball tree.

Adoration. Sunflower, dwarf.

Activity. Thyme.

Aversion. Pink indian, single.

Agitation. Moving plant.

Anxious and trembling. Columbine, red.

Always cheerful. Coreopsis.

A token. Daisy, ox-eye.

A serenade. Dew-plant.
Am I perfectly indifferent to you ? Dogwood blossom.

Argument, longevity. Fig.

An expected meeting. Geranium, nutmeg.

Assiduous to please. Ivy sprig with tendrils.

Attachment. Iponea.

Amiability. 7asmine, white.

Ambition. Laurel, mountain.

A token. Laurustina.

Ambassador of lore. Rose, cabbage.

FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 443

Bluntness.

Beauty.

Bond of love.

Bravery.

Belief.

Beware.

Boldness.

Beauty always new.

Bashful love.

Beauty is your only attraction.

Beware.

Bound.

Coquetry.

Cleanliness.

Constancy.

Content.

Confidence.

Comforting, stupidity.

Chaste love.

Constancy.

Calm, repose.

Childishness, ingratitude.

Compassion, benevolence.

Cheerfulness under misfortune.

Concealed merit,

Chivalry.

Counterfeit.

Concert.

Comfort.

Change.

Confidence.

Courage.

Consolation.

Complacence.

Capricious beaut"-

Charming.

Call me not beautiful

Borage

Daisy, party-colored.

Honeysuckle (montnly%

Oak leaf.

Passion flower.

Oleander.

Pink.

Rose, China.

Rose, deep red.

Rose, Japan.

Rose, bay.

Snowball.

Lily day.

Hyssop.

Hyacinth, blue.

Houstonia.

Hepetica.

Geranium, scarlet

Acacia.

Bluebell.

Buckbean.

Buttercup (kingcup).

Calcyanthus.

Chrysanthemums, Chinese

Coriander.

Daffodil (great yellow).

Mock orange.

Nettle tree.

Pear "

Pimpernel.

Polyanthus, crimson.

Poplar, black.

Poppy, red.

Reed.

Rose, musk,

Rose, musk, cluster.

Rose, unique.

444 FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS.

Cruelty.

Confession of love.

Departure.

Deceitful charms.

Delicacy.

Distinction.

Disdain.

Deception.

Do me justice.

Death, mourning.

Despair, melanchoiy.

Dignity, instability.

Deceit, falsehood.

Duration.

Delay.

Delicate beauty.

Disgust.

Disappointed expectation.

Devotion.

Defect.

Delicate beauty.

Devoted love.

Distrust.

Dauntlessness.

Delicate beauty.

Do not abuse.

Dangerous pleasures.

Declaration of love.

Drunkenness.

Elegance.

Energy in adversity.

Education.

Elevation.

Eloquence.

Estranged love.

Evanescent pleasure-

Early youth.

Nettle.

Rose-bud, moss.
Peas, sweet.
Apple- thorne.
Bluebottle (centaury).
Cardinal flower.
Carnation, yellow.
Cherry tree, white.
Chestnut tree.

" and marigold.
Dahlia.
Dogsbane.
Dogwood.
Eupatorium.
Flower of an hour.
Frog ophrys.
Geranium, wild.
Heliotrope.
Henbane.
Hibiscus.

Honeysuckle, wild
Lavender

" " sea.
Mallow, Venetian,
Saifron flower.
Tuberose.
Tulip, yellow.
Vine.

Acacia, pink.
Camomile.
Cherry tree.
Fir tree.
Lotus.

Lotus flowee.
Poppy.
Primrose.

/ 'LOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 445

Enchantment.

Early youth.

Early attachment.

Esteem of love.

Expectation.

Fickleness.

Falsehood.

Fascination, woman's love.

Felicity.

Foresight.

Female ambition.

Fire.

Flame.

Fickleness.

Friendship.

Fidelity in love.

Falsehood.

Frivolity.

Forgetfulness.

Flee away.

Farewell

Foolishness.

Fantastic extravagance.

Female fidelity.

Fitness.

For once may pride befriend me.

Fame.

Fidelity.

Faithfulness.

Flattery.

Fidelity in misfortune.

Forsaken.

Freedom.

Grief.

Good nature.

Gladness.

Gentility.

Vervain.

Primrose.

Rose, thornless.

Strawberry tree.

Zephyr flower.

Abatina.

Bu gloss.

Carnation.

Centaury.

Holly.

Hollyhock, white.

Hoarhound.

Iris, yellow.

Lady's slipper.

Ivy.

Lemon blossom.

Lily, yellow.

London pride.

Moonwort.

Pennyroyal -

Pine spruce.

Pomegranate.

Poppy, scarlet.

Speedwell.

Sweet flag.

Tiger flower.

Tulip.

Veronica.

Violet, blue.

Venus's looking-giw*

Wallflower.

Willow.

Willow water.

Marigold.

Mullen.

Myrrh.

Rose, pompon.

446 BLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS.

Guidance.

Gallantry.

Grandeur.

Gratitude.

Gentility.

Grief.

Grace and elegance.

Generosity.

Hopeless love.

Horror.

Hope.

Humility.

Health.

Hospitality.

Happy Love.

Haughtiness.

Indifference, coldness.

I declare against you.

I live for thee.

Incorruptible.

I love.

Industry.

I share your sentiments.

Innocence.

I will think of it.

Importunity.

I engage you for the next dance.

Ingenuity.

Idleness.

I desire to please.

I surmount all obstacles.

I will not survive you.

I am your captive.

Ingeniousness.

Inconsistency.

1 am worthy of you.

I declare against you.

Impatience resolves.

Star oi! Bethlehem.

Sweet William.

Ash tree.

Bell flower, white?

Geranium.

Harebell.

Jasmine, yellow.

Orange.

Tulip, yellow.

Dragon-wort.

Hawthorn.

Lilac, field.

Moss, Iceland.

Oak tree.

Rose, bridal.

Sunflower, tall.

Agnus Castus.

Belvidere.

Cedar leaf.

Cedar of Lebanon.

Chrysanthemums, red

Clover, red.

Daisy, garden.

" white.

" wild.
Fuller's teasel.
Geranium, ivy.
Geranium, pencil-leaved
Mesembryanthemum.
Mezereon.
Mistletoe.
Mulberry, black.
Peach blossom.
Pink, white.
Primrose, evening.
Rose, full white.
Tansy.
Touch-me-not.

FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 447

Innocence.

Joys to come.

Jealousy.

Love returned.

Lamentation.

Lowliness, envy, remorse.

Luxury.

Love's oracle.

Lady deign to smile.

Love, sweet and secret.

Lightness.

Life.

Love in nature.

Love in absence.

Love.

Light-heartedness.

Love in idleness.

Meekness.

Magnificent beauty, modesty.

Maternal affection.

Mental beauty.

Majesty.

Meanness.

Melancholy.

My compliments.

Majesty.

Maternal love.

Mature elegance.

Marriage.

Mirth.

Mourning.

Never-ceasing remembrancet

Profusion.

Present preference.

Preference.

Precaution.

Privation.

Purity.

Violet, white.

Celandine.

Marigold, French.

Ambrosia.

Aspen tree.

Bramble.

Chestnut.

Dandelion.

Geranium, oak.

Honeyflower.

Larkspur.

Luzern.

Magnolia.

Myrtle.

Red bay.

Shamrock.

Violet, wild.

Birch tree.

Calla ^Ethiopica.

Cinquefoil.

Clematis.

Brown, imperial.

Dodder.

Geranium, dark.

Iris.

Lily, imperial.

Moss.

Pomegranate flower.

Saffron.

Saffron, crocus.

Willow, weeping.

Gnophalium, everlasting.

Fig tree.

Geranium, apple.

Geranium, scented rose or pink,

Golden rod.

India plum, myrobalan.

Lilac, white.

448 FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS

Perplexity.

Pretension.

Perseverance.

Peace.

Pride.

Perfect excellence.

Prosperity.

Pretension.

Platonic love — friendship.

Perfection.

Painting.

Pleasantry.

Perseverance.

Pensiveness, winning grace.

Protection.

Participation.

Passion.

Pleasures of memory.

Pure affection.

Perform your promise.

Pity.

Poor but happy.

Refused.

Rudeness.

Resolution.

Riches.

Regard.

Reverie.

Reconciliation.

Remembrance — true love.

Recall.

Rustic beauty.

Rejected addresses.

Refusal.

Remorse.

Reward of virtue.

Secret love.

Sorrowful remembrances.

Love-ia-a-mist.

Lythrum.

Magnolia, swamp.

Olive branch.

Rose, one hundred leaved.

Strawberry.

Wheat.

Willow-herb, spiked.

Acacia rose.

Apple, pine.

Auricula.

Balm, gentle.

Canary, grass.

Cowslip.

Crepis, bearded.

Daisy, double.

Dittany, white.

Periwinkle, blue.

Pink, red, double.

Plum tree.

Pine, black.

Vernal grass.

Carnation, striped.

Clotbur.

Columbine, purple.

Corn.

Daffodil.

Fern, flowering.

Filbert.

Forget-me-not.

Geranium, silver leaved.

Honeysuckle, French,

Ice plant.

Pink, variegated.

Raspberry.

Rose (crown made of).

Acacia, yellow motherwort»

Adonis.

FLOWER 8 AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 449

Stupidity. Indiscretion.

Almond tree.

Splendor.

Austurtium.

Sympathy.

Balm.

Silence.

Belladonna.

Shyness.

Vatch.

Strength. Constancy.

Cedar tree.

Slighted love.

Chrysanthemum, yellow,

Stability,

Cresses.

Snarft.

Dragon plant.

Sincerity.

Fern.

Scandal.

Hellebore,

Sculpture.

Hoya.

Sport.

Hyacinth.

Sorrow.

Hyacinth, purple.

Separation.

Jasmine, Carolina.

Sensuality.

Jasmine, Spanish.

Succor.

Juniper.

Sun -beamed eyes.

Lychnis, scarlet.

Sensitiveness.

Mimosa (sensitive plant).

Satire.

Pear, prickly.

Shame.

Peony.

Sleep.

Poppy, white.

Secrecy.

Rose, full blown, placed over two

buds.

Superior mewt.

Rose, full moss.

Sincerity.

Satin flower.

Secret love.

Toothwort.

Sensitiveness.

Verbena.

Thankfulness

Agrimony.

Timidity, pna3»

Amaryllis.

Temptation

Apple.

Temperance.,

Azalea.

Treacherv

Bilberry.

Touch-me-uor, JQ ocrtunity.

Burdock.

Truth.

Chrysanthemum, white.

Taste.

Fuchsia, scarlet.

Tears.

Hedenium.

The first emotion of love.

Lilac, purple.

450 FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS.

Transient.

Time.

Temptation.

Transient impression.

Ties.

TJnpatronized merit.

Union.

Unity.

Unchangeable.

Unchangeable friendship.

Unpretending excellence.

Unconscious.

Uselessness.

Unfading beauty.

Unconscious beauty.

Variety.

Victory.

Virtue.

Vulgar-minded.

Virgin pride.

Wit.

Wisdom.

Weakness.

Warmth.

Woman's love.

Winter of age.

Warmth of sentiment.

Youthfulness. Gladness.

You are cold.

Your purity equals your loveli-

You occupy my thoughts.

You are aspiring.

You are the queen of coquettes.

You occupy my thoughts.

Zealousness. Compassion.

Zest

Night-blooming Cereus.

Poplar, white.

Quince.

Rose, withered rose.

Tendrils of climbing plants.

Meadow sweet.

Primrose, red.

Rose, Lancaster.

Rose, white and red together

Amaranth, globe.

Arbor vita3.

Camellia, Japonica.

Daisy, red.

Diosma.

Gilly flower.

Rose, Burgundy.

Rose, Mundy.

Palm.

Mint.

Marigold, African.

Gentian.

Lychnis, meadow.

Mulberry tree.

Musk.

Peppermint.

Pink, carnation.

Rose, guelder.

Spearmint.

Crocus, spring.

Hortensia.

Orange blossom.

Pansy.

Pink, mountain.

Violet, dame.

Violet, purple.

Elder.

Lemon

WINDOW-GARDENING.

CHAPTER 38.

INDOW-GARDENING,
whether simple or
elaborate, is every-
where an evidence
of culture and re-
finement. Flowers
in all their richness,
beauty and fragrance may adorn the windows of even
the humblest cottage at little or no expense.

There are many pleasing designs for window-gar-
dens, such as a box of evergreens or ferns and orna-
mental plants. Tasty hanging baskets are very pretty ;
the jardiniere, bulb-glasses are handsome. The fer-
nery, flower-stands, mantel-shelf gardens, etc., etc.,
are all very fine and if tastefully arranged are exceed-
ingly attractive.

BEST I- LACE FOB IT.

A favorable location is necessary. A few plants
thrive in the shade, such as pansies, sweet violets, a
few of the variegated plants, etc. Most plants however
love the warm rays and light of the sun.

411

452 WIND 0 W- 0 A RDENING.

All exposures for plants that vary from the east to
the west, and even a little to the northwest, may be
included as available for window-gardens. The east
and south with the exposures between them are the
best for some plants, but for others the western and
northern windows are used with better success. A
northern window may be used for ferns, alpine plants,
some species of fuchsias, and other shade-loving plants.

From an eastern, or from that to a southern exposure,
may be cultivated the geranium, bouvardia, cactus,
begonia, oxalis, lily-of-the-valley, salvia, foliage plants,
amaryllis, narcissus, rose, sweet scented geraniums, etc.

For sunny southern windows the abutilon, rose, iris,
calla, hyacinth, cyclamen, azalea, daphne, heliotrope,
etc., are used.

In western windows may be grown to good advant-
age the amaryllis, calla, geranium, heliotrope, fuchsia,
vinca, wax plant, German ivy, pinks, etc. Some of
these plants flourish in all exposures.

Moisture is one of the most important considerations
for house plants, as the dry air of the average living
room is fatal to their bloom and beauty. A geranium
in an ordinary kitchen generally has greener leaves
and a richer show of blossoms than the plants in more
luxurious quarters, for the simple reason that the
steam of cooking supplies the moisture needed, and
the constantly opened door the proper ventilation.

The larger the windows, the better for growing
plants, bow windows being particularly adapted for
this style of floriculture.

WINDOW-GARDENING. 453

FERNERIES.

Ferneries offer the simplest of all means of house-
hold plant culture. These small glass cases occupy
little room, are ornamental enough to be placed on any
table or parlor stand, and when once filled need little
attention for many weeks. They require no unusual
care as to watering, can be easily removed from one
room to another, and are not as quickly affected by
changes of temperature as plants in the open air of our
sitting-rooms.

THE SOIL FOR FERN CASES

Should be carefully attended to, as common garden
earth will not answer.

An authority in the " Floral World," speaking of
soils, says : " For the fern case, mix equal parts of
silver sand, good loam, powdered charcoal, and refuse
cocoanut fiber. Cover the bottom of the pan with a
layer of powdered charcoal, or bricks, or rock broken
to the size of hazel nuts, to the depth of one inch ;
then press the soil firmly over this, that the plants may
set solidly."

Fern cases may be placed in almost any situation.
They may be shifted from one window to another at
will with little danger of undesirable consequences.
A half shady position is much better than a sunny one,
while a northern outlook will suit them admirably if
not too cold.

In arranging plants for the fern case, care must be
taken to place the largest growers in the center and

454 WINDOW-GARDENING.

the smaller ones at the sides. A great number of
woodland plants may be chosen. The climbing fern,
lygodium palmatum, is very suitable, and can usually
be found in shady or moist spots.

The partridge vine, mitchella, is also invaluable, for
its brilliant scarlet berries enliven the sober green of
the ferns or form an excellent contrast with the mosses.

THE TRAILING ARBUTUS

With its Green foliage and waxy pink flowers is one
of the choicest for the fernery. The maiden-hair fern
is also a great favorite ; it may be found on most
sheltered hill-sides, or away in some deep, moist woods,
and may be known by its black, hair-like stems and
curiously shaped fronds. Gold thread, with its daintly
cut foliage, and Hnewood, with its blue blossoms, will
form pretty features. Almost any plants can be trans-
planted from the woods to the fern case with safety.

Plenty of the green native mosses should be packed
around the roots of all these plants, to help keep up a
cool, wild, woody retreat. Begonias and orchids may
also be added with good effect.

HANGING GARDENS.

Hanging or basket gardens are the simplest style of
window ornament. They need very little care and
their success is almost certain.

The directions for culture are simple. Choose por-
ous pots or vessels, for in non-porous pots, where all
side ventilation is cut off, the soil becomes sodden and

WIND 0 W- GA RDENING. 455

the roots are liable to decay, and the plants will not
thrive. Fill the bottom of the basket to the depth of
an inch or so with small pieces of charcoal for drain-
age. If the basket is deep it is a good plan to place
a coarse sponge in the bottom of it, to drink up the
surplus moisture and at the same time keep the soil
moist by giving it out again.

The best soil for this use is composed of one-third
sand mixed with dark loam and leaf mould; or the
soil from around pine trees is very good. It is better
to water copiously when the basket becomes dry and
then not water again for two or three days.

The devices for making hanging baskets are numer-
ous. Large sea shells — nautilus or conch — will hold
soil enough to support trailers, and make beautiful
window ornaments. Holes may be bored through the
edges and cords fastened in them to hang by. The
rind of the gourd and scallop squash make pretty bas-
kets for drooping plants; halves of cocoanut shells
are also very pretty. These may be filled with lyco-
podiums, lobelias, tradescantia, and moneywort.

Begonias, coleus, oxalis, ivy and ornamental grasses
are especially appropriate for baskets. The morning
glory is admirably adapted for vases and baskets.

A very unique basket may be made by filling a wire
basket with moss, then hiding away in the moss small
bottles filled with water. In these put the stems of
ivy, partridge vine and ferns. The partridge vine will
hang over the sides of the basket, the ivy will twine
around the cords, drooping in festoons at the top, and

456 WINDOW-GARDENING.

the ferns will grow in graceful profusion in the center.
The most popular drooping vines are the morning
glory, honeysuckle, nasturtium, periwinkle and smilax.

In arranging a basket do not crowd in too many
plants of upright growth. One erect plant of showy
appearance should be used, such as a begonia or a
bright-flowering geranium ; around this set the plants
of lower and more compact growth, and around the
edge plant the climbers and the trailers. Fuchsias,
heliotropes, carnations, verbenas, the cyclamen, the
popular geranium, and many others find a place in the
hanging basket.

For home decoration there is no plant which equals
the English Ivy. It accommodates itself to all tem-
peratures save that below freezing, and when in full
growth it adds more grace to the window than any
other plant yet mentioned. It will cover a screen of
wire, curtain a window, frame a favorite picture, climb
and twist about a mantle mirror, drape an easel, and
droop over statuettes its dark evergreen leaf and by
its loveliness add to them all an increased beauty.

PORTABLE SCREEN OF IVY.

A beautiful and useful screen for the living room
maybe made as follows: a common window garden
flower box is made the length required and mounted
on castors. A number of laths of wood, as long as
the screen is to be high, must be placed at upright
intervals all along the box, against the back of it and
resting on the bottom of it. Nail them in their places.

WIND 0 W- QA RDENING. 457

A number more laths, as long as the box is wide, must
now be fixed across these, beginning with the first an
inch above the box. Fasten it by a tack at each ex-
tremity and to every upright lath with fine flower
mounting-wire, uncovered. The trellis work thus
formed should be painted a dark green ; when dry, fill
the box with the same kind of soil as used in the fern-
ery and set with ivy plants, which will cover the trellis
completely as they grow. The front of the box should
be filled in with plants of low growth, as Chinese prim-
rose, violets, lycopodium, etc. This screen and box,
without the castors, may be fixed outside a window
which has a bad outlook, and not only hide this from
view but prove a very handsome object in itself.

CARE AND CULTURE OF PLANTS.

CHAPTER 39.

EAUTY has its source in nature;
our finest sculptures and paint-
ings but approximately reproduce
the grace of form and richness of
color of the natural world.

Love of the beautiful is one of
the most marked distinguishing
features between the animal and the man; and if
we would increase and develop our appreciation of the
beautiful and broaden and deepen our capacity for
enjoying it, how can we do it better than by a study
of the means which the Creator has taken for making
this world so beautiful ?

To gain an appreciation of the beautiful in distinc-
tion from the sublime and grand, to secure a refined
and correct taste and to learn to enjoy harmony of
colors, delicacy of form, and beauty of outline, let us
"consider the lilies of the field," let us have plants
and flowers in our homes and teach the children to love
and care for them, so they shall not grow up as those,
who, "having eyes, see not." That person has lost
much of the keenest enjoyment of life of whom it can

be said :

458

CARE AND CULTURE OF PLANTS. 459

" A yellow primrose by the river's brim

Or by the cottage door,
A yellow primrose is to him —
And nothing more. "

" But," you say, " there is a practical side to all this.
Unhealthy, blossomless plants are not beautiful, and
plants will not do well for me."

Now it is the nature of plants to grow and be beau-
tiful and unless the fixed laws of their being are inter-
fered with, they will do so. There is no such thing as
" luck " in the care of plants. In the following pages
we aim to give a few plain directions which will enable
any one with a little persistent effort to grow beautiful
plants which will make the home pleasanter and its
inmates happier and better.

Many have a mistaken notion that plants will thrive
only in windows fully exposed to the south. It is
true that in many cases plants are grown largely for
winter blooming, and that they will flower better in
abundance of light, but it is also true that there are
many beautiful plants which do well with very little
sunlight. We unhesitatingly say that there is no
human habitation which has a window but what some
plant may be made to thrive there and we ask your
careful attention to the following simple directions for
growing and caring for them :

PLANT STANDS AND SHELVES.

In order to grow plants successfully in windows we
must imitate as nearly as we can their natural habits.

460 CARE AND CULTURE OF PLANTS.

They want warmth, moisture, and light; keeping this
in mind we shall succeed. If a plant is set directly
on a window sill, with the cold glass on one side of it,
the hot air on the other side, how can it be expected
to grow ? or, worse still, put half way up on the win-
dow ledge with the cold air blowing on it between the
sashes ? Any sensible plant would rebel at such treat-
ment.

To fit up a window at small expense, I would have
two black walnut shelves made — one, at the window-
sill, a foot wide ; the other, half way up, nine inches
wide, supported by bronzed brackets ; then zinc pans
to fit the shelves, six inches deep, turned over a wire
at the top. Paint to match the woodwork of the room,
or any fancy color, put an inch of coarse sand in the
pans, and you are ready for plants. The sand keeps
the bottom of the pots moist, the high sides keep the
sun from striking the sides of the pots and keep them
out of sight. At each end of the pans put a pot of
German ivy (Senecio scandens) ; bring the ends of
the vine from each pot towards the center of the pan
and tie them together ; keep them nipped and they
will send out side shoots and cover the pan from
sight. For a south window you can put in any plants
that love the sun — bouvardias, begonias, heliotrope,
coleus, hibiscus, and so on. For an east or west win.
dow you will want a different class of plants to do
well. If you wish something more showy, have a wal-
nut table made as long as your window is wide, includ-
ing casing, and two feet wide, without a top, and six

CARE AND CULTURE OF PLANTS. 461

inches deep on the sides ; have a cleat nailed at the
bottom of the sides to hold narrow slats, on which
rests a zinc pan as deep as the sides ; add some stout
casters, varnish your table, and it is done. Put an
inch of coarse sand in the bottom and you are ready
for the flower pots. If you prefer you can set your
plants directly in the pan. In that case you will fill
your pan with sifted loam (that made from rooted sod
is best), well rooted cow manure, sand enough to
make it porous and charcoal broken small ; put this
last on the bottom of the pan for drainage. Plants
grow finely in this stand. The zinc pan being set on
slats, the warm air comes up underneath, like the bot-
tom heat of a green-house, especially if your heat
comes from a furnace ; to remedy the dry air you can
fill a sponge with water and lay it among the plants.
Shower the leaves frequently, which can easily be
done by trundling the stand to the kitchen. You can
turn it around once a week so all the plants will have
a share of sun, and move it from the window at night,
should the weather chance to be very cold. This
stand looks finely filled with plants grown more espec-
ially for their leaves.

Dracena terminalis, with handsome crimson leaves,
will make a pretty center; fancy-leaved geraniums,
like Madame Pollock, Cloth of Gold, Marshal Mac-
Mahon, Mountain of Snow, the new Coleuses, Rex
Begonias, variegated Abutilons. For vines to trail
around the edges, ivy-leaved Geranium, L'elegante,
Abutilon, Ivies and Maurandya. With this stand in

462 CARE AND CULTURE OP PLANTS.

front of a window, brackets on each side half way up,
with pots on them filled with vines, a hanging-basket
suspended from a hook in the center filled with vines
to droop, it will make a pleasant picture on a cold
winter day. If you have an old-fashioned three-legged
light-stand, have a zinc pan seven inches deep made
to fit the top, turned over a wire at the top and stained
to match the table. Fill it with rich soil made porous
with sand and charcoal, put in calla lilies (they will
bloom better to be a little crowded), leave two inches
at the top so as to keep them floating in water all the
time. Water that is warm to the hand is best to water
with. Put your stand in front of a south window, and
your Callas will think they are in their native home.

If you don't want Callas, try Heliotrope. An old-
fashioned, round center table, with scroll-shaped legs,
was made into a nice plant-stand by fitting a zinc pan
to the top (which was about thirty inches in diame-
ter), seven inches deep, turned over a wire at the top
and stained to match the table. It was filled with
rich soil and the plants set directly in and vines
planted around the edges.

FURNISHING THE HOME.

CHAPTER 40.

OLOR, form and proportion are the
chief features to be observed in
house-furnishing. It is not neces-
sary to have costly furniture, ex-
pensive pictures, fine paintings, ele-
gant draperies, or Haviland and
Wedgewood wares to produce pleas-
ant effects ; but have the colors har-
monize and have nothing too good to use. All stiff-
ness of design in furniture should be avoided. Do
not attempt to match articles, but rather carry out
the same ideas as to color and form in the whole. Do
not have decorations in sets or pairs; the arrange-
ments should all be done with odd pieces.

The style and arrangement of the furniture should
correspond to the size of the room, with a due regard
to the place a piece of furniture or ornament will
occupy. The order of arrangement in furnishing is
subject to individual taste, but the following sugges-
tions may not be inappropriate : —

In decorating a dining-room, deep, rich tones should
be used — a drawing-room or parlor should have bright,

463

464 FURNISHING THE HOME.

cheerful shades — in a library use deep, rich colors,
which give a sense of worth — a sleeping-room or
chamber should have light, pleasing tints, which give
a feeling of repose.

THE HALL.

The hall being the index to the whole house, due
jare should, therefore, be given to its furnishing.
Light colors and gilding should be avoided. The wall
and ceiling decorations now mostly used are in dark,
rich colors, shaded in maroons, or deep reds. Plain
tinted walls and ceilings in fresco or wainscot are also
frequently used.

A tile or inlaid wood floor is the most appropriate ;
but if circumstances do not admit of one of these, a
floor stained a deep, wood-brown, baseboard and
mouldings to correspond, may be substituted, when
India matting and rugs may be used.

The colors now in vogue for hall carpets are crimson,
or Pompeiian reds, with small figures of moss green
and peacock blue. The prevailing shades of the walls
and floor should be incorporated in the stair carpet.

If the hall is narrow, none but the most essential
pieces of furniture should be used ; but if wide enough,
there may be a lounge placed against one of the walls,
an old-fashioned clock set in a quiet corner, two high-
back chairs upholstered in leather, a table, an umbrella-
stand placed near the door, and a hall-mirror. The
hat-rack must also find a place. Family portraits or
a few well-selected pictures are appropriate for these
walls.

FURNISHING THE HOME. 465

If the door-lights are not stained glass, crimson
silk shades, lined with black netting, are very desira-
ble, as the light penetrating through them fills the hall
with a rich subdued glow.

THE PARLOR.

The parlor should be the room of all others in
which good taste should be every-where apparent. The
walls should be pleasant objects to look upon — not
dreary blanks of white plaster — and all the arrange-
ments of the room should be home-like, with orna-
ments, books and flowers, not arranged for show
merely, but for pleasant study, recreation -or conversa-
tion.

In selecting wall papers avoid all pronounced pat-
terns, either in color or design. Light tints of gray,
olive, pearl, or cream, covered with delicate scroll or
vine patterns are suitable. A dado is not desirable in
a parlor, but there should be a freize in harmony with
the paper.

The carpet should be of a light, cheerful tint, and
the pattern should not be striking. Do not have the
carpet the most noticeable feature of the room.

In selecting the furniture, chairs and couches should
be chosen for comfort rather than for style. They
should be of solid make, easy, graceful, and of good
serviceable colors and materials.

The latest design in parlor furniture is in the Turk-
ish style, the upholstery being made to cover the
frame. Rich Oriental colors in woolen and silk bro-

466 FURNISHING THE HOME.

cades are mostly used, and the trimmings are cord
and tassels, or heavy fringe.

The most tastefully arranged parlor has now no
two pieces of furniture alike; but two easy chairs
placed opposite each other are never out of place.
Here may stand an embroidered ottoman, there a
quaint little chair, a divan can take some central posi-
tion, a cottage piano, covered with some embroidered
drapery, may stand at one end of the room, while an
ebony or mahogany cabinet, with its panel mirrors and
quaint brasses, may be placed at the other end, its
racks and shelves affording an elegant display for
pretty pieces of bric-a-brac.

Tables in inlaid woods, or hand-painted, are used
for placing books and albums on.

Care should be taken in arranging that the room is
not overcrowded. There should be a few good pic-
tures hung on the wall, and a portrait may be placed
on a common easel draped with a scarf.

An embroidered or India silk scarf with fringed
ends may be placed on the back of a chair or sofa in
place of the old-fashioned lace tidy.

A sash of bright colored plush or silk may be
flung across the table, the ends drooping very low.
The mantel -piece may be covered with a corres-
ponding sash, over which place a small clock as cen-
ter piece, and arrange ornaments on each side — •
statuettes, flowerholders, pieces of old china, painted
candles in small sconces, may all find a place on
the mantel.

FURNISHING THE HOME. 467

Window curtains of heavy fabric, hung from brass
or plush-mounted poles, may be gracefully draped to
the sides, while the inner lace ones should hang
straight and be fastened in the center with some orna-
ment or bow of ribbon, corresponding in shade to the
general tone of the room. The straight shades next
to the glass may correspond in tone to the outside
walls, or window facings. White or light tinted
shades are always in vogue.

Those who wish to dispense with heavy curtain dra-
peries in favor of light and sunshine may use the lace
curtains alone; or, if desirable, cheaper ones of
cheese-cloth trimmed with lace.

Portieres (curtain doors) have superseded folding
doors. These should be in shades to contrast with
the general blending of all the colors in the room.
The fabrics mostly used are India goods, but they
may be made of any material. These curtains, if
made from striped tapestry and Turcoman, will give
the finishing artistic touches to almost any room.

THE SITTING-ROOM.

The sitting or every-day room should be the bright-
est and the most attractive room in the house.

Its beauty should lie in its comfort, simplicity and
the harmony of its tints — the main feature being the
fitness of each article to the needs of the room. In
these days of so many advantages much can be done
in adornment by simple means.

The wall-papers mostly used come in grounds of

468 FURNISHING THE HOME.

cream, pale olive, fawn, and light gray, with designs
and traceries of contrasting hues.

The carpet, if in tapestry, looks more effective in
grounds of pale canary or light gray, with designs in
bright-colored woodland flowers and borders to match.
Ingrain carpets, with their pretty designs and bright
colors, are very fashionable for rooms that are much
used.

Whatever may be the prevailing tint of the carpet,
the window curtains should follow it up in lighter
tones or contrast with it. Shades are rather more
suitable for the sitting-room than drapery curtains,
although curtains of cheese-cloth, chintz, or dotted
Swiss muslin, looped back with ribbons, look very
pretty.

One large table, covered with a pretty embroidered
cloth, should be placed in some central location for a
catch-all. A low divan with a pair of square soft pil-
lows, may stand in some quiet nook ; a rocker, hand-
somely upholstered, with a pretty tidy pinned to its
back, a large, soft, easy-chair, a small sewing-chair
placed near a work-table, and a bamboo chair trimmed
with ribbons, may be tastefully arranged in the room.

If the furniture is old, or in sets, it can be covered
with different patterns of cretonne or chintz, which
not only protects the furniture but breaks up the mo-
notony and lends a pleasing variety to the room. A
Turkish chair is a grand accessory to the family-
room; this may be made by buying the frame and
having it upholstered in white cotton cloth, and cover-

FURNISHING THE HOME. 469

ing it with a rich shade of cretonne, finishing it with
cord and fringe; this makes a cheap and handsome
looking chair to fill up some angle.

If the house has no library, the sitting-room is just
the place for the book-case. On these shelves put
your books, or any ornaments such as vases, pieces
of odd china, mineral specimens, brass ornaments, or
anything quaint and pretty. Curtains can be arranged
on a brass rod to draw across the opening. A few of
these tastefully arranged things give an air of com-
fort and luxury to a room, hardly to be compared to
the small amount expended.

Let the pictures in the sitting-room be as cheerful
as possible. A landscape in colored pastel, an etching,
a modern engraving, or even a good chromo or helio-
type brighten the living room wonderfully. One or
two family portraits are in keeping, but any old-fash-
ioned somber engraving should be relegated to the
attic.

Some people would think it a poorly furnished room
if it didn't contain one or more card tables — pretty
little tables, of natural woods, or inlaid in cloths of
different hues. People who are fond of games stock
their table-drawers with cribbage and backgammon
boards, cards of every variety, bezique counters and
packs, and the red and white champions of the hard-
fought battles of chess.

This room is also well adapted for the window gar-
den, where an abundance of climbing and trailing
plants may be grown from boxes and brackets.

470 FURNISHING THE HOME.

A room of this character, with floods of sunshine,
makes a most attractive and comfortable living room.

THE LIBRARY.

The walls should be hung with rich colors — not so
dark as to make it difficult to light the room suffici-
ently in the evening, but it must not be too light, or
we shall lose the feeling of repose we most want. A
carpet of Pompeiian red is both rich and cheerful.

The room should be furnished with broad easy
chairs, low tables for books and periodicals, and book-
shelves arranged at a convenient height, and so any
book may be reached without stretching or mounting
on a chair or stool.

Soft rugs, foot-rests, a mantel mirror and a few
mantel ornaments complete the furniture.

It is quite in vogue to hang curtains on rods in front
of the book-cases.

Curtains of raw silk or Turcoman are used for win-
dow draperies.

CHAMBERS.

The bedroom should be essentially clear of every-
thing that can collect and hold dust in any form;
should be bright and cheerful, pleasantly furnished
with light and cheerful furniture of good and simple
design, in which everything should be carefully ar-
ranged for use, not show.

The whole floor of the bedroom should be stained,
sized, and varnished, or painted, and strips of carpet,

FURNISHING THE HOME. 471

matting, or rugs thrown down only when required;
these can be taken up and shaken every day without
trouble, the floors washed, and the evil of fixed car-
pets thus avoided. Rugs are as fashionable as they
are wholesome and tidy.

These floor coverings should be darker than the
furniture, yet blending in shades. If carpets are
chosen they should be in the lightest shades, and in
bright field-flower patterns. Avoid anything dark and
somber for the sleeping-room. Pink and ciel blue
combined is very pretty ; scarlet and gray, deep red
and very light blue, dark blue with sprays of Lily-of-
the-valley running through it is exceedingly pretty for
bed-rooms.

The wall should be decorated in light tints and
shadings, with a narrow rail and deep frieze.

Dark furniture will harmonize with all these colors,
but the lighter shades are preferable. Cretonnes in
pale tints, and chintzes in harmonizing colors, are
used for light woods. Square pillows of cretonne on
a bamboo or wicker lounge are very pretty. Canton
matting is often used, either plain or in colored pat-
terns.

Formerly the bed coverings were spotlessly white.
The coverings now in vogue are Nottingham lace,
darned net, applique, antique lace and Swiss muslin;
these are used over silk and silesia for backgrounds,
with pillow shams to match.

Cheese-cloth, bunting, Swiss muslin, cretonne and
Swiss curtains are used for window drapery, these

472 FURNISHING THE HOME.

may be trimmed with the same fabric or antique lace.
They are hung on poles above the windows and draped
back with bright ribbons.

The appointments of a bed-room are a low couch, a
large rocker, a small sewing chair, a work basket, foot-
stools, a toilet table, or a dressing-case, a few pictures,
hanging-shelf for books, etc., and the bed.

The washstand should have a full set of toilet mats,
or a large towel with a colored border may be laid on
it; also a splasher placed on the wall at the back of
the stand is very essential.

A screen is a very desirable part of the bed-room
appointments, especially if there is no dressing-room.
The three-leaf folding Japanese screen is very pretty.
A less expensive one may be made by getting the frame
made, then covering it with cloth or thick paper, and
decorating it with Japanese figures, flowers, or any-
thing that fancy may suggest.

THE DINING-ROOM.

The dining-room should be light and airy. If pos-
sible it should have a pleasant outlook and a window
through which the morning sunlight will enter. Such
a window, filled with growing plants makes a very at-
tractive feature.

Paper the walls with warm tints and have both
dado and freize. Have an inlaid wood, oiled, stained or
painted floor on which rugs may be used or dispensed
with, according to taste.

The window drapery should be in deep, rich colors.

FURNISHING THE HOME. 473

The chairs should be chosen in square, solid styles,
and upholstered in embossed or plain leather.

The dining-table should be low, square or bevel-
cornered, and when not in use should be covered with
a cloth corresponding in shade to the window drapery.

A buffet may stand in some corner for the display of
ceramics or decorated china. The sideboard should be
of high, massive style, with shelves and racks for
glassware and pieces of china.

There was a time when the dining-room looked like
a picture gallery ; but the prevailing fashion now con-
fines the number of pictures to two or three small
fruit pieces and one or two plaques of still life.

Here the fire-place with its many appointments may
be displayed to good avantage.

THE KITCHEN.

While speaking of the different rooms we must not
forget the kitchen. There should be a pleasant win-
dow or two through which fresh air and sunlight may
come, a few plants on the window sill, a small stand
for a work basket, an easy chair, the walls painted or
calcimined with some beautiful and cheerful tint, the
woodwork grained, instead of painted in some dingy
color, and a general air of comfort pervade the whole
room.

OUTLOOK THROUGH BOOKS.

CHAPTER 41.

I.OOKS are windows through which
the soul looks out. Window-
less houses and bookless minds
are dreary places because oi
darkness. Men are moulded by
their surroundings and become
transformed into the likeness of
their outlook. Parents, through
what kind of windows are your boys or girls looking
out upon the great world of to-day and of ages
past? Are they beholding things pure or pernic-
ious, noble or degrading, sublime or silly, virtuous
or vicious? Young man, young woman, what is
the scene before your eyes? Do you willingly look
out upon gilded sin in high life, upon iniquity made
attractive by costly apparel aad luxurious surround-
ings, or, do you choose rather to look upon that which
continually broadens the intellect, refines the taste
and ennobles the whole being? Few comprehend the
possibilities of the outlook through books. We view the
people and places of distant lands. The nations of
the past spring into existence as by magic and move
before us as a panorama. We view the inner work-

0 UTL 0 OK THR 0 UGH B 0 OK 8. 475

ings of men's lives, we look down into the earth, out
upon the operations of nature in plant and animal life,
and up into the starry heavens, actually touching the
far off spheres.

COMPANIONSHIP OF BOOKS.

Books differ as men differ. In our daily intercourse
with the world we meet scores of people by whose
silent influence for evil we are unconsciously drawn
down to their own level. We may also meet a single
individual in whose presence we feel the thrill of
a moulding influence for good. The meeting of such a
person is often a crisis in one's life. A book is, in a
sense, a living being and becomes the companion of
the one who reads it.

It is my privilege to choose the company of those
who are my superiors. I may not have access to the
highest circle of cultured society, but among books
there is no exclusiveness. Here I am monarch. They
come at my bidding, they begin to speak when and of
what I desire, they stop when I wish, they never bore
me, there are no formalities and they are never
offended.

FORMATION OF TASTE.

What do you relish, what do you read ? You may
have a taste for pastry, pickles and sweetmeats but
you are too wise to make these the staple articles of
your diet. In mind as well as body there are penalties
attached to allowing a morbid taste to control the
selection of what we feed upon. The formation of

476 0 UTL 0 OK THE 0 UGH B 0 OKS.

taste may be upward or downward and is a process
rather than an act. The upward formation is possi-
ble for all, and is by no means arduous if properly
directed. By carrying out the suggestion given in the
next section one may in a comparatively short period
of time attain unto a well furnished, well disciplined
condition of mind which will justly excite admiration.
" How did you acquire this knowledge ? How came
you to enjoy these books ?" will be the questions of the
one whose reading during the same period has been

at random.

WHAT TO READ.

The vast array of books upon the shelves of the
world's libraries is, to most persons, simply bewilder-
ing. A comparatively small number contain the crys-
tallized thought and wisdom of the centuries. Says
Thoreau : " Books that are books are all you want and
there are but a half dozen in any thousand."

Books of TRAVEL are both pleasing and healthful. One
scarcely need hold himself to the reading, the read-
ing holds him. Butterworth's " Zig Zag Journeys ^.-i
Europe," etc., cannot fail to interest the boys and girls.
They will also enjoy Charles Carleton Coffin's " Our
New Way Round the World." Thomas W. Knox's
books, " Boy Travelers in Australasia," in Mexico, in
South America, in Japan and China, in Siam and Java,
in Ceylon and India, in Egypt and the Holy Land,
"Through Africa," "On the Congo," etc., are exceed-
ingly valuable, and many who are no longer " boys "
will find them vastly entertaining. There are three

0 UTL 0 OK THE 0 UGH B 0 OKS. 477

readable and reliable volumes by Jules Verne on
" Exploration of the World," Vol. I, " Famous Travels
and Travelers." This covers the ground from the time
of Herodotus, down to the 18th Century. Vol. II,
" Great Navigators of the 18th Century." Vol. Ill,
" Great Explorers of the 19th Century." Cassell &
Co. have a series entitled, " The World : its Cities and
People." The first two volumes are the most valuable
for the general reader. The works of Livingston and
Stanley are of course standard and need no recom-
mendation. William E. Curtis has written a superb
book on " The Capitals of Spanish America," and the
reading of it will give one a delightful acquaintance
with Mexico, Central and South America. William
Simpson, F. R. G. S.,is the author of a work, " Meeting
the Sun;" a journey all around the world through
Egypt, China, Japan and California. It is not ex-
pected that any one will read all these books; we
have simply given a list from which to choose.

Next, give attention to BIOGRAPHY. One may take
the following seven land marks along the stream of
time, read their lives and out *into their times and
obtain a comprehensive grasp of the world's history : —

First, Alexander: o>. 326, B.C.). Read out into Macedon,
Greece and the East.

Second, Caesar: (b.ioo,B.c.>. Read out into the open-
ing up of Western Europe, forward to the Golden Age
and the beginnings of Christianity.

Third Charlemagne: (b. 742, A. DO. Read out into the
Middle Ages and study the Feudal system.

OUTLOOK THRO UGH BOOKS.

Fourth, Elizabeth : o>. 1533, A. D.>. Read out into "this
age of England's proud pre-eminence in the politics
of Europe and an age of the most original and power-
ful literary creation ever witnessed."

Fifth, Washington: (b. 1732, A. DO. Read out into this
age of democratic ideas, of government of the people,
for the people and by the people. Note America's
influence in Europe, especially as seen in the French
Revolution.

Sixth, Napoleon : o>.i769,A.D.). Read out into all Eu-
rope, also Egypt and Palestine.

Seventh, Lincoln: (b.isoo.A.D.). Read out into Civil
strife, human slavery in this and other ages also the
slave trade in Africa.

Begin with whichever these characters you are
most likely to be interested in. Gather your ma-
terials about that person by examining into all allu-
sion to government, commerce, literature, science
and religion. Then take another landmark and read
as above indicated. Soon the lines of reading will
begin to meet and cross and this will afford untold
delight.

Fiction, should have a place in our intellectual fur-
nishing. " Purity, beauty, breadth and power " char-
acterize Sir Walter Scott, and you will not err in plac-
ing him first. Read "Ivanhoe," "Kenilworth,"
"Heart of Midlothian," or almost any other of his
works. Read with a history at hand and look up his-
torical allusions. Dickens, Eliot and Bulwer will
also come in for a share of your time. The works of

0 UTL 0 OK THR 0 UGH B 0 OR S. 479

master minds will afford as much pleasure and vastly
more profit than the mass of mediocrities called " the
latest novels."

Now, to develop another set of intellectual muscles,
we should change the exercise and read up on SCIENCE.
Truth is even stranger than fiction and a popular work
like Warren's " Recreations in Astronomy," or Win
chelFs " Walks and Talks in the Geological Field,"
will be found as fascinating as a novel and will be a
revelation to persons not familiar with these subjects.
The " Popular Series in Natural Science," by J. Dor-
man Steele, will hold the attention of the reader and
give a comprehensive grasp of Physiology, Zoology,
Chemistry, Physics, Botany, etc. We do not say they
are the best for advanced study but our design is to
interest the uninterested.

Over against science put POETRY and the DRAMA in
order to preserve an intellectual equilibrium. After
the historical and biographical readings above sug-
gested one will experience little difficulty in becoming
interested in Shakespeare. Choose from among the
poets such ones as you find most congenial — Lowell,
Whittier, Tennyson, Scott, Longfellow — should be
among your best friends. The Poet's Corner in West-
minster Abbey is that part in which visitors linger
longest rather than among the tombs and monuments
of kings, warriors and statesmen. The poets are im-
mortal ; they live because they deserve to, and because
we need them for the softening and beautifying of our
lives.

480 0 UTLO OK THR 0 UGH B 0 OK 8.

An educated person will be reasonably familiar
with the history, legislation and literary production of
the Jews as well as of other ancient nations. The
treasures gathered up and preserved in the Bible are
adapted to other than devotional uses. There is an
intellectual element in the Scriptures which, so far
from being out of harmony with the devotional element,
does in fact enlarge and invigorate it. Says Prof.
Harper of Yale University, "The study of the Bible
merely as history and literature is as ennobling, as
disciplinary and, in short, as valuable as any other his-
tory and literature." Let us welcome all fair minded,
scholarly, critical study of the Bible, and not suffer our
selves to remain ignorant of its contents. The religion
of Jesus has revolutionized a goodly part of the world,
let us then know the facts and proofs of Christianity.
Read The Bible and other Ancient Literatures in the
Nineteenth Century, by Prof. Townsend, and The
Christian Religion, by Prof. Fisher. Both these
books are brief, straightforward and readable.

In conclusion: First, in all your reading read out;
read backward to causes and forward to results ; make
constant use of dictionary, encyclopaedias, histories and
other books of reference. Second, cultivate the ac-
quaintance of a few choice spirits in the various depart-
ments of literature. Make them your intimate friends.
Honor them with your affection and each successive
perusal will bring out new treasures of suggestive
thought.

TOILETTE RECIPES.

To REMOVE FRECKLES.
CHAPTER 42.

CRAPE horseradish into a cup of
cold sour milk ; let it stand twelve
hours; strain, and apply two or
three times a day.

One ounce of alum, ditto of
lemon -juice, in a pint of rose-
water.

Prepare the skin by spreading
over it at night a paste composed
of one ounce of bitter almonds, ditto of barley-flour,
and a sufficient quantity of honey to give the paste
consistency. Wash off in the morning, and during
the day apply with a camel's-hair brush a lotion com-
pounded thus : One drachm of muriatic acid, half a
pint of rain-water and a teaspoonful of lavender-
water, mixed.

At night wash the skin with elder-flower water,
and apply an ointment made by simmering gently
one ounce of Venice soap, quarter of an ounce of
deliquated oil of tartar, and ditto of oil of bitter
almonds. When it acquires consistency, three drops
of oil of rhodium may be added. Wash the ointment
off in the morning with rose-water.

481

482 TOILETTE RECIPES.

Muriate of ammonia half a drachm, lavender-
water two drachms, distilled water half a pint;
apply two or three times a day.

Into half a pint of milk squeeze the juice of a
lemon, with a spoonful of brandy, and boil, skim-
ming well. Add a drachm of rock alum.

Mix lemon-juice one ounce, powdered borax
quarter of a drachm, sugar half a drachm; keep
for a few days in a glass bottle and apply occa-
sionally.

To REMOVE WRINKLES.

Melt white wax one ounce to gentle heat, and add
juice of lily bulbs two ounces and honey two ounces,
rose-water two drachms and attar of roses a drop or
two. Use twice a day.

Use tepid water instead of cold in ablutions.

Put some powder of best myrrh upon an iron
plate sufficiently heated to melt the gum gently,
and when it liquefies cover your head with a napkin
and hold your face over the myrrh at a proper dis-
tance to receive the fumes without inconvenience.
Do not use it if it causes headache.

To REMOVE DISCOLORATION OF THE SKIN.

Elder-flower ointment one ounce, sulphate of zinc
twenty grains; mix well, and rub into the affected
skin at night. In the morning wash it off with
plenty of soap, and when the grease is completely
removed apply the following lotion: Infusion of rose-

TOILETTE RECIPES. 483

petals half a pint, citric acid thirty grains. All local
discolorations will disappear under this treatment;
and if freckles do not entirely yield, they will in
most instances be greatly ameliorated. Should any
unpleasant irritation or roughness of the skin follow
the application, a lotion composed of half a pint of
almond mixture and half a drachm of Goulard's ex-
tract will afford immediate relief.

To KEMOVE SUNBURN.

Milk of almonds, obtained at the druggist's, is as
good a remedy as any to use.

COLD CREAM.

Melt together a pint of oil of sweet almonds, one
ounce of white wax, half an ounce of spermaceti
and half a pint of rose-water. Beat to a paste.

Put into a jar one pint of sweet-oil, half an ounce
of spermaceti and two ounces of white wax. Melt
in a jar by the fire. Add scent.

To CURE CHILBLAINS.

Rub with alum and water.

Put the hands and feet two or three times a week
into warm water in which two or three handfuls of
common salt have been dissolved.

Rub with a raw onion dipped in salt.

When indications of chilblains first present them-
selves, take vinegar three ounces, camphorated spir-
its of wine one ounce; mix and rub.

484 1O1LETTE RECIPES.

HAIR-CURLING FLUID.

One of the fluids in use is made by dissolving a
small portion of beeswax in an ounce of olive oil
and adding scent according to fancy.

The various fluids advertised and recommended
for the purpose of giving straight hair a tendency to
curl are all impositions. The only curling-fluid of
any service is a very weak solution of isinglass,
which will hold the curl in the position in which it
is placed if care is taken that it follows the direction
in which the hair naturally falls.

To PREVENT THE HAIR FROM FALLING OFF.

A quarter of a pint of cod-liver oil, two drachms
of origanum, fifteen drops of ambergris, the same of
musk.

Boxwood shavings six ounces, proof spirits twelve
ounces, spirits of rosemary two ounces, spirits of
nutmeg one-half an ounce. Steep the boxwood
shavings in the spirits for fourteen days at a temper-
ature of 60°; strain, and add the rest.

Vinegar of cantharides half an ounce, eau-de-co-
logne one ounce, rose-water one ounce. The scalp
should be brushed briskly until it becomes red, and
the lotion should then be applied to the roots of the
hair twice a day.

EYE TOOTH POWDER.

Rye contains carbonate of lime, carbonate of mag-
nesia, oxide of iron, manganese, and silica, all suita-

TOILETTE RECIPES. 485

ble for application to the teeth. Therefore a fine
tooth-powder is made by burning rye, or rye bread,
to ashes, and grinding it to powder by passing the
rolling pin over it. Pass the powder through a sieve
and use.

BANDOLINE.

This essential for the toilette is prepared in several
ways.

It may be made of Iceland moss, a quarter of an
ounce boiled in a quart of water, and a little rectified
spirits added, so that it may keep.

Simmer an ounce of quince seed in a quart of
water for forty minutes ; strain, cool, add a few drops
of scent, and bottle, corking tightly.

Take of gum tragacanth one and a half drachms,
water half a pint, rectified spirits mixed with an
equal quantity of water three ounces, and a little
scent. Let the mixture stand for a day or two, then
strain.

ROSE-WATER.

Rose-water may be made by taking half an ounce
of powdered white sugar and two drachms of mag-
nesia; with these mix twelve drops of attar of roses.
Add a quart of water and two ounces of alcohol,
mixed in a gradual manner, and filter through blot-
ting-paper.

LIP-SALVE.
This indispensable adjunct to the toilette may be

486 TOILETTE RECIPES.

made by melting in a jar placed in a basin of boiling
water a quarter of an ounce each of white wax and
spermaceti, flour of benzoin fifteen grains, and half an
ounce of oil of almonds. Stir till the mixture is cool.
Color red with a little alkanet root.

To ACQUIRE A BRIGHT AND SMOOTH SKIN.

Distill two handfuls of jessamine flowers in a
quart of rose-water and a quart of orange-water.
Strain through porous paper, and add a scruple of
musk and a scruple of ambergris.

Tepid bath and harsh towel. Air and exercise.
Tepid water and bran. Infuse wheat-bran, well sif-
ted, for four hours in white wine vinegar; add to it
five yolks of eggs and two grains of ambergris, and
distill the whole. It should be carefully corked for
twelve or fifteen days. Constant application.

STICKING-PLASTER.

Stretch a piece of black silk on a wooden frame,
and apply dissolved isinglass to one side of it with
a brush. Let it dry, repeat the process, and then
cover with a strong tincture of balsam of Peru.

To IMPROVE THE COMPLEXION.

The whites of four eggs boiled in rose-water, half
an ounce of alum, half an ounce of oil of sweet
almonds ; beat the whole together until it assumes
the consistency of paste. Spread upon a silk or
muslin mask, to be worn at night,

TOILETTE RECIPES. 487

BURNS.

An application of cold, wet common whitening,
placed on immediately, is recommended as an inval-
uable remedy.

PIMPERNEL WATER.

Pimpernel is a most wholesome plant, and often
used in European countries for the purpose of whiten-
ing the complexion; it is there in so high reputa-
tion, that it is said generally, that it ought to be
continually on the toilet of every lady who cares for
the brightness of her skin.

Take a small piece of the gum benzoin and boil
it in spirits of wine till it becomes a rich tincture.
Fifteen drops poured into a glass of water; wash and
leave to dry.

To SOFTEN THE HANDS.

Take half a pound of soft soap, a gill of salad
oil, an ounce of mutton tallow, and boil them till
they are thoroughly mixed. After the boiling has
ceased, but before the mixture is cold, add one gill
of spirits of wine and a grain of musk. Anoint
the hands, draw on gloves, and let them remain till
morning.

FOR ROUGHNESS OF THE SKIN.

Steep the pimpernel plant in pure rain-water, and
bathe the face with the decoction.
Mix two parts of white brandy with one part of

488 TOILETTE RECIPES.

rose-water, and wash the face night and morning.
Take equal parts of the seed of the melon, pump-
kin, gourd and cucumber, pounded until they are
reduced to powder; add to it sufficient fresh cream to
dilute the flour, and then add milk enough to reduce
the whole to a thin paste. Add a grain of musk and
a few drops of the oil of lemon. Anoint the face
with this; leave it on twenty or thirty minutes, or
over-night if convenient, and wash off with wrarm
water. It gives a remarkable purity and brightness
to the complexion.

FOR ROUGH AND CHAPPED HANDS.

Lemon-juice three ounces, white wine vinegar
three ounces, and white brandy one-half a pint.

To PREVENT HAIR TURNING GRAY.

Oxide of bismuth four drachms, spermaceti four
drachms, pure hog's lard four ounces. Melt the two
last and add the first.

To SOFTEN AND BEAUTIFY THE HAIR.

Beat up the whites of four eggs into a froth, and
rub thoroughly in close to the roots of the hair.
Leave it to dry on. Then wash the head and hair
clean with a mixture of equal parts of rum and rose-
water.

To REMOVE PIMPLES.
Pimples are sometimes removed by frequent wash-

TOILETTE RECIPES. 489

ings in warm water and prolonged friction with a
coarse towel.

Sulphur-water one ounce, acetated liquor of am-
monia one-quarter of an ounce, liquor of potassa one
grain, white wine vinegar two ounces, distilled water
two ounces. Bathe the face.

To REMOVE TAN.

New milk half a pint, lemon-juice one-fourth of
nn ounce, white brandy half an ounce. Boil the
whole, and skim clear from scum. Use night and
morning.

CURE FOR CORNS.

Ons teaspoonful of tar, one teaspoonful of coarse
brown sugar and one teaspoonful of saltpetre, the
whole to be warmed together. Spread it on kip
leather the size of the corns, and in two days they
will be drawn out.

Take nightshade berries, boil them in hog's lard,
and anoint the corn with the salve.

CHAPPED LIPS.

Oil of roses four ounces, white wax one ounc&,
spermaceti one-half an ounce. Melt in a glass
vessel and stir with a wooden spoon. Pour into a
glass or china cup.

REMEDY FOR BLACK TEETH.
Take equal parts of cream of tartar and salt;

490 TOILETTE RECIPES.

pulverize it and mix it well. Then wash your
teeth in the morning, and rub them with the
powder.

To CLEAN THE TEETH AND GUMS.

Take one ounce of myrrh in fine powder, two
tahlespoonfuls of honey, and a little green sage in
very fine powder. Mix them well together, and
wet the teeth and gums with a little every night and
morning.

POMADE AGAINST BALDNESS.

Take of extract of yellow Peruvian bark fifteen
grains, extract of rhatany-root eight grains, extract
of burdock-root and oil of nutmegs (fixed) of each
two drachms, camphor (dissolved, with spirits of
wine) fifteen grains, beef-marrow two ounces, best
olive oil one ounce, citron-juice one-half a drachm,
aromatic essential oil as much as sufficient to render
it fragrant. Mix and make into an ointment.

COLOGNE.

Take one gallon of spirits of wine and add of the
oil of lemon, orange and bergamot each a spoonful,
also add extract of vanilla forty drops. Shake until
the oils are cut, then add a pint and a half of soft
water.

Take two drachms each of oil of lemon, oil of
rosemary and oil of bergamot, one drachm of oil of
lavender, ten drops each of oil of cinnamon and oil
of cloves, two drops of oil of rose, eight drops of

TOILETTE RECIPES. 491

tincture of musk, and one quart of alcohol or
spirits of wine. Mix all together, when it will be
ready for use. The older it gets, the better.

Take one gallon of ninety per cent alcohol, and
add to it one ounce each of oil of bergamot and oil
of orange, two drachms of oil of cedrat, one drachm
each of oil of neroli and oil of rosemary. Mix well,
and it is fit for use.

OX-MARROW POMATUM.

Take two ounces of yellow wax and twelve ounces
of beef-marrow. Melt all together, and when suffi-
ciently cool perfume it with the essential oil of
almonds.

DENTIFRICE*.

The following is one of the best recipes for tooth-
powder: —

Take of prepared chalk six ounces, cassia powder,
half an ounce, orris-root, an ounce. These are to be
well mixed, and may be colored with red lake, or
any other innocent substance, according to the fancy
of the user. This dentifrice is to be used with a firm
brush every morning; the teeth should also be brush-
ed before going to bed, but it is seldom necessary to
use the powder more than once a day.

To CLEAN KID GLOVES.

Wash them with soap and water, then stretch
them on wooden hands or pull them into shape with-

492 TOILETTE RECIPES.

out wringing them ; next rub them with pipe-clay or
yellow ochre, or a mixture of the two, in any requir-
ed shade, made into a paste with heer ; let them dry
gradually, and when about half dry rub them well,
so as to smooth them and put them into shape; then
dry them, brush out the superfluous color, cover
them with paper and smooth them with a warm
iron. Other colors may be employed to mix the
pipe-clay besides yellow ochre.

ANOTHER.

Put the gloves on your hands and wash them, as
if you were washing your hands, in some spirits of
turpentine, until quite clean; then hang them up in
a warm place or where there is a current of air, and
all smell of the turpentine will be removed.

By rubbing gloves with a clean cloth dipped in
milk and then rubbed on brown Windsor soap you
may restore them to a very fair state of cleanliness.

How TO MAKE SHOES AND BOOTS WATERPROOF.

Take neats' foot oil and dissolve in it caoutchouc
(India-rubber), a sufficient quantity to form a kind
of varnish; rub this on your boots or shoes. The
oil must be placed where it is warm, and the caout-
chouc put into it in parings. It will take several
days to dissolve.

To REMOVE A TIGHT RING.
When a ring happens to get tightly fixed on the

TOILETTE RECIPES. 493

finger, as it will sometimes do, a piece of common
twine should be wei) soaped, and then be wound
round the finger as tightly as possible or as can be
borne. The twine should commence at the point of
the finger and be continued till the ring is reached ;
the end of the twine must then be forced through the
ring with the head of a needle, or anything else that
may be at hand. If the string is then unwound, the
ring is almost sure to come off the finger with it.

To LOOSEN STOPPERS OF TOILETTE-BOTTLES.
Let a drop of pure oil flow round the stopper, and
stand the bottle a foot or two from the fire. After a
time tap the stopper smartly, but not too hard, with
the handle of a hair-brush; if this is not effectual,
use a fresh drop of oil and repeat the process. It is
pretty sure to succeed.

CLEANING JEWELRY.

Gold ornaments are best kept bright and clean
with soap and warm water, with which they should
be scrubbed, a soft nail-brush being used for the pur-
pose. They may be dried in box sawdust, in a bed
of which it is desirable to let them lie before the fire
for a time. Imitation jewelry may be treated in the
same way.

To CLEAN KID BOOTS.

Mix a little white of egg and ink in a bottle, so
that the composition may be well shaken up when
required for use. Apply to the kid with a piece of

494 TOILETTE RECIPES.

sponge and rub dry. The best thing to rub with is
the palm of the hand. When the kid shows symp-
toms of cracking, rub in a few drops of sweet oil.
The soles and heels should be polished with common
blacking.

CLEANING SILVER.

For cleaning silver, either articles of personal wear
or those pertaining to the toilette-table or dressing-
case, there is nothing better than a spoon-ful of com-
mon whitening, carefully pounded so as to be without
lumps, reduced to a paste with gin.

To EEMOVE GREASE-SPOTS.

French chalk is useful for removing grease-spots
from clothing. Spots on silk will sometimes yield
if a piece of blotting-paper is placed over them and
the blade of a knife is heated (not too much) and
passed over the paper.

To CLEAN PATENT-LEATHER BOOTS.

In cleaning patent-leather boots, first remove all
the dirt upon them with a sponge or flannel; then
the boot should be rubbed lightly over with a paste
consisting of two spoonfuls of cream and one of
linseed-oil, both of which require to be warmed be-
fore being mixed. Polish with a soft cloth.

To TAKE MILDEW OUT OF LINEN.

Wet the linen which contains the mildew with soft
water, rub it well with white soap, then scrape some

TOILETTE RECIPES. 495

fine chalk to powder and rub it well into the linen;
lay it out on the grass in the sunshine, watching to
keep it damp with soft water. Repeat the process
the next day, and in a few hours the mildew will
entirely disappear.

To REMOVE STAINS AND SPOTS FROM SILK.

We often find that lemon-juice, vinegar, oil of vit-
riol and other sharp corrosives stain dyed garments.
Sometimes, by adding a little pearlash to a soap-
lather and passing the silks through these, the faded
color will be restored. Pearlash and warm water will
sometimes do alone, but it is the most efficacious to
use the soap-lather and pearlash together.

Boil five ounces of soft water and six ounces of
powdered alum for a short time, and pour it into
a vessel to cool. Warm it for use, and wash the
stained part with it and leave to dry.

Wash the soiled part with ether, and the grease
will disappear.

TOOTHACHE PREVENTIVE.

Use flowers of sulphur as a tooth-powder every
night, rubbing the teeth and gums with a rather
hard toothbrush. If done after dinner too, all the
better. It preserves the teeth and does not commu-
nicate any smell whatever to the mouth.

CERTAIN CURE FOR A FELON.
Take a pint of common soft soap and stir in it air-
slaked lime till it is of the consistency of glazier's

496 TOILETTE RECIPES.

putty. Make a leather thimble, fill it with this com-
position and insert the finger therein, and change the
composition once in twenty minutes, and a cure is
certain.

CURE FOE THE CROUP.

A piece of fresh lard as large as a butternut, rub-
bed up with sugar in the same way that butter and
sugar are prepared for the dressing of puddings,
divided into three parts and given at intervals of
twenty minutes, will relieve any case of croup which
has not already progressed to the fatal point.

CURE FOR INGROWING NAILS ON TOES.
^.ake a little tallow and put it into a spoon, and
heat it over a lamp until it becomes very hot ; then
pour it on the sore or granulation. The effect will
be almost magical. The pain and tenderness will at
once be relieved. The operation causes very little
pain il ^e tallow is perfectly heated. Perhaps a re-
petition may be necessary in some cases.

To EEMOVE GREASE-SPOTS FROM WOOLEN CLOTH.

Take one quart of spirits of wine or alcohol, twelve
drops of wintergreen, one gill of beef-gall and six
cents' worth of lavender. A little alkanet to color if
you wish. Mix.

To CLEAN WOOLEN CLOTH.

Take equal parts of spirits of hartshorn and ether.
Ox-gall mixed with it makes it better.

TOILETTE RECIPES. 497

To TAKE INK-SPOTS FROM LINEN.

Take a piece of mould candle of the finest kind,
melt it, and dip the spotted part of the linen in the
melted tallow. Then throw the linen into the wash.

How TO DARKEN FADED FALSE HAIR.

The switches, curls and frizzes which fashion de-
mands should be worn will fade in course of time;
and though they match the natural hair perfectly at
first, they will finally present a lighter tint. If the
hair is brown this can be remedied. Obtain a yard
of dark-brown calico. Boil it until the color has
well come out into the water. Then into this water
dip the hair, and take it out and dry it. Repeat the
operation until it shall be of the required depth of
shade.

How TO WASH LACES.

Take an old wine-bottle and cover it with the cut-
off leg of a soft, firm stocking, sewing it tightly above
and below. Then wind the soiled collar or lace
smoothly around the covered bottle; take a fine
needle and thread and sew very carefully around the
outer edge of the collar, catching every loop fast to
the stocking. Then shake the bottle up and down in
a pailful of warm soap-suds, occasionally rubbing tho
soiled places with a sponge. It can be rinsed
after the same manner. It must be rinsed well.
When the lace is clean, then apply a very weak
solution of gum arabic and stand the bottle in the

498 TOILETTE RECIPES.

sunshine to dry. Rip off the lace very carefully
when perfectly dry. Instead of ironing, lay it be-
tween the white leaves of a heavy book; or, if you
are in a hurry, iron on flannel between a few thick-
nesses of fine rnuslin. Done up in this way, lace
collars will wear longer, stay clean longer, and
have a rich, new, lacy look that they will not have
otherwise.

To KEEP HAIR IN CURL.

To keep hair in curl, take a few quince-seed, boil
them in water, and add perfumery if you like; wet
the hair with this, and it will keep in curl longer than
from the use of any other preparation. It is also
good to keep the hair in place on the forehead on
going out in the wind.

PUTTING AWAY FURS FOR THE SUMMER.

When you are ready to put away furs and woolens,
and want to guard against the depredations of moths,
pack them securely in paper flour-sacks and tie them
up well. This is better than camphor or tobacco
or snuff scattered among them in chest and drawers.
Before putting your muffs away for the summer
twirl them by the cords at the ends, so that every
hair will straighten. Put them in their boxes and
paste a strip of paper where the lid fits on.

REMEDY FOR BURNT KID OR LEATHER SHOES.
If a lady has had the misfortune to put her shoes

TOILETTE RECIPES. 499

or slippers too near the stove, and thus got them
burned, she can make them nearly as good as ever
by spreading soft-soap upon them while they are
still hot, and then, when they are cold, washing it off.
It softens the leather and prevents it drawing up.

To CLEAN SILKS AND RIBBONS.

The water in which pared potatoes have been
boiled is very good to wash black silks in ; it stiffens
and makes them glossy and black.

Camphene will extract grease and clean ribbons
without changing the color of most things. They
should be dried in the open air and ironed when
pretty dry.

Soap-suds answer very well. They should be wash-
ed in two suds and not rinsed in clean water.

Take equal quantities of soap lye-soap, alchol or
gin, and molasses. Lay the silk on a clean table
without creasing; rub on the mixture with a flannel
cloth. Rinse the silk well in cold clear water, and
hang it up to dry without wringing. Iron it, before
it gets dry, on the wrong side. Silks and ribbons
treated in this way will look very nice.

To CHOOSE GOOD BLACK SILK.

Pull out a thread of the filling and see if it is
strong. If it stands the test, then rub one coner of
the silk in the hands as though washing it. After
this operation, if it be good silk, it will upon being
brushed out, look as smooth as ever. If, on holding

500 TOILETTE RECIPES.

it up to the light and looking through it, you see no
traces of the rubbing, be sure the silk is good. The
warp and filling should not differ much in size, or it
will not wear well. If you choose a figured silk, let
the figure be small and well woven in, else it will
soon present a frayed appearance, and you will have
to pick off the little tags of silk that will dot the
breadths.

How TO WASH A NUBIA.

These pretty fleecy things are often ruined in the
first washing. Yet it is possible to wash them and
have them look almost as well as ever. First braid the
tassels, then make a hot suds with fine castile soap,
and instead of rubbing or wringing it with the hands,
run it through the wringing-machine. Then open
the nubia as widely as possible and spread it on
some clean place to dry. A bed is a good place for
this. After it is thoroughly dry take the braid out
of the tassels, and the pretty little waves will be in
them just as before washing. It is the rubbing and
twisting of a nubia, or any knit article, which dam-
ages it, and makes it look old and worn instead of
light and airy and fleecy, as it does at first. If any
article of this kind is torn, it should be mended
carefully with crewel or fine silk of a corresponding
color. Then dampen the place repaired, lay a paper
over it, and press the spot with a warm iron.

To TAKE STAINS OUT OF SILK.
Mix together in a vial two ounces of essence of

TOILETTE RECIPES. 501

lemon and one ounce of oil of turpentine. Grease
and other spots in silk must be rubbed gently with
a linen rag dipped in the above composition.

To EEMOVE ACID-STAINS FROM SILK.
Apply spirits of hartshorn, with a soft rag.

How TO WHITEN LINEN.

Stains occasioned by fruit, iron rust and other
similar causes may be removed by applying to the
parts injured a weak solution of the chloride of
lime, the cloth having been previously well washed.
The parts subjected to this operation should be sub-
sequently well rinsed in soft, clear, warm water, with-
out soap, and be immediately dried in the sun.

Oxalic acid diluted by water will accomplish the
same end.

PROTECTION AGAINST MOTHS.

A small piece of paper or linen moistened with
turpentine and put into the wardrobe or drawers for
a single day two or three times a year is a sufficient
preservative against moths.

To EXTRACT PAINT FROM GARMENTS.

Saturate the spot with spirits of turpentine, let it
remain a number of hours, then rub it between the
hands; it will crumble away without injury either to
the texture or color of any kind of woolen, cotton
or silk goods.

502 TOILETTE RECIPES.

To REMOVE STAINS FROM WHITE COTTON GOODS,

Scalding water will remove fruit-stains. So also
will hartshorn diluted with warm water, but it will
be necessary to apply it several times.

Common salt rubbed on fruit stains before they
become dry will extract them.

Colored cotton goods that have ink spilled on
them should be soaked in lukewarm sour milk.

For mildew, rub in salt and some buttermilk, and
expose it to the influence of a hot sun. Chalk and
soap or lemon-juice and salt are also good. As
fast as the spots become dry more should be rubbed
on, and the garment should be kept in the sun until
the spots disappear. Some one of the preceding
things will extract most kinds of stains but a hot
sun is necessary to render any one of them ef-
fectual.

To EEMOVE SPOTS OF PITCH OR TAR.

Scrape off all the pitch or tar you can, then sat*
urate the spots with sweet-oil or lard; rub it in
well, and let it remain in a warm place for an hour.

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Full text of "Manners, culture and dress of the best American society, including social, commercial and legal forms, letter writing, invitations, &c., also valuable suggestions on self culture and home training"

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